By the Baring of my Soul
by EternalCullen
Summary: Shadow Kiss from D.P.O.V. from start to finish and set to actual book events. (I will add in fluff where I can.)
1. Chapter 1

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you once again to EVERYONE who took the time to read the one-shots I've done so far and to review, favourite and follow. You make all the effort worth the while.

Okay, so _By the Baring of my Soul_ is based from start to finish on the actual events in _Shadow Kiss_ from Dimitri's POV.

The one-shots I've done so far have all revolved around a more futuristic Dimitri, with the exception of _The Temptation of Touch_ and _Prison Call Interuptus_. They were pure fluff…and wishful thinking on my part, but with _By the Baring of my Soul_ I will be sticking closely to how I actually interpret Dimitri's character during those events.

Enjoy the first chapter and if you think that I got anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me… _constructively_.

Cheers, T.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter One ~

Traversing the length of the mist-shrouded outer fields of Academy land that even at this hour was still more frozen than thawed, my studded trainers bit deeply into the frost-encased earth for traction; spitting up chips of ice in my running wake.

Hurdling nimbly over the exposed roots of an ancient oak encased in the ice of a Montana winter, my cross-country circuit looped widely around the lower half of the elementary campus as the pale sunlight of mid-morning filtered weakly through the occasional break in the heavy blanket of steel-grey clouds above.

Breathing harshly in the cold, dry air against the punishing pace I had set for myself since leaving guardian housing two hours before, I splashed icily through the puddles of mush littering the grounds and turned northwest towards the woods running adjacent to the borders of the property.

Ducking against the lower branches of leafless sycamores, spruce and snow-tipped pine trees, the dried, iced pine-cones blanketing the forest floor crunched loudly beneath me as I widened my loop further and ran along the invisible boundary of the wards

Pushing harder and faster as the thunder of my blood pounded heavily against my ear-drums, thought should have been impossible as I fought against my bodies protests to the strain it was under, but despite the distraction I was seeking, I couldn't completely purge my mind of the reason I was running in the first place.

Waking hours before my alarm was set; I had lain awake for long minutes afterwards, trying to reason with the restlessness that had swept over me and hoping somehow that I could manage to fall asleep again, but my hopes had been pointless.

The tension building within my bones was a feeling that I had become all too familiar with over the course of the last week, all courtesy of the official summons sitting on the desk in my room…a summons to testify against Victor Dashkov.

Tired, but knowing already from experience that it wasn't something that I could simply shake off, roll over and ignore, the alarm had been switched off and sleep had been traded for running gear in an attempt to rid myself of the edginess I had felt since receiving the injunction.

"So far, Dimitri," I grumbled to myself as I ducked yet again from a low-lying branch and sucked in a lungful of fresh, pine scented air. "It's not really working, is it?"

The writ had been expected, I had reasoned with myself on the day that it had been delivered by an official courier of the Court, but it was still an inconvenience.

Considering how large a part I had played in the capture of Victor Dashkov and would play as a key witness to what would hopefully be his eternal incarceration; I had already accepted that as my duty, it was to be carried out, but it couldn't have come at a worse time.

Field Experience for the senior novices were due to being this week and instead of being solely focused on that and the series of planned, mock attacks that would be spontaneously staged against them and the pre-selected Moroi students they had been paired with, we would have to fly to Court in rural Pennsylvania during its second week.

As only four academy guardians had been selected to testify, the six-week long exercise would continue on without us as the others picked up the slack created by our absence. We weren't essential to the process as the roster had already been drawn up, but taking any number of guardians away from the academy when everyone was already on edge wasn't settling any nerves.

We were already short-staffed and could ill-afford the unnecessary strain it would put on planning…something Alberta had already expressed her frustration over. She hated being away from the academy almost as much as I did, but she too, knew the weighty price of duty.

There wasn't much we could do about it.

Told that our testimonies would take no longer than a day or two at the most and that sentencing would be almost immediate, we had all been doubtful.

Having already heard rumours from those I was in contact with from within the prison system that our reigning monarch appeared to be dragging her feet regarding the imprisonment of a Royal of Victor's stature had done very little to reassure me that this obligatory trip would be short.

Personally, I had very little doubt that no matter how long proceedings took, she would imprison Victor; Royal or not. Tatiana Ivashkov was coldly impersonal and could be almost menacingly calculating when it came to the security of her throne, but she was a brilliant strategist who wasn't about to risk the monarchy through scandal and rumour.

If she was seen to favour one member of the aristocracy over another, it would not be looked upon kindly. She knew this and wouldn't risk the chance of sedition, no matter how it might look. There was also such overwhelming evidence against him that she would have very little choice in the matter.

As much as the trial was an inconvenience of bad timing and what would be at best, bureaucratic waffling, it wasn't really the due process that I knew I would find the most frustrating or the most difficult to bear…it was trying to figure out how I was going to tolerate being within touching distance of Victor Dashkov whilst having to control the impulse to wipe the blight that he was from the face of the earth.

Any time spent near him, no matter how short, would be almost intolerable…the thought of it was what kept me awake during the hours that I should have slept and created the insomnia that now drove me to run.

Even now just thinking about how close he would be or how easily my fingers could curl around the arch of his once frail neck that was now stronger for the life essence he had so callously stolen from Lissa, was enough to interrupt my gruelling rhythm and falter my stride.

Slowing to a jog, I tried to control the rioting motion of my lungs, but it was no use. Combined with the rage and loathing I felt for the man, the heaving expansion felt like it would crack apart my ribs from my sternum.

Exhaling roughly, the steam of my panting breath puffed out in white clouds as I stopped beneath a towering pine and fought for the control that I had forced on myself since early childhood, but it didn't come easily in the face of the memories that refused to remain buried.

Four months had passed since the capture of the disgraced Royal, yet it felt as though very little time had passed at all since he had so recklessly and cruelly endangered so many lives.

Lives of those that I cared for…and the life of the one that I loved.

As much as I hated what he had done to Lissa by prolonging the life of his disease-ravaged body through her Spirit and the malicious intent he had used when setting his psi-hounds on her and then ultimately Christian, it was what he had done to Rose that filled me with the most rage…a rage that was almost murderous in intent.

Sitting beside her helplessly as she had been trapped inescapably through the link of her tortured bond with Lissa as we drove to save her had been agonizing to watch. My primary concern, I had told myself, should have been Lissa's safety, but I had known even then as my heart had flinched and withered with every painful shriek Rose had screamed that it wasn't.

To compound matters, by setting the daughter he had willingly forced to turn Strigoi on her, he had almost accomplished what he had set out to, but what I had found the most difficult to stomach was his unnatural fascination with her.

I had seen it time and time again, but I hadn't been able to piece it together. I still couldn't entirely understand it; I only knew that it made me more anxious than any attempt he had _ever_ made on her life.

Facing him in that court room I knew that I could have to keep my cool. Any weakness or error in judgement that Victor would see would be exploited by him in any way that he could…I just didn't know how I was going to calmly sit there when the need for retribution would be burning a hole in the pit of my stomach that I wouldn't be able to ignore.

It was a given that he would use the lust charm to discredit me as a witness and although the idea that I would have to perjure myself in order to protect Rose and the future that had only just begun revolted me to the core, it was only a very small price to pay in order to keep Rose and the others safely away from Victor Dashkov's malice.

It was why, despite my initial protests, I was now so relieved that none of the students had been called upon to testify.

When learning that only a few of the guardians had been required at Court, the reasons had been understandable but when I had learnt that the students involved wouldn't be, it had made no sense at all.

I could understand that the Queen wanted to avoid the already scandalous event from escalating and that having emotional teenagers testifying wouldn't help towards that goal, but to exclude any first-hand accounts of that night and the morning that had followed from those who had actually been there seemed stupid.

Arguing against it with Alberta, she had seemed equally baffled and exasperated by their exclusion, and had herself questioned it with the officials at Court, but they wouldn't be swayed. Trying myself with the limited connections I had within the system had proved just as fruitless, but in hindsight, it was probably for the best.

It was unfair, but for the best…I didn't want them anywhere _near_ Court until after he had been sentenced and transferred.

Debating over whether or not to tell Rose of the subpoena at all, caution had eventually won out over the truth. If she found out that none of them had been included in the legal proceedings, the fit she would throw would be one of her more memorable.

She wouldn't be thinking of the trauma it would cause to Lissa, Christian…or even to herself, but of her need to seek justice. She would want to make sure that Victor paid for his crimes against the one person he should have protected.

Thinking about her now as I set off again on my route at a less gruelling pace wasn't helping to improve my mood…not when I had so rigidly set myself up to condition my mind and my heart against it. It made the tumult of emotions already bubbling so closely to the surface feel perilously close to spilling over as it made a mockery of how easily I was failing.

The distance I had ordered myself to put between us after the episode in the gym had worked for a time…so had the distraction of Natasha Ozera, but after the harrowing events in Spokane almost three weeks ago, it was failing as miserably as I was in trying to deny my feelings for Rose Hathaway.

Finding her huddled protectively over the cold, lifeless body of Mason Ashford was something that for as long as I lived, I would never forget, but aside from the brutal memory, it had put into sharp focus every impulse and emotion I had been fighting against…something that I had revealed days later in the gym storeroom.

We both knew the consequences of allowing sentiment to dictate over duty and the mistake that our weakness would prove to be; Mason's death was proof of that, but the abject terror I had felt in the moments before we had found her alive, but traumatized, had begun to bread down every defence I had so painstakingly built up against her.

The unguarded kiss that had followed had been an even bigger mistake…one that punished me constantly during the minutes that my eyes were close and I would remember, as with the lust charm, how soft, warm and sweet her lips were, how perfectly her lush curves fit against my harder, muscular angles, how tightly she had curled herself around me as though she couldn't bear any more than I could to have any space between us…

Shaking my head, I groaned quietly to myself at the memory…and the loss I could feel even now as we battled to stay away from each other.

We both knew that the only way forward was to maintain a strictly professional relationship, but knowing something and actually carrying through on it were two very different things, especially when it was beginning to war with everything we had ever been taught was wrong for us to want.

Since that moment, there hadn't been anything more than the occasional accidental touch or a brief flirtation during training, and although it should have pleased me that Rose was for once taking this as seriously as I was, I found that it was having the opposite effect.

Irritated with myself for the thought and realising that for the next six weeks it would be worse as normal training would be suspended to make way for the Field Experience, I tried to reason with myself that it was for the best that we would be busy and apart, but the actual thought of not spending time alone with her for the better part of a month-and-a-half was faintly depressing.

About to leave the pine-forest for a hot shower and the clarity that hopefully it would bring to my disordered thoughts, a disturbance in the icy soil to my right caught my eyes. A congregation point of some kind, I stopped to look over it more carefully but it didn't strike me as something to be concerned about.

Gatherings of any kind from _within_ the protective boundary weren't worth a second thought as they were usually organized by guardians. It wasn't uncommon for them to use the area before official duty to designate points of patrol during watches along the wards.

The old guardian cabin where Tasha had stayed over Christmas was a little way to the left of it and was probably used just as frequently by them.

Setting off again, I crossed onto the upper campus and signalled in acknowledgment to Stephen and Emil as they patrolled the outer edges of the campus. Heading back up towards the main administration buildings, I checked the time as I jogged up the steps leading to the empty quad, but I had plenty of it before my own watch patrolling the upper campus began at noon.

Shrugging off the track-top as I walked through the quiet corridors of guardian housing; the change-room was empty as I walked to the shower. Stripping with brisk movements, I stood under the full spray of scalding hot water; rolling my neck as I hung my head and tried to clear my head of the last of my worries.

I had a task to perform that I couldn't shirk because of a future that I had very little control over but as the water cascaded through the sodden clumps of hair hanging over my face and parted to the sides of my neck, I stiffened my arms and flattened my palms against the tiled walls of the shower and wondered just how the hell I was supposed to do that.

Lingering for as long as I could under the rejuvenating flow as it slowly eased the tension from the rigid muscling along my shoulders and arms but did nothing for the state of my mind, I soapily scrubbed the sweat from my skin and turned off the water

Roughly towelling myself dry and wrapping the absorbent cloth around my lean hips, I raked my hair away from my face and grabbed the toiletry bag from my locker, moving the long mirror tacked to the wall over a series of plain porcelain basins.

Clearing a large swath of the steamed mirror with the palm of my hand, the reflection that looked back at me was anything but that of a self-possessed man unburdened by problems…or even that of an insecure one who reluctantly knew what he had to because had all the answers.

" _Pull it together, Belikov. You know what you have to do…and you know what you have no right to want, so stop thinking about her."_ Muttering in Russian to myself beneath my breath, I shook the can of shaving cream and sprayed out a large, menthol-scented glob.

Spreading it along the length of my palms, I slathered it from cheekbone to chin on either side of my face and began to slide the razor through the frothy soap. Repeating the smooth motions until the stubble was removed from the arc of my jaw, the jut of my chin and the slant of my cheekbones.

Running my hand over the skin to check for any patches I might have missed, I washed the razor free of bristles and my face of any foam residue before combing through my hair and tying it back at the nape of my neck as the door of the change-room swung open.

"Dimitri, my boy."

"Hello, Dustin.

Walking slowly towards me as I faced him through the reflection of the partially steamed mirror, the older guardian yawned widely and shifted his towel over his shoulder as it started to slip. Coming off his watch, he looked more tired than I had ever seen him; the bags beneath his eyes heavy and darkly pronounced.

In his early fifties, the Swedish-born Dustin Johannsson had typically Nordic colouring of bright blue eyes and pale blonde hair, though it was now liberally threaded with grey and deep, grooving crows-feet bracketed his orbital bones; his accent all but obscured by his Americanization.

When first arriving at the academy, I had been under his supervision for my month-long assessment and had allowed myself to know him as much as I was willing to. Having an agreeable personality and a dry sense of humour, he was both approachable and no-nonsense and was one of the few guardians on campus that I would gladly make time for.

Peering into the mirror, I frowned as I found a few stubborn bristles the razor had missed, tilting my jaw upward to the light as I asked conversationally. "How was your watch?"

Shrugging tiredly, Dustin rolled and flexed his shoulders as he began to undress. "Pretty much the same as every other watch. Couple of the Royals trying to sneak out to do God knows what, one or two of them getting as far as the border of the pine forest in the northwest before they were caught and dragged back to their dorms, but other than that, uneventful."

"Who were the Royals?"

"I'll give you three guesses, but you're only going to need one."

"Jesse Zeklos and his minions." Asking for only the sake of asking, I already knew the answer to the dryly posed question.

"Yep. Zeklos, Ralf Sarcozy, a Badica and a few others."

Feeling my jaw tighten in a jealous memory at the mention of Jesse, I covered the involuntary reaction by picking up the razor again and swiping it over the few bristles I had found. It was stupid to feel that way, especially about a Royal Moroi who was barely out of puberty, but as I was still learning, my more primitive reactions around all things Rose were almost as unpredictable as they were uncontrollable.

"They say what they were up to?"

Pulling his ribbed jersey over his head, he cast me a sardonic look from beneath his bushy eyebrows that made me laugh.

"Zeklos acts like he's already sitting on the throne and doesn't feel that he should have to answer to, how did he put it? _Lowly functionaries_ …which reminds me, this damned business with the summons from Court is going to be a pain in the ass."

As part of the original strike team that had stormed the cabin where Dashkov had held Lissa, Dustin was one of the four ordered to Court to testify against him; Alberta and Alan Gregorovich being the others. Having been stationed there when he had first arrived in the U.S., he knew their protocol better than most…and wasn't looking forward to returning.

Bluntly honest, he wasn't really built for the governmental pecking order.

Slinging off the towel, I reached for the dark brown corduroy's on the bench. "I know. The timing isn't exactly ideal, is it? You've been around Court proceedings before. How long do you think it will take? Alberta's been told it won't be more than a day or two, but none of us are holding our breath."

"That's probably a good thing. You'd be holding it for a while." Reaching into the nearest shower stall, Dustin turned the knobs until a heavy stream of hot water began to fill the cubicle and the surrounding air with thick, humid steam.

Already fearing that, I buttoned the pants as my frustration, lack of sleep and general irritability rose to the surface in a rant that was very rare for me...maybe a little of Rose was rubbing off on me. "We can't afford to be away from the academy for longer than two days…not now. Don't they understand that?!"

"The Queen only understands what she wants to, Dimitri…Monarch's don't answer to anyone but themselves and Tatiana Ivashkov is no exception." The clear disdain in Dustin's voice wasn't unexpected, but his verbalisation of it was. He knew as well as I did that unfavourable views of our Queen could be misconstrued as treason.

Treason charged to a guardian was a one-way trip…likely to the same place Dashkov would be heading to.

"I'll go find Alberta after I've showered and tell her to reshuffle the schedule to make way for extra days. God only knows that if the rumours swirling around Court have any truth to them, that bastard Dashkov could get off scott-free."

Buckling my belt, I sat on the bench and shoved my socked feet into my scruffy combat boots, but didn't voice my opinion about the rumours I had already heard. My influence was still developing amongst those in the seats of power. I wasn't about to rock the boat by letting on that I had more clout then they realised with those who actually ran things.

"Makes sense I suppose. They're in damage-control mode."

Watching the sidelong glance the older man sent me made me smile as I shrugged into my shirt and nimbly buttoned it before sliding into the thick woollen jumper slightly darker than the corduroys and the shirt. "I'm not saying I agree, it's just that logically, it makes sense to try and limit the damage he's already done to the monarchy. The system isn't fail proof and the Queen knows that."

Climbing into the stall with a weary groan, Dustin adjusted the temperature of the water and closed the glazed door behind him, almost shouting over the loud rush from the showerhead as it struck the tiles.

"Well, fail proof of not, that son-of-a-bitch Royal deserves to be locked up for the rest of his miserable life after what he did to those kids. It's only a pity it'll be Tarasov he gets thrown into."

"You don't think that Tarasov is hellish enough for Victor Dashkov?" I called back, slinging the duster over my shoulders and sliding my arms into the familiar comfort of the leather. Checking the time once more as I strapped my watch to my leanly muscles wrist, I folded back the sleeves of the jumper.

Billed as the worst of the worst, Tarasov would be rude awakening in comparison to the cushy conditions Victor was used to at the Court's detention facility. As much as I didn't want to be anywhere near him, it would be worth all the effort just to see that smug expression of his sour as he was lead to rot away in what was essential a concrete coffin.

"Son, I'm not sure that _Hell_ is hellish enough for that man. Good luck with the Field Experience assignments later. I'll see you in the morning...oh, and if you see Alberta before I do, remind her about the reshuffle, will you?"

"Of course. Get some sleep…you look like you need it."

"I do. I'm getting too old for this job."

Collecting my bag, I pushed open my door a few minutes later and stowed my gear, deliberately avoiding my desk and the innocuous letter sitting on it. Leaving less than a minute after I arrived, I signed in at the duty roster and was out of guardian housing less than a minute after that.

Bracing myself against the icy howl of the wind as it swept relentlessly across the plains and valley, I tugged the collar of the duster higher up around my neck and ears to keep as much of the cold out, but the chill cut straight through the layers of thick corduroy and wool beneath it.

The heat from the shower seemed to leach from my skin faster than it had taken to warm it in the first place; the cold sinking into the very marrow of my bones whilst I shivered. Siberian-born or not, our bodies might have been better equipped than that of the Moroi to endure icier temperatures, but we weren't completely impervious to the frigid winter air of rural Montana.

Searching for the odd ray of sunshine peeking through the cover of cloud as my loop took me over the stone pathway between dormitories, I tried to absorb as much as the warmth as possible, but the beams of pale light were too weak to do anything more than create lighter patches against the gloom.

Digging my hands deeper into the leather pockets, I hunched my shoulders inwards as I scanned the wooded area to the east as it began to encroach on the deadened lawns closest to the dhampir dormitory and saw the shadowy figures of those also on patrol as they ventured further out towards the boundary and the wards in a criss-crossing pattern that would overlap.

Almost noon, the chance of any possible attack was slim at best, but after the events of the massacre near Billings late last year, the security within the academy had increased considerably. No one was willing to take a chance that the wards might be broken…not when we now knew that they _could_ be.

 _Bad timing all around_ , I thought again, crossing the stone pathway that dissected the dorms for the novices and our own, intending to merely check in with the hall monitor to make sure everything was alright before I began my own patrol, but as with everything lately, I should have expected my intentions to be distracted.

Eyeing a window high to the right of the dhampir dormitory, the thick curtaining concealed the occupant of the room. An occupant who would be asleep at this time of the day, but that didn't stop my eyes from searching for any movement behind those curtains even when I knew that I shouldn't.

Even when I knew that I had to keep my distance…and had promised myself that I would, no matter how much it might cost me. The price I knew that it would cost me if I failed was higher than either of us could ever afford.

Pivoting smoothly on my heel, I turned away from the forbidden temptation that I knew would be my downfall if I allowed it and forced myself to focus on what the next week would bring in the way of the Field Experience, dodging puddles of icy-cold slush as they peppered the pathway.

I knew that the roster's had been set already – I had helped with it, but I had one last minute change that I felt strongly enough about to push for…one that was going to raise more than a few eyebrows amongst my colleagues.

Glancing at the glass foyer doors of the dhampir dorm lobby, the day monitor looked bored stiff and waved at me absently as I passed by in greeting. Nodding in reply that nothing was out of the ordinary, I rounded the corner between the dorm and the gym and stopped dead at the unmistakable sight that greeted me.

Huddling against the brickwork of the gym, Rose stood shivering with her back towards me as the icy wind buffeted against her and tossed around the tangled ribbons of her dark brown hair in a windblown mass.

Dressed in a white robe that looked thinner than her skin, slippers already darkly saturated from the unavoidable puddles and dark blue flannel pajama pants; I could almost hear her teeth chattering…or I would have, if she hadn't been muttering to herself.

Feeling an almost giddy rush of joy at the sight of her that I should never have allowed, the delight was almost immediately replaced by exasperated amusement. Approaching her silently from behind, I figured that I shouldn't really have been surprised to find her out here and not inside asleep after curfew.

Breaking the rules came as naturally to her as breathing did to everyone else. She had once told me after an argument between us had started because of the exact same rule she was now flouting, that she didn't break the rules…she simply bent them to suit her needs.

Watching now as she hunched her shoulders against the cold, I noticed that her breathing was erratic; her lungs working so harshly they seemed to jostle her entire torso. Frowning as the reason picked at my curiosity…and my concern, I took a step closer before asking quietly.

"Are you sleepwalking?"


	2. Chapter 2

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Two ~

Swivelling agilely on her ankle with a grace that always seemed so inherent to her, Rose spun swiftly to face me.

Instantly on the defensive as the surprise of my appearance startled her, the coiled tension in her body; an instinctive preparation to defend herself against any attack, tightened every muscle as her fierce stance suddenly matched her fiercer expression.

Angry flags of red highlighted her high cheekbones and the tanned, unblemished skin beneath it; the flush of colour giving her fathomless eyes an almost feverish glint in the dull morning light. It was a glint that I recognized instantly and one that usually signalled her intentions to punch someone, but as she was alone, _why_ she was so upset was puzzling.

Brushing impatiently at the messy tangle of dark brown hair that had swept over her face and the slender arch of her neck in the face of the relentless howl of the wind, Rose eyed me almost warily as her fingers continued to try and restrain the curls that were as wildly untameable as she was.

I knew how silky to the touch that hair was…what it felt like wrapped around my fingers and it made those same fingers twitch now with an impulse born of desire as I kept them safely in the pockets of the duster. Only about a foot separated us, but it felt as though the temptation in the icy air made it non-existent.

It was a temptation that I knew I could never give into.

Smirking at me, Rose's tautly wound body began to loosen muscle by muscle and her beautiful features shifted to a look that I was also all too familiar with…glibly flippant with just a touch of mockery.

Considering that I had just found her violating the rules _yet_ again, I was hoping that she might have expressed just a little bit of guilt at being caught instead of defiantly staring me down, but if she had, it would have given me more reason to be concerned because it wouldn't be Rose.

Tugging the thin layer of her sleep-wear around her as a hard shiver shook her curvy frame and her arms wrapped around her upper torso, Rose replied to my question in a tone dryer than the winter air as the taunting grin continued to curve upwards. "I'm testing dorm security. It sucks."

Feeling the curl of amusement shift through the muscles of my mouth as my concern simmered more quietly in the background, a reluctant grin spread across them as I watched the last of whatever had caused her irritation bleed away.

I was naturally still curious about what had driven her to such a reaction, but as I was finding it far easier right now to deal with Rose's warped sense of humour than having to actually deal with every _other_ emotion she evoked within me, I wasn't about to press her for the reasons behind it until I absolutely needed to.

Watching as another hard shudder shook her body with enough force to rattle her teeth, Rose's gaze darted over the leather covering me as her shoulders hunched inwards for warmth. Frowning in concern, I begun to shrug out from under the duster to give it to her, wondering all the while why she had nothing on that would provide any warmth against the elements.

"You must be freezing. Do you want my coat?"

Shaking her head quickly and forestalling the offer even as she looked at the duster with envious eyes, Rose made a visible effort to straighten her frame and unwind her arms in an attempt to convince me, and maybe herself as well, that she wasn't cold.

"I'm fine. What are you doing out here? Are you testing security too?"

Holding my tongue at her stubbornness and lack of common sense – she had spent the majority of her life in Montana and knew how harshly unforgiving the winters could be – I opted instead to cover my annoyance by shifting the leather back over the width of my shoulders, shaking out the sides and lifting the collar at my nape for additional warmth.

"I am _security_ ," came my counter a second later, ignoring the fact that Rose was very deliberately changing the subject without even bothering to hide that it was obvious. "This is my watch."

Nodding once, Rose looked around the empty grounds as the wind continued to whip against us and her curling locks wrapped around her face and neck.

Sweeping them aside irritably, she gathered the mass to the side of her neck and tucked it into the gaping neckline of the robe. My own was no better behaved and I found myself constantly tucking the wayward strands behind my cold ears.

Shivering again violently against the temperatures that felt as though they were dropping instead of rising as midday passed over us, I was about to simply take off the duster and put it over her shoulders without asking, but when Rose turned towards me again, the expression on her flawless face stopped me because it wasn't one of irritation or mockery, but one of misery.

It was gone before I could take a second look; her feature's rearranging themselves into a neutral expression she had learnt from me, but I had seen it nevertheless, and although I couldn't be sure, I suddenly had a clearer understanding of her strange mood.

 _Mason_.

Twisting her body away from mine suddenly as his name echoed with eerie sadness through my head, Rose angled herself towards the Dhampir dorm, eager it seemed, to make her escape as she threw over her shoulder. "Well, good work. I'm glad I was able to help test your awesome skills. I should be going now."

Unsettled by what I had seen on Rose's face and unwilling for her to leave before I got the actual truth out of her, I found my fingers reaching out between the distance that was still between us despite the promise I had made to keep them to myself.

If it _was_ Mason's death that was now haunting her through the tormented memories of her guilty conscious, it was something that had to be dealt with _before_ it completely derailed her. She had worked too hard since returning to the academy to allow something that every guardian knew was an eventuality to muck that up.

"Rose –" I began, deliberately hardening my voice so that she wouldn't misunderstand that I wasn't going to allow her to evade what I wanted.

Reaching out to stop her as she made to move past me, the instant my fingers curled around the forearm and wrist that had been exposed by the billow of the wind beneath her sleeve, I knew I had made a mistake…a mistake that hadn't been created by stopping her from walking away, but by touching her

Jolting shockwaves of electrifying hunger surged from my fingertips to the base of my spine; flooding my blood stream, nerve endings and every muscle in between with the clenching shock of a desire so powerful it felt as though it had scorched the flesh at the point of contact.

Releasing her so fast that it felt as though I had recoiled on my feet, I eyed Rose warily…as though she was a puzzle I could never solve or an adversary that I could never beat, watching as she eyed me just as cagily, withdrawing her arm as swiftly as I had let it go.

Shoving my hand back into the pocket of the duster as I struggled to find my rickety equilibrium, I forced myself to ask the question I had wanted answered before I had lost the ability to function properly.

"What are you really doing out here?"

Viewing a flash of familiar rebellion arch her brows and purse her lips, I half expected Rose to flatly refuse to answer me, but whatever it was that she saw on my face seemed to convince her that a mutiny right now wasn't the wise decision.

"I had a bad dream. I wanted some air."

Listening intently for any inflection in her voice and watching for any guilty twitch of muscle that would have told me she was lying, I found none, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that although she was telling me the truth, it wasn't the _whole_ truth.

"And so you just rushed out?" I voiced with incredulity, still watching her cautiously.

Rose was usually very good at hiding her facial nuances, but I had already learnt to read even those she thought she had…all I had to do was wait for her to slip up. "Breaking the rules didn't cross your mind – and neither did putting on a coat."

Sighing, Rose nodded again whilst looking somewhere over my left shoulder. She wouldn't meet my eyes, but I could see everything she had to display. She wasn't even bothering to hide from me. Maybe because she knew that I wouldn't push her right now when we both knew that I should have.

"Yeah. That pretty much sums it up."

Exasperatedly shaking my head at her, the humour I had felt before was instantly overshadowed by the frustration I felt at her rash behaviour.

"Rose, Rose. You never change. Always jumping in without thinking."

Turning sharply to face me and my accusation, the look of fiery indignation flaring brightly in the dark depths of Rose's exotically shaped brown eyes instantly put me on guard. That I had pissed her off was obvious, but to what extent, I wasn't sure.

Having witnessed her fury more times than I could count, I was well aware of what she was capable of when angry. Knowing that I could easily subdue her during even the worst of her rages or more often than not, talk her right out of them had always been a small comfort, but as I watched her facial muscles tighten and clench in ire, I suddenly felt as though it was _too_ small a comfort.

"That's not true," she challenged aggressively; facing me fully to glare, but behind the anger of her objection, there was something else swirling beneath the fury in her narrowed eyes…something that looked like sorrow and it made my stomach clench sickeningly in response.

"I've changed a lot."

Watching over her gravely as she completed the rant far less aggressively than it had begun, I reluctantly agreed with her and thought once more of Mason Ashford's life and the incident that had cut it so tragically short.

"You're right. You have changed."

Surviving the nightmare of the Spokane horror would have left an indelible mark on anyone; adult Moroi, qualified guardian or Dhampir novice, and for the four that had walked away from it, they was no exception.

For Christian, it had simply become another harrowing experience at the hands of Strigoi that he had somehow managed to survive and although there had been no outward signs of visible withdrawal over the last three weeks, there was something that had hardened irrevocably about him.

With the death of her mother, Mia had not only lost a parent, but the substitute of the academy in the aftermath of the ordeal. Removed by her widowed father to Court, she had spent only enough time here to attend Mason's funeral but as she had stood looking over his lowering casket, the unstoppable tears that had tracked down her pallid cheeks had said enough in her absence.

Survivor's guilt was what Eddie was suffering from, but it was something that would take time to overcome. No matter how hard he fought against it. The feeling of helpless resentment would never disappear, despite knowing he could never have done anything different…not with the incapacitating blood loss and endorphins raging through his system.

Mason had been his closest friend and a void like that was not easily filled. It was something that I knew a little about.

And for Rose – for Rose the change had been the most profound…and the most wrenching to witness.

Watching as she had crumbled from the crippling grief in her mother's arms, I had been terrified that she would never recover from the emotional and physical trauma of the experience, and although she had made a full physical recovery, there was a part of her psyche that would never fully heal…not when she placed the blame of Mason's death squarely on her shoulders.

Rose knew that the only reason he had returned to the house for her instead of staying in the safety of the sun's light was because he cared about her. Affection had been his demise, and it was something that she would never forgive herself for.

Speaking of it to me only once after our return to the academy, I knew that despite what I had told her about not being responsible for the consequences of other people's actions, she wouldn't ever be able to see past the guilt.

And how could I honestly say that it was wrong of her to feel that way when Ivan's death had affected me in exactly the same way? I hadn't been responsible or even directly involved, but the pain of his loss hadn't eased because of it. It left a mark on your soul that could never be erased.

For the most part, I had learnt to live with it, but for Rose, the toll seemed all the more difficult to make peace with. I had hoped after the funeral that she would be able to move past it and to a certain extent it seemed as though she had, but there was something about her now that seemed all the more grim for it…like she had buried a part of her soul on the day she had helped to bury Mason.

Looking over her now as the irate defence of her conduct drained away completely, Rose frowned at me in consternation as she became concerned by whatever it was she could see on my face. I knew that I was looking down at her worriedly, but the gut-clenching pain radiating from my heart wouldn't be ignored.

Somehow instinctively knowing that my thoughts were tied to her own and that they would only take us down a far darker path than either of us was prepared to walk right now, Rose worried her lower lip before plastering a false smile of enthusiasm on her tight features in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Well, don't worry. My birthday's coming up. As soon as I'm eighteen, I'll be an adult, right? I'm sure I'll wake up that morning and be all mature and stuff."

I could see what it cost her to find _any_ humour in the moment that was filled with none and it snapped me out of my own gloomy reverie.

Reacting to her tone more than the actual words and wanting nothing more than to see the strain wiped from her face, I felt the muscles around my mouth unlock from the grief that had made them rigid in the first place and transform into a smile that cost me almost as much.

Once again brushing aside the strands of loose hair blowing across my face and tucking them behind my ears, Rose did the same with her own as my comment carried in the wind. "Yes, I'm sure. What is it, about a month?"

I knew exactly when her birthday was, but some perverse urge made me ask anyway. When searching for her and Lissa last year, I had memorized all their biographical information in the hope that it would somehow provide a clue as to their whereabouts.

It hadn't really leant itself to the task as trying to out-think and anticipate Rose's attempts to evade us had proved challenging in ways I had never expected, but it was still embedded in my memory.

Rocking back and forth between her bare toes and heels, Rose answered pertly whilst avoiding my searching eyes; striving to look as though her reply was nothing more than a casual response to an equally casual question. Which she failed at… _miserably_.

"Thirty-one days."

"Not that you're counting." I responded just as offhandedly, but the grin stretching my mouth was growing wider by the second in spite of myself. Engaging in the kind of verbal sparring that had always formed so naturally between us was a relief after the morose topic we had strayed onto…it was just one of the things that I would miss during the field experience.

Looking momentarily guilty, Rose's slender shoulders rose beneath her thin covering in a self-conscious shrug that made me chuckle.

"I suppose you've made a birthday list too. Ten pages? Single-spaced? Ranked by order of priority?"

Meaning the remark to be more teasing than serious – Rose was _anything_ but organized – the glint of deviltry in her eyes told me she knew what I was up and was about to respond in kind, but just as quickly, the mirth in her expression disappeared and was replaced by something else…something that didn't resemble the sorrow for Mason's memory but a sadness of a different kind that I couldn't place.

Again wrapping her arms tightly around her torso, Rose stared intently at my face for a moment before she looked away and down; fidgeting for a moment with a loose thread on the sleeve of her robe before replying in a barely discernible whisper that was almost lost to the howl of the wind.

"No. No list."

Still curiously confused as to what had given her a look that was almost defeated, my head tipped to the right for a better angle in which to see her face; brushing aside the hair in my face absently this time and paying it almost no attention.

"I can't believe you don't want anything. It's going to be a boring birthday."

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you –"

Forcing myself to stop before I could complete the question because I knew the answer would be disastrous for both of us, the realisation of what she wanted…what we _both_ wanted, lashed through me. Watching her carefully; sensitive to every hint of her expression as she looked at me, the stark longing on her face was painful to watch in the seconds before she looked away.

Clenching my fingers into fists of physical frustration; the same frustration I had been running to shake earlier, I felt the ease of the atmosphere around us dissipate faster than weak fog in strong morning sun.

Knowing that if we continued on with this it would only become more difficult to deal with and would dredge up feelings that neither of us were capable of dealing with at the moment, I cleared my throat and purposely ended the conversation by insisting I take her inside, using the increasing cold and her lack of covering as a handy excuse.

"You can deny it all you want, but I know you're freezing. Let's go inside. I'll take you in through the back."

Looking up at me sharply, the frown of disbelief that Rose sent me spoke volumes even as another powerful shiver jolted her.

She knew as well as I did that my philosophy in regards to her was to never let her withdraw into herself and that I often forced her to talk when it was the last thing she wanted to do. For me to now wave that for _any_ reason made her suspicious.

Turning towards the dorm whilst not giving her the opportunity to question my odd behaviour, I waited until she was at my side before we walked back. I should have quickened my stride as her shorter legs would force her to walk faster and she would be inside that much sooner, but I found myself almost lingering to have her with me for a few seconds longer.

 _You're being stupid, Dimitri._ I argued silently with myself, finding my eyes locked ahead but my peripheral vision fixed firmly on Rose. _Stop delaying and get her inside before she's caught. She can't afford any further complications right now._

It was unlikely that she would be found by any of the others, but it was still irresponsible to take the chance and so despite wanting her near me, I did hasten my pace. Thankfully Rose could read the situation as easily as we could reach each other and didn't comment on my increased speed, joking with me instead.

"I think _you're_ the one who's cold. Shouldn't you be all tough and stuff, since you're from Siberia?"

Snorting in reluctant laughter beneath my breath, I glanced down at her as she grinned knowingly but didn't look at me.

Rose's stereotypical idea's – all wrong – about the land of my birth; the land that she knew almost nothing about save for what she might have heard before, should have rankled with me but with her, I could never find enough offended patriotism to react.

"I don't think Siberia's exactly what you imagine." I corrected mildly, looking out for anyone on duty as we rounded the corner of the dorm and headed for the fire exit. If I took her back through the front entrance, the lobby monitor would have to report her for breaching the conduct rules and no amount of vouching on my part would stop that.

Avoiding an icy puddle, Rose glanced up at me and honestly admitted. "I imagine it as an arctic wasteland."

"Then it's definitely not what you imagine."

And honestly, how could she know what it was really like? Her assumption wasn't one of a kind…only those who had lived off the land and had grown from it could ever really appreciate its beauty. Southern Siberia was as far from an arctic wasteland as Montana was, but that wasn't something I could explain...it was something she would have to see for herself.

Slowing down slightly, I fell a little behind Rose as I peered around the gym, looking for any shadows that would have meant trouble for her and thought about what I was actually contemplating. I couldn't exactly show her around Russia, not whilst we were on active duty and being together when we weren't would mean things that I couldn't think about right now…things that I couldn't think about _ever_.

"Do you miss it?"

Looking ahead towards her, Rose had looked back over her shoulder to ask as she rounded the corner of the dorm and stood beside a large copse of berryless, winter-withered holly trees bordering the walkway.

Did I miss it? Of course I did…how could I not? It was home and although I had spent more time in recent years away from it, the longing lure of the motherland was still as strong today as it had been when I had first left after graduating.

My mother would claim on the rare occasions I returned that it was her cooking I missed the most; my grandmother her stories and my sisters their constant fussing, but it was more than that. It was a tangible connection that could never be found anywhere else.

"All the time." Walking towards her again as I replied, I stopped a few inches away; helping to shield her against the wind as she huddled out of sight, again thinking about things that I shouldn't be. "Sometimes I wish – "

"Belikov!"


	3. Chapter 3

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Three ~

 _Of all the rotten, goddamned timing…_

Clenching my teeth as Alberta's call carried towards us on the wind, Rose's head whipped around to stare past the width of my shoulder. Eyes wide with the sudden realization that she was about to be caught, she looked at me in horror.

 _Great_ , I thought irritably, swearing through my gritted teeth in guttural Russian as I shifted my position once more, only this time it wasn't to protect Rose from the wind, but to protect her from being seen. _She wasn't concerned when_ I _found her, but_ Alberta _sends her into a panic._

Calculating that I had no more than a handful of seconds before Rose was discovered sneaking around and I was hauled over the coals for allowing it, my right arm shot out towards her whilst still keeping her hidden from sight. Hooking my fingers around her bicep and ignoring the frisson of sexual awareness that never seemed to dim, I propelled Rose further around the corner and out of sight; hissing out a warning as I eyed Alberta's approach.

"Stay out of sight."

Out of time to check that Rose had listened to me, I turned to fully face the woman that was my direct superior; orientating myself against the wedge of the building and blocking her path to force her into staying in front of me.

Inclining my head towards her polity in acknowledgment, Alberta returned the gesture tiredly; shivering as a blast of icy air cut straight through the layers of her jacket and jersey. Fleetingly I thought of what that same gust would have done to Rose who was barely dressed to be out of bed, must less out in the elements, but there wasn't much I could do about that now.

Striking up a conversation to distract Alberta in case she wanted to know why I was standing here instead of patrolling the rest of the grounds that made up the upper campus like I should have been, I stated the obvious even as I questioned silently as to why she was out here now.

"You're not on watch."

Not often on patrol as her time was divided by duties only she could carry out, Alberta was always more than willing to include herself in the roster and pull her own weight, but it was seldom the case…something that she found frequently annoying.

Having worked closely with her since my arrival at the Academy almost two years ago; respect for the woman who was almost thirty-years my senior had been given without question. No-nonsense, logical and efficient, she was highly regarded and liked amongst her subordinates as her wisdom of years made her a natural leader who was followed without question.

When Rose had been assigned to me as part of her re-establishment back into the Academy by Kirova, I had been less than accepting of what I had seen as a burden. Her skills and natural ability had been apparent from our first meeting, but with such a large amount of time spent away from the constant training the novices were under, it had seemed like a lost cause…even one that I wasn't sure I could save.

It had been Alberta who had convinced me that Rose would be able to catch up under the right guidance. Still sceptical at the time that I had been the right person for the job, I had balked when discussing it with her, but she had been adamant that if Rose had _any_ hope of graduating, _I_ was the only one who could make that happen.

I had to wonder now as I watched her tuck her gloveless hands into the padded pockets of her forest-green jacket, if she had any idea that when she had convinced me to take on Rose as a student that the blurry boundaries of our relationship would be tested by the love that neither of us had expected or could ever openly acknowledge.

 _Yeah, right, Dimitri_ , I scoffed in grim silence. _If Alberta had_ any _idea_ _of what you feel for Rose, she would have sent you packing a long time ago._

Shaking her head in agreement at my observation and mercifully stopping three-feet away from me, Alberta's short blonde hair threaded liberally with strands of grey, shifted in a discord of movement. "No, but I needed to talk to you. It'll just take a minute. We need to shuffle some of the watches whilst you're at the trial."

 _Ahhh...Damn!_

Keeping my face calmly neutral as I felt my insides heave violently; uncomfortably aware that Rose was eavesdropping somewhere behind me to a conversation that Alberta would think was private, I suddenly knew _exactly_ why she was out in the miserable weather of a Montana winter when she didn't really need to be.

Dustin had obviously already found Alberta and talked to her about the reshuffle. Under any normal circumstance it wouldn't have been a problem, but the circumstances right now were _anything_ but normal.

I _didn't_ want Rose to know about the trial, but I could hardly verbalise that now to Alberta without alerting her to the fact that Rose was listening. Calling myself ten kinds of fool for not sending Rose inside earlier when I knew that I should have, I now had no alterative but to respond.

"I figured." My vague response – tightly constrained and non-committal – had Alberta instantly frowning in suspicious confusion. I had to tread lightly here. She wouldn't be satisfied with monosyllabic answers and was already looking at me oddly, but I couldn't reveal any more than was absolutely necessary.

Feeling as though I was on a slope that was becoming more slippery by the second, I propped my shoulder against the brickwork of the dormitory and thought through my next answer very carefully; shaking out the folds of the duster around me to cover my slight delay.

"It's going to put a strain on everyone else – bad timing."

Sighing heavily in annoyed agreement, Alberta shook her head as if to rid herself of a thought that wasn't entirely pleasant; seeming to forget about my strange behaviour for the moment as she glanced around the grounds.

"Yes, well, the queen runs on her own schedule. Celeste will take your watches, and she and Emil will divide up your training times." Swinging her gaze back to mine, Alberta looked at me expectantly. "They say they don't mind the extra work, but I was wondering if you could even things out and take some of their shifts before you leave?"

Groaning internally as Alberta inadvertently began to let slip what Rose's quick brain wouldn't miss hearing, I shifted anxiously against the brickwork of the building and tried to figure out a way to end this conversation before she revealed everything else.

"Absolutely."

Replying more sharply than I had intended, I closed the distance between us, trying to force Alberta to walk away from the ears that were listening. Sighing her appreciation at my easy compliance, Alberta made to move away, but as she did, she suddenly seemed to remember something else that was on her mind and swung back…before completely and utterly harpooning me.

"Thanks. I think that'll help. I wish I knew how long this trial was going to be. I don't want to be away that long. You'd think it'd be a done deal with Dashkov, but now I hear the queen's getting cold feet about imprisoning a major royal."

Resisting the urge to punch the wall to find some way of venting my impotent frustration, I nodded stiffly towards her as I felt the air between Rose and I palpably vibrate with the tension that had just been created. She might have misinterpreted the meaning of the trial, but there was no way in hell that would have missed the mention of Victor Dashkov.

"I'm sure they'll do the right thing."

Again not noticing, or choosing to ignore, the obvious tension in both my voice and body, Alberta shivered as another frozen draft buffeted against us. "I hope so. And I hope it'll only take a few days, like they claim."

Glancing around her, Alberta grimaced as the wind intensified and faint white flakes began to fall from the thick clouds overhead. "Look, its miserable out here. Would you mind coming into the office for a second to look at the schedule?"

Moving away from the wall, I made a show of searching for the keys stashed in my pants pocket; acting as through I wanted to check on the security of the fire escape door…the same fire escape door I was still hoping to smuggle Rose in through. "Sure. Let me check on something first."

Smiling, Alberta nodded easily; completely at ease now that she had my full co-operation. If only _I_ could be as relieved, but there was no chance of that…I _knew_ what was waiting for me as soon as I turned my back.

"All right. See you soon."

Turning away from me, I remained motionless for long moments as Alberta walked quickly away towards the office block. Playing it safe for a few seconds more, I exhaled warily and swung around, not looking forward to what I was going to find. Walking slowly around the corner, my eyes searched for Rose, but she was nowhere to be found.

Eyeing the thicket of holly shrubs running along the puddle-strewn pathway, it was the only place she could have hidden. Closing in on them, my booted feet had barely settled on the walkway before Rose jumped to her feet. Peering around my shoulder briefly, she turned her wide eyes to me…only now they weren't wide from panic, but from disbelieving fury.

"Rose – "I began quickly, hoping to cut her off before she could explode, but standing at a foot shorter with her fists already clenched tightly into balls of anger-driven astonishment, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

Somehow I had _still_ managed to slip down the slope…

"Dashkov? As in Victor Dashkov?"

Feeling as though the curse of his trial was somehow continuing to spill over into what I had wanted to keep completely separate, my reply was resigned; seeing no real benefit in denying it. How could I when Alberta had already let the cat out the bag?

"Yes," I sighed, feeling my stomach roil uncomfortably. "Victor Dashkov."

Stunned and momentarily speechless, I watched a myriad of emotions cross the features that were no longer pale from the cold, but were flushed with the heat of rage. Finding her voice at last, the pitch rose with every word as Rose sputtered out disbelievingly.

"And you guys are talking about…do you mean…I thought he was locked up! Are you saying he hasn't been on trial yet?"

Watching as Rose's astonishment began to morph into violent hatred towards the man that had threatened not only the girl she considered closer than a blood sibling, but had endangered the lives of countless others, my brief thought of suggesting that she calm down and think rationally disappeared almost immediately…she looked like she wanted to tear someone apart.

Switching tactic, I tried to placate by reassuring her that despite the delay, this didn't mean that the process was completely stagnant. "He's been locked up – but no, no trial yet. Legal proceedings sometimes take a long time."

Breathing harshly, the muscles along her jawbone worked agitatedly as Rose took in my deceptively calm demeanour and completely ignored my pacifying; raking her loose hair away from her face with agitated movements.

"But there's going to be a trial now? And you're going?"

Again cursing myself for not having sent Rose in when I knew that I should have, the nature of her questioning was only going to lead to a confrontation…something that I had hoped to avoid at all costs. "Next week. They need me and some of the other guardians to testify about what happened to you and Lissa that night."

Hearing the gruffness in my voice as I recalled against my will the night that Lissa had been kidnapped, I felt my facial muscles clench in remembrance. The official summons in my room…the one that I had been running to escape earlier as it churned up the dregs of my own furiously protective instincts, once again reared its ugly head.

Folding her arms agitatedly across her torso, Rose brushed aside at the frozen flakes of water dusting her high cheekbones and tangled hair as she asked the question that I had wanted to dodge. "Call me crazy for asking this, but, um, are Lissa and I going with you?"

"No."

"No?"

Crossing my arms over my chest, the impassive mask slipped firmly into place as I heard Rose begin to work herself into a blind rage that she wouldn't be able to see past. "No."

Brows drawing together across the seam of her smooth forehead, Rose scowled at the answer she clearly didn't like hearing as her hands curled around her hipbones in a stance that reminded me of a petulant little girl looking for an argument…one that I wasn't about to give her.

"Look, doesn't it seem reasonable that if you're going to talk about what happened to us, then you should have _us_ there?"

Knowing exactly where she was heading, I shook my head in instant dismissal and put a stop to whatever it was that was brewing within her naturally vindictive nature. "The queen and some of the other guardians thought it'd be best if you didn't go. There's enough evidence between the rest of us, and besides, criminal or not, he is – or was – one of the most powerful royals in the world. Those who know about this trial want to keep it quiet."

Glowering at me resentfully as she heard what I wouldn't say – that a group of reckless, emotionally-charged teenagers hell-bent on revenge weren't welcome at the trial – Rose spat out. "So, what, you thought if you brought us, we'd tell everyone? Come on, comrade. You really think we'd do that?"

Stalking around the holly trees, Rose stopped a few inches away from me on the pathway. Looking up into my impassive face, she could see that her rant wasn't having any effect on me so she tried cajoling…not something that she often had to resort to.

"The only thing we want is to see Victor locked up. Forever. Maybe longer. And if there's a chance he might walk free, you have to let us go."

Narrowing my eyes as her words sounded faintly like manipulation, I tried to be impartial and process her words without emotion, but there was so much passion emanating from her that I knew I couldn't be.

She acted as though I had the power to solve this and a very small part of me wished that I had, but as it had been before, the larger part – the part that still didn't want them anywhere _near_ Victor – was the side that I listened to.

"It's not my decision to make." I briefly toyed with the idea of telling her that both Alberta and I had pleaded their case, but decided against it.

Holding my gaze steady, Rose refused to back down. "But you have influence. You could speak up for us, especially if…" Glancing suddenly towards the Moroi dorm where Lissa would still be sleeping, Rose's gaze grew genuinely troubled as she turned back to face me. "Especially if there really is a chance he might get off. Is there? Is there really a chance the queen would let him go?"

Knowing already how seriously Rose took Lissa's protection and already guessing that the fear I could now see had nothing to do with her own issues with Victor and everything to with Lissa's, I shrugged my shoulders tiredly, suddenly very weary.

The insomnia coupled with the worry about what the next week would hold was beginning to catch up with me as I answered her as truthfully as I could. "I don't know. There's no telling what she or some of the other high-up royals will do sometimes."

Scrubbing my hands over my face resignedly, my fingers reached into the pocket of my corduroy pants and dug out the keys. Tossing them to her, Rose caught them nimbly with one hand, looking down at them before scowling up at me again.

"Look, I know you're upset, but we can't talk about it now. I have to go meet Alberta, and you need to get inside. The square key will let you in the far side door. You know the one."

Snorting beneath her breathe, Rose nodded in understanding, but the flattening of her lips into angry disappointment made it more than obvious that she was pissed at me. Tossing the keys into the air once, Rose shook her head before grinding out flatly. "Yeah, thanks."

Pivoting on her heel, Rose marched towards the dorm whilst I continued to watch her. The smartest course of action would have been to simply let her go…talking to her when she was in this kind of a mood wouldn't accomplish much, but knowing that I had disappointed her over-rode logic.

Disappointment in life was expected. Most of the time it was avoidable but for the times that it wasn't, you accepted it, dusted yourself off and carried on, making certain that you never repeated it again. But with Rose, it felt like her disappointment in me was a personal failure and for reasons that I wasn't about to think of right now, I couldn't stomach that.

"Rose?" I called out to her with quiet remorse.

Glancing back at me over her shoulder as her name was carried through the wind; Rose eyed me with barely restrained irritation, skewering me with a gaze darkened by displeasure as ribbons of dark-brown hair swirled around her whilst she met my regretful expression with a face set in stony stubbornness.

"I'm sorry…and you'd better bring the keys back tomorrow."

Watching as her fingers clenched around the keys in her hand – the only response I was going to get to my apology and my warning to return them, Rose said nothing more to me as she unlocked the fire escape door and disappeared from sight.

Tilting my head back and rolling it from side to side as the tight muscles in my neck protested, I exhaled exhaustively and spun on my heel, heading back inside to meet Alberta as promised whilst all the while thinking that the consequences of Victor Dashkov's trial were going to be far further reaching than I had ever imagined.


	4. Chapter 4

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Four ~

Shrugging out from beneath the duster and hanging it on the coat-rack beside the door of the offices used for the more official business we occasionally carried out, Alberta was already seated at the head of the old oak conference table; shuffling paperwork and muttering beneath her breathe as she waited for me to join her.

Closing the door quietly behind me to keep from disturbing her before heading to the pot of gurgling coffee sitting on the sideboard, Alberta looked up at me nonetheless; smiling absently in greeting as she ran her fingers through the messy disorder of her hair and scrubbed her open palms over the harshly set lines of her weathered face.

"Thank you for helping with this, Dimitri."

Grabbing two polystyrene cups, I poured the thick caffeine mixture, added sugar and cream before heading towards her. Placing one at her left elbow, I moved around to her right. Pulling out a chair, I nodded in easy agreement as I took a seat beside her.

"It really isn't any trouble at all, Alberta. I meant what I said earlier." My agenda then might not have been entirely truthful for reason's I couldn't tell her, but helping her now in any way whilst she was under such immense pressure had no motives that were hidden.

My other motives…motives that involved a very angry, very resentful Rose Hathaway were another matter entirely. I would have to deal with both her disappointment and the knowledge that she now had of the trial when the time came, but that wasn't now.

Reaching for a pencil, Alberta twirled it nimbly between her fingers…fingers that could just as easily twirl the deadly edge of a stake as she wielded it with years of experience and familiarity as my attention refocused on her as she slid a copy of the duty roster towards me.

"Alright. Let's go over the schedule again and see where we can fill in the holes whilst we're away."

Spending the next half hour going over the watch timetables and the training allotments for the next two weeks; my shifts, as well as Dustin's and Alan's were reshuffled again and again to maximize our contributions for the time we would be away until Alberta and I had finally nailed down all the loose ends.

The morning training before breakfast that should have been Celeste's would now become mine and would be the last one for the seniors before the field experience began after lunch. It was an opportunity for me to help them prepare one last time, but it was also one of the last times I would be able to have Rose with me and I knew that had a far larger appeal than anything else.

After our last encounter I knew that I should have kept my distance, but the unescapable lure of her pulled me back in when I should have fought hardest against it.

Resting back against the hard support of my chair, I folded my hands over my stomach and stretched out my legs, crossing them at the ankle as I watched a much calmer Alberta from the corner of my eye.

Having a very rare window of opportunity – Alberta alone and without the interfering influence of those around her – I decided to use the time that I had to voice something that had been playing on my mind since the field experience pairings had been drawn up…something that was going to raise more than a few eyebrows and upset someone who was already irritable and frustrated with a situation she couldn't control.

Turning back to me, Alberta looked at me questioningly as I thought about how I was going to approach this without making it look suspiciously like favoritism, but as I contemplated it, my window was almost instantly shut as I heard the approach of guardians along the central hallway leading to the office.

Shaking my head again at the timing that seemed constantly against me, I faced the closed door as the noise made by what sounded like a half-dozen guardians but were in actuality only two, filtered into the quiet room as Stephen Hendriks, followed closely by Emil Dalca, barged through the door a second later.

Respectively American and Romanian by birth, they were both close to my age but had been at the academy almost two years longer, having both been placed here within a month of each other and were normally entertaining to be around if you could stomach their particular brand of twisted humour.

Stephen worked primarily on the elementary campus whilst Emil – who had been part of the contingent I had with me when we had eventually found the missing Princess and her conspiring, dhampir cohort in Portland – was often my shift partner.

Both expressing mild surprise as seeing Alberta and I here when they knew that my watch had already started, they nodded respectfully at her before grinning broadly at me as they past us and headed straight for the percolating coffee pot that was never empty.

Sipping my own and grimacing into the cup as the burnt acidity of the coffee granules caught at the back of my throat, I dutifully drank it; desperately in need of the caffeine injection after the restless exhaustion of the past few weeks began to catch up.

Emil, having poured his own brand of poison; black, chokingly thick and sugarless, turned to face us as he leant back against the sideboard and stifled a yawn before asking.

"What's the rumpus?"

Gathering her paperwork with brisk, efficient movements, Alberta replied without much fanfare. "There is no rumpus, Emil…Dimitri and I were going over the reshuffle of watches whilst we're away for the trial."

"Ah."

Elbowing Stephen as he came to stand at his right, Emil grinned at him mischievously as Stephen snorted beneath his breath and covered it with a cough. I already knew what they were up to; they had been angling to get to Court since hearing about the trial and had been very vocal about not being included as witnesses against Dashkov.

"You know, Alberta," Emil cajoled softly as he locked the electric blue of his eyes on Alberta in an attempt to appeal to her female psyche in a way that could only be interpreted as flirting. "If you and Dimitri want to stay here, Stephen and I would be more than happy to take your place at Court. We were also involved in the operation that night, and would excellent material witnesses. Let this be our burden, not yours."

Having already heard this spiel more than once, Alberta was more than wise to his games. Sitting back in her seat, she folded her arms over her chest and smiled at them in a way that would make most men squirm in acute discomfort

"Thank you, Emil. I understand what a sacrifice this must be for you to offer and I applaud your selflessness in this regard." Leaning forward, Alberta laced her fingers together and rested her elbows on her thighs as her false appreciation melted away to reveal her biting reproach. "But the _only_ way that _either_ of you are leaving these grounds, is if you're carried _off_ them by Strigoi."

Sitting back again, she arched a censuring eyebrow at them whilst they shifted restlessly against the wood in discomfort and reminded them that they had their own duties to perform. "Don't you two have somewhere that you need to be?"

Hiding my amusement as the pair writhed under Alberta's withering disapproval, they made to leave with their coffee, but their hasty exodus was halted by the arrival of another guardian…one that I felt very little amusement around and even less liking for.

Crossing the threshold with a stomping stride that more than eloquently expressed the intolerant nature of the man, Stan Alto stopped abruptly as he saw the gathering; noting everything with a few flicks of his flat grey eyes.

Older than I was by about three or four years, his border-line contempt for the novices – even those he himself instructed personally – made his features seemed constantly pinched and unpleasant. Understanding his methods of instruction even though I did not entirely agree with them, it was something that I could have overlooked if not for his more than obvious contempt for one student… _mine_.

Having witnessed his almost gleeful humiliation of Rose during her reintroduction to the academy had very clearly drawn a line for me…even when I knew that I could never afford to have one. He might have admitted a grudging respect for her after slaying Mason's murderers with the relationship between the two of them no nearly as strained as before, but there was still a deep-seated dislike of her that didn't seem likely to ever change.

For the most part I avoided him. Not because I merely disliked the man, but because there were times when I couldn't hide the rage he inspired as he constantly questioned Rose's place in the academy and her right to protect a Moroi Princess. He would _never_ have been able to rise to the challenges she had not only met, but had beaten, yet seemed incapable of recognizing that as he constantly put her down.

"What?" He mocked, uncaring as to the frown he was receiving from Alberta as he strolled arrogantly into the room. "There's a party going on and nobody invited me?"

Heading for the coffee, I wondered grimly why he was awake; his shift wouldn't start for hours and as I heard Alberta voice the same thing, I realised she was just as suspicious of him. She had hauled him over the coals more than once since I had arrived for excessive force against students and didn't seem to like him anymore than I did.

"No party, Stan. Only planning. You're not on watch for another three hours. What's on your mind?"

Pouring a cup, he turned back to Alberta and shrugged dismissively as Emil and Stephen remained rooted to the spot. "Nothing much. Just thought I would get a jump start on the day, go through the schedule. Celeste has the morning training session with the seniors and I thought I would lend a hand before the field experience kicks off."

Instantly on my guard, I knew exactly _why_ he wanted the last training session…and it had _nothing_ to do with helping them.

"That's very generous of you, Stan, but not necessary," Alberta interceded smoothly as she felt me bristle at her side. "Dimitri and I have just reorganized the schedule and he'll be taking Celeste's training session." Sliding a sheet towards him over the polished surface of the table, he slapped his hand down on it before it could fly off the edge.

Eyeing both it and me with barely concealed rancor, Stan smiled derisively after briefly scanning the roster and shoving it to the side. "Did he? That was very magnanimous of you, Belikov. Why would you do that?"

"The why's aren't important, Stan." Alberta slotted in before I could respond. She knew that he was spoiling for an argument and didn't want to have to referee. "Dimitri is taking extra shifts to accommodate for the time he will be away at the trial. Dustin and Alan will do the same…are you going to question them too?"

Holding up his hands in an act of contrition that no one believed for a second, Stan backed off. "Whatever you say, Alberta. Whatever you say." Sipping at his coffee, he shoved his free hand into his slacks and walked slowly from one end of the room to the next, his gaze fixed on to something on the outside as he watched the howl of the wind batter the land.

Exhaling warily, Alberta stood and collected her paperwork. Realizing that I wasn't going to get another opportunity to do this before the field experience began and the time that it took to make the change was up, I stood with her.

"Alberta…there's one last thing I'd like to suggest before I go."

Not looking up at me, Alberta carried on with her organizing as she answered and the others; including Stan, glanced at me curiously. "What is it, Dimitri?"

"A last-minute change to the combinations for the field experience."

Tilting her head, Alberta straightened up and looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean? You already know that the final pairings were made last week. You helped with them."

"Yes, which is why I know that it wouldn't be difficult to reshuffle just one." I had a sneaking suspicion that although I hadn't said anything more, she already knew the reshuffle that I was about to suggest and it made her next question warily asked.

"Who?"

"I want to pair Edison Castile with Princess Vasilisa...and Rose with Christian Ozera."

Emil – in the middle of gulping a mouthful of his scalding coffee – chocked and spluttered as he tried to breath it instead of swallowing; thrusting the cup onto the sideboard as he coughed and wheezed whilst Stephen pounded his back with the flat of his palm to help...I got the sense that he was enjoying it more than he should have.

"Are you crazy, Dimitri?" He ground out, pushing impatiently at Stephen as he moved away from the beating he was still receiving despite clearing the blockage from his windpipe. "Hathaway will go _nuclear_ if you pair her with _anyone_ other than Lissa. Shit, man...you know better than _any_ of us what she's like."

About to answer him, I caught the glint of disdain from Stan as he wandered back to stand to Alberta's left and felt my fingers curl into clenched fury at the sight of it. If he was looking for an argument that would escalate into a fight, then maybe I would give him what he wanted…

"I have to agree with Emil, Dimitri," Alberta voiced, eyeing me as though I had lost my mind as I turned my attention away from Stan and back to her.

"Rose will cause too much of a disruption and will probably refuse outright to protect him. You know that if she refuses to protect her assigned Moroi for whatever reason during the field experience, that she will face removal from it and won't graduate. She's _your_ student…are you _really_ willing to take that chance?"

Hearing her very real concern, I processed Alberta's words, but I remained resolute. Rose _was_ the ideal choice to be paired with Lissa because of their shared history and bond, but with Lissa it was all too easy. Rose needed to be pushed…to be challenged so that she could prove not only to herself, but to everyone else what she was capable of.

The passion she had displayed earlier at being left out of the trial had only convinced me of that further…I wanted her to have the chance to rise to the occasion and with Lissa, she wouldn't.

"There's no risk involved, Alberta, so I don't see the danger. Yes, she isn't going to be happy about it and will protest in whatever way she feels will garner the most attention, but she won't refuse to protect him. She's vengeful and petty…to a degree, but she _will_ protect him once she's made to see reason.

" _Made to see reason_ …is that even possible with Rose?" Stephen asked with quiet humour underling the deep timber of his voice.

Ignoring him, I held Alberta's gaze steady as she shook her head at me; understandably confused as to my behaviour. "Even if that is true and she accepts it, however badly, I still don't understand why you want to make this change _now_. You had no problem with this last week when we were rostering the pairings, so why the sudden change, Dimitri?"

"Yes, Dimitri…why the sudden change now?"

Turning towards Stan so that both he and Alberta were pinned by the intensity of my reply, I kept the depth of my emotion from my voice and simply stated the facts…something that the pragmatic Alberta would not be able to overlook.

"Nothing's changed in the last week except for the time it's taken to get through it. I know that it makes sense to pair them because of their connection, but that also makes them vulnerable because they rely on it too heavily. Rose needs to learn that she has instincts… _good instincts_ that she needs to listen to and she doesn't do that with Lissa because she's already so attuned to her that it blocks out everything else."

"You said it yourself. There are no guarantees that once they've graduated Rose will be assigned to Lissa. If that happens, she has to be prepared to deal, interact and protect someone on a daily basis that she might not necessarily like or even get along with. Right now, that's Christian Ozera."

"She hates Zeklos just as much – if not more...why not pair her up with him? Why Ozera?"

"Jesus, no," Emil muttered quietly as we all heard Stan's suggestion. "She's just as likely to feed him to the Strigoi herself as she is to protect him from them. We can't have her protecting Jesse Zeklos, even if it is only for field experience. What about one of the Badica's?"

"Maybe...we can –"

"No!" I interrupted as Alberta began to run through the names in her head. "Pair Christian with Rose. They have similar personalities which is why they rub sparks off each other, but trust me...she _will_ protect him and at the same time learn to listen to her gut…something that could save her life one day as well as the Moroi she's eventually assigned to."

"Yeah?" Stephen asked in mocking amusement as he collected his coffee and walked towards me, clapping me lightly on the shoulder in what felt vaguely like a pat of sympathy whilst Alberta continued to stare at me as though I had grown an extra head. "And who's going to protect _you_ , when the volatile young Rose finds out who suggested the pairing?"

Glaring at him in withering annoyance, Emil grabbed his cup and joined in. "I'll put down twenty that she has a tantrum and tries to punch someone."

"No, no, no, no…that's too easy a bet because it's too predictable of Rose. You need to be specific, Em… _who_ is she going to punch?" Eyeing me, Stephen smirked. "I think she'll take a swipe at either Alberta, if she's close enough or Dimitri when she realizes that he's thrown her under the bus."

Punching Stephen lightly in the arm, Emil almost crowed with excitement. "Fifty bucks then on Dimitri for the punch and Alberta for the tantrum. Brother, she's going to _punish_ you for this when she finds out. You sure you want to do this? I mean, you have such a pretty face, I'd hate to see it messed up."

Shaking my head as I crossed my arms over my chest, I sneered at them in Russian, knowing they would both understand. _"I'm so happy that you're having such fun as my expense…remind me to thank you later in the gym when you need a sparring partner and find only my right hook."_

Howling at me in laughter, I looked away from them in disgust as Stan approached Alberta and listened to them rather than the mirthful idiots in front of me.

"Are you seriously considering this?"

Pushing in her chair, Alberta glanced back at me for a moment before replying. "Yes. Dimitri has a valid point. Rose needs to learn that as a guardian, protecting her Moroi shouldn't just be dependent on what she already knows or feels or even likes. She needs to take other factors into consideration and adjust her approach as the situation warrants it."

"In theory, I agree with you," Stan argued. "But Hathaway is too damn unpredictable, Alberta. She's a loose cannon. She might take this into her stride and she might not and if she doesn't it's going to throw everyone else off. I think this is a bad idea. We should just stick to the roster that was drawn up last week. Changes like this never work out."

Drawing herself upright, Alberta wiped all expression from her face as she laid down the law. "Your concerns have been noted, Stan, but I think we should run with this and see what happens. You and I know that in all likelihood Rose will be assigned to Vasilisa, but should that change, she needs to learn to adapt. Whatever your personal feelings towards her are, even you can admit that."

Walking away from him, Alberta's eyebrows raised meaningfully as her expression seemed to say _…I hope you're right about this, Dimitri, because if you're wrong, he will never let either of us forget it…_ before she passed me and headed for the door.

Nodding at her once, I glanced over at Stan and felt my hackles rise as the disdainful expression transformed into outright scorn. Only half listening to Alberta order the still laughing Emil and Stephen out of the office as they continued to make bets, I stood my ground as the shorter man marched wrathfully towards me.

Stilling just before he passed me, Stan sneered. "This is going to turn around and bite you in your self-righteous ass, Belikov; mark my words. And when it does and your star pupil lets you down, I'm going to be there to say _I told you so_ every…chance…I…get! You can protect her so far before she falls flat on her face and drags you down with her."

Tossing his empty cup into the bin on the way out, I closed my eyes as my breathing became ragged and filled with fury. Pivoting on my heel, I ripped the duster from the peg and shoved my arms violently through the sleeves as I stalked through the hallways and out into the frigid air of winter; trying to control my rage as his words echoed mockingly through my head.

My belief in Rose…my faith in her passion and determination was not something that I felt easily for others, if ever. I knew, even if none of the others did, that she would _not_ let me down – not on something that was this important and certainly not for something that she had worked so hard to achieve.

Breathing deeply as the cold air filling my lungs did little to quell the heat of the rage expanding in my chest and around my heart; I resumed my watch as I passed once more beneath her window and walked along the upper level of the campus, never for one second doubting that with Rose, she would never fail me...


	5. Chapter 5

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Five ~

"Mr. Reyes…is there something wrong with your feet?"

Throwing an agitated look at me from beneath a brow that was strained with exertion and dotted with sweat, Shane Reyes glanced quickly down at his feet before jerking his head up and darting to the side, narrowly escaping the blunt point of Dean Barnes' practice stake as he realised the importance of my question.

"No, Guardian Belikov," he grunted harshly in reply before rolling across the floor-mat of the gym and away from the advancing Dean. Pivoting around and standing to face Dean in one movement, Shane blocked his attack and countered with his own.

Matched evenly in both height and weight, Dean was only gaining the upper hand because of Shane's shoddy footwork. It was a rookie mistake and not something that I would have expected from someone as eager to prove himself.

All the senior novices knew the importance of moving at all times during either an attack or defence…more often than not, it proved to the only thing that would ensure their necks stayed intact.

Sighing in exasperation because by this stage it was something that he should have known better than to be caught by, I walked parallel to the opponents; skirting the edge of the mat for a better angle to instruct him, but I was too late…Dean had already seen Shane's mistake.

Kicking out at him, Shane lost his footing again as Dean swooped in. Catching the hand that held the mock stake, Dean twisted it around behind his back and knocked it from Shane grasping fingers. Wrapping his arm around Shane's neck, Dean caught him tightly to his chest in an inescapable chokehold before digging his knee into the small of his back and forcing him to into submission on his knees.

Raising his dummy stake into the air over Shane's chest as he dug his knee deeper and forced him to arch his back and expose the gap between sternum and ribs, Dean's arm came down in an unmistakable arc of death and stabbed quickly into the flesh over his heart; _killing_ his opponent and ending the skirmish.

Grinning broadly in triumph whilst Shane cursed and gave up struggling, Dean _withdrew_ his stake and patted Shane's chest before smugly rubbing in his defeat. "Don't sweat it, Shane. I'm sure the Strigoi that you meet will be nice and won't want to kill you."

"Fuck you, Barnes!"

"All right. That's enough, Mr. Barnes." Sinking to my haunches beside them, I raised a brow questioningly before lacing my dangling fingers together between my thighs as Dean avoided direct eye contact with me, but didn't release his hold on Shane.

"You do realise why I asked if there was something wrong with your feet, don't you, Mr. Reyes?"

"Yes, Guardian Belikov," he grumbled sourly as an answer, glaring belligerently at Dean over his shoulder.

"Why was that?"

"Because I didn't move my feet fast enough and was caught off guard when Dean countered with the sliding tackle. If I had been faster, I would have been able to move out of the way in time and wouldn't have been caught off guard."

Nodding in satisfaction at his answer, I raised a brow at Dean as he continued to subdue a now irate Shane. Releasing him, he rose to his feet and walked backwards a few paces as Shane sprang to his feet with a stubbornly jutting jaw and scowled at him. Dean grinned back and waggled his fingers, beckoning him forward.

Rising, I clapped my hands once to draw their attention away from each other and to bring in the other senior's I had in my group but as the sound echoed around the room; those who were part of Emil's group at the far end of the gym broke off from their own matches and turned towards me as they made their way over…one of them was Rose.

Having split the group for the final training session before the field experience began so that the focus could be more individually based, Emil – after losing heavily to me during the sparring match I had promised him earlier would not end well for him – had agreed to help.

Deliberately sticking Rose with him so that I could watch her from a distance without appearing noticeably focused on her, she stood at the back between Meredith and Ryan, but unlike the other two, she didn't look nearly as keen on what I was about to say. It wasn't anything that I hadn't already taught her.

"All right, everyone. Gather around and listen to me very carefully. Footwork is imperative. I _cannot_ stress that enough. It doesn't matter how fast you can run, how quickly you stake or powerfully you protect…none of it means _anything_ if you're caught literally, on the back foot."

"During the field experience, I want you to think of your bodies as two separate entities." Sweeping a hand over my upper torso covered in a dark grey t-shirt over nylon sweats, they followed the movement. "This section of your body is the power and direction that represents the stake in your hand."

Sweeping my hand downward over my hips and legs, the movement they followed just as closely. "And this part of your body represents the angle and mobility…without one, you can't have the other and you'll find yourself, like Mr. Reyes was, in a situation in which you have no control…Eddie."

Nodding at me as he understood that I wanted to use him in a demonstration, Eddie broke away from the crowd and stood a few feet away from me with his practice stake at the ready as I explained what I wanted from him and motioned for Shane to give me his stake.

"I'm going to come at you, Eddie and I want you to block like you normally would, but instead of shifting to protect yourself before trying to attack me in response, I want you to plant your feet and stay still."

Clearing his throat, he eyed me warily, but nodded in agreement; fighting against every natural instinct he had been born with and every act of preservation he had been taught during his training at the academy in order to comply with me. His respect for my abilities was the only thing strong enough to overcome either of them.

Rushing him, I watched as Eddie's upper body tensed whilst he raised his stake with his right arm and stuck out his left as a defensive barrier to block my attack, but without the mobility of his lower body, he was as good as dead as my glancing blow against his attacking arm dislodged his stake and the hand that held my own plunged towards his heart to complete the _kill_ in less than ten seconds.

Grumbling and shaking his head at the ease in which he had been dealt with, I smiled reassuringly at Eddie as he muttered disparagingly to himself and returned to the group.

"Thank you, Eddie," I commended as the other's patted his back sympathetically. "Your skills are excellent; you know that already, but without the advantage of movement, you might as well be completely defenceless. This is not something that any of you can ever forget…so practice it now, because I can guarantee you that we will punish you for it later."

Dismissing them, the groups separated again and returned to their respective sides to pick up where they had left off as Emil stayed with me. Standing to my right, he stared straight ahead; watching as the seniors began to attack and retreat again. Saying nothing, I knew that he was looking for an excuse to bait me…he had done nothing else over breakfast and I could feel his frustration that I hadn't risen to take it.

Viewing him peripherally as my hands found their way into the pockets of the track pants I had changed into after my watch had ended, I found the corners of my mouth involuntarily curling upwards as the bruise forming low on his left jawbone continued to darken. It was a very large bruise…left by a very large fist.

"How's the jaw, Emil?"

Snorting beneath his breath, he turned towards me with withering amusement. "Couldn't be better, Dimitri…" Glaring at me as my amusement at his expense became more than obvious, he grumbled quietly. "You hit like a little girl."

"Considering that all the girls we have here could knock you on your ass, Emil – incidentally, just like I did earlier, don't you think that you should choose your words more carefully?"

"Speaking of which…" He purred tauntingly. "Have you told Hathaway the good news yet?"

Narrowing my eyes as I looked again at the bruise – one that he had earned for goading me on my decision to push for Rose to be assigned to Christian rather than Lissa – I rolled my tongue over my teeth and hissed menacingly between them.

"Which you like me to hit you again, Emil?"

Sneering at my threat, he honestly looked as though he wanted to challenge me; though why was beyond me…he had already been on the receiving end of my wrath, but at the last second he thought better of it and muttered whilst walking away, "Iron-fisted, Russian bastard. You won't be so smug the next time I find you."

"Any time, my glass-jawed, Romanian friend," I countered mockingly, looking around to see if any of the students had noticed the by-play that could be interpreted by some as aggressive, but was mostly bluster. "You know where to find me."

Shaking his head at me in disgust, Emil headed towards his students. In truth, the right hook to his jaw earlier hadn't really been intended for him. Yes, he had provoked me before with the Rose issue and I had promised him retribution, but he wasn't really the one that I had wanted to flatten…that punishment had been reserved for another.

Walking again along the length of the mats as I watched the students putting my advice into practice, the memory of Stan as his scathing verbal attack hours ago was enough to drive me to violence…a type of violence that wouldn't just leave behind a bruise or two, but would require hospitalization.

Sighing heavily, the frustration that had begun to steadily build over the weeks seemed to find pressure points that I hadn't even known existed…and no amount of running could right that.

Finding my eyes wandering to the side of the gym that I knew they had no business wandering to, I found who it was that I was looking for…one that it seemed I was _always_ looking for. Paired with Ryan Aylesworth, Rose was easily keeping him at bay as they walked around each other; looking for the gaps in their collective defences as the clutched their stakes.

Ryan was capable and arrogantly sure of himself; his superior height and weight bolstering his belief that he could take her as it should have given him the clear advantage, but as I watched him circle her, Rose looked almost bored with the transparency of his moves. We both knew that he might one day grow into a formidable guardian, but right now, he was no match for her.

Appearing to grow tired of the game she knew that she could easily win, Rose's steps seemed to falter as she side-stepped a swipe from Ryan's stake. Smirking at her – and actually thinking that it was a miss-step instead of the deliberate strategy to draw him in – Ryan lunged forward to complete the staking, but didn't bother to notice that her posture was coiled for a counter-attack.

Slashing at open air as Rose jerked back a split-second before his stake made contact, she latched onto the lapels of his jacket and fell backwards, placing the soul of her right foot at his chest as she catapulted them both over. Pressing him flat to the gym floor, Rose straddled his waist and without a second's hesitation, plunged her stake down over his heart.

Complaining loudly at being neatly trapped, Ryan smacked the gym floor with the open palms of frustration as the others laughed outright at his gullibility. Rising above him, Rose stared down impassively before offering her hand and pulling him to her feet. Nodding at her, he patted her on the shoulder before moving off to the next challenger whilst Emil praised her for quick thinking and quicker foot-speed.

My sense of pride in her always hovered close to the surface as she so easily proved that my faith in her was justified and this was no exception…but there was something about her that now that made me push it aside and look at her more closely.

In the hours that had passed since I had seen her last, I had expected to see lingering anger and resentment still contorting her beautiful features as she fumed over her exclusion from Victor Dashkov's trial, but when arriving at the gym for the training session, what I had seen then and what I saw now were nothing like what I had anticipated.

Tired and quiet, Rose seemed almost withdrawn and distracted. Despite her easy victories over the hour, I knew she could have defeated her rivals in half the time and with only a tenth of her skill and it worried me that something was wrong.

Frowning, I distantly heard the first bell ring shrilly to signal the end of the morning session as the students broke apart and headed for the showers. Rose, moving too quickly to catch her without alerting everyone else, disappeared through the doors of the change-rooms.

Collecting and storing the equipment, I brushed aside Emil's help as he jogged out the gym and back up to guardian housing to sleep. The field experience would begin after lunch with the first mock attack scheduled before the last class of the day. Both Emil and I were involved in this attack…and the attack involved Lissa, Christian and their respective novice-guardians.

Finishing up, I headed in for a quick shower, but by the time I was finished, I caught the last of the students as they left the gym…and none of them were the one that I was hoping to find. Wanting to catch Rose on her own before she left for breakfast, I ran my fingers through my damp hair in frustration that I had missed her…but the jingle of keys behind me and to my left swivelled my head and my attention around.

Sitting with her legs crossed on the matting next to the area used to store the free-weights, Rose twirled the keys around her right index finger.

Hair loose, tangled and more than just a little damp as it lay in thick swaths over her lavender-coloured jumper on either side of her neck; Rose looked up as I walked towards her, raising a brow at the discord of my own hair as she stretched out her booted, jean-clad legs and asked conversationally.

"Penny for your thoughts, comrade?"

Crouching at her side, I felt slightly more relieved as I saw that the unnatural pallor of her skin had been flushed away by the heat of the water and that the light of rebellious energy was an ever-constant spark in the dark depths of her eyes.

"They aren't worth the penny, Rose. I actually wanted to talk to you, but I thought you had already left."

"Nope…I was given an instruction, remember?" Holding up the keys, I smiled and nodded as I took them back from her.

"Thanks for saving my ass, by the way. I probably didn't express my gratitude to you before."

Raising a brow at her choice of words when she knew full well that she had been anything _but_ thankful, Rose laughed softly and lowered her head almost sheepishly.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. It's just…the other thing caught me by surprise."

Nodding, I changed the subject quickly, not wanting to rehash this now. We would have to talk about it at some stage – Rose's stubborn nature wouldn't allow her to simply forget it, but that time, wouldn't be now.

Reaching forward before I could stop myself or even before I could think about all the reasons that I shouldn't do this, my right forefinger wound around a sodden strand of her hair as she again folded her legs close to her body. Rubbing my thumb along the silky filament, I focused on her puzzled expression.

"Rose…are you all right?"

Twisting her lips to the side as she regarded me with curiosity, Rose nodded her head slowly. "Yeah. I'm great. Why?"

"During the training you seemed…out of sorts."

" _Out of sorts_ ," she laughed. "You know you just dated yourself, right? You should stop aging yourself, comrade…you're really not _that_ old."

Shaking my head at her gentle mockery, my finger tugged gently on her trapped curl in punishment; breathing deeply as her scent surrounded and intoxicated me. "So how old _am_ I in your opinion? Old enough to know history? Old enough to know the difference between good music and awful music?"

"Oh, give me a break. The crap you listen to is _not_ music. You would know that if you were raised outside of the Siberian music-block and had been exposed to _anything_ else growing up."

" _Siberian music-block_?" I asked incredulously, enjoying the banter that normally came so easily to us…banter that had been interrupted by the conflict between us caused by Victor Dashkov.

Leaning forward, Rose crooked her finger at me and as I closed the distance between us; whispering conspiratorially. "It's a plot…a soviet-era, brainwashing plot. They play god-awful music in the hopes that the future generations of young, impressionable Russians will become mindless-zombies and _never_ leave the Motherland."

"Rose!" My bark was lost in the laughter I couldn't control as I pulled back to glare at her with exasperation that was heavily diluted by mirth.

"Oh, come on! You walked right into that one and I couldn't resist. You seemed a little sad when you were talking about Siberia earlier. I just wanted to cheer you up a little."

Tugging again on the curl as I felt an almost humbled sense of love and appreciation towards her as she easily understood what I never needed to say, I released it before murmuring gently. "Mission accomplished, Miss Hathaway."

"Good. I'm glad," she echoed just as softly.

Awareness sizzled between us as it always did and although I could feel that neither of us wanted to give into the lure created by our physical attraction, it sometimes felt as though it was stronger than either of us.

"Ah…I should get going."

Pulling away from, Rose got to her feet gracefully as I followed at a slower pace and stood towering over her.

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Rose tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded to me. "See you later, comrade."

Turning away from me, I felt my fingers twitch at my side…burning with the need to reach out and keep her with me, but I knew that she was right. Neither of us needed further complications right now.

"You would tell me if that changed, wouldn't you, Rose?"

Swinging back to me, Rose's brow narrowed as she looked at me in confusion. "If _what_ changed, Dimitri?"

"If you weren't all right…if something was wrong."

Watching me for seconds that seemed to last for hours, Rose eventually nodded. Having no reason to mistrust her, I should have accepted her reply, but there was something concealed beneath it that gave me a feeling of unease…of foreboding. It was one that I couldn't place and one that I knew had _nothing_ to do with Victor.

"Yes…and don't worry about it. I think I'm probably just excited and nervous and anxious about the field experience; I can't decide which one it is really. Six whole weeks of nothing but me and Lissa…I can't wait."

Not doubting her obvious enthusiasm as it brightened her face with a glow of excitement, I felt the answering smile pull at the muscles around my mouth, but the feeling didn't translate to the pit of my stomach – it felt cold, hard and guilty…and it stole my ability to respond to her as Rose turned around again and waved over her shoulder.

"Bye."

Watching as she pushed open the gym doors and the maintenance crew started to arrive to set up the bleachers, I nodded to the crews and grabbing my bag, making my way back up to guardian housing to try and sleep.

I was deluding myself of course. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to sleep – not with the remorse swirling sickeningly in my stomach…I hated that her excitement and joy would turn to ash because of my decision.

There was no hesitation in my mind that I had pushed for the right change. Rose paired with Christian was the best option because in the end, it could save not only her life, but also that of her Moroi's and for that, I had no regrets, but as I tugged up the collar of the duster against the cold that seemed to have intensified, I suddenly remembered Stephen's taunt about throwing her under the bus.

At the time, I hadn't thought much about it, but as it now resonated inescapably throughout my entire being, I suddenly had to wonder if Rose would see it as a blessing…or as a betrayal?


	6. Chapter 6

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and review. The start of _Shadow Kiss_ is fairly boring and I can only add in so much, but once we hit the Mason/ Stan palaver, it should start to liven up. Enjoy the chapter.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Six ~

"Two-hundred Dollars says she throws a punch first."

"Two-hundred?! Damn, you're betting high. What do you know that the rest of us don't, Dalca?"

"Nothing…but its Hathaway."

"Exactly! Which means it doesn't have to be the punch first. It could be the screaming…so why are you so confident it's going to be a punch?"

"Because screaming inflicts no pain."

"Yes, but still…"

"Look, man…screaming, punching, whatever – it's all the same. Are you in or not?"

"Who do you think she'll try and hit?"

"Dimitri…"

"Wait. Why, Dimitri? She's going to assume that it was Alberta's decision, not his."

"Yeah, Celeste is right. Dimitri will probably escape unscathed. It's Alberta that's going to get the full brunt of her tantrum…a hundred on Alberta."

"A _hundred_? Who are you playing poker with…your _grandmother_?! Come on, Johannsson, let's make this really interesting and up the ante."

"Up it _how_?"

"Double or nothing!"

" _Double or nothing_?! Are you high, boy? I'm not wasting four-hundred Dollars on the off-chance that Hathaway _might_ react one way or the other. She's too damn unpredictable…and vindictive. I've watched her bid her time for almost a month before retaliating against Samuel's for some comment she didn't like. There's no guarantee that we see any action today."

"I agree with Dustin – she's too volatile. I'm not betting higher than a hundred, Emil…and your whining won't change that, so don't give me that look."

"Which way is Belikov going anyway?"

"He isn't going either way, Alan…the killjoy won't bet. Isn't that right, Dimitri?"

Crossing the threshold of the gym brightly lit from overhead as it kept the cold gloom of midnight at bay, the last of a conversation involving Emil's damn betting and my own refusal to take part, reached my ears.

Finding him, Celeste, Alan and Dustin as they stood at the outer edge of the middle training mat and amidst other milling guardians already gathered for the field experience orientation; my eyes narrowed with lingering annoyance as he spotted me and grinned broadly.

Obviously my fist to his jaw and the warning that had followed hadn't taught him his lesson. Noticing that the bruise was already beginning to fade, I began to seriously consider adding to it…

Watching my approach with a shared air of conspiratorial amusement between them – they knew that Emil was deliberately goading me; the others kept their expressions blankly neutral, but the awareness seemed to hang in the air around them.

Noticing Alberta at the far end of the bleachers as she stood with Gregor Chase, I nodded to them both in passing.

Bulgarian by birth, the formidable guardian had once been assigned to Tatiana Ivashkov as part of the Queens Guard. For years he had dedicated himself to the task of protecting the Monarch of our world, but his true talents had been in instructing. Eventually leaving the Guard, he had his pick of assignments, but had chosen to teach at St. Vladimir's as a combat instructor.

Most gave him a wide berth as his temper was as legendary as his skills, but that he commanded respect was never challenged and was second only to Alberta.

Watching them from the corner of my eye as I closed in on the small group, Alberta shuffled the dossiers that would contain the biographical information as well as the next six weeks of class schedules for the Moroi that would be assigned to the novices.

Scanning them once more, she stopped at one and frowned slightly, but moved on quickly to the next before handing the entire bundle to Gregor and turning to Stan as he came up to her left elbow.

There was no need for me to see the name on the outside of the dossier Alberta had singled out…I already knew which one she was still having second thoughts about and only hoped that my gamble wasn't about to cost me more than I could afford.

Joining the others, my eyes followed the movement of those packets closely as I felt the muscles of my shoulders and back gather and bunch beneath the duster in tense anticipation.

"Dimitri, my boy…Emil here says you won't bet on how Hathaway is going to react to getting Christian Ozera instead of the Princess?"

Forcing my attention and my eyes away from a course that was already set in motion, my steady gaze met Dustin's as he stood between Celeste and Emil whilst I thought through my answer. The news about the reshuffle would had travelled faster amongst the guardian's than it would have amongst the student body…gossip it seemed, had no age limit.

"Did he now? I'm surprised to hear that."

"Why?" Alan voiced gruffly in his distinctive Croatian accent as his coal-black eyebrows puckered together over light grey eyes that were eagle-sharp and were never still for longer than a handful of seconds. "Is he wrong?"

Shaking my head, I sunk my hands into the pockets of my coat and answered mildly. "No, he's not wrong. I'm just surprised that he can talk at all, really. The bruise on his jaw-line looks very painful. I would have thought that by now he would have learnt to well… _stop talking_."

Cocking my head to the side as Emil's taunting grin quickly turned to a scowling glower at my dig, Celeste asked with falsely innocent curiosity as levity glinted in the dark blue eyes that were usually so strictly dour at times they almost looked black.

"What happened to your jaw, Emil?"

Apparently, like the switch to the pairings, the story behind the bruise had circulated just as quickly and no one was above capitalizing on it. Emil's warped sense of humour had been a thorn in the side of most guardians at some stage…Celeste was no exception.

Eyeing Alberta's approaching from the right, he muttered grudgingly in reply to her question, "I walked into something that wouldn't budge," before making way for her, Gregor and the others that had followed; adding more quietly as he turned his head to the side, "And it sucker punched me."

Raising a brow at me, Alan shook his head as he tried to disguise his laughter with a cough into his fist whilst Dustin didn't even bother to try.

Still chuckling beneath his breath, Dustin turned to me as Alberta began to call for the attention of the guardians hovering on the fringes with a look of incredulity on his strong, aged features.

"You know, Dimitri…I've never thought of you as a masochist, but I'm going to have to rethink that opinion now."

 _Wasn't I?_ Wanting to spend as much time with someone even whilst knowing that I could never truly ever have her…finding any excuse to keep her with me even when I knew it was dangerous…touching her when I knew that it would only bring more pain and not relief. Maybe a masochist was exactly what I was.

"The reshuffle has nothing to do with masochism, Dustin." I replied blandly, hiding the truth of what I really felt. "And everything to do with finding potential weaknesses and working on them. Besides, you're betting that it's Alberta that's going to get the flack…not me."

Grinning almost sheepishly as he realized I had heard that part of the conversation, Dustin shrugged his broad shoulders unworriedly but couldn't respond as Alberta had gathered everyone around her as we all fell obediently silent.

Judging from the pointed look he gave me, I had a feeling this conversation wasn't over.

"Okay, everyone. I'm going to assume that you've all seen the revised pairings and schedule reshuffle that was pinned to the roster board earlier? Yes? Good." Checking the paperwork on her clipboard, Alberta pursed her lips for a second before she lifted her head and began again.

"Once the seniors arrive, I'll address them briefly before Stan gives them the rundown on the guidelines for the field experience. After that, I'll announce the pairings and Gregor will hand out the Moroi's biographical information, class schedules and the stakes."

"It shouldn't take too long, so the novices will still be able to pack their bags and get to lunch to meet their Moroi before the field experience officially kicks off. Once they have their assignments, let's get them out the gym without delay. They need to find their Moroi and orientate themselves to them as soon as possible. The first attack will take place before the last period of the day. They won't know this obviously, but they need to start defending and guarding from the word go."

A low whistle from the doorway turned all our head. Jean, an elementary campus guardian, was stationed at the door to watch for approaching students. Moving away from it now, she nodded and joined the rest of us as the first students walked in.

Forming a loose line spanning across the width of the mats as the influx of seniors through the doors increased; their excited chatter growing louder as it echoed through the quiet of the room, the general conversation between us petered away as we assumed the silent air of authority.

Keeping my eyes trained on the doors peripherally whilst absently cataloguing the senior novices sitting on the lower level of the bleachers…Ryan Aylesworth, Dean Barnes, Evan Fraser, Shane Reyes, Meredith Samuel's, Jackson O'Neill, Marcus West, Samantha West…it wasn't any of them that I searched for.

"Hey, Rose."

Instantly alert, I forced my body into stillness as I heard her name. Turning slightly to the left whilst keeping my eyes trained forward, Rose stilled at the entrance to the gym and looked over her shoulder as her name was called.

Hair tied back into a messy bun at the nape of her neck, the bundle of dark brown silk covered the marks she had earned less than a month ago. For any other novice, it would have been a point of vanity and pride to display the marks earned before graduation, but for Rose, it was a reminder of what had been lost, not what had been gained.

It wasn't often that she exposed them…

Smiling in brotherly affection at Eddie as he joined her at the threshold, he grinned back before the pair walked towards the bleachers. Paying us little attention, they climbed the stands and made their way to a vacant bench in the center whilst talking with quiet animation; their eager anticipation couldn't be mistaken.

" _Look how happy and excited Rose looks, Dimitri."_ Emil whispered tauntingly in Romanian; standing to my right as he kept himself motionless. _"The poor girl. She really has no clue as to what's going to happen next."_

Gritting my teeth, my reply in kind was hissed through them. _"The next time I take a swing at you, Dalca, I'm going to break your Goddamned jaw in so many places, they'll have to wire it shut just to keep it from falling off!"_

Paying no attention to the sniggering I could hear down the line at my threat, I glared ferociously at him from beneath the cover of a veiled side look as he waggled his brows and blew me a silent kiss whilst Alberta turned to address the students. They immediately responded to the quiet authority in her voice…not even the rebellious Rose Hathaway could be flippant about it.

"All right. You all know why you're here. This is the most important day of your education before you take your final trials. Today you will find out which Moroi you've been placed with. Last week, you were given a booklet with the full details of how the next six weeks will play out. I trust you've all read it by now? Just to recap, Guardian Alto will highlight the main rules of this exercise."

Turning to Stan, Alberta handed him her clipboard as I watched a small grimace play around the muscles of Rose's mouth. It disappeared almost as quickly as it formed, but not quickly enough. Rose may no longer have felt as antagonistic towards him as she had in the past, but if she had any idea of his true feelings towards her that would change.

Listening to him as he droned on about the rules to the field experience, I concentrated on him only peripherally; instead choosing to focus the greater balance of my attention on the students as they reacted to what he said.

Most listened attentively enough, but there was an underlying impatience to them all. It was in the jogging legs, the wringing hands, the wide eyes and the drumming fingers. They had all read the booklet and knew exactly what was expected of them for the next six weeks. The sermon from Stan wasn't really needed.

"…Don't be afraid of hurting us," I heard distantly. "Some of you, I'm sure, won't have any qualms about getting us back for past grievances, but some of you may feel like you have to hold back, for fear of getting in trouble. Don't. You'll get into more trouble if you do hold back. Don't worry. We can take it."

Anticipating the novice's reaction to his words, the general look of waiting anticipation amongst them changed to eager anticipation as most leaned forward in their seats and rubbed their hands together whilst a few others laughed under their breath, but for another reason. Stan in particular knew all about the grievances he spoke about and was the one guardian who should fully expect the retaliation.

It wasn't only Rose who had a bone to pick with him.

Half listening to Stan as he continued his explanation of the guidelines a minute later, he handed the board back to Alberta and fell back into line before she addressed them again.

"Okay. I'm going to call out your names one by one and announce who you're paired with. At that time, come down here to the floor, and Guardian Chase will give you a packet containing information about your Moroi's schedule, past, etcetera."

Straightening in their seats and shuffling around expectantly, every novice's absolute attention was directed at Alberta as she turned a page and quickly scanned the names of the dhampir paired with a Moroi, but my own attention was only focused on one novice.

Appearing supremely calm and confident, Rose sat beside a visibly tense and jumpy Eddie as Alberta began to read the names alphabetically. Sucking in a breath deep enough to bow his chest, Eddie blew it out in a shudder release as Rose smiled and clutched his arm in support, murmuring quietly to him.

Whatever she had said was obviously meant to encourage, if the grateful look Eddie threw at her was anything to go by, but as Alberta completed the _B_ 's and Dean Barnes descended from the bleachers to pick up his assignment, he visibly paled and swallowed roughly as droplets of sweat slide downwards over his temples.

Rose by comparison, looked as though this was just another day. The excitement of what was to come had clearly left its mark on her striking features, but it was her self-confidence that was by far the most captivating. She knew who she would be assigned to, she had no doubt about it, only…she wasn't and was about to be completely blindsided.

The twist of guilt in the pit of my stomach continued to tighten and burn as Alberta continued to read names; closing in on the _H_ of Hathaway.

I had asked myself before if Rose would see this as a blessing or as a betrayal and suddenly, I wasn't so sure that I wanted to know.

"Edison Castile," I heard Alberta call out clearly through the sudden roar of my pulsing heartbeat as it echoed and hammered at my eardrums. "Vasilisa Dragomir."

An audible gasp of disbelief collected and gathered in volume by the student's as those on the floor gaped at Rose and those on the bleachers turned towards her as she sat frozen in her seat; pale and stunned as a dumbfounded Eddie walked down the bleachers on legs of rubber.

Flinging a quick look towards Rose over his shoulder as he reached the floor, Eddie weakly held his hands up in a gesture of alarmed confusion, almost as staggered as she was. Heading to Gregor; his eyes wide with what looked like shock, Eddie took the dossier and stake with trembling fingers, scrutinizing the name on the front of it and paling to match Rose's complexion as he found Lissa's name on it.

Looking up at Rose once more as the students around her whispered to each other, he shrugged apologetically and moved to stand off to one side; completely unaware of the congratulatory pats he got from the others.

Alberta, aware of what was happening but unable to do anything about it, continued to tick the names off her list whilst my gaze was pinned to the girl still frozen in shock on the bleachers as her name was called.

"Rosemarie Hathaway…Christian Ozera."

Rooted to the spot, Rose didn't respond to be called but instead continued to blink in rapid succession as her mind spiralled in incredulity and my guilt spiralled out of control. Seconds ticked by as Alberta again called her name with exasperation colouring the second attempt.

"Rose Hathaway?"

Samantha West shuffled closer to her on the seat and called her name once. When that didn't work, she dug her elbow into her ribs to get her attention. Blinking once more, Rose looked around as if in a daze before she got to her feet and walked slowly down the bleacher.

Heading for Gregor, who by this stage was frowning with heavy disapproval at what he would have seen was her attitude at work again; she took the information and stake that was handed to her with wooden movements and moved away to join the others.

Eddie stood at her side, but she paid him no attention as her wide, horrified eyes scanned the picture of Christian on the front of the dossier.

Finishing, Alberta tucked her clipboard beneath her arm and announced that the assignments had been completed. Filled now with excited novices as they broke off into small groups, the noise level grew almost deafening.

"All right, people. You know what to do," Stan ordered loudly. "Go and pack your bags and meet up with your Moroi in the cafeteria. Once lunch is finished, you are officially on duty."

Steering students towards the doors whilst the others did the same, he shouted over his shoulder. "Attacks can come at any time from any one of us. During the times that we are not actively pursuing you and your Moroi, we will be walking around and assessing your guardianship. Remember, this all counts towards your final assessment."

Turning away from Stan whilst my eyes found Rose's form easily as I towered over the milling crowd, Alberta cocked a brow in my direction. Walking off to the side, I followed slowly; reluctant to move away, but knowing that there was nothing I could but obey.

I wanted to reassure Rose, to make her listen to me and understand why this _had_ happened, but most of all; I wanted to chase away the look of disillusionment from her eyes. But I couldn't do any of that…not when I was the person who was responsible for putting it there in the first place.

"Well," Alberta began quietly. "That could have gone worse. Rose was actually very controlled, although a little stunned."

Turning my head fractionally as the crowd began to disperse, I watched Rose skirt the last of the students and the guardians. Her path was clear as she marched towards us…as was the furious determination that I had known to expect

"I think you might have spoken too soon, Alberta."

Glancing up at me as I muttered softly to her, Alberta frowned before she saw Rose and then instantly understood what I was talking about. Looking at me in a way that spoke volumes, she muttered with heavy resignation.

"Here we go."


	7. Chapter 7

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Seven ~

"What's this?"

No longer pale from shock but now furiously flushed, Rose stop a foot away from where we stood and held up the dossier, pointing towards it with a finger held rigid in accusation and disgust…as though merely holding it was an act she found offensive.

Glancing at me quickly before turning her burning gaze towards Alberta; the etch of anger between her brows deepened as Rose tried to read me and find answers. Having anticipated that she would automatically turn to me, my features were already schooled into an inscrutably blank expression.

Wanting to reassure her that this was for the best…that both she and Lissa would benefit from being apart, I knew that I couldn't – not without drawing unwanted attention to us and even if I had been able to, something in Rose's body language told me she wasn't in the mood to listen.

What I had considered a blessing, she now considered a betrayal…

Mercifully the gym was all but empty at this stage and only a handful of students still lingering at the doorway were even aware of the exchange. In their excitement over their assignments they were all but oblivious to us.

It was only Eddie – hovering uncertainly on the edges as he looked at Rose guiltily – that would be a witness to what would come.

Angrily dismissing me when she found nothing more than calm deliberation, Rose's accusing eyes turned towards Alberta. To her credit, Alberta had already anticipated this and was more than ready to deal with a belligerent Rose. Affecting an air of innocent confusion whilst all the whilst knowing exactly what she was doing, Alberta guilelessly replied.

"It's your assignment, Miss Hathaway."

Audibly grinding her teeth together in frustration at an answer she didn't want to hear, Rose's jaw clenched and bulged at the sides as she spat out, "No, it's not. This is somebody else's assignment."

Clasping the clipboard over her front as her arms crossed, the last vestiges of any compassion that might have existed over the situation disappeared completely as Rose became more truculent and Alberta became more authoritarian.

It was a battle of wills that Rose would lose even under the best of circumstance…

"The assignments in your field experience aren't optional. Just as your assignments in the real world won't be. You can't pick who you protect based on whim and mood, not here and certainly not after graduation."

Throwing out her arms in disgust, Rose shook the folder with Christian's information in our direction and began yelling in an attempt to get her point across. "But after graduation, I'm going to be Lissa's guardian! Everyone knows that. I'm supposed to have her for this thing."

Having had years of dealing with defiant teenagers – Rose being one of them – I watched as Alberta systematically shut down every emotional response as Rose became more and more worked up. Realizing that this wasn't a simple clerical error, the horror of having Christian to guard was becoming a very real possibility to her.

When I had suggested that it be Christian who was paired with Rose, it had never occurred to me that she would take such a violent disliking to the idea. They had very similar personalities and usually clashed over it when not clashing over Lissa, but after both surviving the terror of Spokane, I had hoped that the shared experience would have diluted the rivalry between them.

Obviously – from Rose's perspective – that wasn't the case.

"I know it's an accepted idea that you'll be together after graduation, but I do not recall any mandatory rulings that say you're 'supposed' to have her or anyone _here_ at school," Alberta countered starkly; cocking a brow as Rose glared venomously.

Concerned at the level of animosity that Rose was displaying towards one of the few Guardians she actually respected and listened to, I took a step closer but neither of them looked away from the other as Alberta finished.

"You take who you're assigned."

Naked incredulity spread across Rose's exotically exaggerated features as her head turned from Alberta's direction to mine, but she found nothing on my face that she hadn't already seen on Alberta's.

"Christian?" she screeched in fury, hurling the binder at Alberta's feet with pure disdain before sneering with enough hostility to momentarily stun her into silence. "You're out of your mind if you think I'm guarding him."

"Rose!" I barked warningly…harshly; the even tenor and barely discernible accent of my voice disrupted by the anger of her attitude and the shock I shared with Alberta. She knew this was unacceptable behaviour.

Taking a threatening step closer to her; looming dark and large over her smaller, rebellious frame, my voice was gruff as I reprimanded her. "You're out of line. You do _not_ speak to your instructors like that."

Watching her flinch as the hardened severity of my tone echoed and amplified around the gymnasium, Rose closed her eyes briefly whilst clenching her teeth tightly together as she tried to regain a measure of composure and restraint...whilst I tried to do the same thing.

Rose was many things: uncontrollable, unpredictable, volatile and wild, but she was never aggressively hostile. I had seen the tantrums, the outbursts, the fits and rages, but I had never seen her this close to the edge of her already rickety control…and it scared me into reacting more harshly than I should have.

"Sorry," Rose hissed tightly as she focused her feverish, argumentative gaze on Alberta; but would not meet my own. There was nothing remotely remorseful about the apology at all; the context of it seemed to be dragged from her against her will. "But this is stupid. Nearly as stupid as not bringing us to Victor Dashkov's trial."

Having recovered herself, Alberta frowned in surprised disapproval as Rose let slip information she should never have known. "How did you know – Never mind. We'll deal with that later. For now, this is your assignment, and you need to do it."

Sounding tired already of an argument that with Rose could go on for days, Alberta's weathered features tightened unarguably as Eddie took a tentative step closer to the fray.

"Look," he began hesitantly, looking between Rose, who all but ignored him and Alberta who did the same as he tried to defuse the tension that felt as though it was a living, breathing thing. "I don't mind…we can switch."

Whipping her head around, Alberta pinned Eddie to the spot with a look so baleful he visibly paled in the face of it and stopped dead in his tracks. "No, you certainly cannot," she informed him tightly. "Vasilisa Dragomir is _your_ assignment."

"And Christian Ozera is yours. End of discussion." She ordered Rose with an indisputable edge to her voice that most would have immediately accepted – but Rose wasn't most and wasn't ready to give up.

"This is stupid," she argued back as the colour in her face heightened and the heat from her anger warmed the air around us. "Why should I waste my time with Christian? Lissa's the one I'm going to be with when I graduate. Seems like if you want me to be able to do a good job, you should have me practice with her."

"You will do a good job with her," I chipped in, knowing that unless she was made to see reason, she would never give up. "Because you know her. And you have your bond. But somewhere, some day, you could end up with a different Moroi. You need to learn how to guard someone with whom you have absolutely no experience."

Finally turning her eyes to my own, I tried to read what I saw in the swirling, dark-brown, liquid depths, but the lingering irritation and disappointment overshadowed everything else.

"I have experience with Christian," Rose responded sarcastically as her arms folded over her chest in a quarrelsome display of defiance as her heavily-lashed lids folded rapidly over her eyes as she blinked. "That's the problem. I hate him."

Nodding to herself in satisfaction, Alberta pointed the tip of the clipboard at Rose as she rested her other hand against her hip. "So much the better. Not everyone you protect will be your friend. Not everyone you protect will be someone you like. You need to learn this."

Curling the corner of her mouth up into an exaggeration expression of scorn, Rose snorted at Alberta's logic as a diabolical light shimmered dangerously in her eyes. "I need to learn how to fight Strigoi. I've learned how to do that in class. _And_ I've done it in person."

Eddie – standing slightly behind Rose – flinched at the unwelcome reminder of the Spokane slaughter, but Rose was far too intent in proving Alberta wrong to worry about him. Alberta in turn, was just as intent on proving herself right.

"There's more to this job than the technicalities, Miss Hathaway. There's a whole personal aspect – a bedside manner, if you will – that we don't teach on much in class. We teach you how to deal with the Strigoi. You need to learn how to deal with the Moroi yourself. And _you_ in particular need to deal with someone who has not been your best friend for years."

"You also need to learn what it's like to work with someone when you can't instantly sense that they're in danger." I slotted in, knowing exactly which direction Alberta was headed in. There was only really one way to manipulate Rose…and it everything to do with Lissa.

"Right. That's a handicap," Alberta approved, looking briefly over at me as she realised that I knew what she was up to and nodding in satisfaction that we had reached the same conclusion. "If you want to be a good guardian – if you want to be an excellent guardian – then you need to do as we say."

Going in for the kill as I watched Alberta's logic begin to penetrate Rose's irrational mind whilst all the while knowing she would continue to fight this tooth and nail, the words I delivered next were guaranteed to wipe out what was left of her resistance and rebellion.

"Working with another Moroi will also help keep Lissa alive."

Eyeing me with withering suspicious – as she knew _exactly_ what I was up to and resenting me deeply for the ability to know where her one weakness lay – Rose exhaled roughly. Folding her arms over her chest, she glared at me but with far less antagonism than before.

"What do you mean?"

Taking a step forward and ignoring the look of curiosity on Alberta's face, I closed the distance between us, only stopping as I felt the irrepressible lure of her begin to curl outward to wrap me up in an essence that was unmistakably hers.

"Lissa's got a handicap too – you. If she never has a chance to learn what it's like to be guarded by someone without a psychic connection, she could be at greater risk if attacked. Guarding someone is really a two-person relationship. This assignment for your field experience is as much for her as for you."

Unable to mistake the sincerity of my words or the hidden undertone of fear for both her and Lissa, Rose remained quiet and thoughtful as our gazes caught and held for only the smallest portion of a moment, but the silent communication between us was enough to convince her.

"And," Alberta interrupted, breaking the moment as she succinctly laid down the ultimatum she had been holding in reserve….one she hadn't wanted to use, but one that would have no choice but to use "It's the only assignment you're going to get. If you don't take it, then you opt out of the field experience."

Eyes widening as the threat from Alberta penetrated the haze of understanding that surrounded us, Rose looked ready to launch into another fit, but I held her gaze steadily with my own; willing her to keep her head and not to make this any worse than it already was.

Alberta's leniency and patience wasn't infinite.

Sighing dramatically, Rose held my stare for a second longer before I stepped back and she bent to pick up the binder; though she still held it as it represented a personal affront to everything she believed and stood for. "Fine," she eventually agreed with frosty scorn. "I'll do this. But I want it noted that I'm doing this against my will."

Nodding once in agreement, the wry tone of Alberta's reply couldn't be missed as she looked at Rose with reluctant amusement.

"I think we already figured that out, Miss Hathaway."

"Whatever. I still think it's a horrible idea, and you eventually will too."

Pivoting agilely on her heel, Rose stomped off without another word, intent it seemed, to have the final say in a situation she had very little control over. Watching her leave, Eddie's troubled gaze swung back to ours.

"Guardian Petrov…I really don't mind…" He began hesitantly, but Alberta wasn't about to be swayed.

"Thank you for the gesture, Mr. Castile, but _I_ meant what I said. Your assignment is the Princess. Rose has no choice but to accept that – no matter how she feels. Now, shouldn't you be on your way to pack a bag and meet up with her?"

Nodding with reluctant acceptance as he realized that arguing with Alberta was pointless; Eddie spun around and headed for the exit with shoulders still tensely locked in the tension of the moment.

"Eddie," I called out to him before he disappeared from sight. Turning at the doorway, the clear dismay controlling his young features altered slightly in surprise. "Don't let this get to you. Rose won't blame you for any of it and you need to keep your wits about you."

Squaring those same shoulders as he took in my words and mentally began to shoulder the weight, importance and responsibility of them; Eddie breathed deeply before nodding. "Yes, Guardian Belikov. I understand – thank you."

Out of the door a second later, Alberta's softly rueful comment punctuated the quiet of the gym.

"You were right…I spoke too soon."

Sighing heavily, my eyes closed as my head tipped back. Rolling my neck from shoulder to shoulder, I winced slightly at the knotted muscles protested against the movement. Looking down at Alberta, I had expected to find criticism…or at the very least, an I-told-you-so look, but what I found was neither.

Sympathy had momentarily softened Alberta's hardened features as she looked back at me with that steading gaze of hers that was always so supremely calm and confident. She knew that Rose's reaction had rattled me and wasn't about to add to it.

"No…I was wrong and you were right, Alberta. You told me that she would react badly to this and I wouldn't listen to your warning. I'm sorry. I knew that she wasn't going to be happy about this, but I honestly didn't expect her to be so…so…hostile about it. I think she was just surprised by it. She also looked tired and was…"

Shifting the clipboard to under her arm, Alberta shook her head as she brushed aside my apology…and my excuses.

"Don't apologize for her, Dimitri…or try to justify her behaviour. We both know her well enough and should have expected this. What concerns me more is what she'll do next, not how she's reacted to this so far."

"What do you mean?"

"Will she protect Christian? We both know that despite agreeing to this, she's going to find some way to get back at us – she's vindictive…if that means she's going to sit back and do nothing as Christian is attacked, you'll know what will happen. What I will be _forced_ to do."

Wanting to brush aside her concerns as easily as she had my apology, the genuine concern from Alberta couldn't be ignored. If Rose refused to protect Christian, for _whatever_ reason, she would be removed from the field experience and would not graduate. That wasn't something that I could ever allow to happen.

"She's going to be angry for a while…okay, she's going to be angry for a long time." I amended as I saw the sardonic look on Alberta's face. "But she also knows how important this is…how much of her future rides on how she's marked on this. I have faith in her, Alberta – she won't fail either of us."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alberta nodded tiredly; turning towards the doors of the gym as I fell into place at her side.

"For all of our sakes, I hope you're right, Dimitri. Rose has more potential in her than I've seen in any novice who's walked through these doors. If we can get that temper of hers under control, she could be one of the greatest…she might even be better than her mother one day. I don't want to see that talent wasted because of some petty retribution."

"None of us do, Alberta."

"You're very sure of her, aren't you?"

Pushing against the door, I held it open as Alberta preceded me. Leaving the warmth of the gym behind us, the frigid feel of the night air swept quickly beneath the protective layers of our clothing. At just after midnight, it looked like noon. The grounds surrounding us were flooded with illumination from the various flood-lights stationed every few feet.

"Yes, I am."

Saying no more as I looked down at Alberta, she nodded once before smiling very slightly and carried on walking. Passing other guardians and students, we crossed over the stone-lined corridor and headed towards the commons in silence.

It wasn't exactly an uncomfortable silence; I knew that Alberta had others things to discuss, but for once, she was uncharacteristically quiet…and for that, I was glad. With my own mind still in a noise of turmoil, I needed the silence to wade through it all.

If I was honest with myself, I was still unnerved by Rose's erratically violent display of temper. If I could understand it, I might have felt easier about it, but I couldn't. Anger was one thing…that had been another.

Reasonably sure that if I asked her about it I would get some sort of platitude and not the truth, I decided that I would watch her as closely as I could for the next few days. If that didn't yield any answers, then I would go to the next best thing…Lissa.

I didn't want to worry her, but if there was anyone who might know the deeper secrets her best friend kept to herself, it would be her.

"I wonder how she found out about Dashkov's trial?"

Murmuring to herself more than to me, Alberta's question was almost lost in the icy wind that had us clutching our coats tighter around ourselves as we hurried to get out of it. Glancing at her, I pushed aside my worries for Rose for the moment and concentrated on her.

"What did you say, Alberta?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. I was just wondering how Rose knew about Victor Dashkov's trial…and how she knew that none of the students were going."

Looking straight ahead, I nodded thoughtfully at the question, but offered no answer. I couldn't exactly tell her that Rose had overheard a conversation that she thought was private and I wouldn't lie to her any more than I already had – omission or not.

"So…who won the bet?"

Knowing instantly what she was talking about as we rounded the last of the corners leading to the stone quad, I grimaced before replying. "Dustin and Celeste…I'm going to strangle Emil before the week is out if he carries on with this crap."

"I don't blame you," Alberta chuckled quietly in commiseration; smiling broadly at me as my features hardened slightly in annoyance. I liked Emil, but I didn't think that many people would miss him. "You have the West twins for your first watch, don't you?"

"Yes." Checking the time, there was about five minutes of lunch left. As soon as the bell rang, the novices would be on official duty for the next six weeks. The Wests'; Marcus and Samantha would be in adjoining classrooms for their first official guarding duty and would be under my observation as part of their first evaluation.

When not _attacking_ the novices, we were required to observe them in their environment and with their Moroi. The marks gathered for their attentiveness, awareness and vigilance made up a small percentage of their final mark for the field experience, but it all added up at the end of the day and could be the deciding factor in whether a novice passed or not.

"Should be interesting," Alberta remarked casually, but stopped as she saw something at the end of the quad that drew her attention.

Rose stood at the entrance of the commons…with Adrian Ivashkov.

Stiffening in a reaction that I knew I had no right to feel and almost completely forgetting that Alberta still stood with me, the primal, possessive jealousy that seared viciously through my veins and burnt straight through to my brain, destroyed common sense, reason and control.

What I might have felt towards Jesse Zeklos was _nothing_ in comparison to what I felt towards Adrian Ivashkov…the killing fury I harboured around him was primitive and shameful, but I could no more deny it than I could my love for Rose.

"I wonder if Adrian believes his own lies."

Concealing the signs of bone-shaking rage I could never completely control around him when he was anywhere near Rose, Alberta's interruption into my dangerous thoughts was a timely distraction as I dragged my gaze away from the pair.

"What are you talking about, Alberta?"

"The supposed reason that he's here…the supposed desire to study and learn more about Spirit with Lissa. Anyone looking at him, when he's looking at Rose, is going to know that it's just an excuse…he's here for a different reason."

Having stumbled unfortunately across him over Christmas in Idaho, the Royal Moroi had latched onto the opportunity of returning with us under the pretence of learning more about the rare ability he shared with Lissa, but no one here truly believed that it was the only reason – and the only reason he hadn't been asked to leave, was because he was an Ivashkov.

As the only child of Nathan and Daniella Ivashkov and the great-nephew of our reigning Monarch, Tatiana Ivashkov, he was treated with kid-gloves and given carte blanche around the campus…something that he exploited shamelessly as he wound the hierarchy of the Academy around his moneyed little finger.

"Rose knows better than to get involved with him, Alberta," I reasoned calmly, amazed almost that I could speak normally as I watched him flirt with her shamelessly. It was only the knowledge that Rose found him as annoying as I did, that kept me from doing something that was punishable by death.

"Yes…now," she agreed amusedly as she turned and started to walk back to the administration buildings. "She's changed a lot since you returned her and Lissa to the Academy. But before that, Adrian Ivashkov would have been _exactly_ the kind of trouble Rose Hathaway went looking for. I'll see you later, Dimitri."

Nodding absently towards her, I lingered for a few seconds longer before making myself leave; turning towards the upper campus in search of my targets as I forced myself to focus on what needed to be done.


	8. Chapter 8

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: I was asked last week how many chapters I was planning on making _BTBOMS_ and I can honestly say…I don't know. Because I've created back stories revolving around Dimitri for other characters in the original story, it could be anywhere between thirty and fifty chapters – my chronic condition at work at again, I'm afraid (also, I'm a details freak…it makes things a lot longer than they should be.)

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Eight ~

Lurking in the deep shadows cast by the dim lighting around the massive stone pillars lining the corridors outside of the classrooms on the upper campus, my posture was perfectly still as I lay in wait for my prey and the novice who would be all that stood between me and her _death_ …

Camille Conta was my target; Ryan Aylesworth her guardian…and neither of them had the faintest clue of what they were about to walk into.

Emil, concealed from view at the other end of the corridor and tasked to attack his own target first; Delia Drozdov and her guardian, Shane Reyes, glanced quickly down at his watch before nodding to me. The seconds between the end of the period and the planned attack were ticking by faster than our hearts were pounding in anticipation, but we were prepared and we were ready.

The same probably couldn't be said of the novices; they wouldn't be expecting any confrontations on the first day of the field experience, but none of them could be underestimated. Eyeing Grier Theroux positioned slightly ahead of me and hidden equally well by the pillar we were both using, his bright hazel eyes reflected his excitement as he visibly continued to tense in eagerness.

Normally there would have been only two of us to take on a single novice, but with so many of them guarding Moroi in the same classes, their paths were bound to cross and at any one stage, they would outnumber us.

This was just such an occasion.

Apart from Aylesworth and Reyes, Eddie and Rose would also be within touching distance of us. If they remembered anything that we had taught them; it would be that they would have the greater advantage over us if they worked as a team.

Shrilly sounding around us, the bell signalling the end of the period echoed through the quiet, empty corridors as doors were pushed open and the hallways were suddenly flooded with students.

Pushing away from the column, Grier and I shifted further out of sight as Emil darted forward and closed in on the students leaving _American History_. Dressed like the rest of us from head to toe in black, he blended into the shadows seamlessly. None of those around him even suspected he was there.

Congregating in the hallways for longer than they were allowed, the Moroi students chattered excitedly with each other as the noise level rose. Those who were royal had their novice guardians standing alongside them, but they interacted as they normally would have; not expecting that anything was about to happen.

Shane, followed by Delia; a distant cousin of Lissa's previous boyfriend, Aaron, left the class and I watched Emil grin eagerly as he began to crouch in preparation to spring. Searching the hallway briefly, Shane smirked smugly back at Delia as she smiled in return and flicked back her light brown curls. Obviously he was more interested in flirting than he was in assessing the area properly for potential threats.

Having seen Shane's distraction, Emil shook his head in silent condemnation, but did not move from his position. He knew that the element of surprise in any attack was an advantage that couldn't be wasted and he didn't want to give away his position too soon.

Surrounded by milling students, the pair stood to the side as Ryan and Camille stepped from the classroom. Ryan, looking as cocky as Shane, scanned the area a bit more thoroughly, but neither of them paid the potential dangers lurking around the corners any real attention…a mistake they were about to pay for and not one that they could ever afford to make once out of the academy.

Glancing over at Grier, I nodded towards the novice. He already knew that Emil would take on Shane first and he now knew that I wanted him to take point on the attack against Ryan. I would grab Camille and keep her out of harm's way as I acted the part of the Strigoi, but the main assault would come from him.

Nodding back to let me know he understood, his gaze swept passed me to something of interest over my right shoulder as he shifted deeper into the darkness. Following the direction, I shifted my position to match his as I saw who he was focused on.

Walking in from the adjoining corridor, Rose, Eddie, Lissa and Christian stopped at the intersection to our right.

Standing to the side of the corridor and out of the way of the foot-traffic, the foursome talked quietly amongst them, but judging from the look of disgust on Rose's face, she wasn't enjoying the conversation. Glancing around her, Rose looked over Eddie's shoulder as he did the same; looking for any potential threats, but they didn't seem any more concerned than Ryan or Shane did.

Wanting to shake my head in frustration at her and Eddie's lack of foresight…especially as they had been warned to expect _anything_ during the field experience, I knew that any sudden movements would give away my position, and so I silently and motionlessly stewed.

Making a mental note to remind her later that I had spent the better part of the last six months teaching her about the unpredictable nature of this job and that by now she really should know better, I watched the four interact as from the corner of my eye, I saw Emil begin his attack.

Clearly unhappy by whichever way the conversation had turned, Rose looked at Lissa with frustration as she smiled consolingly and rubbed her arm in comfort. Trying to hear above the general din in the corridor from the other students, I caught just the last of Lissa's reply "Sorry. We're going to study together after school, but right now, I've got to go to creative writing."

Understanding now what had caused Rose's disappointment, I felt my irritation over her lapse in judgment dwindle away…it was almost instantly replaced by guilt and worry.

Still not at ease over the way she had reacted earlier when being assigned as Christian's guardian, I knew that if I could fully understand _why_ it was such an issue with her, that I could begin to make peace with it.

Frustration at not being with Lissa aside, it had been the raw antagonism that had rattled me the most…the sheer bitterness and rancour had been completely unpredicted and had caught me off guard. Granted, I could have handled it better, but at the time all I had been able to concentrate on was how far on the back foot I was and it had made me snap at her when I should have talked her calmly down from it.

Correcting her had been necessary; her behaviour towards Alberta had been inexcusable, but snapping at her had been inexcusable on my part. No matter the justification, I never wanted her to think that I didn't understand or want to help her…I never wanted her to think that I wouldn't always be on her side.

"Culinary class!" Rose groaned loudly enough for me to hear it even over the ruckus in the corridor. "You elected Culinary Science. That's the most brainless class ever."

Laughing softly to myself at Rose's condemnation, it was big talk from someone who would burn water if it was possible and who's only condiment was sugar, sugar and more sugar. Her culinary skills – or lack of them – could benefit from attending Christian's class if she actually bothered to pay attention.

"It is not!" Christian contradicted defensively, tugging Lissa closer to his side as he smirked at Rose and ignored her irritable commentary on his academic choices. "And even if it was…well, hey, it's my last semester, right?"

Arching a questioning brow at his less than convincing answer, Rose grumbled scornfully, but said no more on the subjected. Having half expected her to continue criticizing Christian for his selection of curriculum, what she did next floored me.

Standing to the left of Lissa only moments ago and turned away from her Moroi, Rose had seemed more than happy to leave Christian exposed, but as the hallways became more crowded and one student seemed to blend into the other, her body seemed to instinctively orientate itself away from Lissa…and towards Christian.

The movements were subtle and would have been overlooked by those not trained to see them, but they were definitely there…and they were definitely protective in spite of all her protests.

"Come on, Rose. It's just one class period. It won't be that –" Breaking off suddenly, Lissa froze for a second as she spotted the attack that Emil had executed perfectly whilst I had been distracted to notice. To their credit, Rose and Eddie immediately fanned out into a defensive position as they too realised what was happening, but it was Emil that now held my attention.

Having leapt out from behind the column at exactly the right moment, Emil had caught Shane completely unaware as he wrapped his arm gently, but firmly around Delia. Wrestling her to the side and away from Shane, Emil swept her tangle of brown hair to the side and exposed her arching neck as she struggled in his arms.

Listening peripherally to the cheers and encouragements from the students gathered around as they watched the battle, Emil lowered his head and opened his mouth; baring his teeth in a macabre parody of biting.

Shane, having recovered from the shock of the attack, swung wildly out at Emil, but he had anticipated the move and swiftly moved out of the way. Following after them, Shane suddenly seemed to remember the lesson he had learned in the morning training session with us and dodged the glancing blow from Emil with quicker feet.

Finding the moment opportune to carry out our own attack as everyone in the passageway was now distracted by the fight, I tapped Grier lightly on the shoulder once and followed him through the gloom as we closed in on Camille and Ryan whilst keeping a close eye on Emil and Shane.

Lashing out at Emil's ribs with his right foot, the impact was enough to force him to lose his grip on Delia with a grunt of pain. Lunging forward, Shane grabbed her and hauled her away; pushing her up against a wall behind him and in one swift movement, pulled out his practice stake and drove it home through the upper cavity of Emil's chest, effectively _killing_ him.

Clapping reverberated loudly through the corridor as the students applauded in congratulations at Shane's victory and he smiled with nervous swagger before turning to collect his Moroi. Ryan, having been one of the main instigators in his celebration, whistled and shouted rowdily as he and Camille walked towards him…but that was his mistake as he had left Camille exposed to an attack by not placing her between himself and the wall.

Springing upright, Grier bounded forward and tackled Ryan. Following seconds after, I latched onto the unsuspecting Camille. Screeching with deafening intensity into my left ear, Camille trembled wildly with fear that couldn't be exaggerated. Gentling my hold to try and calm her fear, I felt the presence at my back a second too late.

Tensing against the hit I knew was coming but could do nothing about to avoid, when it did land against the right side of my head, the force of it was staggering enough to capture my attention and to release Camille to face it.

Already knowing that it wasn't Rose who had launched the counter-offensive; the height and angle of the blow was off; I pivoted smoothly on my heels and squared off against my opponent.

Finding Eddie focused on me with burning intensity; his mock stake already out as he prepared to stake me, my posture altered as I ducked and weaved, moving closer to him as he tried to follow every motion I made in an attempt to throw him off course.

Over his shoulder, I saw that Ryan had managed to stake Grier. He and Shane now advanced on me; one on either side of Eddie who barely noticed their presence as he kept his gaze pined to my form. Dodging to the right, I caught Ryan by surprise at the suddenness of my attack and swinging my arm up high, wrapped it around his torso and turned his back to my chest; imitating a neck snap that technically meant he was dead.

Pushing him to the side and out of the way, I swung back to face Eddie and Shane who had regrouped after Ryan's _death_. Attacked suddenly from both the left and right, I blocked each of the blows before sending both Eddie and Shane reeling.

Neither of them gave up and were on their feet instantly; charging forward again, only this time they had learnt from their previous mistake and instead of both swinging at the same time, Shane tackled low against my legs and knocked me off centre.

Off balance for a split second, it was more than enough time for Eddie to grab my left arm, twist it behind my back and arch me upwards. Exposing my chest, he swung the stake down and plunged it downwards over my heart, ending the skirmish.

Releasing me, the look on Eddie's face made me laugh as I straightened up. It was a mixture of pride and regret…like he couldn't quite believe he had he had defeated me, but at the same moment, he felt almost guilty about it. Shane by comparison, had no such problems as he threw his hands up in the air and crowed to the crowd that had begun to clap again.

"Well done." Emil commended, clapping me on the shoulder as he and Grier joined us and the crowd began to disperse. "Shane…that was quick thinking and even quicker footwork. I'm glad to see that you listened to Guardian Belikov during the morning training session about the placement and movement of your feet in relation to an attack."

Beaming at the praise, Shane's chest seemed to swell in self-confidence as he smirked mocking at Ryan who looked anything but happy that he had been taken out so quickly.

"You, too, Eddie," I added with quiet sincerity; turning towards him as I watched Rose over his shoulder. "You read the situation well; recognizing quickly that it was dangerous for all of you individually and that working together as a unit was the only way to defeat us. You had Rose stay behind to watch your Moroi for any other threats whilst you joined the fray. It was good thinking and excellent team-work."

Inclining my head in Rose's direction in recognition of the minor role she had played, her expression was as regretful as Eddie's, but for a different reason. She wouldn't have been as apologetic for _killing_ me in the slightest…she would have enjoyed it.

Nodding back, a very small smile played around the muscles of her lush mouth as she turned her attention towards Eddie who had returned to the group. Grinning at him widely, her delight in his triumph was genuine and unmistakable. There was no jealousy; professional or otherwise to be found.

"Mr. Aylesworth."

Ryan, having tried to unsuccessfully slink away before he was hauled over the coals, winced and stopped in his tracks as Emil barked harshly at him; his accent roughening every syllable. Turning to face a less than impressed instructor, he heaved a heavy sigh. He knew what was coming.

"Yes, Guardian Dalca?"

"Before I point out all your mistakes, would you instead like to tell me what they were?"

Feverish humiliation burned along his cheekbones, but he answered nonetheless in a monotone. "I wasn't watching for threats. When you attacked Shane, I should have helped him instead of jeering at him. I allowed Guardian Belikov to catch me off guard and he…he killed me."

"Yes, all of that is true, but the most unforgivable of your mistakes is that all through this time, you didn't protect your Moroi. With your death, came hers. You have to know that when you are confronted above all else, your Moroi will be safe even if you die. What mantra do we live by, Mr Aylesworth?"

" _They come first_."

"Exactly. You need to keep that in mind for the next time." Looking over to where Rose and Eddie stood with Lissa and Christian, Emil added. "Well done, the pair of you."

Sullenly dejected, Ryan shuffled off towards Camille. Looking at his approach with disgust pinching the delicate features of her face, she turned on her heel and adding insult to injury, stomped off in the other direction with the despondent Ryan hurrying to catch up to her.

Snorting beneath his breath, Emil's ire turned to mild amusement as he murmured to me in a quiet aside. "I almost feel sorry for Ryan. Camille's cold shoulder is going to be worse than any public humiliation or scolding we give him."

Raising a sardonic brow at his wisecrack, I couldn't help but feel the same way. "Agreed."

Royal or not, Camille Conta was still a pampered daughter of wealthy social climbers who one day was going to make some nameless, faceless man very, very miserable.

Turning to leave, Grier and Emil walked ahead of me; discussing different aspects of the attack and generally critiquing the novices as their strategies. Listening to them, but not really concentrating, my attention was instead focused elsewhere.

Walking past the quartet; both Lissa and Christian were happily congratulating Eddie for his victory whilst Rose seemed to be teasing him about something and I again noticed that she had situated herself closer to Christian than to Lissa.

Rose might not have realised yet that unconsciously she was already aligning herself to the Moroi who only hours ago she had confessed to hate, but her body language told another story and was a dead give-away.

Never doubting that she would do what was expected of her; despite her tantrum, the sight of it did give me a sense of personal vindication…not just because those who still questioned her would begin to see what they had always overlooked, but because it would help with Rose's personal growth.

Once away from the relative safety of the academies wards, the newly graduated Guardians would quickly realises how truly alone they were and would be forced to grow up much faster than they ever should have…it wasn't a bad thing for that to start now. Rose might already be displaying a more mature sense of responsibility…

Although, as I watched Rose and Eddie high-five and grin at each other like idiots, I had to revise my opinion on the maturity bit. Following Emil and Grier across the ice-encrusted lawn leading away from the classrooms, I shook my head in exasperation as we passed out of sight and headed for guardian housing.

"So," Emil began, rubbing at the ribs that Shane had kicked earlier and wincing slightly as he turned towards me and slowed his pace slightly to allow for me to catch up. "Who wants to bet how long it will take for Hathaway to sell-out Ozera?"

Growling through gritted teeth, I lunged forward and grabbed Emil from his shirt, pulling him towards me with menacing intent. "So help me, Emil if you don't stop with this betting bullshit, I'm going to put you in the clinic for the rest of the field experience."

Chuckling as he continued to antagonize me, he pried my fingers loose and held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, relax. Don't get your panties in a bunch, Dimitri. You know I'm yanking your chain."

Glaring at him as my annoyance simmered down, I started walking again and only then noticed that my head was throbbing lightly…and it wasn't from Emil's verbal diarrhoea as he and Grier continued to dissect the events of the day. Probing gently at the area, I felt the lump already forming beneath the hairline and scratched lightly against the dried blood flacking against the scalp.

The cut wasn't deep and would heal within the day, but I was deeply impressed by Eddie's commitment and his ability to strike out at me with the speed and accuracy needed to make me release my hold over Camille. My belief that Rose would be the best of us one day was unwavering, but Eddie's staunch diligence would make him just as invaluable.

"So…did Hathaway fall flat on her face or did she try and act as though she actually belongs here?"

Swinging around as the unmistakably snide voice of only one guardian carried through quiet of early morning, Stan stood beneath the bright halo of a flood-light. Casting shadows over the harsh planes of his face and exaggerating the twisted sneer of his lips, he watched us tauntingly.

Wanting nothing more than to defend Rose, but also knowing that it would be a mistake, I smiled genially; feeling as though it took every ounce of self-restraint to do it.

"Castile, Aylesworth and Reyes engaged in the counter-attack, Stan; Rose stayed with the Moroi. There was no falling…flat or otherwise."

"Convenient. The other's do all the work whilst she gets off lightly…like with everything she does. If I had been Alberta, and she had spoken to me the way she did to her, I would have removed her from the field experience there and then, but no…this is Rose Hathaway we're talking about."

Word of her outburst had spread like wildfire across the campus to both Guardians and students alike…it was just the opportunity Stan had been looking for.

Strolling casually closer to us, I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand on end. Acidic bile rose sharply into my throat as my fists clenched at my side. Noticing that Emil and Grier flanked me…in support or warning, I had no way of knowing as I scrubbed all emotion from my face.

He was baiting me, but I wasn't about to rise to take it.

Stopping a few inches away from me, Stan grinned as though he had secretly won a victory only he knew about…or was anticipating something that he had been waiting a long time for. Our eyes locked and burnt confrontationally through the chilly night air.

"Nothing to say, Belikov? Okay. We'll see how your star pupil fairs an hour from now when she's leaving Culinary Science and will find herself face to face with someone who isn't going to take it easy on her…me."

Nodding to each of my flanking support, he sauntered off without a backward glance.

"Jesus," Grier muttered, raking his hands through the dark spikes of his hair as the French of his Canadian heritage thickened his accent. "He really is a nasty piece of work. You'd think the Council would be better at judging Guardian's by now, especially ones that are placed as instructors at the academies."

"You know that he's a cousin of some sort of Hans, right?"

"Yeah, Emil, but family or not, he should know that Stan's a borderline sociopath," Grier imparted, prodding at the cut slanting high over his left cheekbone he had received at the hands of Ryan.

"Only borderline?"

"I know that Rose has an attitude, but I'm actually a little worried for her. Did you see the look in Stan's eyes?"

Snorting, Emil shook his head. "What are you worried about? It's Rose; she's not going to going to pass up an opportunity to spill a little of Stan's blood. You heard what he said at the orientation… _don't be afraid of hurting us_ …hell, Hathaway was probably rubbing her hands together in glee."

Only half listening to the debate between Emil and Grier, my eyes were fixed intently on Stan's back as he disappeared into the administration building. Breathing deeply against the defensive aggression he always evoked within me, I turned back to the others.

Ending their argument, they both looked at me as if for once, they could see straight through me.

"You can't let Alto get to you, Dimitri," Grier placated as we continued on our path to housing and the showers to clean up. "He and Rose have had an antagonistic relationship since day one; that wasn't going to change _that much_ after the Spokane incident and he resents you because Alberta listens to your opinion more than she does to his…it's just a bad combination, man."

 _A bad combination_ …that was an understatement if there had ever been one, I thought as Emil and Grier pushed through the lobby doors of housing and I paused on the outside; looking back over my shoulder towards the quad and the classrooms beyond it.

Rose would be unsuspecting as she crossed it in less than an hour's time, unaware that her first true test would await her as she left with Christian. I only hoped that when the time came and she stepped up to take it – as she proved to everyone that she belonged here – that it would silence her critics once and for all…


	9. Chapter 9

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Sorry, guys. My sugar-induced coma (Easter weekend and _way_ to much chocolate) lasted longer than I expected…

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Nine ~

Skimming over the report detailing my defeat at the hands of Shane Reyes, I tried to proof-read it once more before signing off, but the words I had only just written were nothing more than a blur of black ink against the white of the page.

Pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration, I sighed quietly and heard the sound bounce around the empty room. Struggling to focus my attention, I sank further into my seat at the oak conference table in the office and tried for the tenth time to complete the simplest of tasks since sitting down to start it almost an hour ago.

In addition to the attacks against the seniors, each guardian was required to write detailed, daily reports on the interactions between the novices and the Moroi they protected. The grades given on the novice's successes or failures over the attacking guardians made up the bulk of the grades at the end of the field experience; be it good or bad, but often the reports were just as important.

On any other day I would have welcomed the work that they required. Alberta's insistence that no detail – no matter how small or inconsequential we might think they were – be left out was usually time consuming and a perfect way to focus a preoccupied mind, but today, I couldn't concentrate on it the way that I needed to.

Not when I knew that as I sat here writing about Shane's speed, alertness and attention to detail, Rose was facing-off against Stan.

Tilting my head to rest against the hard backing of the seat, I rolled the pen slowly between my calloused palms, gazing out the window into the inky darkness of pre-dawn with unfocused eyes as my booted heels crossed beneath the table at the ankle.

It wasn't that I doubted Rose. I didn't…how could I?

She was faster than her class mates. Smarter than she gave herself credit for. Skilful on levels that her peers couldn't match. Braver than hardened guardians twice her age. Loyal to a fault and agile enough to escape me on the training mat most days, but it was her determination to succeed that gave me absolute faith in her drive to prove that she could.

Not only to herself; she should never have to do that after surviving Spokane, but to all of those who still doubted and questioned her place at the Academy and by Lissa's side…especially Stan Alto.

Clutching at the pen with the fingers of my right hand, I squeezed the fragile metal casing tightly enough to feel it give way beneath the strength of my fist. Loosening my grip, I tossed it onto the paperwork spread out over the scuffed table as I realised that it was not only my thoughts of Rose that had cost me my concentration, but also of Stan.

His constant goading and taunting was beginning to chafe rawly over my nerves. Not because any of it made any difference to how I felt or how I would behave in the future; his opinion of me wasn't important or something that concerned me, but because it now directly involved Rose.

Grier's earlier comment about the bad combination of Stan's antagonism towards her and his resentment towards me for Alberta's clear favouritism had been eerily accurate. Rose wouldn't pay it any more attention than I would, but that wasn't really what I worried about.

It was the chance that it could turn into deliberate targeting that concerned me.

The look of almost gleeful anticipation on his harsh features as he provoked me an hour before was something I had tried – and failed – to banish from my thoughts. I knew that he couldn't deliberately try and hurt Rose; there were too many witnesses around during the attacks for that to happen, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try every time they were in combat…he had warned me that he wouldn't take it easy on her.

I knew that she was relishing the chance to, as Emil had put it… _spill a little of Stan's blood,_ but he was still a seasoned guardian who could inflict real damage if he set his mind to it. The physical injuries inflicted during the mock attacks weren't marked as part of the exercise, which meant that injuries that reflected excess force would be overlooked.

Stan knew this as well as I did…he also knew there was nothing I could do about it because the others would brush it aside as nothing more than rough play.

Straightening in my seat, I raked my slightly damp hair away from my cheek and winced faintly against the lumped that had formed after Eddie's counter-attack. His first test has already been passed…it was Roses' now that had me on the edge of my seat.

Shuffling the incomplete paperwork before me, I looked over it one more time before gathering it together into a neat stack and sliding it into the binder. There really wasn't any hope that I would be able to complete the report in the frame of mind I was in, so there really wasn't any point to pretending I could.

Off duty for the next few hours, what I really needed to do was sleep. The lack of it over the last few days was beginning to take it toll, but I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do anything more than stare at the ceiling and think about the one person that I shouldn't be.

Getting to my feet, I stretched and worked out the kinks that had developed over the last hour from sitting in a chair that was made for people considerably short. Reaching across the table, my fingers closed around the untouched polystyrene cup full of coldly, unappealing coffee as I balked at the thought of drinking it.

 _Waste not, want not, Dimka_ …I could hear Yeva's voice echo warningly in the back of my mind. Her favourite expression was one that she drummed into her grandchildren's head's on a daily basis and not one that she would tolerate. Grimacing, I downed it in one mouthful and scowled at the bitter after-taste; thinking for the first time that maybe Rose was right to stick to chai tea or hot-chocolate.

Tossing the empty cup into the bin with distaste, I walked slowly to the windows overlooking the back end of the snow-lined front lawn. Toying briefly with the idea of heading to the gym in an attempt to tire myself out enough to fall into exhausted slumber, I dismissed it as I sank my hands deeply into the pockets of my jeans and watched the milling students.

Still an hour away from dawn and curfew, most were in no hurry to reach their dorms, the cafeteria or commons and were more than happy to stand in small groups in the cold, blustery early-morning air. Admitting the longer I stood there that what I was really hoping to see was Rose, I shook my head at myself and spun on my heel to turn away from the frosted glass, but I stopped when three of those students caught at my attention…Lissa, Eddie and Christian.

Walking towards each other across the frozen ground, Lissa smiled broadly at Christian's approach as Eddie followed slightly behind her; still alert and on his guard. Huddling beneath her thick woollen jacket, Lissa smiled in affectionate greeting at Christian as she brushed her loose flaxen hair away from her face, but the smile didn't last long as she frowned and looked at his side…an empty space that should have contained Rose.

Feeling a knot of unease tighten in my chest and not understanding the cause, I scanned the immediate area for Rose, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Turning back to the others in the hopes that I could understand what was happening, the frown on Lissa's gently beautiful features had changed from confusion to outright disbelief. Eyes wide in shock, she looked over her shoulder at Eddie, who wore a similar expression of incredulity.

Christian, having been turned partially away from my line of sight, angled towards me suddenly. His expression wasn't shocked or disbelieving, but confused and more than a little agitated, if the motion of his flaying arms and stabbing fingers were anything to go by.

Answering both Lissa's and Eddie's quick-fire questions, the stiff set of Christian's shoulders became more rigid as Lissa shrieked so loudly that I could hear it over the howl of the wind _"…she did what?!"_

Dreading with every passing moment that whatever it was that had gone wrong directly involved Rose's face-off with Stan, I turned away from the window and the forgotten paperwork, anxious to find her. Stalking towards the inter-office door, my sure stride faltered as I heard an angrily slammed door and the raised, irate voice that followed it and carried down the corridor.

It was the voice of someone that could only mean something had gone very, very wrong.

"You heard what Ozera and Lazar had to say. Christian might have downplayed it by trying to make excuses for Hathaway, but Brandon didn't. She froze and refused to protect either of them even after she had recovered enough to know where the fuck she was! I want her removed from the field experience, Alberta… _now_!"

"Dammit!" Growling beneath my breathe I frantically racking my brain for what could have gone wrong whilst listening to the approaching voices. I knew that I was jumping to conclusions, but I couldn't seem to stop doing it as scenario after scenario played out in my head…all of them involving Stan Alto using excessive force against Rose in retaliation – a fear that might have finally come true.

"Enough, Stan," Alberta barked. "I heard what they've said and I've heard your account of the incident. Removing Hathaway requires more information and a committee decision. I cannot unilaterally remove her from the field experience."

"I could understand if she fumbled and hesitated," he continued on with his rant as their voices carried closer to the office. Either he was completely ignorant of the warning in Alberta's tight voice or just ignoring it all together. "It's not unforgivable and given the circumstances, it might even be understandable, but this is typical of Hathaway. It's her normal act of defiance against us for assigning her Ozera instead of the Princess. I told you not to let Belikov talk you into it, but you wouldn't listen to me!"

Opening the inter-connecting doors that led to the office, Alberta's harassed stride stopped as she saw me standing in the quiet of the offices, fists clenched at my side. Features pinched tightly into anger, she sighed very quietly before crossing the threshold with Stan on her heels.

Dressed in black for the attack, the unforgiving planes of his face were made that much more severe by the lack of any other colour. Seeing me, his thin lips flattened and pulled into a sneer that contorted them almost grotesquely.

"Oh, of course," he jeered mockingly, throwing up his hands before turning and slamming the door behind him. "Belikov is here. Perfect timing as usual. I was just telling Alberta about Hathaway's first test in the field experience…and how monumentally she fucked it up!"

Controlling my temper at Stan's rant, I tried to rationalise with myself that I knew nothing yet, that my fears hadn't been confirmed, but it was difficult…a struggle, and one that I knew I would lose faster than I could contain it. If that was the case, it was a good thing that he was behind her. It might be the only thing that kept him alive. Ignoring his sneering face over Alberta's left shoulder; I directed my question to her, asking very quietly.

"What happened?"

" _What happened_?" Stan hissed balefully, surging past Alberta to directly confront me, but she held up her arm in a warning, keeping him at her side instead. "I'll tell you what happened…Hathaway chocked, that's what happened. Just like I told you she would!"

"Stand down, Stan," Alberta snapped, pushing him towards the table and away from the unconcealed menace on my face. Jerking away from her cautionary gesture, he glared at me whilst pacing restlessly to the windows I had stood at moments ago. Sitting on the edge of the sill, he rested forward with his elbows on his thighs and never took his eyes off me.

Exhaling heavily, Alberta eyed him warily for a few seconds more. Convinced that he was going to stay where he was, she turned to me.

"Rose, Christiana and Brandon were crossing the quad and Stan attacked as planned. According to everyone that I've spoken to, Rose saw Stan and positioned herself in between his attack and both Christian and Brandon. She prepared to strike out against him, had her stake ready to spring…and then froze. Stan walked past her, grabbed the Moroi and made his kill. Rose didn't react until after it was already too late."

Scrubbing her hands over her tired face, Alberta drove her fingers through the shorn locks of her hair before she drove home her point as I stood rigidly watching her.

"She didn't defend either of them, Dimitri."

Mind spinning in an uncontrollable arc of disbelief, I tried to reason with what I had just been told. To find some other explanation for it that actually made sense, because none of what Alberta had said made any sense at all because it wasn't Rose…not the Rose I knew so well.

Even if she had decided to show her displeasure at getting Christian instead of Lissa, she would never have done it like this. Protecting Moroi; any Moroi, was already her life's passion. The field experience might technically only be for show, but the fundamentality of it reflected the commitment she had already made and would carry forward after she graduated.

She would never place that in jeopardy simply to satisfy her need for vengeance…not ever.

I knew that without a doubt, but none of the others would, which meant I needed to do some damage control and downplay this as quickly as I could. If Stan continued to blow this out or proportion, Alberta would have no choice but to have a disciplinary hearing. If that happened, Rose could be removed from the field experience all together, which would mean she wouldn't graduate. I couldn't allow that to happen.

"Dimitri? Did you hear what I said…Dimitri?"

"No."

"No what, Dimitri?"

"No, she would never have done that," I defended softly, but with no less conviction. "She would never leave any of them undefended. Something happened, something that no one else saw. Something that's explainable and makes sense because I don't believe for a second that what happened was intentional."

Jumping to his feet, Stan took a step forward, but Albert held her hand up in warning. Watching him peripherally, I could see the veins in his neck bulge and pulse heavily with his fury. It should have felt threatening, but it only made me more determined to downplay the situation and take away his credibility.

"I saw it with my own eyes, Belikov. So did Ozera and Lazar. None of our stories differ because we all saw the same thing."

"Then you all saw wrong."

Eyes protruding angrily at my veiled answer, Stan pushed past Albert and stopped only when we were standing toe to toe. Slightly shorter, he had to tilt the arrogant angle of his chin upwards to look into my face as he all but spat, "you're calling me a liar, Belikov?"

Lowering my own chin, my answer was gentle, non-combative…and as cold as the arctic. "No, Alto, I'm not. But we all know that your opinion of Rose is less than flattering. You've allowed your personal feelings to colour your objectivity before, so what's to say that it's any different now?"

Turning to face Alberta, I kept my expression professionally neutral; twisting the situation to suit my purposes. "Christian and Brandon would have been surprised by Stan's attack. They can't act as prime witnesses, which mean their testimonies can't be credited as accurate or even credible. That leaves just Stan's account as the smoking gun, Alberta."

"I've allowed _my_ personal feelings to get in the way?" Stan growled loudly, ignoring Alberta as she tried to interrupt the brewing storm that was building in the room. "That's rich coming from you. We all know that you'd side with Hathaway even if she murdered a Moroi in a room full of people and admitted it to the judge and jury under oath! Jesus, I am so sick and fucking tired of you protecting her."

Looking over me with cold, manipulative eyes that changed from malicious to dangerously calculating in the space of a heartbeat, Stan grinned at me with teeth bared. 'Tell me, Dimitri…what does she do for you that you stick to her so loyally, huh? What does she give you that makes you her faithful lap dog, or is the answer obvious?"

Gnashing my teeth, my fingers clenched and relaxed reflectively at my side, wanting nothing more than to wrap around his meaty neck, but before I gave into an impulse that would not only get me into more trouble than I could talk my way out of, but would prove that Stan had found a nerve he wouldn't hesitate to pick at again, Alberta interrupted.

"Enough! Both of you. Stan, your concerns aren't being overlooked, but Dimitri also has a point. The students can't be used as reliable witnesses', which leaves just you and your accusations. Let me talk to Rose and I will decide from there whether further punishments needs to. – "

"No! She'll just wriggle out it like she always does. I have the right to request a disciplinary hearing, Alberta. I've brought forward to you a very serious issue, one that needs to be dealt with just as seriously. If you're not prepared to do that as the Captain of the guardians, then I'll go to headmistress Kirova."

Twisting the knife a little deeper, he spoke in an eerie murmur as my stomach began to sicken and plummet at the thought of a hearing. "You know that if I do, it will no longer merely be an internal guardian issue. If Kirova is involved, by the end of the week the whole Moroi world will know and that will definitely ruin any chances Hathaway will have. If she's lucky, she might get a job clean the toilets at Court…maybe."

Growling beneath my breath, Alberta once again interceded before I could react, though this time she was almost as angry as I was. Being questioned over her decisions was one thing; being questioned over her authority was another.

Small of stature, her annoyance with Stan made her seem by far the largest person in the room as she replied cuttingly. "Thank you, guardian Alto for reminding me of the chain of command. Perhaps I should remind _you_ of it as you seem to have forgotten both it and your place. Now, if you don't mind. Please go and find Emil and Celeste. I want them to sit with me on the council for Miss. Hathaway's hearing…which I will be chairing, as it _is_ a guardian issue."

Swallowing roughly at the cool reprimand, Stan nodded once and turned to leave as he was asked, but not before he sent me a look that could only be described as triumph. He might not have succeeded in creating more questions than could be answered, but he got what he wanted.

This hearing could mean the end of Rose…

Waiting until the door had been shut behind him, I turned to Alberta, but the expression that I met was resigned. I couldn't change her mind; I knew that already – the writing was on the wall, but that didn't stop me from trying.

"Alberta…"

Holding up her hand to stop me, she turned away and sank heavily onto the battered leather couch in the middle of the office often used by guardians looking for a quick nap. Sitting opposite her in the armchair made for a midget, I waited for her to speak; watching as she rubbed at a bruise forming low on her chin from the attacks she had launched earlier.

"I know what you're going to say, Dimitri, but I can't ignore this or simply sweep it under the rug…even if I wanted to. Stan will turn this into a circus if I don't carry through with the hearing and right now, during the field experience, none of us can afford the distractions."

"And if she's found guilty," I pressed, resting my forearms on my knees and clasping my hands together. "She'll be removed from the field experience. You know what that means, Alberta. She won't graduate! She's worked too hard in the last six months to have it jeopardized by his personal agenda with her."

"And you are not helping that by allowing _your_ issues with Stan to get in the way!" Alberta shot back, sitting forward as she scowled at me.

"I understand that he rubs you the wrong way; he rubs all of us the wrong way, but you're allowing him to get to you through Rose and it needs to stop. I can't have the guardians of this school working against each other, Dimitri. It's a recipe for disaster and one that I won't tolerate. I know that you're worried about her and frustrated by the situation, but you need to keep your perspective."

Sitting back, I sighed heavily; tilting my head to stare at the mottled ceiling board. She was right. I knew it and so did she. Dissension amongst the ranks was never a good sign. If word of any internal conflicts reached the ears of the guardian council, the placement would be re-shuffled – that wouldn't mean anything good for either Stan or myself.

Still…I knew that the threat of that wasn't going to be enough to end our animosity.

"I understand, Alberta. You're right and I apologize for the difficult position it's put you in."

Nodding in acceptance, Alberta toyed with the edge of the throw cushion as she looked at my with an unblinking wisdom earned through years of experience before dealing me a blow I hadn't expected. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be at the hearing, Dimitri. You're too invested in this…too involved. It would be a complete conflict of interests."

Moving to the edge of the couch in a movement that perfectly betrayed my urgency; I fought against the panic setting in. There wouldn't be much that I could do once the hearing had begun; I wasn't sitting on the committee, but it felt as though waiting to hear her fate from the outside would be more than I could deal with.

"I'm her instructor, Alberta," I reasoned smoothly. "I know her better than anyone and I know that whatever happened with Stan is explainable. She's going to be vulnerable in there and her temper will get the better of her. You know this about her."

"If that happens, and there isn't someone who will keep their cool to speak on her behalf, then the hearing will be over with before it even begins. Please let me in. I'll stay in the background and I will only intercede if I absolutely need to. You have my word."

Thinking through my speech, Alberta shook her head and smiled very slightly.

"All you're worried about is proving her innocence…defending her, but really, don't you think that you should be more concerned with defending yourself? You're the one that pushed for her to be paired with Christian and as much as I hate to agree with Stan…he was right. This was a mistake. One that none of the others are going to let you forget."

"I disagree; my instincts on this are right and there _is_ an explanation; we just don't know it yet. She wouldn't have done this simply to get back at us. And as for defending my own name…it's been made already and nothing that anyone thinks or says it going to change that. What I care about is hers. It's only just beginning to develop and a setback like this could completely derail it."

"All right," she agreed eventually, rising to stand over me as a deep shadow of wariness crossed over her tired features. "You can sit in at the hearing so long as you don't interrupt the process."

"I won't. You have my word." I hurried to reassure her, rising also to leave.

"Good."

Turning towards the door, Alberta stopped with her fingers curled around the handle before she looked back at me with curiously assessing eyes. Feeling as though I was under a kind of scrutiny I had no way of avoiding or even understanding, I waited patiently for them when I was feeling anything but as she asked quietly.

"What do you think went wrong, Dimitri?"

Pacing back to the table to collect my abandoned binder and the paperwork that now seemed so trivially unimportant, I glanced back over my shoulder with a determination that was reflected in the glint of moisture in her eyes.

"I don't know, Alberta, but I can promise you that I _will_ find out…"


	10. Chapter 10

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: I was asked by a guest reviewer for _The Engagement_ if I would consider doing a one-shot for Rose and Dimitri's wedding at some stage. I would, but not as a one-shot. It would be a short (hahhah) story including the rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception and probably the honeymoon.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Ten ~

"Dimitri!"

Pausing with my hand hovering over the polished handle of the main assembly room door; I turned to see Emil marching towards me down the centre of the corridor lined with off-duty guardians from every part of the Academy grounds.

 _None of them wanted to miss out on the spectacle that was about to take place_ ; I thought bleakly annoyance and anxiety playing havoc with my determination to find out the truth of what had happened between Rose and Stan.

Word of the disciplinary hearing had spread quickly throughout the campus in the fifteen minutes since Alberta had called for it; the unavoidable whispers and veiled glances had spread almost as quickly.

I had known what would be said even before it was _…Hathaway is reckless, unpredictable, wild, irresponsible, rash, impulsive…a liability…a loose cannon. Belikov should have known better…what was he thinking…Alto was right…Alberta should have listened to him…she should be removed…she doesn't belong here…_ but it still didn't make hearing it any easier.

Their mistrust of my own motives meant nothing; I had meant what I said to Alberta…it was their almost eager readiness to vilify and scapegoat Rose that set my teeth on edge.

I didn't believe Stan's version of the events for a second. His animosity towards Rose made impartiality impossible even if he had convinced himself of what had happened, but the others were more than willing to believe his every word when they knew as well as I did that he couldn't be trusted around her.

Their own eagerness to take part as witnesses in the hearing; a rarity in our fold, was more than enough proof that they were willing to view her as a sacrificial lamb. It didn't matter to them that they would be watching the potential end to everything that Rose had worked so hard for…they had merely come to participate.

"Dimitri!"

Cursing softly beneath my breath, I curled my fingers inward and away from the door handle as Emil called out to me again.

It didn't help knowing that Rose was on the other side of the door. I could feel the irresistibility of her pull luring me through the panels of wood, but I knew that I couldn't get to her…not until the hearing began.

If only I could have found a way to speak to her, even for a few minutes. Not to reassure myself that what Stan had accused her of was false – my faith in her was absolute, but to see with my own eyes that she was unharmed in any way.

Jerking his head to the side and a small alcove off the main corridor that was further away from the others, I crossed the hallway and waited for Emil to reach me. A sitting member of the committee, Emil; along with Alberta and Celeste, would be the three that would act as judge, jury and in this case, the executioner of a career that had yet to begin.

Looking harassed as he joined me in the recess, Emil's blonde brows were drawn together over his eyes and met at a point at the slightly crooked bridge of a nose that had been broken at some point in his youth.

Normally easy-going and unruffled, he looked anything but as he asked in a low murmur, "you know what happened?"

Arching a brow in silent reply, I dug my hands into the pockets of the duster and rested my shoulder against the smooth wood panelling of the alcove, but my attention to his question was distracted by the arrival of Alberta, Celeste…and Stan.

Sneering at me, he nodded mockingly in my direction before turning back to Celeste. Alberta, having seen the gesture, glared at him sharply, but he paid her no attention. Eyeing me warily, she shook her head subtly in warning before turning away to open the door.

"This is bad, brother," Emil muttered heavily, pulling me back to him. "If I had any idea that Hathaway would do this, I would never had made the comment about her selling out Ozera"

Stiffening before I could stop myself, the look I gave him would have easily betrayed the frustration I felt. "She didn't sell him out, Emil."

Shaking his head at me at the others followed Alberta, his doubt was clear. "Listen, man. I know she's your student and no instructor wants to think badly of the novice they teach, but the evidence on this is overwhelming."

" _Stan_ is the evidence, Emil."

"Yeah, and I know how you feel about him, but both Christian and Brandon are witnesses. Their stories match up word for word. She didn't protect either of them and you heard her with Alberta this morning. It's exactly the kind of stunt she loves to pull."

"Not with this. Yes, she was angry at not having Lissa assigned to her, but she would never, ever deliberately leave one Moroi, let alone two, exposed. Even for the field experience. I know her, Emil. She would find some other way of voicing or showing her displeasure, but not like this and not with Stan."

Straightening, I tucked the strands of escaping hair behind my ears. "She's been chomping at the bit for an opportunity to face-off against him…do you really think she would miss out on it just to prove her point? You're the one who said she would want to spill a little of his blood."

Snorting beneath his breath at the reminder, Emil looked on as the last of the witnessing guardians crossed the threshold.

"No…no I don't. But none of this makes sense. If all she's been waiting to do is prove herself whilst bruising Stan a little in the process, then why the hell did she freeze? We can't afford to lose any novices – especially female, but if she's not up to this…if she's going to be a liability…"

"She is ready for this, Emil…and as for the freezing, I don't know. I haven't been able to talk to her, but there's something else there. Something that I haven't figured out yet."

"Stan is pushing hard for her to be removed." He remarked casually, but the reaction his words created was anything but calm.

"Yeah, I know. Which way is Celeste leaning towards?"

"She's listening to Stan at the moment, so the lean is towards removal. Rose needs to explain herself whilst convincing the council not to remove her and be contrite whilst she's doing it. If she's going to flout procedure like she always does…if she's unapologetic and defiantly unreasonable, Alberta's going to have no choice but to remove her."

Nodding grimly at the truth of his words, Emil clapped my lightly on the shoulder before he headed into the hearing and left me standing alone in the hallway.

 _Contrite_ was not a word that Rose knew very well...this could be a recipe for disaster. Collecting myself, I followed him. The last to arrive, I closed the door quietly behind me and scanned the room quickly, but my eyes lingered on only one person.

Sitting rigidly on a chair placed in the centre of the room, Rose somehow managed to exude defiant rebellion and vulnerability all at the same time. Facing her accusers, she held the eyes of the committee that would decide her fate with an unflinching gaze fuming with angry indignation.

Relieved that physically there were no signs of any injuries, I walked along the edges of the room and sat in a chair behind and to Rose's right. If she had seen my arrival, she gave no outward appearance of it as I viewed her profile.

Chin stubbornly set, lips tightly compressed and a flush of angry colour highlighting her highly angled cheekbones, Rose impatiently brushed aside strands of hair curling against her jaw and tucked them behind her ear as a weighted silence fell over the room and the murmuring guardians turned their attention to Alberta as she cleared her throat.

Sitting in the middle of a long mahogany table and flanked by Emil to her left and Celeste to her right; Alberta shuffled her paperwork and read over what I could only assume were the charges that Rose faced.

"Miss Hathaway. You are facing a disciplinary hearing today for dereliction of duty. The primary charge brought against you is the deliberate endangerment of Moroi by way of your refusal to protect them. The secondary charge is your refusal to stand in defense against their attacker; Guardian Alto in any way, shape or form in order to protect them."

Shifting in her seat, the muscles of Rose's back became taut lines of fury; the line of angry colouring along her cheekbones became flaming flags of the same emotion.

"Do you understand the charges, Miss Hathaway?"

Exhaling slowly in a controlled movement which would have cost her every ounce of limited self-control she possessed, Rose replied in a measured, concise manner which gave me hope that she realised how serious a situation she was in and was going to behave accordingly.

"Yes, Guardian Petrov. I understand."

Folding her hands together, Alberta cocked her head to the side at Rose's reply. Clearly surprised by the nature of her response, there almost seemed to be a thin thread of approval relaxing the tightly gathered muscles of Alberta's face.

"Good. Do you have anything to say regarding the charges?"

"Yes, Guardian Petrov, I do."

"What do you have to say, Miss Hathaway?"

"That I can't _believe_ I'm being thrown under the bus!" she burst out, sitting forward and glaring at the three in agitation. "I've told you all already what happened. Why won't any of you believe me?"

"Miss Hathaway – " Alberta reprimanded sternly; her approval evaporating in the face of her irritation.

"For the last time," she ground out from between clenched teeth. "I didn't do it on purpose."

Waiting for her to continue; to deny that she had refused point blank to protect either Christian or Brandon, I felt the air in my lungs compress into a heavy feeling of stunned disappointment when the denial didn't come. Rose merely sat there and refused to explain herself further…to offer any answers to the questions racing through my mind.

It barely registered with me that Stan's accusations were right. That the whispers and rumours that would swirl around the school would be based on truth for once and not gossip…what mattered to me, was that the faith and belief I had in Rose was beginning to slip.

Forcing myself away from the agony of the realisation that I never thought I would have or the uncertainty that it brought with it, I focused my scattered concentration on the proceedings.

There would be time later to pick it apart.

Narrowing her eyes ominously enough for most to back down instantly, Alberta was trying her best to remain impartial, but Rose wasn't doing herself any favours by continuing to rage…something she had done at orientation this morning and something that Alberta now reminded her about.

"Miss Hathaway. You must know why we have a hard time believing that."

Nodding in agreement beside her, Celeste – who had remained silent during the hearing so far – spoke up for the first time. "Guardian Alto saw you. You refused to protect two Moroi – including the one whose protection you were specifically assigned to."

Cheeks flushing a brighter red as her infamous temper began to boil over the lid of her control, Rose shifted forward agitatedly in her chair to emphasise her displeasure with Celeste's remark as she all but shouted, "I didn't refuse. I…fumbled."

Hearing a softly scoffing sound of disbelief to the left of where I sat, Stan stood up from his seat. "That wasn't a fumble," he corrected harshly, glancing over towards Rose who had slumped slightly in her seat at his voice.

Looking away from her, he turned his focus to Alberta; seeking her permission to speak and address the committee with a smoothly, conniving facade. None of the raw aggression that had been present in the office earlier was anywhere to be found. He needed to keep his calm if he was going to prove a point to the committee.

"May I?"

Gaining her permission with a nod, he turned to face Rose and directly argue against her excuse. "If you'd blocked or attacked me and then messed up, that would be a fumble. But you didn't block. You didn't attack. You didn't even try. You just stood there like a statue and did nothing."

Flinching slightly, I covered it with a shrug of my shoulders beneath my coat. Hearing those accusations now were no easier to hear than they had been before…only now, I knew they were true.

Jerking upright in outrage, Rose's head swivelled around to answer Stan's accusation with a voice tightened by fury. "Why am I getting into trouble for messing up? I mean, I saw Ryan mess up earlier. He didn't get in trouble. Isn't that the point of this whole exercise? _Practice?_ If we were perfect, you'd already have unleashed us upon the world!"

Some of Stan's poise began to slip at Rose's flippancy; the veins that had been bulging earlier were now on the brink of ripping though his skin; the flow of blood beneath them was clearly visible.

"Weren't you listening?" he snapped. "You didn't mess up, because 'messing up' implies that you have to actually _do_ something."

Sizing him up rebelliously, Rose knew that she was rubbing him the wrong way and wasn't about to back down. "Okay, then. I froze. Does that count as messing up? I cracked under the pressure and blanked out. It turns out I wasn't prepared. The moment came, and I panicked. It happens to novices all the time."

This was true, I reasoned with myself, but not with her…she was no ordinary novice and as I thought it through further, I also realized that there was something else about her defence that was not ordinary and it helped to relieve the tightness in my chest.

She was hiding something.

It gave me renewed hope that chased away the disappointment and also reminded me that my faith in her couldn't be so easily broken…that I should never have thought for a single second that it ever could be.

Emil leaned forward and clasped his hands together; looking to speak for the first time. He was careful not to catch my eye, but there seemed to be an ulterior motive as he asked. "To a novice who has already killed Strigoi? It seems unlikely."

"Oh, I see. After one incident, I'm now expected to an expert Strigoi killer?" Rose muttered sarcastically, sliding further into her chair as her arms crossed defiantly over her chest in a display of glaringly obvious mutiny. "I can't panic or be afraid or anything? Makes sense. Thanks, guys. Fair. Real fair."

Tapping her fingers against the wood, Alberta warily exhaled before addressing Rose. "We're arguing semantics. Technicalities aren't the point here. What's important is that this morning, you made it very clear you did not want to guard Christian Ozera. In fact…I think you even said you wanted us to be sure we knew that you were doing it against your will _and_ that we'd soon see what a horrible idea it was."

Twisting her lips to the side, Rose mumbled something beneath her breathe that didn't seem flattering to either herself or to Alberta. She was only now realising the rashness of her words.

"And then," Alberta pressed. "When your first test comes around, we find you completely and utterly unresponsive."

Surging forward in her seat, I had the instinctive reaction to reach out and stop Rose, but my hands stayed in the pockets of the duster. Touching her now would be a mistake.

"That's what this is about?" she voiced incredulously, looking genuinely outraged by her realisation of what she was actually being accused of. "You think I didn't protect him because of some kind of weird revenge thing?"

"You aren't exactly known for calmly and gracefully accepting things you don't like," Alberta voiced drolly.

" _Not_ true," Rose defended loudly, jumping to her feet and pointing an accusatory finger at Alberta who looked as though she had just been slapped. "I have followed every rule Kirova laid down for me since coming back here. I've gone to every practice and obeyed every curfew."

"There's no reason I'd do this as some kind of revenge! What good would it do? Sta— Guardian Alto wasn't going to really hurt Christian, so it's not like I'd get to see him punched or anything. The only thing I would accomplish is getting dragged into the middle of something like _this_ and possibly facing removal from the field experience."

"You _are_ facing removal from the field experience," Celeste replied flatly, eyeing her with a coldly unsympathetically gaze.

Watching the shock of what I had feared would become a reality deflate her defiance and bravado, Rose's legs lost their strength and she sat down heavily, whispering a quiet, "Oh."

Unable to watch or listen to this for a second longer, I made my opinion known. "She has a point. If she were going to protest or take revenge, she'd do it in a different way." Standing, I closed the distance between us and stood at her side.

I might still feel a mixture of confusion, hope and faith, but that didn't change how I felt about Rose or the fact that I would do anything that I could to protect her and the future that was still in danger.

"Yes," Celeste agreed reluctantly. "But after the scene she made this morning…"

"This is all circumstantial," was my smooth reply. Charm was a natural advantage that I rarely felt I had to employ unless it was strictly necessary…and right now, it was necessary. "Regardless of how suspicious you think it looks, there's no proof. Removing her from the experience – and essentially ruining her graduation – is a bit extreme without any certainties."

Emil, I could see, was supressing a grin at my words, whilst Alberta and Celeste couldn't find fault with the logic of my comments. Ignoring the baleful glares I could feel traveling towards me from Stan in my peripheral, I waited patiently for their verdict.

During the whispered conference between the three, I had an opportunity to look at Rose for longer than a second…and the sight of her caused my chest to tighten in a way that was becoming all too familiar. And altogether dangerous.

"Miss Hathaway," Alberta began as Celeste and Emil returned to their seats and once again faced her. "Do you have anything you'd like to say before we tell you our conclusion?"

Waging an inner war with herself as she thought on a dozen different answers, Rose eventually settled with a quiet, biddable reply that couldn't have been more out of place for the girl who was anything but docile.

"No, Guardian Petrov. Nothing more to add."

Nodding warily, as if she had only just ended a hard-fought battle and wasn't quite sure if she had won or lost, Alberta passed the verdict.

"All right. Here's what we've decided. You're lucky you have Guardian Belikov to advocate for you, or this decision might have been different. We're giving you the benefit of the doubt. You'll go on with the field experience and continue to guard Mr. Ozera. You'll just be on a probation of sorts."

Sighing quietly in relief beside me, Rose nodded quickly as her fingers unknotted from her lap. "That's okay. Thank you."

"And," Alberta added ominously enough for Rose to sit straight up again. "Because the suspicion isn't entirely removed, you'll be spending your day off this week doing community service."

Launching from her chair again, Rose shrieked, "what?" as my hand shot out and curled around her wrist. I had been better prepared this time to anticipate her reaction. Holding her at my side, my grasp was gentle, but unbreakable and as always, the frisson of aware that arced between us was enough to make my pulse pound unsteadily through my veins during a time when I needed it steady.

"Sit down," I whispered into her ear as I bent over and pulled her back to her chair in one movement. "Take what you can get."

Not appreciating Rose's response or lack of graceful acceptance for what she would consider a punishment far too lenient to fit the crime, Celeste narrowed her eyes warningly. "If that's a problem, we can make it next week too. And the next five after that."

Listening to my advice and aware that Celeste could make things as difficult for her as Stan could, Rose sat down and shook her head as I released my hold, apologizing almost at once. "I'm sorry. Thank you."

Shuffling her paperwork again, Alberta collected it and stood. "The hearing has hereby come to a close. Miss Hathaway, please return to your normal schedule and find Mr. Ozera immediately. Your services as punishment will be handed over to Father Andrews after the church service has ended on Sunday. You will report to him and he will report to me as to whether or not he found it to be satisfactory. Is that understood?"

Nodded once, Rose looked her squarely in the eye with a vitality that was never waning even as I could hear the exhausted wariness in her voice. "Yes, Guardian Petrov. I understand."

"Good."

Walking around the table, Alberta caught my eye and slowed her departure as the others left. She would know that I wanted to talk to Rose alone and motioned Stan to leave ahead of her. He wanted to argue, but she wasn't looking at him.

Throwing a daggered glare over his shoulder towards me, he stomped off ahead of Emil who sent me a look of equal intensity, only his was a warning and not a threat. Stan couldn't argue with the verdict of three guardians in the middle of a hearing, but that didn't mean he was going to accept the leniency of Rose's punishment easily.

Resting my hand briefly on her right shoulder and ignore the throb of attraction, I bent to murmur in her ear. "Wait here for me. I'll be right back."

Approaching Alberta, I recognized the look of resignation on her face even before I spoke. "Do you really think talking to her will get the answers you need?" She asked quietly, looking beyond my shoulder to the girl still sitting where I had left her.

"There's something more there, Alberta. Something she's not telling us. I think you know that as well as I do and I think that's why you were merciful."

"I was merciful because we can't afford to lose a guardian of her potential and is there really something she's hiding…or is that just what you want to believe, Dimitri?" Glancing guardedly at me, Alberta gave me a look that resembled compassion before leaving me alone with my student and the task that lay ahead.

The quiet click of the door behind her might have signalled that the hearing had ended, but I knew the difficult part – the part that involved me trying to pry the truth from Rose – was just beginning…


	11. Chapter 11

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Eleven ~

Swinging around to face Rose in a room that was now empty but for the two of us, my first reaction was to go to her…to offer her support of some kind or at the very least comfort in words even if I couldn't touch her. But I knew that I couldn't, even when in this very moment I wanted it more than I wanted the truth.

Heading instead for safer territory, I walked to the beverage station to Rose's right as the silence between us continued to grow. Littered with sugar, cream, packets of spiced teas, hot chocolate and an always present pot of percolating coffee, my fingers reached for two Styrofoam cups.

It was as good an excuse as any for an opener…and it also kept my hands away from temptation.

Glancing over my left shoulder, Rose had barely moved from her seat since the end of the hearing. The only difference in her appearance was in the folding of her arms across her chest in a movement that could have been to ward off the cold, but seemed oddly defensive in nature.

Feeling a corresponding ache in my own chest that was becoming harder to ignore, I avoided the coffee; knowing that she disliked its taste, and grabbed the instant hot chocolate packets between the powered cream and spoons before quietly asking.

"You want some hot chocolate?"

Breathing deeply, Rose turned in her seat to face me. The arms were still folded tightly and she was no less distrustful even knowing that it was just us in the room…or maybe, that was the reason for her wariness. After what had happened earlier, she didn't know how to react to me.

Unsurprised by how much the thought of her doubting me in any way rankled, I raised a brow at her in question.

Nodding in answer, Rose got to her feet and slowly walked towards me. "Sure."

Ripping open the packets of the hot chocolate, I doubled the mixture to improve the taste before adding cream and hot water. Feeling her at my side before she had even reached it, I looked over to her briefly before filling the cups to the brim.

"Doubling it is the secret."

Not expecting a reply, I stirred both cups before plucking a few wooden stirrers from the holder and dipping them into the scalding mixture. Passing along a cup to Rose, I took a sip and walked towards the glass doors to the side of the room that led out to a breakfast patio that was rarely used in winter.

The only reason I wanted to use it now was that it was a neutral setting. If we remained in the meeting room it would be a constant reminder of what we had just sat through and I didn't want it interfering with what would come.

Following closely behind me, Rose frowned as we stepped over the threshold and into the enclosed room bordering a small courtyard before her eyes widened in surprise and she stopped to look around a part of the building that very few novices had ever seen before.

"Where are we – oh."

Encased in glass and iced over by frost and frozen, early morning dew; the first weak rays of dawn caught and refracted off the corners and created shards of diluted light. It created the illusion of being trapped inside a frozen droplet.

Ignoring the chill in the air, I walked towards the closest patio table and set the cup down. Pulling out two white chairs designed in lattice work, I dusted mine and sat, waiting for Rose to do the same. Moving her own chair slightly to the right so that we sat opposite instead of next to each other, Rose curled herself into the seat and curved her fingers around her cup for warmth whilst she blew on it.

Grabbing my cup, I took a large gulp of the steaming-hot liquid and used it as an opportunity to look her over whilst her attention was still captured by the fairy-tale quality of the room…not to see what I had seen a hundred times before, but to see what I couldn't – what she was hiding.

And I _knew_ she was hiding something.

Her posture might no longer be defensive; her cheeks no longer flushed with angry colour, but it was her eyes that gave her away. They always did. I don't think she really even knew how expressive the exotically brown depths were…how they told an entirely different story to what she was saying or how she was acting.

And right now her eyes were telling me that the excuses she had told were the farthest thing from the truth. I just had to wait her out.

Looking away from her briefly as the silence between us continued; not uncomfortably, but with a quiet, easy companionship that was always underscored by a level of intimacy and attraction neither of us could act on, I could feel her study me as secretively as I had studied her before.

Feeling the unmistakable undercurrent of love and desire bind us together, it was enough in the moment to simply sit there with each other. There wasn't anything else that needed to be said for the moment. The questions and the lies would come later.

Draining the last of the hot chocolate, the minutes stretched out between us as dawn began to light the grounds in filtering rays of sunlight. The thick copse of Sycamore's that faced the patio blocked out most of the light, but our eyes didn't need much to adjust.

Curfew was about fifteen-minutes out and the grounds would be rapidly emptying as dhampir and Moroi alike returned to the dorms. Not wanting to disturb the peace between us, but knowing that there was very little time left to us before she would have to leave, I turned to face her fully as she continued to sip at her cocoa and sighed quietly.

Stretching out my legs, I folded the flaps of the duster over them and folded my hands together on my lap as I finally spoke.

"What happened out there? You didn't crack under the pressure."

I wanted to add that she was far too good to let the pressure get to her, but I kept that to myself as Rose looked at me sharply. The tension between us suddenly escalated as the ease disappeared as quickly as the ice around us would melt in the spring.

Running the tip of her finger absently around the rim of the cup, I watched as Rose began to withdraw. I had expected it, but the frustration of not knowing _why_ was harder to deal with. The level of trust between us had always left us exposed – hiding from each other never ended well for either of us, but I could see that she was already trying to.

Keeping her eyes away from mine, she focused on the finger still rimming the cup before quietly replying.

"Of course it was. Unless you believe I really did let Stan 'attack' Christian."

There may have been a multitude of doubts flooding my mind and my emotions since the hearing had ended, but I had never entertained among them that she would ever deliberately endanger anyone...even if she had no real cause to like who she was protecting.

Turning towards the table, I leaned forward to rest my elbow on the dusty surface, willing her to look at me. If she couldn't hear the sincerity in my voice, I at least wanted her to see it in my eyes.

"No. I don't believe that. I never did. I knew you'd be unhappy when you found out about the assignments, but I never once doubted that you'd do what you'd have to for this. I knew you wouldn't let your personal feelings get in the way of your duty."

Lifting her head at my words and unable to mistake everything that I couldn't say out loud to her, Rose slowly began to let me in as she remembered that I _could_ be trusted.

"I didn't," she started, her gaze steady against my own. "I was mad…still am a little. But once I said I'd do it, I meant it. And after spending some time with him…well, I don't hate him. I actually think he's good for Lissa, and he cares about her, so I can't get upset about that."

Swirling the stirring stick around the darkness of the sweetened liquid, Rose shook her head slightly. "He and I clash sometimes, that's all…but we did really well together against the Strigoi. I remembered that while I was with him today, and arguing against this assignment just seemed stupid. So I decided to do the best job I could."

Nodding in encouragement at the frankness of her confession and more than happy to let her continue to talk so freely; especially when she was mentioning something as traumatizing as Spokane, I pushed for what I really wanted to know…what I _needed_ to know.

"What happened then? With Stan?"

His accusations against her might have been partially founded in truth, but I still had doubts that he was little more than an innocent bystander.

Dropping her gaze immediately as I realized in the same moment that I had pushed too hard, too fast; Rose once again found the rim of her cup a point of fascination. Cursing myself for rushing her when I should have shown more patience and restraint, I sat back and waited for her.

Glancing up, Rose saw my patient determination and sighed in defeat before lowering her head again to focus on fidgeting with her nails. "I don't know what happened out there. My intentions were good…I just…I just messed up."

Sighing myself this time, but in exasperation and not resignation, I laid my right arm on the table and drummed my fingers against it. I wasn't usually given to showing outward signs of my frustration, but when she lied to me whilst using the most generic nonsense ever thought up, I couldn't help it.

Why couldn't she just tell me the truth? I wouldn't judge, criticize or blame her. I only wanted to know the truth…to help her.

"Rose. You're a terrible liar."

Lifting the wooden stirrer, Rose dropped it back into her unfinished chocolate but wouldn't meet my gaze. A sure-fire way of knowing that she was about to defend her excuses when she knew that I wouldn't believe a word she was going to say.

"No, I'm not. I've told a lot of good lies in my life. People have believed them."

 _Yes, but none of those people were me,_ I thought. Try as we might have once, neither of us could deny that we knew each other as well as we did ourselves. It should have worried me that after knowing someone for only six months they could so accurately predict my every move, but with Rose, the barriers I had erected with others just seemed pointless.

Not even Ivan had known me as well.

Hearing the grouchiness in her voice now as she realised she was about to trap herself with her own words made me grin in indulgent humour. "I'm sure. But it doesn't work with me. For one thing, you won't look me in the eye. As for the other…I don't know. I can just tell."

Glaring briefly up at me with mild resentment that I knew was directed more at herself for being so easy to read – for me at least, Rose picked up her cup and stood abruptly; leaving me floundering momentarily at the unexpectedness of the movement. When she finally did meet my eyes, I was confused by what I saw, but it was gone a second later as Rose skirted the table and headed to the door.

Keeping the rigid lines of her back towards me, Rose muttered quickly. "Look, I appreciate you being worried about me…but really, it's okay. I just messed up. I'm embarrassed about it – and sorry I put your awesome training to shame – but I'll rebound. Next time, Stan's ass is mine."

Surging to my feet in a single, powerful movement; I stood an inch behind her before she knew that I had even left my seat. She was aware that I was behind her because her posture – already taut and strained – became more rigidly set.

Did she honestly think that any of this was about my disappointment in her squandering her talents or wasting what she had learnt? Did she honestly think that I gave a damn about any of that when it was her future on the line?

Placing a gentle hand on her right shoulder, I held Rose in place as I replayed her reply and stifled the shudder of hunger I could never control around her…something that I didn't need any charm to enhance. Something that was becoming more difficult to ignore and control.

"Rose," I began gruffly, my amusement long gone. "I don't know why you're lying, but I know you wouldn't do it without a good reason. And if there's something wrong – something you're afraid of to tell the others –"

Pivoting so smoothly swiftly on her heel that the entire movement was fluidly silent, Rose turned to face me again whilst trying to pull away from me by flattening her back against the door. Feeling the tips of my calloused fingertips drag over the silken skin covering her collarbone and neck; they tingled in a shock of need as they landed on the opposite shoulder.

Unable to hide herself when we were so close that I felt surrounded by the heated scent of her, Rose's desperation was so starkly visible I was stunned into silence. I had only ever seen her on the brink once before…and it was not a memory I wanted to relive.

"I'm not afraid. I do have my reasons, and believe me, what happened with Stan was _nothing_ ," she argued vehemently, though the tiny tremor in her voice couldn't be disguised. "Really. All of this is just something stupid that got blown out of proportion. Don't feel sorry for me or feel like you have to do anything. What happened sucks, but I'll just roll with it and take the black mark. I'll take of everything. I'll take care of me."

 _But you don't have to_ ; I wanted to point out gently as I looked down at her; my fingers softly exerting the tiniest fraction of pressure before loosening up. It was the only touch I allowed myself because anything more was dangerous.

Already I could feel the prolonged effect of being this close to her wrap around me in a fantasy…and fantasies were all I had to live on. They were all that kept me going during the hours that I lay awake when I should have slept…

… _Lunging forward with a desperation I couldn't contain…to touch her, hold her… I wrapped both arms around Rose and pulled her tightly to my chest; cradling her against me protectively. Feeling her tremble in my arms, I groaned quietly into the hair above her ear as my lips caressed the fragile curve._

' _Talk to me, Roza,' I whispered into her ear; my fingers at her spine strumming lightly up and down in a soothing caress. 'Tell me what's going on. Don't shut me out. I only want to help you, but I can't if you don't trust me enough to let me.'_

 _Running my lips upwards as she curved into me and pressed herself so tightly against my chest it felt as though her heartbeat was my own, I pressed tiny kisses along her hairline. Stopping at her forehead, my lips passed back and forth over the smooth skin as she shivered in my arms._

' _Dimitri," she whimpered, burrowing closer into me. I could feel the bite of her nails through the leather of the duster at my back. 'I…can't. I can't tell you.'_

' _Why not? Do you honestly think that I would think less of you? That the reasons would matter to me at all? All I want to do is help you. Let me, please.'_

 _Sliding a hand slowly upward over the vertebrae of her spine, my fingers wound their way through the tangled mass of hair caught at her nape. Gently tugging on it so that Rose's head tipped back, my lips meandered downwards from her forehead and towards the bridge of her nose. Kissing the tip of it lightly as I heard her breath catch and her heart jump erratically, I continued downwards._

' _Tell me everything, Roza,' I cajoled quietly against her mouth; gently capturing her plump bottom lip as she arched against me. 'I will protect you…I swear. I won't ever let anything or anyone harm you. Trust me…trust me…tell me…'_

 _But I couldn't do any of that_ , I ordered myself savagely as I pulled my thoughts away from what could never be my reality. I couldn't hold her without breaking the vow I had made to myself and the brethren I belonged to. I couldn't touch her without succumbing to the magnetic pull of our sexual attraction…and I couldn't promise to protect her when I had sworn to protect another over anything or anyone else.

So instead I said in a quiet murmur that still betrayed the longing that I felt…not just for her, but for every fantasy I could never make true. "You don't have to do this alone."

Unavoidable mockery – aimed at both of us – curled around the muscles of Rose's mouth as she watched me critically. "You say that," Rose challenged; her normal mask of bravado firmly in place once again. "But tell me the truth. Do you go running to others when you have problems?"

Narrowing my eyes as I realised she had caught me as neatly with my own words as I had done earlier to her, I shook my head. She had to understand that not everything in life was equal and that it couldn't be dealt with in the same way.

"That's not the same –"

"Answer the question, comrade."

"Don't call me that."

"And don't avoid the question either."

Tapping the tip of my index finger in irritation against the slender muscling of her back, I realised she was using my solitary existence at the Academy against me. She already knew that apart from the time spent training her and the other novices; I kept to myself – by choice.

But we were both very different in that regard. I was a solitary creature by nature; Rose was not. Naturally extroverted to my natural introvert, she thrived on the attention and company of others, whilst I withdrew. There were only a handful of people outside of my immediate family that I would willingly seek for company and she had to realise that there was were the difference lay.

"No," I replied with heavy reluctance, acknowledging to myself that she wasn't going to realise the difference because she had not lived long enough to recognize it. "I try to deal with my problems on my own."

Arching her brow, Rose nodded in satisfaction at my reply, "see?" Sliding out from beneath my touch, my fingers and palms tingled from the loss, but I stopped myself from reaching out to her as I again tried to remind her that our circumstances were different…that she had people who she _could_ rely on.

"But you have a lot of people in your life you can trust, people who care about you. That changes things."

Tilting her head quizzically to the side, Rose looked at me as though hearing something that was unsaid in the emphatic tone of my voice…something that she knew already. "You don't have people who care about you?"

Having my words turned on me again, my brows lowered over my eyes as I thought through her question and my answer. For me, it was never a matter of the comfort of others. I had been raised to shoulder my own burdens; to not seek the help of others because there was no guarantee that it would be there for the asking in return. Self-reliance in my world has been a necessity, but not in hers.

"Well, I've always had good people in my life…and there have been people who cared about me. But that doesn't necessarily mean I could trust them or tell them everything."

Could she hear exactly what it was that I was trying to say? Would she be able to know the difference between relying on others and confiding?

Leaning back against the door, Rose closed her eyes and ran her fingers warily through the tangled mass of her hair. Pulling lose the tie, she re-knotted it at her nape of her neck and opened her eyes to look at me again; completely unaware that in the seconds she had them closed, I had begun to reach for her.

The reasons why I shouldn't, no longer seemed as important as they had an hour ago or even a minute ago.

"Do you trust me?" Rose voiced quietly, pushing away from the door, but making no attempt to get any closer to me as she fiddled with her cup and sloshed around the remains of the chocolate now gone cold.

Reluctant to reply at first – not because I didn't; she was one of the very few that I trusted unconditionally – but because I was confused by why she would even ask it in the first place, I tried to look deeper, to probe beneath the surface, but for once, Rose wasn't giving much away.

"Yes."

Opening the door, Rose looked over her shoulder as she moved further away from me, distancing herself it seemed from me before she gave away what it was she was hiding. "Then trust me now, and don't worry about me just this once." Closing it quietly behind her, she left me alone with her parting words and my own thoughts.

 _Don't worry about me just this once_ …how could I not?

I was no closer to understanding what had happened with Stan now than I was an hour ago and even more convinced that Rose was deliberating downplaying everything. Trusting her was one thing, but if that issue of trust was somehow used as a smokescreen to hide something far more dangerous, than how could I?

Frustrated by my worry, lack of progress and the knowledge that Rose wouldn't talk to me, I contemplated going after her, but stopped myself. No one knew better than I did that if Rose didn't want to talk, there wasn't anyone who could change that…except maybe one.

 _Lissa…_

Glancing over my shoulder at the rising sun shrouded in thick mist that would be cold and moist to the touch, I knew that I couldn't find her before curfew fell and it only added to my frustration. I didn't like having so many unanswered questions…not when it came to Rose.

Throwing away the empty cup and pushing in the chairs, I crossed the porch and was out into the open a second later; hoping that the icy air of early morning would be able to clear my mind. Breathing in deep lungful's, the bite of cold did very little to help as I crossed the frozen garden between the administration building and the outside arena used during the warmer months.

All but empty as the first warning blare of the curfew sounded, the only other person around was one that I would normally have wanted to speak to, but not in the frame of mind I was in right now.

"Dimitri!"

Wrapping the folds of the duster around me, I nodded towards Dustin in greeting as he ambled towards me; the deadened grass crunching beneath the souls of his boots. He hadn't been at the hearing; his shift only having just ended, but I had no doubt that he would have already heard about what had happened.

Watching me carefully as he stopped a few inches away, Dustin assessed my mood before he began. It wasn't hard, I was sure that it was obvious in every line of my tensely held body.

"So…community service? Your girl dodged a bullet there, son. We're you able to talk to her?"

"Yes."

"And…?"

"What do you want me to tell you, Dustin? That I know the reason, that even if I did, it made sense? I can't because I don't and it doesn't."

"And it pisses you off because she's your student."

"I'm not angry. I just…I just wish I knew what happened."

Turning towards housing, Dustin nodded towards it and we began a slow walk back.

"I don't think she did it deliberately."

Glancing over to him as we crossed over the iced walkway, I asked, "why do you think that? You're the only one besides myself who doesn't."

"I was on observation watch earlier in the kitchen. Rose was with Christian during the culinary science class before the…well, you know. Rose might have stepped up her game when she saw me there, but there was nothing contrived about how watchful she was of him when she thought I was gone and wasn't watching."

"I saw the same thing when Emil, Grier and I attacked in the corridor. She orientated herself around Christian more than she did Lissa. I don't even think she realised she was doing it. That's why none of this makes any sense, Dustin."

Brushing aside at the shrubbery, Dustin looked at me with eyes that missed nothing. "You're worried about Rose, aren't you?"

"Yes…I am."

"Look, this is the kind of pressure the novices are going to have to live with the rest of their lives if they graduate to become guardians. It's our job to train and prepare them as much as we can, but ultimately, it isn't our job to care or worry about them and its better if they fail now, rather than out in the field."

"She didn't fail, Dustin," I pointed out sharply, compelled once again to defend her even as I realised that I should have kept myself distanced from it…from her.

"Not in the strictest sense of the word, but we're arguing semantics here. All I'm saying is that you can't take this personally. It's not a poor reflection on you if your student doesn't live up to expectations. Our jobs at the end of the day are to protect the Moroi, not dhampir. They come first, Dimitri."

 _They come first_ …I repeated to myself, knowing he was right, but I was surprised by the resentment I suddenly felt towards a phrase that I had always thought was the defining trait of my loyalty, honour and duty to the Moroi.

Disturbed, I tried to understand it as I listened to Dustin drone on in the background, but I couldn't. I didn't understand where it was coming from or why I was feeling it now, all I knew was that I could feel the resentment trigger a shift in my priorities; a divide in my loyalties...and it terrified me.

"Dimitri? Dimitri?!"

Blinking as I pulled myself away from the horror of my thoughts and the implications I didn't want to think about, I focused on Dustin as he frowned at me. Hand on the handle of the door leading to the lobby of housing, he held it open.

"No. You're right," I covered quickly, smiling weakly at him as I walked ahead into the warmth of the lobby. "I shouldn't take this personally. I think I'm just tired."

"You look it. When was the last time you slept? I know you're burning the candle at both ends to help out with the shifts you'll miss during the trial, but you need to sleep too, son." Smacking me lightly on the shoulder, he headed towards the showers without a backward glance; completely unaware as to the turmoil roiling in my head.

Standing still for a few seconds longer, I watched until he disappeared before making my way up the stairs and along the second floor.

Reaching my room, I closed the door and rested warily back against it; my eyes automatically searching and finding the letter that had sent me from it earlier. It was ironic really that what had been the cause of my sleepless nights before seemed so harmless in comparison to what I now faced.

Shrugging out from beneath the duster, I hung it on the wardrobe door and sank heavily onto my bed, but I knew that I would find no sleep, not when the thought that had terrified me before had suddenly become crystal clear.

I knew what the divide was. I knew _who_ the divide was and I also knew that I could never choose her over what made up the greatest part of me; the part that I would have to sacrifice in order to have her…

 _My honour …._

A/n: Dear guest reviewer. To answer your question, I would be working on _the wedding_ and all its bits and pieces only after completing _BTBOMS_ …

P.S. Can't you give me some sort of moniker to let me know that it's you…not being able to reply to guest reviews is frustrating enough already.


	12. Chapter 12

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twelve ~

 _They come first…they come first…they come first…_

The monotony of those words repeated over and over again in the deepest recesses of my chaotic mind as I lay awake hours after I should have been asleep and tried to untangle my conflicted thoughts…all of which revolved around one person.

 _Rose…_

Shifting restlessly atop the rumpled sheets and bedding that had been shoved to the bottom of the mattress; I crossed my left arm beneath the pillow and lay the right along my bare chest. Rubbing absently along the hard vaulting of the ribs, I exhaled slowly and deeply, trying to expel the tension from my limbs and from my lungs, but it didn't help.

Not when all I could think about was the guilt I felt towards those who should have had my full attention and the anger I felt towards myself for knowing that they didn't.

The divide that I now faced; a shift in my priorities, away from the Moroi and towards Rose, had horrified me when the realisation had first struck, but now, it only seemed inevitable. I was angry towards myself for allowing the resentment…for feeling it, but in the end, I didn't really have much hope in fighting against it.

I thought back to when it had formed and realised that it hadn't been any one thing or even that had created it…it had been a gradual shift. On that I had largely ignore for a long time. It was only now, as I watched Rose struggling that it triggered the deeper emotion that I had always thought I kept so well controlled.

I hadn't accepted it fully. There were too many consequences – most to dire to think about – for that to happen easily, and so I would learn to live with it, like I had my love for Rose…but only this time, I wouldn't allow it to interfere.

Scoffing quietly to myself as I thought this, I sat up and swung my legs over the bed as the sound echoed around the quiet room and amplified; mocking me. If I _had_ fully accepted that what I was thinking was almost tantamount to treason, I would have been asleep by now.

Running my hands through my lose hair, I hung my head slightly and rubbed the back of my neck; looking down at my bare feet against the thick grey of the standard carpeting in housing. The logical course of action…the rational course, would have been to avoid Rose until I could compartmentalize everything I was feeling, but I was only fooling myself if I thought that was possible.

It hadn't been before and after the incident with Stan, it certainly wouldn't be now.

Again resentment flared as I shook my head slightly and narrowed my gaze, but this time it had nothing to do with honour-bond duty and _everything_ to do with Rose keeping secrets from me.

Resigned, but feeling no easier or less conflicted about my decision, I closed my eyes and tried to find a quieter corner of my mind…one not filled with guilt, indecision and wary acceptance. I was tired; by this point I couldn't remember the last time I had slept through four-hours, but as the light on the inter-housing telephone began to flash, I realised sleep was still a long way off.

Curious as to who was trying to reach me; most guardians would have just knocked, I lifted the receiver. "Yes?"

" _This is Henry from the lobby. I'm sorry to disturb you, Guardian Belikov, but there's a student here who is insisting on speaking to you."_

Getting to my feet in a rush of heightened adrenaline, my fingers clenched convulsively around the handset of the phone – both in anticipation and anxiety. I had no way of knowing it was Rose, but just the possibility that it was set my pulse hammering through my veins.

"Who is it, Henry?" I asked quietly, calmly, surprised almost that I sounded so detached.

" _Edison Castile,"_ he huffed tightly down the line, clearly not appreciating a student demanding _anything_ even as I felt my pulse quieten with disappointment. _"I've explained to him that you're off duty and more than likely asleep, but he's being very persistent. Should I send him away?"_

"No," I muttered, cradling the phone between my jaw and shoulder as I reached for a white, long-sleeved t-shirt and began to feed my arms through it. "I'll be right down. Thank you."

Replacing the receiver, the hand not occupied with pulling on my shirt reached for the trainers at the foot of the bed. _What was so urgent that Eddie would leave Lissa alone after curfew_ , I thought tensely as I slipped them on. I knew there were no planned attacks until the start of the new day, but he didn't. It made no sense that he would risk exposing both himself and Lissa; he knew better, so what was the problem?

Eying my stake hanging in its custom-made leather sheath, I considered leaving it, but habit and a strong instinct of preservation made it almost impossible to leave the room without it.

Out of the door a second later; stake safely stowed and concealed in the pocket of the cotton sweats, I strode through the quiet corridor and jogged quickly down the stairs. Spying the lobby monitor first as I reached the bottom of the stairwell, Eddie wasn't far away.

Dressed similarly but with the addition of a dark grey hoody, Eddie smiled apologetically as he saw my concern and walked forward to meet me. Sandy hair flattened to the left of his skull, he rubbed at the grit in his eyes.

"Eddie? What is it? Is something wrong with Lissa?"

Stifling a yawn, Eddie's sleep-glazed hazel eyes widened as he heard the alarm in my voice. "No. No, no, no, no," he rushed to reassure me; shaking loose the hold of slumber. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, but Lissa needs to talk to you."

Exhaling in relief, I ran my fingers through my hair as Eddie's expression turned from apologetic to sheepish…and a touch harassed. Puzzled by his behaviour and still not understanding what this was all about, I cocked my head quizzically.

"Lissa needs to talk to me…right now?" Glancing over to the clock set on the wall above the front desk, it was a little after 9am; curfew had been enforced three hours ago and everyone on campus – aside from the guardians on duty – should be asleep.

"Yeah," Eddie confirmed, looking at the clock and rubbing his hands over the tired features of his face…I knew the feeling. "She won't sleep until she talks to you. I never realised how stubborn she is before now – must be something she learnt from Rose."

Chuckling weakly, Eddie looked as though the discovery wasn't exactly welcome. "I tried to argue that I wasn't supposed to leave her; that the attacks could come when we're sleeping too, but she was adamant that I find you."

Ignoring the comment about the mulish nature of Rose Hathaway – something that _I_ was already all too familiar with, I pushed for the answers I wanted whilst feeling only mild irritation that Eddie had given into Lissa's demands so quickly – denying her anything was almost as difficult as it was Rose.

"Why? What does she want to talk about?"

"Victor Dashkov's trial."

Watching Eddie's posture stiffen in reaction to the words he had just voiced, my own reacted in the same way, only it was far more violent. Noticing that Henry's twitching ears were swivelling around to catch more news about a name he knew all too well, I nodded towards the lobby doors and the privacy of outside.

Leaving without a word, the early morning air was thick with cold, moist mist and more than just a hint of late winter snowfall as we pushed through the doors. Eddie huddled into his hoody against the chill, but I felt nothing more than the heat of molten, mind-numbing rage.

"Rose told her, didn't she?"

It wasn't towards Rose that the anger was directed, but towards the continued blight in our existence that was Victor Dashkov.

"Are you mad at Rose for telling us?" Eddie asked in a quiet undertone. He was reacting to whatever it was that my normally inscrutable expression was now betraying. It would have been better for Rose to have kept the information to herself, but I understood why she hadn't. This wasn't something that she could keep from Lissa for very long.

"No, Eddie. I'm not. Who else knows?"

"Just Christian. Rose told us in the Library before curfew. After her…hearing. Lissa's been obsessing about it since we got back to the dorm and won't sleep. This apparently means that I'm not allowed to sleep either." He grumbled ruefully, unable to hide the yawn this time.

"What does Lissa want from me?"

"She wants to talk to you about it…and she wants to know if you can get her… _us_ , into the trial."

Warily scrubbing my hands over my face, I balked internally at the idea of talking to Lissa about this and cursed myself for the hundredth time in allowing Rose to hear about the trial in the first place, but if it was unavoidable at this point, maybe it could serve another purpose.

If Rose wouldn't talk to me about what really happened with Stan, maybe she would talk to her best friend. If she had, it wouldn't be easy prying the information from Lissa; her loyalty to Rose was almost as ironclad as Rose's was to hers, but if I made it clear that it was in Rose's best interests, she might tell me.

"Where is Lissa now, Eddie?"

"Waiting for you in the dorm lobby. I made her promise to stay there, but I don't know how much longer she will."

Uneasy at the thought of Lissa roaming the campus alone – even if the field experience was only for show – I nodded quickly and began a ground-eating stride towards her dormitory. Eddie kept pace with me easily and more than once broke ahead of me. He was as anxious to get to Lissa as I was.

Passing the dorm that housed Christian, I resisted the urge to look upwards at the windows covered by thick curtains. I had no way of knowing for certain that she was with her charge and they were both asleep amidst the drama playing out around them, but it made me feeling slightly less on edge that she wasn't out here.

"You know what happened with Guardian Alto, I'm presuming." I asked Eddie as we closed in on Lissa's dorm. I had my doubts that Rose would confide in Eddie, but they had shared more than just a life-threatening experience and it might be enough for her to trust him. It stung to think that she would…that she would trust someone else more than she trusted me, but it was more important to uncover the truth than it was to sooth my injured pride.

I also needed the opinion of someone with a different perspective…I wasn't so sure anymore that I could rely on my own.

"Yeah. Rose didn't give us much information. Just the bare bones of the story. She said it was nothing; that she screwed up, but it wasn't anything to worry about."

"But you are worried…aren't you?"

"Well…yeah. I told Lissa that it was nothing, but this is Rose were talking about, not some novice losing their nerve. I wasn't conscious for a lot of the time in…Spokane, but listening to Mia and Christian talking about it later made me aware that even though Rose was scared spitless, she never gave up. She never backed down and she never lost her nerve."

"So what happened with Guardian Alto?"

"I don't know…I really don't. We all know she doesn't like him. The rest of us were betting on how much damage she was going to do to him if they were pitted against each other, so when we heard about what happened, none of us understood. Did she say anything to you?"

"No." My reply was short and stopped just short of harsh.

"It's weird. I watched her with Christian in the Library and against Jesse and Ralf. She was so protective over him, so why wouldn't she defend him?"

"Do you believe it was deliberate?"

"No! Never for a second. She was excited for the field experience and she knows how important this is to her future with Lissa. There's no way that she's going to mess this up, Guardian Belikov. All she's ever wanted, from the time I first met her, is to protect Lissa."

Pulling open the doors, I didn't have time to think about Eddie's answers. Lissa – pacing slowly across the lobby carpet – stopped when she saw us. Smiling shyly, she pulled the overlapping edges of her pale pink robe tightly around her middle and tucked thick strands of her pale hair behind her ear.

"I'm so sorry to wake you, Dimitri, but I can't sleep. I know that's no excuse to keep you and poor Eddie awake, but…"

"I understand, Your Highness," I comforted, seeing no real advantage to telling her that she hadn't disturbed me; sleep at the moment was a fond and distant memory. "Eddie's filled me in on the way over here. What is it that you want from me?"

Curling my fingers around her arm, I gently steered her towards the small lounge in the lobby as Eddie followed. Waiting until we were as far away from the lobby monitor – whose ears were swivelling just as frantically to pick up gossip than that of the monitor in guardian housing – Lissa began.

"Rose said that none of us are going, that Queen Tatiana doesn't want us there because she's afraid that we're going to cause a commotion and she wants the trial kept quiet. I can understand all of that, and in her position, I might even have done the same thing, but I'm not in her position. We need to testify against him. It's the only way that he'll be punished properly. Is there no way that you can get us in?"

Gazing into the beseeching depths of her pale green eyes, I knew why Eddie had such difficulties in denying her and it had nothing to do with compulsion. Lissa was so openly and honestly vulnerable that it made it difficult to keep eye contact.

Watching Eddie from the corner of my eye as he shuffled uncomfortably from one foot to the other, my lips twitched upward into a wry grin as he eyed me just as ruefully. It was almost as though he was happy that I wasn't immune to Lissa's vulnerability…it made him feel less susceptible.

"I'm sorry, Lissa, but there isn't anything that I can do."

As much as I didn't want any of them near Victor, I did feel genuinely disappointed that I wasn't able to help sooth her fears. Going to Court and facing him wouldn't help to exorcize the ghost of his malice…it would only prove that she could never truly escape either him or what he had done.

Folding her arms in frustration over her chest, Lissa nodded, but not in defeat as I watched the vulnerability in her eyes turn to steely determination. Most saw Rose as the tenacious, unstoppable half of a pair that had been together since early childhood, but they often overlooked Lissa's quiet, understated strength because it was largely overshadowed by the bigger personality of Rose.

They were all fools if they thought for a single second that she wasn't as doggedly determined as Rose.

"Rose said as much. I just had to ask." Lissa conceded softly. "I'm going to speak to Guardian Petrov and Headmistress Kirova before school starts. One of them must be able to do something, speak to someone. I have to be at that trial, Dimitri."

"I understand why you feel that way, Lissa, but neither Guardian Petrov nor the Headmistress will be able to change the Queen's mind on this. She wants to keep you safe and that means away from the trial," I reasoned not quite truthfully when I saw Lissa's purpose turn to disappointment.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that she would be wasting her time. The Queen's motives for keeping those who had the most to gain from seeing Victor behind bars weren't as transparently obvious as Lissa would have thought or liked.

"I'm the reason there's a trial at all, Dimitri. I'm the reason that Victor Dashkov tried to hurt Rose, Christian and anyone else that got in his way. I'm the reason that the people I love most in the world are not safe. I can't just sit at the Academy and act like it's any other school day when it's not. We're never going to be safe until he's put away and the only way I can do that is by being at the trial to testify…I have to testify!"

Hearing the distress in her voice as it rose in pitch and tone, I gently clasped the rounded balls of her shoulders and pulled her closer as Eddie – acting almost unconsciously to her distress – moved in closer on her right.

"Listen to me, Lissa," I ordered softly, stooping to bring our eyes level. "Victor will be sentenced to either life in prison – which he won't survive as the severity of his illness catches up, or death for his crimes. You being there to testify in person won't change that. Either way, he won't be able to ever hurt you or anyone else that you love."

Exhaling unsteadily, Lissa closed her eyes in a visible attempt to calm herself. Rubbing carefully up and down her arms in an act of sympathetic support, she opened her eyes to look up at me as I smiled down at her. "You can't let him consume every day of your life like this, okay? If you do, then he's won already, Lissa."

Nodding at my sage words, Lissa returned my smile with a weak attempt of her own. "You're right; I know you are. It's just the thought of him being free, of coming…no, no, I'm not going to think about it anymore. I don't want him intruding on my life."

Releasing Lissa with an approving nod and satisfied that she would be able to put Victor Dashkov for her mind, at least for the moment, I should have sent them back up the stairs to sleep, but this was the perfect opportunity to question her about a more pressing concern: Rose. It was also further proof that despite every protective instinct I felt rising for Lissa; those for Rose were much, much stronger.

"Lissa?" I asked quietly, pushing aside the guilt to be deal with on another day.

"Hmmm?"

"I know you're tired, but there's actually something that I need to talk to you about."

Her pale eyes flickering over me with an accurately, assessing gaze, Lissa laced her fingers together and wryly asked, "Rose?"

"Yes. Did she say anything to you about what happened with Guardian Alto?"

"Not really. Just that she messed up and didn't do it on purpose."

"And?"

"And I believe her, but it's just…"

"Just what?"

"I know her. And I do believe what she said, but there's something else…something more. She thinks that she can protect me all the time by downplaying things that are happening – especially with her, because she doesn't want me to worry, but I know when she's lying; even if she thinks that I don't."

"What do you think she's lying about?"

"That's the part that I don't know, I just know that she is. My mind keeps going back to Spokane…and Mason, but I don't know if that's it."

 _Mason…_

Considering her opinion, I found myself actually agreeing with her. I hadn't given much thought to Mason since yesterday, but Lissa could be right. If Rose was somehow projecting her own guilt over Mason's death into her defence against the attacking guardian's posing as mock Strigoi, it could explain why she had froze.

"You're worried about her, aren't you, Dimitri?"

"Yes," I replied truthfully, even as I latched onto the Mason theory. "She wouldn't talk to me earlier and I doubt that as time passes she'll change her mind. I can't keep my eye on her during the field experience because my time is divided and we no longer have our regular training sessions, so I'm going to ask you a favour, Lissa."

"Anything. For Rose…anything."

"Keep an eye on her. Look for things that aren't normal; things that are odd or would constitute odd behaviour…and don't let her know that you're looking. The harder we push for the answers, the faster she'll shut us out. You understand?"

"Of course."

"Thank you, I'll let you get some sleep. Good night, Lissa." Nodding towards Eddie, I gave him a look he could easily interpret – no more night-time wandering – and made to move towards the door to leave, but Lissa stopped me by reaching out and laying a hand on my arm.

"Dimitri?"

Turning back towards her, the expression on her face was easy enough to read even before the words of her appreciation were spoken. "Thank you for caring about Rose…and me." Not waiting for my reply, Lissa turned on her heel with Eddie following closely behind, but I could swear I saw the faintest hint of a blush before she disappeared.

Watching until they had climbed the stairs and were out of sight, I sunk my hands into the pockets of the sweated and left the dorm. Breathing deeply into the icy, Montana air, I made my way back to housing whilst the knot of guilt in my chest threatened to crack my ribs.

Lissa, as well as every other Moroi I would ever give my service too, gave me their absolute trust…trust that I would protect them, that I would put their interest above any others, and six months ago, that trust would have been justified, but it felt as though I was deceiving them now because it wasn't strictly the case anymore.

Now, I felt as though I was a fraud…


	13. Chapter 13

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Okay, so for those of you that have read _The Temptation of Touch_ , you will recognize some of the dialogue in this chapter. I've taken bits and modified it to fit into the current theme of _BTBOMS_. Sorry, the original ending of _TTOT_ doesn't apply here.

For those of you that haven't read _TTOT_ , this chapter is adapted from Rose's pain-induced memory in _Blood Promise_ of her encounter with Dimitri in the gym whilst cleaning his wound.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirteen ~

Extending my left arm, I slowly rotated the ball and joint of my shoulder counter-clockwise before wincing as I felt the stiffness in the socket.

Having just completed my fifth 'attack' since the start of the field experience five days ago; this time against Marcus West, I had thought I had come off the encounter relatively unscathed, but the ache in the joint told me otherwise.

At the time of the attack I hadn't felt the inflammation developing; not with my adrenaline level high enough to block out everything else and the flow of hot, rushing blood engorging the nerve endings…but I was feeling it now.

I had to feel a little sympathy for Marcus; he had shown very admirable dedication to defend and protect, but it just hadn't been enough. With his final defensive action and in a last gasp attempt to keep me from 'killing' him after springing an attack on the outskirts of the upper quad, Marcus had tried to wrench my arm behind my back.

He would have succeeded if I had been any slower. Pivoting on my heel at the last second had sent him flying off balance and caught off guard, he had been unable to defend himself, leaving him morosely defeated and his Moroi my next unfortunate 'victim'.

Continuing to rotate until the mobility was slightly less stiff; I shook off the marginal twinge of pain and continued to stack the free weights in the gymnasium store-room. Crouching, I aligned the dumbbells on the rack according to weight and was reaching for the last one when I heard footsteps echo through the cavernous hall of the gym.

"Where the hell did I leave them?!"

Tensing instinctively as the sound of an irately, feminine growl travelled easily through the thick layers of brick and mortar of the dividing wall and into the small room, my brow furrowed inwards as I recognized the voice instantly.

Forcing my muscles to loosen against an almost involuntary reaction to being this close to Rose, I stacked the last of the free weights and straightened up; rising from my crouch to stare at the wall that separated me from the one person on this campus I had very deliberately set out to avoid over the past three days.

Since reluctantly realising and grudgingly admitting that my loyalties toward the Moroi had begun to divide and my priorities had started to shift away from Lissa and towards Rose, I had been struggling to come to terms with what it meant for me.

Knowing that I couldn't go back; that I couldn't undo my already questionable mind-set, I had tried to make peace with it as best I could so that I could at least move forward rather than standing still and regretting the past…but I was soon to learn that there was no making peace with the knowledge that I was beginning to question _everything_ I had ever been taught.

And so instead of addressing the problem and finding a proactive solution, I had given the problem a wide berth.

It hadn't been difficult to steer clear of Rose. When not attacking, the field experience didn't allow for much time outside of reports and observations, and even those I had kept as fleeting as possible.

Staying only as long as was necessary to note her awareness of her surroundings and the interactions with Christian and her fellow novices, I had forced myself to move on without a backward glance; telling myself it was for the best and that I could live with this, but not the alternative.

Except that every time I told myself that and walked away from her, I felt like a coward.

Rose wasn't to blame for any of it…how could she be?

She could never have known that I would have been so drastically reshaped by a love we had both fought so hard against that it would leave me virtually unrecognisable to myself. She could never have known that the extent of the conflict for that love was shaking apart my core beliefs in the oath that I had made.

She could never have known that I would feel as though my entire centre of gravity had been thrown off by that realisation…and she could never have known that I would have little choice but to resort to putting distance between us when it was the very last thing I wanted.

But I still had that oath to upkeep; a sworn and sacred duty to uphold. The job of protecting the Moroi was still mine to do and for as long as it was, I had to do it to the best of my ability. Failure in that just wasn't something that I could ever afford…no matter what it would cost me in the long run or how much I felt a fraud for even thinking it.

Listening to the irritated slam of a locker door followed by angry muttering as it drifted towards me through the wall, I knew that if I was going to have any hope of keeping to my self-imposed abstinence I had to leave before Rose saw me.

I couldn't risk being alone with her right now. She wouldn't understand why I would act standoffish and distant towards her and the very last thing I ever wanted was to deliberately hurt her again…even if it was for her own good.

This was my punishment, not hers.

Hiding my hands and the yearning in the curl of my fingers within the safety of the pockets of my light-weight, nylon jacket, I tried to breathe around the knot in my chest, but it was almost impossible to fill my lungs against the heavy weight pressing on my chest.

Turning away, I crossed the length of the small store-room with brisk strides, closing the door quietly behind me as I eyed the exit of the gym as though it was my own personal salvation. Calculating that it would take no more than a few seconds to reach it and be out, I took the first step towards it, but stopped as my body suddenly mutinied against me.

"What are you doing, Dimitri?" I asked myself in a furious whisper; my heartrate accelerating dangerously as my eyes fixated on the door of the change-room to the left. Battling between curiosity and self-disgust for a second longer, curiosity won out…just.

I tried to convince myself that it was because I wanted to know where Christian was; Rose couldn't afford another strike against her and he very obviously wasn't in the locker-room, but I was fooling myself into believing that it wasn't just about seeing her, hearing her voice, feeling her warmth…

The first day of my plan to avoid Rose had been the most difficult. Still worried about her, I had stuck rigidly to my shaky resolve and had eventually made it to morning, but I had felt as though I was a lifelong addict going through court-ordered withdrawal.

The next day had been better…and worse. Having not seen or heard anything about her from the guardians observing her and Christian, I had almost crumbled, but finding Lissa leaving Alberta's office with Eddie in tow had helped to supplement the addiction.

Recalling now the look of disappointed preoccupation on her face, I had accurately guessed that her talk to Alberta about letting her and others go to Victor Dashkov's trail next week hadn't gone well…

…' _She said that we couldn't go, Dimitri. Why won't they let us in?'…_

Genuinely baffled, Lissa had left not long after we had discussed Rose and her lack of progress in getting her to truthfully admit what had happened with Stan. More preoccupied than when I had first seen her, Lissa had almost collided with Adrian Ivashkov when leaving.

Appearing – for a change – as though he was completely sober, the young Royal had wrapped a consoling arm around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear. I hadn't been able to hear what he had said, but Lissa had looked considerably happier afterwards.

And now, on the third day; late into Friday night, I was finding that the torment of Rose was even more potent for the fact that she was only a few feet away from me…and it was a potency that I could no longer resist.

Sighing as I felt myself fail against what I knew was right and what I wanted, I rested my left shoulder against the dividing wall and waited for Rose to leave the change-room. Crossing my legs at the ankle, I slowly began to flip the switches of the main florescent lights.

Watching as the gym was slowly plunged into dim darkness lit only from the recessed light as it cast long shadows throughout the room; I hoped the trick of light would hide my expression as I saw her. Ideally, I should have been able to keep my face blank, but that just wasn't going to happen.

Thinking as I waited, I wondered when it was exactly that my ability for detachment – a skill as invaluable as any we were taught during training as it was often the only difference between life and death – had vanished without a trace?

The almost violent creaking of the change-room door being shoved open caught at my attention as Rose crossed the threshold into the gym. Flattening myself against the wall as she paced a few steps forward; I was now behind and to her right, hidden in the half-shadows cast by the bleachers.

Tilting my head back until the crown rested against the wall, I folded my arms behind me as I observed Rose covertly. Dressed in tight-fitting black jeans beneath calf-length boots matching in colour, her hair was restrained in a tight bun caught low at the nape of her neck; the bottom of the silken bulge rested against the high-collar of the midnight-blue jersey she wore.

Still muttering to herself about whatever mysterious reason had driven her here in the first place, Rose rested her hands on her waist and cocked a hip as she looked around the gym. Shaking her head, she tapped her foot impatiently against the polished surface of the floor.

Annoyed that she was here alone; a bad sign as it would have meant Christian was somewhere on campus without his guardian, but also dually giddy that Rose was within touching distance, I forced myself to behave and asked instead.

"Where is Christian, Rose?"

Whirling around so suddenly that she became a blur of blue wool and black denim in the shadowy half-light, Rose faced me with eyes first widely startled from the voice in the dark and then dangerously narrowed as she ground out between tightly clenched teeth and compressed lips.

"Damn it! Don't do that!"

Arching a brow coolly at her, I pushed lightly away from the wall and folded my arms over my chest to regard her intently. "If I had been Strigoi, Rose…"

Waving me off in a way that was uniquely dismissive to only her, Rose rolled her eyes as her aggressive posture relaxed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I would be dead by now. Story of my life, comrade. What are you doing lurking around in the dark anyway…? You're not going to attack me, are you?"

Grinning grimly at her sudden panic to a thought that had only _just_ occurred to her, I shook my head reassuringly.

"Firstly, I'll have you know that I don't lurk and secondly, no, I'm not attacking you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not observing you…and the first thing that I would notice is that your Moroi was nowhere to be found, so again I ask. Where is Christian, Rose?"

Sniffing indignantly, Rose lifted her chin to me. "Christian is with Lissa and Eddie in the library. I asked him to cover for both of us for a few minutes and he agreed."

Heaving a sigh heavy with exasperation that was teetering on the edge of the type of anger I rarely expressed and even more rarely felt towards Rose, I stalked ominously closer to her; wondering when, if ever, she would begin to take _anything_ seriously.

"Rose…you're not taking this seriously. If you're caught away from Christian…"

"I am taking this seriously!" She interrupted explosively, her hands clenching angrily at her sides. "Do you really think I want to sit through another disciplinary hearing? Like I don't already feel like a complete idiot for letting Stan hand me my ass?!"

The reminder of Stan was not a welcome one and it only pushed me closer to the brink. "Then why have you left him alone? You can't anticipate when the guardians are going to attack or when they'll be observing you. What do you think is going to happen if they find you away from Christian again? I can't protect you from everything, Rose!"

The resentment that surged through me as I said those words was strong enough to tighten the knot of misery and guilt in my chest again. I knew that what I had just said was the truth of the matter that was the most important to me, but I also knew that I wanted her to understand it.

I needed her to understand that if I had another choice, I would protect her from anything or anyone, but I didn't and she needed to be as aware of that as I was.

Seeming to hear what it really was that I couldn't say aloud, Rose inhaled deeply through her nose as her eyes closed for a fraction of a second. Opening them again, the understanding in the beautiful brown depths of them made the knot ache again…but in a different, far more painful way.

"I know you can't protect me, Dimitri…and I'm not asking you to. I'm grateful that you defended me at the hearing, but I can do that myself. You're the one who's always saying that I need to learn to depend on only me – that when help is there, use it, but never to expect it, remember?"

Shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket, the recollection of those words came back to mock me. She was remembering what I had always warned her of, but I was the one that was having trouble remembering and sticking to them.

"I know that, Rose. I just don't want you jeopardizing everything. What are you really doing here?"

"Looking for something," she hedged, now almost sheepishly contrite as her hands slide into the front pocket of her jeans and she rocked forward on her toes.

"Yes, I figured that much out already," my deceptively patient voice confirmed. "What exactly?"

"Something that I misplaced."

"Rose, evading my question isn't going to work and is only going to keep you here longer than you need to be."

"Fine," the response was grumbled disgruntledly. "I lost another pair of socks and was hoping they were here. I've looked everywhere else…my room, Christian's room, his dorm lounge, every bag I have, but I just can't find them."

Disbelief froze my facial features as I listened to the reason she had willingly left her Moroi undefended, but the freeze didn't last long as it thawed with angry irritation. "Let me see if I understand this. You're risking removal from the field experience for the _second time this week_ because of a pair of missing socks?!"

"Yes."

"Rose…"

"They're the last pair of matching socks that I have, Dimitri!" she defended quickly, reacting to my low growl of disapproval. "It's not like I can go to the nearest mall and pick some up."

"They're socks. They're unimportant…abandoning Christian isn't."

"Oh for God sakes…I thought I _was_ the one that over-dramatized everything?! Look, I didn't abandon Christian, Dimitri. He's with Eddie, who we both know is more than capable of taking care of two Moroi all by himself, so stop trying to make me feel guilty about it."

A/n: Continued in Chapter Fourteen.


	14. Chapter 14

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Continuation of Chapter Thirteen.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Fourteen ~

Flinching at her remark, I regard her face as it was bathed in the yellow light from overhead. She looked more upset with me for misjudging her dedication than my questioning her motives.

Aching to reach out and caress the high slant of her cheekbone; even if it was just once and fleeting, in apology, I instead kept my hands safely to myself. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but this is more important than socks, Rose."

Then, because I didn't want the parting that was imminent to be tainted with accusations or angry words; even whilst knowing it would be better for both of us if it was, I teased her quietly. "Maybe if you didn't leave your socks lying all over the place, they wouldn't go wandering off. Socks have a habit of doing that, you know."

My own were neatly bundled in a draw; not a single pair mismatched. Yeva Belikova had not been an understanding woman when it came to the loss of any items of clothing…even one's as small as socks and I had learnt from a very early age to never risk her wrath.

Scrunching up her nose at my mocking, Rose scowled up at me good-naturedly.

"I know that; I'm only here for a minute or two and how would you know about disappearing socks anyway? You probably have them organized in chronological order – oldest to newest and then a subsection within each year from oldest to newest. Or am I wrong? Is it done on thread count instead?"

Her intent had been to ridicule me in return, but Rose had no idea just how close she had come to knowing _exactly_ how my sock draw was organised. Covering it up with dry sarcasm as the intimacy of it was almost startling, I instead grinned down at her.

"My socks are my own business, Miss Hathaway, and I'll thank you to remember that."

"Yeah," she smirked knowingly. "That's what I thought, comrade. You can't fool me. Beneath the duster is a man ruled by order and organisation."

"As opposed to what...being ruled by chaos and disorganisation?" I shot back.

"Exactly. You pull everything into line so that I can pull it straight back out again."

Muffling my laughter into my quickly raised fist, the ache of the knot over my heart tightened and loosened almost simultaneously. Staying away from her might have seemed like the logical thing to do seventy-two hours ago, but admitting to myself now that I had missed just arguing with her seemed to make very little sense.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around for a few days. What have you been doing?"

Stiffening at the innocently posed question, I suddenly remembered the very reason that she hadn't seen me…and the very real job that I still had to do. Withdrawing from her; not just physically, but mentally too, I dismissed the levity and tried to find my missing objectivity.

"Attacking… _avoiding you_. Observing… _avoiding you_. Filing in reports… _avoiding you_. Normal field experience criteria, nothing more exciting than that." And then because I couldn't resist even when I should have, I asked quietly, "How is yours going?"

Grimacing, Rose dug her fingers into the pockets of her jeans and shrugged; the upward motion of her shoulders thrust the metallically-tinged, ornamental buttons running along the length of each of her shoulders to shimmer and flash in the low light.

"It's okay, I guess. There just isn't much happening. I've been observed a couple of times, but no attacks since…well, you know. It's a little frustrating. I know that I can prove myself during the field experience, I just need the opportunity… _another_ opportunity."

Nodding in understanding, I made the decision to leave now before I became more involved than I already was, but hearing her mention the Stan debacle again reminded me of another concern on my mind. Lissa might not have been able to get her to confess anything, but that didn't mean I was going to let it stop me know from asking.

"Rose, I'm going to ask you again what happened with Stan, and this time I want you to tell me the truth."

Instantly on guard as the banter between us abruptly ended, Rose eyed me with wary resentment. Clearly not appreciating that I wasn't going to let her sweep this under the carpet of her failure, she hunched her shoulders inwards.

"I told you the truth the last time you asked."

"Not the whole truth…just your version of it."

"As it was my version, why are you still questioning it?"

"I'm not the enemy here, Rose. I only want to help."

"Help how, comrade?"

"What happened with him…does it have anything to do with Mason?"

"Mason?" was the quietly uttered response; the defiance in her voice deflating so swiftly Rose almost sagged as her naturally tanned complexion paled rapidly under the low light. Swallowing convulsively, her pupils dilated as she took a step backward and away from me; her arms crossing defensively over her breasts.

Concerned by the action and wanting to comfort her when I knew that I couldn't, I followed her retreat almost automatically; stopping short of touching her as I stood on the outskirts of the glow provided by the nearest down lighter.

"Rose…what is it? Is that the reason? You feel guilty about Mason so it's affecting your ability to protect and defend?"

Certain that I was on the right path, I swore at myself silently for not realising this sooner. A week after returning to the Academy, Dr. Olendzki had recommended that the four surviving students be given counselling for their ordeal. Mia had been removed by her father by that stage, but the other three had flatly refused to attend.

At the time I had thought it was a good idea but hadn't pushed for it as Alberta hadn't felt it necessary, but maybe I should have pushed for it. There might have been nothing I could do for Eddie or Christian, but with Rose as my student, I might have had more say in the matter.

Watching now as a rush of blood flushed Rose's cheeks angrily, she looked at me as if I had just asked an incredibly stupid question before snapping in reply. "No! Don't be ridiculous. What happened had nothing to do with Mason."

Hearing the angry denial, but feeling that it was almost a diversionary tactic, I pushed it aside to concentrate on replying. "Are you sure? You're carrying around a lot of guilt over his death, Rose. That could be affecting you in ways that you might not even realise."

PTSD of any kind could be delayed for months after the trauma of the event that caused it and often affected the victim on a physiological level.

"Like you do with Ivan?" she challenged tightly, playing me very easily at my own game.

Talking to Rose about Ivan in the beginning had been more about trying to help her identify and sympathise with the feeling of lose and guilt – a cathartic purging if you will, but in the end, it had served another purpose…my own. Having never spoken to anyone about his death and the guilt I carried because of it, the grief of it had built quietly within me.

Trusting Rose enough to talk about it had been almost as painful as Ivan's death, but it had helped to ease the loss.

"Yes. But I've learnt to live with it, Rose. That's why I know that it always stays with you."

"It's not the same thing, Dimitri. Yes, I feel guilty about Mason because the only reason he came back into that house was because of me, but the guilt isn't going to stop me from getting on with my life. Now can we please drop this? I'm over the conversation."

Knowing her well enough to know when she was being evasive, I had no intention of dropping anything. It was dangerous being this close to her, but she wasn't going to walk away from me again until I had the answers that I wanted.

Taking a single step forward into the brighter gleam of the recessed light overhead and that much closer to Rose, I saw her eyes widen with worry as my features were lit from above.

Before I could react…before I could even _think_ of reacting, Rose closed the distance between us to less than an inch. Freezing instinctively as my heart jolted into a pounding, disjointed rhythm, Rose took no notice as she pointed towards my left cheek and blurted out in startled surprise.

"Do you realize you're bleeding to death?"

Frowning at her statement, my fingers reached up and brushed along my left cheek. Moving upward, I was surprised when I found the dried blood flaking against the high point of the bone. The wound was a shallow cut; I could now feel as I prodded it.

It was minor, merely the splitting of skin from a blow from Marcus before his defeat, but judging from Rose's stricken expression, she considered it to be far more serious than I did.

"I wouldn't quite go that far," I answered dismissively, not wanting her to change the subject before I was ready. "It's nothing."

"It's nothing until you get an infection!" Rose retorted fervently, not happy with my indifference.

"You know that's not likely." My voice was firm and with most, would have brooked no arguments, but this was no normal person I was dealing with. When overwrought about something, the little logic that Rose possessed went right out the window…like the fact that she knew we weren't susceptible to common ailments.

Having inherited the best of both species: human endurance and heightened senses coupled with the accelerated healing abilities from the Moroi, there were very few cases of dhampirs becoming ill or even dying from anything as common as germs.

Taking a very conscious step back and away from Rose, I was hoping that she would understand that it was unimportant, but the mulish set to her mouth and the stubborn hardening of her liquid brown eyes told me I was expecting far more than I should have.

Aiming a slender finger at the bathroom attached at the far end of the gym and generally used by the guardians to wash up when time was short, Rose proved my thoughts right and again insisted in a voice that was far sterner than my own had been.

"Come on!"

Feeling as though I was on the verge of stepping onto a very slippery slope that I would have no control over once I was actually on it, I scowled blackly down at her, but knew that it wouldn't deter her.

Nodding once with a stiffness that should have eloquently conveyed just what I thought of this idea, I turned towards the bathroom with her close on my heels as I flipped the switch and watched the small space flood with bright light.

Modestly equipped with a single toilet; a hand-basin beneath a mirror was attached to the wall above it, sat to the side. The white on white tiles should have given it the impression of space, but it was so small that the walls felt as though they were closing in.

Having another person in here under normal circumstances would have been challenging enough to deal with, but having Rose in such a confined place was going to be torture.

Grabbing a clean face-towel from the small cupboard beneath the basin, Rose ran the tap and placed it under the stream of cold water as I made way for her. Perching on the edge of the basin, I crossed my arms over my chest to keep my hands to myself and tried to reason that I was fine.

 _There was nothing to panic about_ , I told myself. _I could simply brush aside Rose's help, thank her without causing offense and simply walk away_ , but I was fooling myself into thinking that with Rose, something that simple was ever easy.

Wringing the cloth until the excess water had been squeezed from it; Rose folded it in half as she reached up to clean the cut. That I could handle, but when her free hand reached up to grasp my chin, panic set in. Cloth between bare skin was one thing…skin on skin was another.

"Rose, really. It's nothing to be concerned about," I almost barked at her; my voice hoarse and rough as I tried to pull away. "Let me clean it, please? You need to get back to Christian."

The excuse wasn't exactly a lie, but she would see straight through it.

Snorting under her breath as my pitiful evasions failed to deter her; Rose dropped the hand that had been steadily inching its way to my face as she regarded me with amusement. "You know that Christian is with Eddie, Dimitri. He'll be fine on his own for a few minutes."

"That's not the point, Rose," I argued again, feeling panicky desperation set in. "We've already had this discussion and you know how important this is. You need to go now and find him."

Seeming unconcerned by this, Rose cocked her head to the side and if anything, regarded me with a complete lack of sympathy for my panic. "For goodness sake, Dimitri. All I'm doing is cleaning a cut on your face. I'm not planning on taking a nap. Now stop arguing with me, please!"

Feeling my lips twitch at the commanding tone of her voice, I tried to oppress the sudden burst of amusement diluting my dread, but failed miserably "Arguing with you is how we normally communicate, Rose. What would we have to say to each other if we didn't?"

"We don't usually say much either way, comrade," Rose countered wryly, twisting her lips up at the corner to make her opinion of my comment known. "You give new definition to the term _'_ silent as the grave'."

"Not all communication has to be at full volume for maximum effect, you know."

"Jesus," Rose muttered in response, rolling her eyes for dramatic effect. "Can you imagine how boring that would be? Now are you going to continue to argue with me or can I be left in peace to clean your face without harassment?"

" _I'm_ harassing _you_?"

Smirking, Rose tilted her head in silent reply. Steeling myself against the unavoidable, I relented with a heavy sigh and lowered my head obediently, still foolishly believing that I could simply walk away at any moment.

Clenching my fingers into fists and pressing them tightly to my upper ribcage, I watched Rose avidly as she again reached up. Hesitating for a second, as if testing to see if I would again stop her, I remained obediently still.

Very gently running the soft cloth over the affected area in long, sweeping motions, the care and restraint in Rose's movements caught me completely off guard. I had been arrogantly certain that as long as her bare fingers did not touch my bare cheek I would be fine, but the heat that transferred through the cloth proved me wrong.

Watching her very carefully for any outward change in her physiology as I struggled to keep my own under wraps, there was nothing to suggest on Rose's part that she was doing anything other than doctoring a wound; I could have been anyone.

Turning my head slightly so that my chin dipped, I gave her easier access, hoping that the torment of her touch would end that much sooner, but as I angled my head, a wayward strand of hair not contained by the tie at the nape of my neck fell forward and brushed against the cut.

Scowling as the interference, Rose transferred the washcloth to between her thumb and forefinger and used the rested of her fingers to capture the hair and tuck it behind me ear. The motion had been innocuous enough, but as she finished tucking, her fingers brushed along the curve of my exposed ear.

Latching onto her hand as a jolt of desire-riddled awareness; surging and inescapable, sizzled through my nerve-endings and almost drove me to my knees, I pulled it away from my face with an almost violent motion.

"Enough," I almost begged; my voice guttural and strained as I tried to regain control. "I'm fine."

I was anything _but_ fine really, but what else could I say? There was nothing that would make this right and nothing that would change what had already happened. I just had to put an end to it now before anything else happened.

Seeming to find no reassurance in my words, Rose asked dubiously, "Are you sure?" as if somehow blaming herself for my reaction as her cheeks flushed slightly and her breathing increased as we continued to touch only the tiniest bit.

"Yes," I rushed to reassure her, my voice now deliberately very low and gentle. None of this was her fault…well, not technically speaking, at any rate, but she shouldn't be made to feel as though she was somehow entirely to blame for the way we felt about each other.

Squeezing her hand gently, I searched for the words that would make this right, but there weren't many that would. I could already feel the barricades that I had put up against her during the time apart begin to fracture and I just wanted her away from me before they completely fell apart.

"Thank you, Roza."

Nodding brusquely at my appreciation, Rose withdrew from me. Washing out the cloth quicky, she hung it over the outer edge of the basin as I rose and moved as far away from her as the tight confines of the bathroom would allow.

"You need to get back to Christian. I mean it, Rose…go. Now!."

"Yeah…okay. I'll see you later."

Turning blindly away from me, Rose was out the door before I could say another word. Slumping back against the hard porcelain rim of the sink, I scrubbed my hands tiredly over my face and the back of my neck as my eyes closed.

Breathing deeply of the air that still held her scent and warmth, the bathroom seemed no larger after Rose's departure, but only lonelier.

Looking up again at the empty doorway, it felt now as though it was a reflection of my life…a metaphor of the emptiness it would become because I could never choose her over the Moroi.

I had fulfilment of duty and responsibility. An oath to keep and a job to do and for a long time I had managed to convince myself that it was all that I needed, but the comfort that should have provided suddenly felt hollow and unappealing if I couldn't have Rose as well.

The conflict within me, I suddenly realised, wasn't just about loyalties and priorities…it was about wanting the best of both worlds…

A/n: Thank you everyone for reading so far, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take a short break until the end of July. This is the busiest time of the year for me, so writing is going to have to take a back seat for a while. Thanks, hope to hear from you soon. T.


	15. Chapter 15

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Hi all. As promised, the end of July. Sorry I couldn't post sooner. Enjoy.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Fifteen ~

"Any interest in poached or scrambled eggs today, Dimitri? Dimitri…Dimitri?"

Blinking into focus as a hand was waved in my face to gain my attention, Grier frowned at me from across the table. Holding out a warm tray divided into smaller compartments heaped with steaming eggs, he offered it to me in silent question.

"Neither, Grier. Thank you." I refused politely as my fingers twirled around the handle of the spoon stuck coldly in the bowl of drying oatmeal. I should have been eating it, but my mind had been too preoccupied to concentrate, so instead, I had been playing with it since arriving at the bustling breakfast table fifteen minutes ago.

Communal breakfasts for guardians as a whole were very rare. With the swinging shifts it often meant that no more than two or three of us were ever off at the same period of time, but during the field experience, the roster placement often crossed over and allowed for larger gatherings – this was just one of those times.

Seven of us were now seated around the table in the dining room used exclusively by guardians. Heavily laden with trays and plates of crispy bacon, toast of every size and variety, eggs, fried onions, buttered croissants, and biscuits, the lemon-scented polish of the oak mingled with the aroma of breakfast and the busy sounds of cutlery on crockery.

Passing the tray down to his left and onto Emil's grasping fingers at my refusal; Grier's expression seemed puzzled at my behaviour. In the time he had known me; my attention had never been given to wander even the slightest bit, much less disappear completely. It wasn't surprising that he was now finding my behaviour odd.

"You okay? You seem…distracted. Are you thinking about the trial?"

No, I actually hadn't been, but as I couldn't actually confess to where my thoughts truly lay…or with _whom_ , it was as convenient an excuse as any. Most of the talk amongst the guardians, when not revolving around the field experience, was about the trial anyway, so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary if I had been.

"A little," I hedged deliberately; pulling the spoon from the congealed, unappealing globe of oatmeal and dutifully continued to eat it. My breakfast routine of oatmeal followed by a Western omelette – set early on as a teenager in Saint Basil's – hadn't changed much since arriving at Saint Vladimir's. The only addition had been fruit.

"Surely with all the evidence against him as well as the testimonials, it should be a done deal?" Grier questioned around a mouthful of cubed melon and a split lip he had received courtesy of a back hand from Meredith Samuels.

"It's Court, son." Dustin drawled to his left as he sat comfortably back in his seat at the foot of the table. Tracing his finger around the coldly perspiring glass of orange juice at his side, his bushy brows rose sardonically in response to Grier's naivety. "There's no telling what will happen."

"Yeah, but…"

"There's no _but's_ about it, Grier. Dashkov is a Royal and the Royals play by a different set of rules to the rest of us. If the Queen feels that imprisoning him would hurt the credibility of the Monarchy in some way, she's not going to throw the book at him…no matter what he did."

Eyeing me, Dustin went back to eating his breakfast as Grier shook his head in disgust and did the same. He was the youngest at the table and still the most idealistic. His perception of the world around us and its recourse of justice was still very one-sided; right or wrong were simply right or wrong. It truly baffled him that there was any other to consider.

"Emil. Pass the toast, please."

"Sure." Reaching over to his left, Emil grabbed the toast rack sitting beside Dustin and swung it to towards Grier. Handing it to him, Emil looked down the table towards Gregor and spotted what he wanted.

"Can you pass the bacon, Jean?"

Scowling at Emil as he smiled sweetly at Jean sitting to my left, Grier shook his head in disgust and sliced open a perfectly poached egg before voicing his revulsion.

"More bacon? Do you know what the grease in that is doing to your arteries, Emil?"

Jean, having set the platter of crispy bacon an inch away from Grier, raised a brow at his opinion of Emil's less than healthy breakfast choice before turning to face Gregor again. Neither of them were eating, but were nursing the habitual cup of coffee as they continued to talk quietly about the performances of the senior novice's.

Scoffing at Grier, Emil held out his hand impatiently and retorted snidely from a jaw that was puffy and scratched after a scuffle yesterday with the West twins that had seen him _staked_ by the elder of the two.

"Shut up and pass the pig, man. My arteries are fine."

"Of course they are," Maia Reznikova quipped sardonically to my right; the Moskvichian accent heavily pronounced. Quirking a blonde brow, her dark blue eyes; almost violet in colour, sparkled dangerously as Emil openly leered at her. "Supermen never think they have anything to worry about."

Originally from Omsk in southern Siberia, Maia had been moved and trained in Moscow during her early teens. Placed with the daughter of a non-royal, but wealthy Moroi businessman after graduation, she had been with them for almost a decade when her tenor had come to an abrupt end.

None of us knew the exact circumstances behind it or her placement at the Academy, but there had been more than a few rumours swirling around the Russian capital to fuel the speculation surrounding her sudden departure.

"Superman, huh?" Sitting back in his seat, the bacon was forgotten as Emil laced his fingers together over his flatly muscular stomach. "Hell, Maia if you wanted to flirt with me, why didn't you just say so?"

"Flirting with you would be pointless, Dalca." She responded succinctly, taking a bit from her preserve-covered toast before chewing thoughtfully before wincing at the dark bruising marring her high cheekbone.

"Why's that?"

"Because you're not evolved enough to understand it and aren't carrying a club for when you do."

Chuckling in enjoyment at the banter, Emil completely overlooked the condescension brushing over Maia's attractive features. "How do you know that I'm not carrying a _hidden_ club?" He murmured suggestively; waggling his dark-brown eyebrows up and down as Grier made a gagging noise at his side and shook his head in scorn.

"All right, children. That's enough. We're eating here and some of us would like to keep it down for the rest of the day."

Looking to his left, Emil grinned widely at Dustin's dry comment. "You're turning a little green there, Dustin. You shouldn't be jealous. I'm sure when you were younger all the ladies were…well, no, probably not."

Soft laughter echoed around the dining room as Dustin smiled indulgently at the taunt; twirling his spoon through his muesli and yoghurt mixture. "Yes, I am a little green…and it has nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with your bullshit turning my stomach."

Taking a spoonful and slowly savouring, Dustin observed him over the handle and carried on before Emil could respond. "How many times does Maia have to turn you down before you get it through your thick skull that she's not interested?"

"Oh, she's interested. She's just playing hard to get."

" _Ukusi menya_."

The gentle laughter grew louder around the table as Maia's biting remark floated around us. Looking towards me, Emil asked with mock incredulity. "Did she just tell me to _bite her_?"

"No, she said _bite me_. There's a difference." I supplied quietly, finishing the last of my oatmeal and reaching for the fruit platter. Choosing a large, ripe mango, I pushed the sleeves of my charcoal-grey jumper to mid-arm and systematically began to peel the soft fruit.

"Yeah? What's the difference, Dimitri?"

"If I have to explain it to you, Emil," was my bland reply as I wiped away the juice with a napkin as it ran down my hand and dripped off the wrist abraded by scratch marks and bruises from the grip of the tenaciously dogmatic Dean Barnes. "Then you deserve to be bitten."

"Thank you, Dimitri." Maia commended as she platonically patted my shoulder amidst the raucous laughter that followed my pithy answer. "See, Emil? This is what a gentleman looks like."

"No," Emil mumbled over the rim of his coffee cup before he smirked at her. "That's what a kiss-ass looks like."

Watching as they pair grinned good naturedly at each other, I was struck by the ease of the openly flirtatious relationship they both knew could go no further…and the envy that it stirred within me.

Relationships between guardians weren't prohibited in the strictest sense of the word, but they were frowned upon so heavily that most wouldn't even consider it. The inevitable flirting and whatever followed was to be expected, but for the most part it was harmless and never distracted from the job at hand.

That being said, there were always exceptions to every rule: Stellan Antonovich and Ella McNamara had proved that already.

Last year, Stellan; a veteran guardian of Serbian descent assigned to the Badica family, had resigned in order to marry. Under normal circumstances, that alone would have been scandalous enough, but when the person he wanted to marry turned out to be another guardian, it had sent shock waves throughout the community.

They had chosen to turn their backs on everything they had been taught…everything that they knew and trusted, and in doing so, had not only abandoned their Moroi, but had placed considerable pressure on an already strained guardian corps.

When I had first heard about their decision, it had been the selfishness of their motives that had stunned and angered me the most. At the time, I hadn't been able to understand or condone why they would have chosen each other over duty, honour and the legacies they would one day leave behind, but now…now I _knew_ why they had done it.

As the day yesterday had yielded the truth of what it was that I _really_ wanted, I had thought back to Ella and Stellan and realised that I longer felt scorn towards them for their decision, but empathy for the bravery of their decision.

Empathy…and envy for what I would always covet, but never have.

There was no third option for Rose and I. We were both bound; Rose to Lissa, me to my honour. Neither one of us could live with sacrificing either of what made up so much of core beliefs. Once Rose graduated, our sole focus would be centred on Lissa. Neither one of us could afford for it to be anything else...but Rose hadn't graduated yet.

And so standing in the loneliness of a small bathroom, I had made a compromise with myself.

Until the day that Rose received her promise mark, I would spend as much time with her as I could. If I couldn't have the best of both worlds, then I would have to settle for what I _could_ have. Obviously there were still obstacles to overcome. I was her instructor, she was still seventeen and I couldn't openly flaunt what I felt for her without being shipped back to Siberia on the next outgoing tide, but if this was all I was ever going to have of Rose Hathaway, I would take my chances.

I hadn't exactly made peace with my compromise or my loyalties as they continued to divide and I continued to scramble to keep them from falling completely apart, but as I saw this as the lessor of two evils, it was the one I would learn to live with… _for now_.

Leaning closer in on my left side, Jean brought my wandering thoughts back to the present and the comment Emil had just made. Resting on her folded arms, she bent forward and eyed him amusingly. "Your last defeat against Dimitri wasn't that long ago, Emil. Do you really want to provoke him again so soon?"

Scoffing, Emil devoured the last of his bacon before replying around a mouthful of food. "I told you before that he took a cheap shot, Jean."

"Wait, it was Dimitri that gave you that bruise?" Maia asked with narrowed eyes as Emil squirmed uncomfortably beneath her darkening gaze and dropped his own to his plate. "You told me that you were pushed into a shelf during one of the attacks, Emil."

Barking with laughter, Dustin's shaggy brows rose to his hairline as he chipped in. "Yes…a Siberian-fist shelf."

Wiping his mouth with the napkin at his side, Emil tossed it onto his empty plate before throwing a disgusted look at Dustin from beneath frowning brows before he turned to me. "See what you've done now?" He accused hotly. "Everyone thinks you knocked me on my ass."

"He did." Chorused those around the table; laughing at him as he scowled blackly at them before leaning eagerly towards me across the table.

"Fine. Rematch. You and me. When does your shift end?"

Stripping the last of the sweet, fleshy fruit from the large pip of the mango, I chewed thoughtfully whilst collecting the pile of peels neatly together on the plate. "I haven't agreed to a rematch, so when my shift ends shouldn't matter to you, Emil."

"Come on, man," he whined, as I sat back in my seat and wiped my hands on a napkin. "This is my reputation we're talking about."

"Emil, even if I did agree and I'm not saying that I'm going to, what makes you think that you can beat me?"

"Dammit, I'm not a pussy! Just because you clocked me once doesn't mean that I'm never going to be able to return the favour. I'm a guardian, for Godsakes!" Glaring at me, Emil's clear blue eyes darkened with genuine ire as our captive audience began to make bets amongst themselves.

"This is ridiculous," he complained loudly, glaring at those around him. "You can't make bets about this."

"Why not?" Jean challenged teasingly; the broad expanse of her forehead spotted with yellowing bruises. "You made bets about Hathaway's reaction to being given Christian Ozera instead of the Princess, so what's the problem now?"

Grier – grinning broadly despite his split bottom lip and enjoying Emil's frustration – held up his hand like a child in a kindergarten classroom whilst Emil scowled threateningly at him.

"Ooh. Ooh. Ooh, I know that, teacher. I know that answer." Standing up when Jean nodded towards him, Grier imparted gleefully. "The problem here is that he's at the receiving end of the shit he loves to pull on everyone else and doesn't like it. Basically, he can dish it out, but he can't take it."

"Fuck you, Theroux."

"All right," I interceded calmly before the first punch was thrown as Grier beckoned him forward with the eager motion of his fingers. "Settle down, Emil. As much as I would like to accept your challenge, I don't have the time. I'm pulling a double shift for Jean on the elementary campus and then have boundary duty."

Having already pulled a double shift for Yuri, I was in no mood to spend what little free time I had left with Emil.

Feeling a gentle hand on the bare skin of my arm, I looked over to Jean as she frowned; all amusement at Emil's expense disappearing from her hard, feminine features of her tanned face. "You don't have to pull the additional shift, Dimitri. I know Alberta asked you to, but it really isn't necessary. I can do it as easily as you can."

"I know that you can, Jean, and honestly I don't mind. It's only fair that I pull my weight now to make up for the days that I'm away."

"Like I said… _kiss-ass_."

Glancing over towards a sullen Emil, I quietly growled without any real malice at his snide comment. "You know, if you don't stop provoking me, you're going to find yourself at the other end of my fist again, Emil…and I can guarantee that you'll like it even less this time than you did before."

Before he could answer, and judging by the look on his face, it wasn't going to be something that I would enjoy hearing, the arrival of another guardian caught at everyone's attention…and not in a good way. The atmosphere in the room – warm and amiable before – suddenly plummeted to coldly tense.

"Good morning, everyone."

Strolling into the dining room with an uncharacteristic bounce in his step, Stan grinned broadly before heading to the muffin baskets beside the gurgling pot of coffee. Plucking up two, he sauntered back to the table and stood behind the high-backed chair to Grier's right; leaning over the top of it as he peeled the wrapper from around the one and looked over the table at everyone…whilst everyone else looked at me.

The student body might have been unaware of the tacit animosity between us, but the guardians were not.

In the days since our last encounter, our paths had crossed a few times, but knowing that he was still spoiling for a fight I would not give him, I had taken very deliberate measures to avoid any close proximity to him. Emil had asked why; knowing that I could easily beat him, but with Alberta's warning still fresh in my memory, I had a compelling reason to keep my fists in my pockets.

"You're in a good mood today, Stan." Dustin remarked almost conversationally as he watched me carefully from the corner of a black eye and continued to drink slowly from his mug. He was very deliberately calm and his glance had held more than just a hint of a warning.

Taking a large bite out of what looked like a bran muffin; Stan chewed with exaggerated movements of his aggressive jaw – a jaw covered in bruises by various attacks during the week – and swallowed before answering.

"Yes, I am."

"Any particular reason why."

Shaking his head dismissively, he continued to eat as he finished the bran and moved on to the blueberry. "No, Dustin. Not really. Pretty standard stuff today; nothing out of the ordinary. Training, observing…and what was the other thing…oh, yes. I get another crack at Hathaway."

Stiffening angrily, I noticed before the haze of rage clouded my vision and my judgement that I wasn't the only one who had taken offense to the comment. Grier's back had become set with rigid irritation and Emil had all but forgotten his breakfast as he turned narrowed eyes on Stan.

Neither of them could feel the way I did about Rose, but that didn't mean that either of them were prepared to listen to Stan criticize a student they had both taught.

"Hathaway?" Gregor asked with mild curiosity, either taking no notice of the tension sparking through the air around the table or choosing to simply ignore it. "You're scheduled to attack Castile today, aren't you?"

Rolling up the muffin wrappers, Stan nodded before tossing them negligently onto the clean plate. "Yes, but as Christian Ozera and Princess Vasilisa are never far apart, there's a good chance that Hathaway will be there too. If she's actually doing her job for a change, that is."

Feeling my hackles rise against the stiffened spine of my already rigid back, Stan's barbed comment thickened the haze of violent protectiveness and the burning need for retribution as my fingers clenched angrily around the slippery pip of the mango. Suddenly, Alberta's warning no longer seemed as important to heed as it had before.

"Regardless of whether she is or isn't, Stan, you were assigned to attack Edison Castile, not Rosemarie Hathaway," Jean voiced quietly, but with a steely undertone that instantly caught at Stan's attention. "You will not deviate from the roster…for any reason."

"Of course not, Jean." He backtracked smoothly, holding up his hands in an act of humble contrition that I didn't believe for a second as the harsh spheres of his eyed hardened calculatingly. "I'm not saying that I'm going to deliberately target Rose, but should she be there to help Castile, I'll be able to test her again."

Deliberately targeting Rose was _exactly_ what he would do if he had the opportunity, only he knew he had to be smart enough about it to not get caught. Alberta was already watching him carefully and he wasn't about to openly place a bull's eye on his back.

Reaching forward to pluck at a crispy rasher of bacon, Stan smiled genially around the table and nodded once towards me before turning on his heel and walking away, but not before uttering a parting shot everyone at the table knew was meant for me and me alone.

"She failed the first test; I'm not expecting her to pass the second."

"Jesus," Emil muttered darkly as Stan sauntered from the room and the door shut quietly behind him. "Someone needs to take that one down a notch or two."

"More like five or six notches, Emil."

Snorting in amused agreement at Dustin's side-comment, Emil wiped his plate clean with the last bite of his toast as Grier muttered in French that it wasn't notches that should be cut down. Grinning over at him, Emil elbowed him as the two scuffled lightly.

Watching the byplay with eyes that were all but blinded by impotent fury, my fingers continued to slowly grind what remained of the mango pip until I felt the hard outer husk give way beneath them. Placing it very deliberately down amongst the pile of peels, they stiffly reached for a napkin.

Wiping my fingers methodically on the linen square, I tried to settle myself, but it was all but impossible. Normally I could exert discipline whilst exhaling through whatever it was that had angered me, but there was no force great enough to expand the furious tension stoking burningly through my body.

Frustrated by the lack of a physical outlet, Emil's reaching fingers caught at my attention and gave me an idea. He had been pushing for a rematch only moments earlier and up until now I hadn't been interested in giving it to him, but I was suddenly violently in the mood for any kind of physical confrontation.

Listening to a pair of chairs scraped back over the linoleum floors, Jean and Gregor rose to leave together, whilst Dustin and Grier collected their cutlery and crockery together for collection by the kitchen staff. Placing her hand on my shoulder as she walked past, I glanced up at Jean and forced an expression of mild interest as I felt my insides churn.

"Thank you again, Dimitri. When you get back from the trial next week, I'll organise with Alberta that I pick up a couple of your shifts to even things out."

"That –" I began, but was cut off.

"Yes, I know…isn't necessary, but I'll do it anyway. And I don't want any argument out of you about it, understood?"

Nodding sagely in reply and knowing better to argue against her, she and Gregor left as Dustin joined them. Eyeing me carefully, he said nothing as he passed, but he didn't have to; the glint of warning again in his eyes said enough. Grabbing Grier – who would be on gate duty with him for the next couple of hours – on his way out, I was left alone with the solution to my problem.

Arguing with myself again for a few seconds more at the morality of what I was about to suggest, my conscious lost out to my baser instincts as I asked quietly.

"Emil?"

Looking up from his plate, Emil tilted his head towards me in curiosity. "Yeah, brother?"

"That sparring offer still on the table?"

Eying me with a slyly calculating gleam in his bright blue eyes, Emil nodded slowly as his lips stretched into a wide, anticipating grin. He would know why I had suddenly changed my mind…or rather, _whom_ had changed my mind and he wasn't about to miss an opportunity to even the score between us.

"Name the time and the place."

"Three a.m.; the gym."

"It's a date, handsome."

Nodding once, I rose. Grabbing the folded duster from the back of the chair, I shouldered into it and straightened the collar before pushing the chair beneath the table.

Leaving the warmth of the dining room and a now eagerly grinning Emil, I strode grimly out into the cold of the gloomy night; the frost crunching beneath my shoes as I headed for the elementary campus and began to count down the hours.


	16. Chapter 16

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Sixteen ~

"You know," _Ugh!_ "I'm beginning to regret suggesting this!" _Argh!_

Blocking a high-kick and a knee aimed straight at his ribs, Emil's forearm made contact with my shin as he rapidly backed away from me, but he wasn't fast enough to escape the elbow I threw as it caught him in the soft, unprotected flesh of his solar plexus.

" _Oomph_!"

Exhaling in a heavy gust of breath, Emil doubled over. Winded, he tried to suck in a lungful of air as I advanced on him again, but all he could do was manage to wheeze out a shaky, breathless "time…out" before holding up his hand to ward off my next attack.

A little before four a.m., Emil had been at the receiving end of my animosity since arriving at the gym. Normally our sparring sessions consisted of restrained bouts of boxing or light kick-boxing, but neither of those were they high impact enough to satisfy my need for physical violence.

Suggesting _Krav Maga_ as an alternative, Emil's willing enthusiasm had quickly dwindled as he discovered that this wasn't just a way to pass the time and that the sparring I had in mind was one step removed from outright brawling. Faced with the aggression I usually hid so well from the others, it was little wonder that he was now regretting his offer.

Glancing up at me as I continued to prowl restlessly around him, Emil grimaced as he sucked in a deep breath and rubbed at the fleshy joining of his diaphragm that would already be forming a bruise. Standing, he groaned quietly as he stretched and eyed me warily.

"I think that for everyone's sake, Dimitri…especially mine, you should take this out on the punching bag in the corner instead." Jerking his head to the apparatus hanging in the far corner of the gym, he grunted. "It's safer for me and it doesn't bleed."

Shoving the loose strands of hair sticking damply to my sweaty forehead, I immediately stopped my agitated circling as Emil's words penetrated the fog of my ire. For the first time since squaring off against him, I felt guilty for using him as a substitute for the person that I really wanted to punish… _Stan_.

Sighing heavily, my hands rested on my hips as my lungs bellowed in my chest. The physical release of adrenaline during the aggression of the hand-to-hand combat had helped to vent; I could feel that most of it had been expelled, but there was still something lying just below the surface.

I could feel it in the tension of my tendons attached to the ache of muscles and bones…a clawing need for retribution that I couldn't fulfil.

It didn't help knowing that Stan had already carried out his planned attack against Eddie whilst I was all but in the dark as to what had happened. Emil hadn't said anything when he came in, but that was probably more in response to my body language than not knowing.

Rose had asked me to trust her. To trust in her abilities when she squared off against any of the attacking guardians, especially against Stan, and so I would. But that didn't mean that I wasn't going to worry any less than before.

Walking over to Emil, he immediately backed away from me again in a move that was very clearly defensive as he continued to rub at his aching diaphragm. Feeling awful, I held up my hands in a show of regret. Maybe the suggestion about the punching bag wasn't such a bad idea.

"I'm sorry, Emil. I shouldn't have been so aggressive with you."

"Aggression is good normally, but with the mood you're in at the moment, it's just dangerous." Patting me on the shoulder, he winced again at the pulling motion across his chest. Genuinely concerned now that I had hurt him with my carelessness, I steadied him with a gently restrained hand on his shoulder.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't stress about it."

Brushing aside my concern, Emil ambled gingerly towards his duffle bag at the edge of the mat. Shouldering it with a wince that made me feel even worse for inflicting unnecessary pain, I again felt the need to make amends.

"Emil…"

Holding up his hand to stop the apology he knew was coming, Emil walked slowly back to me. Normally the look in his bright blue eyes was a combination of mirthful teasing or playfulness, but the concern in them now was new as he stopped a few feet away at the edge of the mat.

"Dimitri…what's really bothering you? I know that Stan's pissing you off, but he's made you angry before and it's never affected you like this. What else is going on?" Reaching down to pick up his water bottle, Emil drank deeply before returning my gaze steadily, continuing as I kept my silence.

"I know that you don't like to talk to people about your troubles, but you have friends here who would like to help but we can't do that unless you talk about it. Even Alberta's worried about you, man."

Surprised by the offer and hiding it well, I realised that it was almost exactly what I had said to Rose after her disciplinary hearing.

She hadn't taken to the offer as well as I had hoped and instead of opening up to me, had withdrawn even more. At the time I had thought it was in response to the hearing and the defeat and defiance that had clung to every line of her body, but hearing the same offer made to me now by Emil, I understood why she hadn't.

The more the people that knew about the deepest parts of you; the parts you kept so well hidden from the rest of the world, the more vulnerable and exposed it made you and right now, I couldn't afford to risk any kind of exposure of my greatest weakness.

Joining him on the edge, I reached down for my own bottle and gulped down half before replying. "Thank you for the offer, Emil, but I think it's just Dashkov's trial that has me on edge. He won't go down without a fight and I'm not looking forward to hearing him tearing our testimonies apart and switching the blame. I'll be fine after the trial is over."

It wasn't a complete lie, but it was still a dodge.

Eyeing me dubiously, Emil said nothing for a moment before he nodded. Having assessed me, I knew he was trying to find the crack behind my expression of composure, but he wouldn't find anything. He also had no reason to believe that I wouldn't tell the truth.

Capping the bottle, Emil nodded easily before grabbing his jacket from the floor. "Okay. I can understand that; I'm almost sorry not to be going with. Nothing would make me happier than to watch the look of superiority disappear from his smug face."

Turning on his heel and wincing again as the movement aggravated the injury I had given him, Emil made his way gingerly towards the door before pausing and looking back at me over his shoulder. "But I meant what I said. Whatever you tell me won't go any further. You know you can trust me."

Not waiting for the response he probably already knew he wasn't going get; Emil pushed through the swinging doors and left me alone with my thoughts. Off duty for the remainder of the day and not trusting myself around others, I headed for the suggested punching bag.

Strapping on the light-weight gloves, my fists pummelled with rapid succession against the soft give of the swinging sack. Feeling the burn of the punishing pace through my protesting muscles, I focused my mind away from the ache. Levelling a lethal punch at the bag, it swung around on a jagged arch as the chain connecting it to the frame squealed in protest. Waiting for it to return, I heard the squeak of a different kind from behind me.

Swinging open, the doors to the gym were pushed apart as the bag swung back at me. Catching it lightly, I steadied it and lined it up for another punch…I didn't need to see who it was to know who had just walked through the doors. Some sense; an extra-sensory alarm bell had already gone off in my head.

Landing another heavy blow against the stretch of the bag, I wiped the sweat from my eyes with the shoulder of my sleeveless t-shirt and refused to turn around.

"Belikov."

Gritting my teeth at the disdain I could hear dripping from the syllables of my surname, I grunted out a greeting as I took another swipe at the bag, forcing myself to remain focused on _it_ rather than _him_.

"Alto."

Walking around until he was in my line of sight, Stan stood slightly to my left and beside the bag. Punching at it again, the swish of the heavy weight whooshed passed his left side, missing him by a scant inch, but he didn't as much as flinch.

Rotating his left arm gingerly, he pushed and prodded at it as I continued to box and waited for him to make his next move. It wasn't in his nature to simply stand around without some sort of ulterior motive.

"You forget just by looking at Castile how strong he really is," he started out conversationally whilst I became wearier by the second. "But the kid is a powerhouse. I thought he was going to rip my arm out the socket when he pulled me away from the Princess and staked me."

"You're happy with his progress with the field experience so far then?" I asked, lunging forward again as I feigned casual interest at the news of Eddie's victory and launched a series of rapid punches against the bag. If I had asked outright about Rose, he would have seen straight through it to what I really wanted to know.

"Oh, yeah. He's alert, committed, careful…shrewd. Basically, he's everything that Hathaway isn't."

Holding onto the bag as it swung unsteadily back towards me, I turned my back to him and headed to where I had left the bottle. Stripping off the glove of one hand with barely restrained violence, I noticed that it was trembling slightly as I dropped it to the mat and bent down to retrieve the bottle. Drinking what remained of the cool water, I watched him peripherally as he followed me.

I should have walked away. I should have left before the situation between us got any worse and I actually gave in to the vengeful need for retribution I was fighting so hard against. I should have remembered Alberta's warning about removing us from the academy, but I couldn't.

Not when it involved Rose.

Placing the empty bottle down on the mat very carefully as I breathed deeply for a few seconds and tried to control my rapidly rising temper, I took a step forward before asking with a quiet intensity that most would have considered a warning all on its own.

"Meaning what exactly, Stan?"

Smiling unpleasantly, Stan walked around the bag and met me halfway. "Meaning that she was so busy trying to prove to everyone that she belongs here, I could almost predict her every move. The entire time she was watching Castile fend me off, she had her back to the Moroi and left them defenceless."

Pulling out a notepad from the inside pocket of his jacket, he waved it in front of my face as though it was all the proof he needed before continuing on with a gleeful sneer. "All she was looking for was a chance to jump into the fray and that's what Alberta is going to read in my report."

All of the guardians involved in the field experience carried some sort of writing material to keep track of the students during observation. They were often attached the official reports written for Alberta as a way to guarantee the authenticity of the report and that was what he was now taunting me with.

Relieved that Rose hadn't frozen again; almost to the point of overlooking Stan's belligerence all together and going to find her, I knew that I couldn't do that without making my favouritism more than obvious, so instead I reasoned evenly as I defended her.

"Which is what she should have been doing, Stan."

" _What_!" He almost shouted, the sneering smile slipping from the harshly set planes of his face as he took an aggressive step forward. "Turning her back to them?"

"No. Watching for an opportunity to join Eddie in the fight in order to eliminate the threat faster. If he had been defeated by you, the only thing stopping you from attacking the Moroi would have been Rose. The odds of defeating you were better with two rather than with just one. I would say it was a job well done."

Watching as the veins and tendons accentuating his bruised jawline bulged and distended in fury at my defence, Stan surged forward until only a few inches separates us; angling his head upward as he spat out incredulously with fury-widened eyes.

" _A job well done?_ She's an attention seeker. All she was looking for was the glory."

"How do you know that?" I asked quietly, keeping my cool even as the warmth of his breath washed over my face and intensified my anger.

"Because it was what she was thinking!"

"How could you possibly know what she was thinking, Stan?"

Barking out a harsh laugh, Stan's eyes narrowed as he realised that I wasn't going to be baited. "Because, you smug bastard, I know her better than you think I do. I've trained her for longer and I've watched her break the rules just because she was in the mood too. The only thing she cares about is what makes her look good."

Bending to pick up the other glove – an excuse to give my fingers something to do other than to wrap themselves around Stan's neck – I fastened the strap over my wrist and walked back to the bag; resuming the punishment as I answered over my shoulder.

"Whether you know her or not makes no difference here, Stan. You can't know what her movies were and if you did, you would realise that you don't really know her at all. What you see…what you _want_ to see, is someone who doesn't play by the rules, but that doesn't mean she can't follow them when she needs to. I don't think you're being very fair."

"When was she going to follow the rules, Belikov?" He shot back; his voice carrying through the gym as it became more high-pitched and tighter with anger. "When her Moroi was being attacked? She didn't follow any of the rules; her own or ours. All she wanted to do was beat me to prove to everyone that she actually has what it takes to become a guardian. Fairness has nothing to do with that."

"She _does_ have what it takes to become a successful guardian, Stan." I argued, pounding heavily against the bag whilst I watched him from the corner of my eye as he stomped around the bag and he glared balefully at me. "She's already proven that."

"With the Strigoi in Spokane? Give me a break, man. The only thing she managed to do there was to endanger others and get Ashford killed…all that proves is she's reckless and dangerous."

Feeling the fragility of my control begin to unravel like a thread of loose cotton pulled away from a stich in fabric at the suggestion that it had been Rose's fault that Mason had died that day, I grabbed hold of the bag and stated coldly.

"She kept two Moroi alive, Alto. She kept her head long enough to get them out and to decapitate two adult Strigoi at the age of seventeen. Mason Ashford's death was a tragic loss that might have been unavoidable, but it was not because of anything Rose Hathaway did or didn't do."

Sneering at me again, Stan looked at me in triumph as he found he nerve I usually kept so well hidden. "You know, your support and belief of Hathaway is admirable, Dimitri…maybe a little too much. I noticed how defensive you got in the office the other day with Alberta."

Ignoring the insinuation, I kept my expression bland as I turned back to the bag. "Rose is my student; of course I'm going to be concerned about her."

"So, your only concern about her is as a student? You two are awfully close for a pair that's only meant to be a student and instructor."

"Yes, Stan, it is. My relationship with Rose is strictly professional. Why would you think anything else?"

Shrugging, Stan tucked his notepad back into his pocket and crossed his arms over his thickly-set chest. "I don't know…probably because I've heard the rumours about you when you were at the Siberian Academy."

"Oh? What rumours were those?"

"The ones that involve your relationship with Galina Savasinova. A relationship, if the rumours are to be believed, that was anything but strictly professional. So you can understand now why I'm worried about an impressionable young girl like Hathaway."

Hearing that name…a name that once had brought with it so many happy memories of my youth but now brought with it so much sadness and regret, pulled the stitch further apart with a pinch that was more painful than I could have imagined.

Galina Savasinova had been more to me than just a mentor. She had been the difference between a life spent in service and a life wasted.

When I had been accepted into Saint Basil's Academy as a teenager, I had been anything but disciplined and controlled. Raised in a family dominated by strong woman but terrorized by an abusive father, I had watched helplessly from the shadows as a child whilst he became more and more physically and verbally abusive towards the mother of his children.

Retaliating violently at the age of thirteen after biding my time in frustration and rage for years, I had beaten the wealthy American Moroi until my fists had bled and he had never returned, but the extent of my anger hadn't ended there.

Fight after fight had followed the encounter as the locals had borne the brunt of my rages. Afraid that I would seriously injure one of them, or worse, Olena Belikova had no choice but to send me to the Academy in southern Siberia.

Once there, the fighting hadn't stopped. On the verge of expulsion within six weeks of arriving, I had been pulled aside by a combat instructor assigned to the senior novices.

Galina Savasinova had seen something in the angry young man that had compelled her to champion him. Taking me on as her student, she had taught me not only to control the temper that so easily controlled me, but to use the strength, speed and natural skill I possessed to my advantage.

If not for her, when every other instructor at the academy had been ready to give up on what they had viewed as a lost cause, I could have so easily turned out very, very differently and for that, I owed her too much to ever repay.

So to hear Stan speak her name so casually…so _dismissively_ , as if he knew her. As if her awakening at the hands of the Strigoi was some matter of fact, daily occurrence as mundane as discussing the weather, stretched the stitch to breaking point.

Keeping my gloved hands on the bag and away from Stan's meaty neck, I hissed at him quietly from between clenched teeth in a warning of menace that was very clear. "You will never mention Galina Savasinova's name to me ever again. Do you understand me, Alto?"

Grinning at me tauntingly, Stan sneered. "Why? Is it a sore point for you? Is that why you're so defensive, because the relationship wasn't platonic? Should I be worried about Hathaway, Dimitri?"

"Never. Again." I reiterated dangerously from around the bag.

"Or you'll do what, huh?" He challenged, taking a step towards me so that the only thing that separated us was the bag. "What are you going to do, Belikov?"

Whispering through my memory, Alberta's warning was the only thing that saved him from the punishment he deserved. Backing away from him, I tore off the gloves and prepared to leave as he continued to watch me from eyes narrowed in nasty triumph.

"Nothing…that's what I thought. You're a cold-blooded bastard who doesn't care enough to defend those closest to him let alone himself." Pushing aggressively against the bag so that it swung forward, I pushed it out of the way before it hit me as Stan advanced and continued with his rant.

"I only hope for Hathaway's sake that you've been teaching her everything that she needs to know. Once she's graduated… _if_ she graduates, she's going to be out in a world that's going to chew her up and spit her out."

Watching distractedly as the bag swung between us like a pendulum of discord, Stan's parting shot was designed for maximum effect. "Maybe she'll last longer against the Strigoi than Galina did...but I'm betting that she won't. If she's lucky, they'll only kill her and not turn her. At least that way, you'll get to go to her funeral."

Feeling the last of the straining thread of the stitch holding my temper in place snap completely at the taunt of death towards the girl I loved, I pushed the swishing bag aside as Stan continued to grin malevolently at me…and punched him so hard I heard the crack of his jawbone echo through the gym.


	17. Chapter 17

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: To all of those who gave me such wonderful reviews for Chapter Sixteen, thank you. I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it…

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Seventeen ~

Sitting across from Alberta as she sat in rigid anger behind her meticulously tidy desk, she glared as though seeing me for the first time…and judging by her stiff posture and the narrowed gaze of her undisguised disapproval, she didn't like what she saw very much.

Refusing to flinch beneath her intimidating, scowling regard, the silence between us since I had been summoned to her office, stretched on. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but the air was filled with accusations and disbelief so clearly heard, Alberta might have well been shouting them at me.

It wasn't anything than I hadn't expected to happen after what I had done to Stan, but her restraint was surprising.

Not usually one for public displays, Alberta usually preferred to haul us over the coals behind the closed doors of her office. Those doors had been closed for almost ten minutes and still the onslaught had yet to begin. It made me wonder just how bad it was going to be.

Resting back against the upholstered, cushioned support of her chair, Alberta crossed her arms over her chest in a slow, deliberate motion that very clearly brought to my attention the level of control she was exerting over herself.

"Dimitri," she began in a deceptively quiet voice that didn't do anything to settle me. "Do you remember what I said after Stan provoked you in the office on the first day of the field experience?"

Knowing exactly what she was referring to – her warning that she wouldn't tolerate friction amongst the guardians for any reason and she would have no choice but to act on it if there was – I nodded just once in reply.

"Oh, good. So you _were_ actually listening to me. I was worried you see, because I wasn't certain that you had heard what I had said."

"Alberta…" I began to interrupt as I heard the quiet sarcasm in her voice become sharper and more pointed with every word, but she continued on as though I hadn't spoken.

"You can of course understand my concern that you _hadn't_ been listening to me, Dimitri. Because if you hadn't, this is exactly the sort of incident I had expected would happen, _but_ because you _had_ heard me, then the reports I've just received that you physically assaulted another guardian must be false, right?"

The reports she spoke about would have come in from the guardians who had seen me carrying Stan to the infirmary, so how could I deny them?

My first impulse – as I had looked down at him in a fit of fury that had barely been satisfied by the single punch it had taken to knock him out cold – had been to leave him sprawled out and bleeding on the gym mat, but that impulse had been pushed aside by my conscious.

Picking him up and slinging his deadened weight over my shoulder, I had left the gym and carried him to the clinic. Avoiding the prying eyes of the students, I had taken the routes known only to the guardians and left him with the infirmary staff, but I hadn't been able to avoid the guardians lurking around the grounds.

It had only been a matter of time before it had reached the ears of the woman I now faced.

"Alberta…"

Holding up a hand to stop me again, Alberta sat forward suddenly. The tense set of her shoulders made the movement appear as though it was a reflex action as she continued to vent with quiet ruthlessness. "Because you _knew_ what I was threatening you with the last time we had this conversation, Dimitri, so why would you risk that?"

"Alberta, I…"

"You wouldn't! I know you wouldn't risk anything like that because you are not a rash, reckless person! You understand responsibility and duty and have an iron-clad sense of what is right and what is wrong. So all I really have is just one very simple question to ask you, Dimitri."

Giving up on trying explain myself and resigned to the fact that Alberta was too angry to listen to me even if I had continued to try, I asked very calmly. "What question is that, Alberta?"

Standing so suddenly that the movement caught me off guard; Alberta straightened the bottom of her yellow woollen jumper with precise, jerky movements. Satisfied five seconds later that the hem was perfectly symmetrical as it lay over her narrow hips, she bent at the waist and laying the flat of her palms on her desk, leaned towards me with an air as threatening as any I had ever seen before.

"What. The. Hell. Were. You. Thinking?!"

Feeling the pulse of my eardrums pound in protest at the high-pitched screech that blasted through them, Alberta didn't pause. Walking around her desk, she ran her fingers agitatedly through the short locks of her greying hair until they stood in uneven tufts on her head.

"No, no. Don't answer that because I already know that you _weren't_ thinking." She continued to rant as her arms waved about her in an expression of the irritation she couldn't contain. "You were reacting emotionally, which is far more dangerous than not thinking."

Stilling at my left side, Alberta glared down at me as her hands rested on her hips. Looking up at her, I kept my expression smoothly neutral as I waited for the next wave of angry allegations. Narrowing her eyes at my unwillingness to comment and aggravate the situation, Alberta turned abruptly and sat on the edge of her desk.

Taking a deep breath meant to calm, she scrubbed her hands tiredly over her face as I felt a surge of remorse for my actions. Not because I regretted hitting Stan; nothing could have given me greater pleasure, but for making Alberta's already difficult job that much harder to do.

Crossing her legs at the ankle, Alberta folded her arms over her chest and tucked her hands beneath her arms before muttering tightly. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good. I'd like to hear this explanation."

"It's not an explanation, Alberta…it's an apology. To you."

"Too me? _Just_ to me?"

"Yes. I regret that my actions have caused you more stress than was ever necessary, especially during the field experience. Please accept my apology."

Staring at me with eyes widened by almost stunned disbelief, Alberta seemed temporarily at a loss for words at what she saw as a lack of sympathy.

"Jesus, Dimitri," she eventually uttered in a quieter tone. "You hit Stan him so hard that you broke his jaw in three places. His head hit the floor so hard when he fell that he's mildly concussed and if it hadn't been for the mat breaking his fall, he would have cracked his skull wide open."

Rubbing warily at her forehead, Alberta seemed to find a sudden ache at her temples. Massaging at them now, I knew she was already trying to internally reshuffle a schedule that was barely a week old as she continued to talk almost to herself.

"He'll be out of the action for at least two days and you don't think that he deserves at least an apology?"

"No. I don't, I answered with brutal honesty. "I'm sorry that I've caused you any inconvenient and that his incapacity will put a strain on the schedule for the next few days, but I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry that I hit him because I'm not. He got exactly what he deserved."

Feeling the slight throb of fading pain flexing through the knuckles of my right hand, it continued to reminded me of what I had done. Slightly puffy and reddened at the point of impact with Stan's pugnacious jaw, the inflammation would fade quickly enough, but the satisfaction I felt would last far longer.

"' _He got exactly what he deserved'_? According to whom, Dimitri? _You_?" Alberta questioned loudly "That wasn't your decision to make…no matter what he said, or how he provoked you. We have procedure here; you know that better than most. You should have come to me or to Gregor about this, not act on your own behalf as judge, jury and executioner."

"I understand that the procedures are important and yes, I probably should have approached you about him, but I couldn't. You're right; I reacted emotionally instead of rationally, which is exactly what Stan wanted. He was looking for an exposed nerve and he found two."

Sighing heavily, Alberta looked at with sudden sympathy as she shook her head. "You knew that and yet you still reacted?"

"It was unavoidable, Alberta."

"How so? I have seen you keep your emotions in check during the most trying of times, Dimitri, so what happened now? What was so different? I'm guessing Rose was one of those nerves as it's the one he's usually harping about, but what was the other one? What set you off this time?"

"Galina."

Deliberately saving this information for last in the event that I would need it to swing things in my favour, I wondered if when Stan had been listening to the rumours surrounding my former mentors relationship with her student, if he had been paying _any_ attention to the relationship between Galina and Alberta.

Before Alberta had been placed in the States, she had briefly taught at Saint Basils and had, for an even briefer period, taught Galina before graduating.

The pair had remained very close, despite the distance between them and the demands of their jobs, until the day that Galina had been awakened. She had spoken of it very briefly to me when I had arrived at the Academy, but the underlying sadness had been very clear.

Growing very still at the single word of my reply, Alberta chewed on her bottom lip whilst her lids narrowed as dangerously as I had predicted. She was as good as hiding her emotions as I was, but this wasn't something she could simply compartmentalize.

"What exactly did he say about Galina, Dimitri?"

Giving her the general gist of the argument and glossing over Stan's insinuations regarding my relationship with Rose, Alberta's posture became more rigid the longer I talked.

Pushing away from the table without another word to me, she stood still for a few seconds whilst she absorbed my recollection. Returning to her seat, she sank slowly into it. Leaning forward, she folded her arms across the desk and rested her upper torso on them.

"Thank you for the explanation, Dimitri." She began with all seriousness. It was a façade of authority I had seen many times before, but there was some underlying current that was different and not one that I understood entirely. It was like she was repeating a rehearsed speech and not saying what it was she really wanted to verbalise.

"As your superior," she continued almost tonelessly. "I appreciated the honesty, but you have to know that despite my appreciation, I cannot officially condone this type of behaviour; no matter the circumstances behind it and I strongly condemn any such actions from occurring in the future."

Suspecting that there was far more too this, I asked as a way of finding out. "And unofficially?"

Catching the gleam and now understanding it; Alberta tapped the tip of her finger against her desk pad before answering. "Unofficially…as someone who shares with you, a relationship that has once involved Galina Savasinova, I now know what you were thinking but I would still say you've made a mistake, Dimitri."

Frowning at the answer that wasn't entirely expected, I opened my mouth to argue against it, but Alberta held up her hand to let her finish.

"Your mistake…was that you hit him so hard the first time, you couldn't hit him more than once." Arching a brow, her lips twisted up in what looked like regret. "And he deserved to be hit more than once."

Chuckling beneath my breath at her sudden lack of sympathy for Stan's plight, I nodded to her. "Yes, he did. Thank you for understanding my reasons why, Alberta."

"Oh, don't thank me yet." Sitting back again, Alberta tapped the screen of the laptop sitting to her left. "I meant what I said. This kind of thing can't be allowed to happen again and it _is_ something that I have to report to Hans and the council. If I don't, I could be held for breach of conduct."

Solemn again, I acknowledged her accountability. "I know and I understand that. I will take full responsibility for this, Alberta. Whatever punishment you or the council deem fit, I won't contest. I also appreciate that you handled this here. I was expecting to be called before a review committee."

"There's been enough excitement already this week. I don't think anything could have been gained by another hearing."

"What will happen to Stan?"

"Do you really care now? Before you showed absolutely no remorse." She chided gently, thinking that I was concerned more for his wellbeing when it was really his punishment I was interested in.

"Yes, and not for the reasons you're thinking about. If I'm going to be held accountable for my actions, then he's going to be held accountable for provoking me. My offense might have been the more severe, but he isn't blameless in this."

"Agreed. I can't do anything at the moment; he's unconscious, but once I'm back from Court, I'll question him. I'm not going to send the report to Hans just yet; that can wait until after we're back. We all have enough to deal with already at the trial and don't need anyone second-guessing our motives. If necessary, he'll come here for an evaluation of the working mechanics of the guardian corps before he makes any final decisions."

Hans Croft; the head of the Council of Guardians, was an unpleasant, but fair man. The demands made of him for his job didn't leave much space for a personality or bedside manner, but he ran the council justly and without prejudice or favouritism…nepotism, though, was a different story.

Emil had made a comment before Stan's attack against Rose and Christian about Stan being some sort of cousin to Hans. If that was a deciding factor in the outcome of the possible inquiry, it wouldn't bode well for me.

"Stan is related to Hans, isn't he?"

"Yes. A second cousin. Why?"

"Just curious."

Knowing why I was asking, Alberta smiled mildly. "I wouldn't concern myself too much with this, Dimitri. The council understands that there's bound to be the occasional flare-up with the guardians. No one is expecting us to be perfect. You're young and you have an impeccable record. You'll probably get called in and get rapped over the knuckles. Nothing too severe. Hans is not a fool, which is more than I can say for his cousin."

"What about Headmistress Kirova? She would have learnt of this by now."

"Yes, she would have, but I'll deal with her."

Humbled again that she was willing to cover for me when my behaviour had been inexcusable, I made to stand and leave, but Alberta cocked a brow.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Lowering myself quickly back into my seat, I was suddenly wary again. "I thought…"

"Oh, no, no, no," Alberta corrected. "I might understand and even sympathize with you over this unfortunate incident, but you're not getting away with this scott-free, Dimitri. Too many people know what happened, so the question here is…what do I do with you?"

"That's your decision, of course," I accepted graciously.

"Yes, it is but what would normally happen is that you would be suspended from duty, but right now, I can't afford to do that. Not with the field experience and the trial, so that option isn't available for me until the six weeks are up."

"What about community service of some kind," I offered, seeing a window of opportunity. With Monday and our departure to court looming inescapably on the horizon, what I was about to suggest might be the only time I could spend with Rose before I left. I just had to play this carefully. If Alberta became suspicious and mistrusted my motives for what I was about to offer, it would be days before I could see Rose again.

"What kind of community service," Alberta asked suspiciously.

"Extra shifts of patrols, dormitory duty, gate duty, cooking, dorm or change-room cleaning, laundry…whatever you think would be best. I overheard Father Andrew last week talking about clearing out the attic above the chapel and moving everything into the store-room at the back. Maybe after church I can help him do that. It is my day off and I wouldn't mind."

Crossing her legs, Alberta folded her hands on her lap and looked at me strangely. "It's funny that you should mention that."

"Why?"

"Well, Rose has community service after church to help Father Andrew clean and that would put you two together for the whole day."

"Yes it would," I replied coolly, wandering if this was merely speculation on her part or if she was fishing for information she knew I wasn't going to give her.

"Bit of a coincidence that, don't you think?"

"I hadn't really given it much thought, Alberta. Like I said…it's your decision."

Waiting patiently as I held her unflinching gaze for long moments, Alberta very slowly observed me. Searching for any outward sign that would give me away; she found nothing and eventually relented when she could find nothing more than neutral disinterest.

"All right. I will accept this community service, but be warned, it's not going to end there. Father Andrew will report to me not only on Rose's diligence and commitment to the task, but on yours as well. If he is satisfied, then so will I be…for the time being."

"Thank you, Alberta. I assure you that nothing like this will ever happen again."

"Really? So if Stan goads you again like he did earlier, you're just going to walk away? I didn't think so," she finished as her question was met with stony silence. "Just remember, Dimitri, that if you are seen as a threat to the stability of the guardian corps within the academy, the council will have no choice but to remove you permanently…no matter how pristine your track record is."

"I understand."

"Good." Repositioning the laptop, Alberta slide her finger lightly over the trackpad before glancing up at me again. "Thank you, Dimitri. You can go now."

Standing smoothly as I was dismissed, I pushed the chair towards the table and made to leave. Striding to the door, my fingers curled around the handle, but as I pulled the lever down, Alberta's voice called softly out towards me.

"Dimitri?"

Turning back to her, I was startled by the look of compassion and concern on her strongly weathered features.

"Yes, Alberta?"

"Are you sure that there isn't anything else concerning you? The trial, the field experience…Rose?"

Wanting to deny that any of those things were in anyway interconnected, I knew that it would be stupid to even try, and so I didn't. "All of the above, actually. The timing of the trial isn't ideal; we've discussed this already and Rose fumbling so early on is unexpected and makes me question certain things, but I've dealt with most of it already, Alberta."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. And thank you for the concern. After what I did, I wasn't expecting it."

"Hmmm. Well, that's the thing about the unexpected, Dimitri. You never know until you do, and by then, it's almost too late to do anything about it. Most things are like that; life, death…love. They all seem to sneak up when you least expect them to, don't they?"

Smiling, Alberta lowered her head and returned to her work as I stood frozen at the door. Forcing my fingers to work, I pulled down the handle and was out of her office a second later. Closing the door quietly behind me, I leant back against it in the empty corridor and replayed her words.

To most people, they would have been merely words; part of a polite attempt to make conversation, but this was Alberta. She didn't make polite conversation and never said anything that didn't directly relate to the conversation she was having or to the point she was trying to make.

Crossing the corridor, I jogged down the stairs and passed the lobby on my way to the front doors of the admin building. Greeted by a foggy, wintery dawn, I walked briskly towards housing as I tried to make sense of her comment.

I had often wondered if she suspected that my relationship with Rose was anything but platonic. If she did have any suspicions she had never voiced or acted on them, but she was shrewd enough to realise by now that my concerns for my student weren't purely professional.

Which begged the question…if she did have even the slightest inkling, then why had she never separated us?

Slowing down as I approached housing and the icy crunch of frozen sleet beneath my trainers sounded loudly in the stillness of the frosty air; the thought was more sobering than any that had crossed my mind since I had made my compromise and only made me more determined to spend every spare moment I had with Rose.


	18. Chapter 18

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: For me, this part in the book was a wasted opportunity for RM. I understand she had restrictions, deadlines etc., but luckily, I don't, so I'm exercising my poetic licence to the fullest, and always, thank you for reading and for the great reviews! Enjoy.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Eighteen ~

"…and so remember. God places faith in us, so that we can place faith in others. He does not look to us for anything more than we can do; not just for ourselves, but for our fellow man. Thank you for your attendance, and as always, should you need any guidance; spiritual or otherwise, my door is always open."

Concluding his sermon, Father Andrew closed his scripter and walked down from the pulpit as the students, teachers and guardians gathered for the Sunday service stood to leave. Most were in no real hurry and lingered at the pews as they talked and made plans for the rest of the day.

"Please, Dimitri."

Sighing in mild aggravation at the pleading murmur breathed into my right ear, I turned to face Emil.

In the sixteen hours or so since I had dropped off an unconscious Stan at the infirmary and temporarily escaped Alberta's not inconsiderable wrath, I had avoided as many of the guardians as I could. The double shift of boundary patrol had helped in my attempts to remain evasive, but there was one guardian who wouldn't take the hint that I didn't want to talk about what had happened.

As soon as word of my… _misconduct_ had circulated the campus, I had known that Emil would actively hunt me down. Having managed to successfully avoid him so far, I had thought I was in the clear until I had seen him saunter cockily through the doors of the chapel and grin triumphantly as he spotted me.

Not a particularly religious man, I had never seen him attend any service before; I doubted he knew what the inside of the church actually looked like, but he knew me well enough to know where to find me on a Sunday morning.

Silently reverential at first, he had left me alone for the majority of the service, but the sidelong glances and fidgeting on the pew beside me had grown more impatient the longer the service went on. Finally he had cracked under the weight of his own curiosity, but I had ignored his whispered pleas until the end of the service.

"Please just tell me one thing, that's all I want," he now begged, leaning closer to me as those standing around us began to leave the chapel.

Surprised really that he had lasted until the end of the sermon, I kept my head turned towards him, but my eyes were focused on the empty pulpit. Gathered near the platform, a small group of students loitered, but it was one in particular that held my attention.

"Dimitri?"

Sighing again, though this one was more than just slightly aggravated, I narrowed my eyes at him and tried to be patient.

"This is a house of worship, Emil," I pointed out softly. "It's a place of quiet, respectful introspection for those who actually take religion seriously, unlike you. I'm not going to feed your need for gossip in it. I know what you want and even if we weren't in a church, I wouldn't give it to you."

"Why not!?" He whined, scowling at me disgruntledly as Headmistress Kirova walked towards us.

Looking pointedly at me as she passed and I ignored Emil's whinging, her thin lips stretched into an unsmiling line that resembled a grimace. By now she would have been told of what I did and Alberta would have covered for me, but the air of disapproval was still unmistakable.

It was only a sign of respect for Alberta that I hadn't already been notified of a council review.

"Because boasting about physically assaulting a co-worker, even one as combative as Stan Alto, isn't something that I do," was my reply as soon as Kirova was out of ear-shot. "I'm not going to perpetrate or glorify the story just to justify what I did. I'm not proud of what happened, Emil."

"Bullshit! You enjoyed knocking that son-of-a-bitch out."

"Language, Emil," I cautioned softly; straitening the cuff of my long-sleeved flannel shirt at my wrist.

"Yeah, right," he scoffed dismissively, but looked around as he did it anyway. Religion aside, he wasn't looking to borrow trouble. Crossing his arms over his chest, Emil smirked at me from a sideways look full of mischief.

"Come on. Admit it. Just to me," he whispered conspiratorially as his blue eyes sparkled. "You did enjoy it, didn't you? I won't tell anyone."

Leaning towards him in reply, I whispered back. "Go away, Emil."

Dismissing him, I turned my attention back to the front of the chapel as the small group I had focused on earlier were beginning to disperse. Eddie and Christian were already heading slowly down the aisle towards the exit, but Rose and Lissa were still talking quietly.

" _Fine. Be like that_ ," Emil grumbled peevishly in Romanian. Standing in a huff, he dug his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and looked around as the last of the guardians attending left the church. Glancing around, he smiled genially at Christian and Eddie before asking me.

"What are we doing today?"

Crossing my legs at the ankle at his question, I folded my hands on my lap and looked up at him. "You're free to do whatever you want, but I'm staying here for the moment."

Rocking forward on his feet, Emil bent at the waist and whispered mockingly as I turned to face him and his sarcastic expression. "Why? Are you looking to confess your sins?"

"If I am, it's only your business if you've been ordained. Have a good day, Emil."

Scoffing, Emil shook his head and turned on his heel, stalking through the pews at the back of the church as he headed for the exit. Passing behind me, he stopped to my right and leaned over my shoulder to whisper in my ear, "you're no fun at all, you know that?"

Hiding my smirk at his irritation, I watched him leave from the corner of my eye; glad that he hadn't pushed to find out the real reason I was staying behind. It was never going to remain a secret; few things on this campus ever were, but for the time being, I didn't want to answer questions about why I was on community service that coincided with Rose's.

Watching her now with Lissa at the pulpit, the roles of protector and protected had been temporarily reversed.

Very clearly consoling a disgruntled looking Rose, Lissa continued to talk to her softly. I couldn't hear their conversation, but given Rose's posture and body language, I could guess that it was about what she would still consider the unfairness of her punishment.

Smiling sympathetically as Rose continued to grumble; Lissa hugged her quickly, whispered something in her ear and turned to leave. Rose, not watching her walk away, shoved her hands into the back pockets of her cream leggings and turned towards the back door leading to the priest's living quarters to wait for her punishment to begin.

Rising from the pew as Lissa walked towards me, her mildly curious expression was gently questioning as she smiled at me. Nodding once towards Rose as an answer, Lissa turned her head to look at her once more before she nodded at me in return. She would think that I was here in search of the answers we had discussed before and would have no idea I was after so much more.

Mouthing _good luck_ to me as she passed and joined Eddie and Christian waiting for her just outside the door, I felt the weight of my decision bear down on me again, but it was a different compromise this time and made up mainly of guilt.

Lissa still looked at me with absolute faith and trust. She had no idea that it was anything but unwavering, and again, I felt like a fraud for deceiving her…even if it was only for a short time.

Walking quietly towards the pulpit, I watched Rose tap the right toe of her sneaker on the polished floor. She looked almost impatient to begin, but not because she was eager to work, merely eager to get this over with as she fiddled with the knot of her grey, oversized long-sleeved t-shirt tied at her left hip.

Hair tied back into a high-ponytail, her paired _molnija_ marks were only partially displayed. Reaching up, she rubbed her hand along the nape of her neck at the itch I couldn't see, but her movements slowed as she felt along the slightly raised skin of the tattoos.

She might one day accept that they were a mark of her bravery, but she would never accept that it had cost her Mason.

Reaching her side, Rose glanced up at me in surprise, looking uncertain at my appearance, but happy nevertheless. The last time we had spoken had been in the gym's small bathroom and the awareness of that encounter still lingered between us. She could have no idea of course of what I had decided after that and I wasn't about to tell her, but the awareness was there anyway.

"What are you doing here?"

Sliding my hands into the pockets of my worn jeans, mainly to keep my fingers away from the temptation that was so easily within my reach, I answered Rose as honestly as I could.

"Thought you might need some help. I hear the priest wants to do a lot of housekeeping."

Looking at me with undisguised scepticism that I would voluntarily want to spend the only day I had off cleaning up when there were clearly better things that I could be doing with my time, Rose turned to face me fully.

"Yeah, but you're not the one being punished here. And this is your day off too. We – well, everyone else – spent the whole week battling it out, but you guys were the ones picking the fights the whole time."

Ignoring the punishment bit when it was _exactly_ one of the reasons that I was here, Rose assessed me with a slight frown and eyes full of dark-brown sympathy. Knowing what she was seeing; the multitude of cuts, bruises, grazes and scrapes from the first week of the field experience, I could understand why she would have thought I would want to rest.

"What else would I do today?" I asked her honestly. There wasn't anything else in the world that I wanted more than to spend time with her.

Cocking an eyebrow at me in clear contradiction to my reply, Rose drawled out wryly. "I could think of a hundred other things. There's probably a John Wayne movie on somewhere that you haven't seen." Grinning cheekily at me, Rose knew how I was going to react to the comment.

Disagreeing with a shake of my head, I bent at the waist and leaned towards her as I saw Father Andrew closing the door quietly behind him from the corner of my eye. "No, there isn't. I've seen them all. Look – the priest is waiting for us."

Following my gaze, Rose turned to face him. Dressed for the day's work, the priest smiled in greeting when he saw us and walked forward.

American by birth with ancestry originating in the north of Russia, the Moroi priest had been in charge of the small chapel for the better part of two decades. A gently instructing man, he listened when his ear was needed and gave advice when asked, but never pushed for either.

Glancing fondly at Rose, he wasn't the least surprised at seeing her; Alberta would have already spoken to him, but the look he gave me wasn't surprised either. My own penance wouldn't have been so openly announced around the campus yet, so why was he looking at me as though he had somehow expected this?

"Thank you both for volunteering to help me. We aren't doing anything particular complex today. Its's a bit boring, really," Father Andrew shrugged almost apologetically as he explained what he had planned for us to do for him and I pushed aside my uneasiness at his assessing looks.

"We'll have to do the regular cleaning, of course," he continued as he reached down and grabbed the cleaning materials. "And then I'd like to sort the boxes of old supplies I have sitting up in the attic."

Watching Rose peripherally as I listened to him, I could see that she was trying to behave herself, but she couldn't quite hide the resentment she still felt for having to pay the price for her fumble.

"We're happy to do whatever you need," I reassured the priest. Shooting me a side look, Rose's expression clearly said… _maybe you are, but I'm not…_ but she dutifully grabbed the mop and bucket she was handed as I took the dusting rags and furniture polish.

Starting at the front of the church whilst Rose went to the nearest tap to fill the bucket, she followed behind me as I polished and made my way to the exit. Father Andrew concentrated on the pulpit, windows and the myriad of gilded candlestick holders.

It was a pity that the priest remained with us; the opportunity to talk to Rose about anything personal was ruined by his presence, but I told myself not to be greedy…to take what I could get and be content with that.

Careful to never look at Rose directly – I could feel her gaze flicker over me curiously, though she never spoke – when I had neither her nor the priest's eyes on me, my own watched her every movement.

Mopping in long, sweeping motions, the pull of her upper torso shifted the edge of the tied t-shirt. Revealing the detail of delicate muscling along her waist from the rigours of the training I had pushed her to over the six months since her return, the sight of it hollowed my stomach with heat and hunger.

I knew already how smooth that skin was to touch…how warm and supple it was beneath the caressing tips of my fingers. I knew the taste of it, the exact way her hips curved into her waist, the dips and hollows that led to other places…I knew them perfectly because when I _did_ manage to sleep, they were all I dreamed about.

Of all the consequences of Victor's vile scheming, the effects of the lust charm he had maliciously inflicted on us were the hardest to shake loose, and not something that I could ever act on.

My compromise was _time_ with Rose, nothing more.

Cleaning for the better part of an hour as I tried to concentrate on my job, the priest dusted his hands as he completed his own polishing. Looking around the chapel and nodding in satisfaction, he walked towards us as I wiped clean the excess polish from the last of the pews and Rose moped through the last of the aisles; smiling broadly in appreciation.

"Wonderful! Wonderful! Thank you for the effort, both of you. I can't remember the last time the church was this clean." Beaming, he took the cleaning supplies from us and walked the storeroom whilst he whistled beneath his breath.

Rose; standing to my right and about half-a-foot away, brushed her hands free of any dirt before wiping them down the side of her leggings. Frowning as she did it, she raised her left hand and grimaced at something before shaking her head.

Using the moments the priest would be out of ear-shot, I took advantage and moved closer to her.

"What's wrong?"

"Hmmm?"

Looking up, Rose's pupils dilated and her nostrils flared at my nearness. Swallowing jerkily, she looked a little confused for a second before remembering her hand. "Oh, it's nothing. Just my nails. They look like they've been through a paper shredder. I could give _Freddie Kruger_ a run for his money."

Sighing patiently at the reason for her worry; an issue only Rose would find important, I raised my eyebrows at her in a clear indication of my disbelief.

"Yes, I know that the state of a guardians nails – even one still in training at an academy – isn't an important issue, comrade," she answered with a smirk. "But I'm still a girl…a _teenage_ girl and sometimes I would like to feel like one, which means I want to be able to fuss with my hair, wear clothes that are fashionable and not just serviceable and yes…have a manicure every once in a while."

"A manicure, Rose?"

"Yes, Dimitri. A manicure. The definition in the dictionary goes something along the lines of a _cosmetic treatment of the hands and nails using chemicals to soften and maintain_ …you want me to _Google_ it for you?"

Ignoring the mockery, I instead asked. "Was it something you did on the outside?"

"Yeah. Lissa and I brought a home-kit and did each other's nails once a week."

"You were a teenage runaway protecting the last member of a royal bloodline whilst trying to avoid both searching guardians and hunting Strigoi and yet you still had time to give each other manicures once a week?"

"Yes, Rose answered dryly, hearing my scepticism. "There wasn't going to be much point to anything if all we did was hide in fear and waited for something bad to happen. We had to learn to adapt in order to fit in better. We developed a more human schedule and tried for some normalcy."

"With manicures?"

"Ugh!" Throwing her head back, Rose groaned in exasperation and I kept my amusement to myself. "Yes, with manicures. "It's not the most unrealistic expectation to have, comrade. Feeling and looking feminine isn't a crime."

Looking over her very feminine form, my lips curved upwards into a gentle smile. "Trust me, Rose. No one is ever going to confuse you with anything other than feminine."

Blinking owlishly at the compliment; not something she was expecting from me and probably slightly bewildered as to _why_ I had said it, Rose looked a little flustered. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, or highlight that I had motives she wouldn't understand, I tried lightening the moment by asking.

"Who's _Freddy Kruger_?"

Forgetting her fluster, Rose's eyes widened. "Seriously! You've watched every John Wayne movie ever made, but you've never seen _Nightmare on Elm Street?_ "

"No."

Keeping my expression smoothly innocent, it took less than three seconds for the penny to drop. Narrowing her eyes, Rose crossed her arms over her chest and curled her lip up at me.

"You're screwing with me, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Laughing softly at her disgruntled expression, I suddenly knew exactly how much I would miss this when we were no longer able to simply be with each other. Feeling the corresponding pain as it ached in my chest, I tried to push it aside to enjoy what I could have, but it was an overwhelming feeling of lose and yearning so consuming that it felt almost like grief.

"Right. Let's get started on those boxes."

Walking back in, Father Andrew clapped his hands and headed for the stairs to the attic. Waving Rose on, I followed them up the stairs as I put aside the future and concentrated on the present. Reaching the top room of the chapel, I was surprised to find it relatively clean.

Used largely as storage for documents and books related to theology, I had expected it to be largely dust shrouded, but aside from the faint whiff of motes in the slightly stale air, it could have been mistaken for a room used on a daily basis.

Glancing over to Rose, her expression confused me. Most people, when seeing something for the first time, would look around and absorb everything that was new or interesting, but Rose seemed to almost glare at the contents of the room.

Patting a stack of boxes nearest to the stained-glass window and near an old couch draped with a velvet throw-over, the priest turned to us. "Everything boxed has to be taken to the storeroom attached to the rectory. Can you manage to bring these down whilst I make space downstairs?"

"Of course," I replied smoothly, still eyeing Rose as she quickly counted the dozen boxes to be moved.

Throwing me quick glance over her shoulder and behind Father Andrew's back, she mouthed… _really?_ _We can?_ "

Patting me on the shoulder as he passed, I listened to his receding footprints before asking.

"Have you been up here before?"

"No."

Back towards me as she began to stack the boxes into small loads to carry, Rose's answer was quick…too quick. I couldn't see her face, so I couldn't assess if she was telling me the truth, but something in her tone made me think she was hiding something.

Deciding against pushing the issue, I grabbed a stack of three boxes and carried them down with Rose on my heels. Walking through the chapel we had just cleaned, we met the priest again and set the boxes in the spotlessly clean storeroom as instructed.

Jogging back up the stairs again, I headed to the boxes at the window whilst Rose moved to the boxes besides the couch and avoided touching it at all costs. Grinding me teeth even as I reminded myself I wasn't going to ask questions about it, I turned to her anyway, but was interrupted as Rose passed me on the way to the stairs and asked.

"How many were there anyway?"

Following behind her, I replied over the top of the boxes. "What are you talking about, Rose?"

"John Wayne Movies." She threw over her shoulder, skirting the pews and heading towards the rectory again.

"Why the sudden interest in John Wayne?" Dumping the boxes in the centre space being industriously cleared by the priest, we walked back up to the attic together.

"I don't really have any interest in him; Cowboys and Indians are your thing, comrade, not mine. I'm just making conversation. You know…I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk. It's the way that people usually communicate." Preceding me into the sanctified garret, she smiled over her shoulder at my expression of surprise.

"I'm familiar with the concept, Rose."

"Really?"

Sighing, I answered. "He either starred in, or was a part of, over 170 movies during his film career."

Dropping the last of the boxes she was carrying to the door with a thump and a stirring of the motes in the still air, Rose leaned forward on the stack and eyed me incredulously as her elbows rested on the top of the boxes.

"170?! Were they all full length movies?"

Joining her, I rested my hands on the stack and stiffened my arms. Separated by mere inches, it was the closest we had been since the start of our cleaning.

"Yes. Mostly set in the Old West."

"So…is that where the love of the duster comes in? From watching all those kind of movies." Not waiting for my answer, Rose frowned as if only now taking notice of what I was wearing as she took in my worn jeans and red checkered shirt. "Where is the duster anyway?"

"Being dry cleaned."

Nodding, Rose narrowed her suddenly wickedly glinting eyes at me as she leaned closer and murmured.

"Do you feel naked without it?"

Deciding to play her at her own game for once, I bent toward her and rested my elbows on the box. Closing the distance between us, I felt her scent wrap around my head, flooding my bloodstream with her potent, compelling essence as I whispered invitingly.

"Very."

Pulling away from me so fast that the boxes rocked precariously, I steadied them as Rose frowned. Eyeing me as warily as she would someone she didn't know or didn't trust, I could see her trying to figure out if I was serious or not and what her next move would be.

"Are there anymore boxes up there, Dimitri?"

Saved by the interruption of Father Andrew, I smiled at Rose as I called down. "Only a few more. We're on our way down to you now, Father."

Gathering the boxes, I left the attic and listened to Rose follow slowly behind me. Satisfied for once that I had managed to unsettle her as easily as she unsettled me, I didn't look back as I set the boxes down but I could feel her close by.

"Thank you, Dimitri. You too, Rose," he praised as she joined us. Opening the box closest to him, the priest quickly scanned through contents. Nodding, he looked up at us before instructing us on what he wanted saved and how he wanted it categorized.

"Most of what's in the boxes can be used here, but a lot of it is outdated theories or nonsense. Look through each box and separate into three sections: current, old or unknown. I'll go through each pile and then we'll reorganize from there, okay?"

Pointing to an old blanket on the floor, we each chose a box, sat down and set to it.

Working quietly for a few minutes, Father Andrew looked between us before he settled on Rose. "So I hear the first week of field experience has been a bit bumpy, Rose," he began, gentling his voice when he saw her stiffen and sigh.

"Yeah, "she reluctantly agreed, quickly scanning the spine for the title of a green book mottled with age and mould before placing it in her pile. "It hasn't exactly been the walkover it thought it would be."

Smiling in a kind show of sympathy, he nodded in understanding as he reshuffled a pile of paperwork. "I'm sorry that it's been difficult, but not too sorry. Without your and Dimitri's help, I wouldn't be able to have completed this job in just a day. Apart from the problems with Guardian Alto's attack, how is the rest of it going?"

"Okay. The guarding part is fine, so are the observations. Living with Christian is… _interesting_ , but we're managing." Scowling at me, something in Rose's eyes made me think that she knew more about the change of assignment than I thought.

"Ah yes, Mr. Ozera. He is a challenging young man, isn't he? With such a tragic family history, it was almost expected on his to act out, wasn't it? Yet, he seems to have been found the right path."

"Yeah, as long as it's the same path Lissa's on."

Chuckling at Rose's wry comment, he gazed at her speculatively as he brushed aside strands of his thinning, grey hair. "You still don't approve of their relationship? Is it because you think him unsuitable for the Princess?"

Snorting, Rose stretched her legs before re-crossing them beneath her. "I'm hardly suitable myself, Father, so I shouldn't be throwing stones, and no, I think that he's good for her. That they're good for each other. She's restored his faith in others, and he's given her the confidence to believe in herself."

"You couldn't give that to her?"

Opening her mouth to reply, Rose hesitated for a moment. Clearly thinking through her answer as she realised what the priest was asking, she frowned.

"I could and I did, but because we've been together for so long, Lissa's always going to know that I will always protect and stand by her, no matter what. She needed an outsider to be able to see that it's what _she_ inspires, not what she would expect."

"Hmmm."

Content to listen to their conversation, I continued to sort through the pile quietly as I thought through what they had been talking about. Most of it was known already, but one part nagged at the back of my mind. Lissa might need constant reassurance, but so did Rose. She still believed that she was somehow unworthy of Lissa…that she was only there as her guardian by default.

I hadn't liked the idea of separating them for the field experience, but hearing her now as she unwittingly admitted that there was still a doubt or two made me grateful that I had. Rose needed the confidence with another Moroi if she was going to have any hope of guarding Lissa successfully.

Tapping the cover of a new, less-aged book, Rose looked up at the priest with a strangely determined air about her, oblivious to the turn of my thoughts. Wondering what she was up to, I didn't have to wait too long before she asked.

"Hey." She began, holding out the book towards him as she pointed to the piles of paper and stacks of other theology related books littering the floor. "Do you believe in ghosts? I meant, is there any mention of them in this stuff?"


	19. Chapter 19

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to everyone who wrote such marvellous reviews for _Nightfall;_ it was a really fun one-shot to write. I hadn't intended to write a follow up, but as so many of you asked so nicely, I definitely will.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Nineteen ~

Keeping my head bent towards the index of the book I was reading, my eyes lifted briefly towards Rose as she asked a question about the afterlife I hadn't expected to hear from her.

Her beliefs in the spiritual world were almost none-existent and she often scoffed at anything superstitious; mocking those around her who allowed it to influence their lives, so why now was she asking about something she so clearly didn't believe in?

My own beliefs in the spiritual world were better developed than Rose's, but only because I had been raised with them. Growing up in a family where unexplainable gifts were not only welcomed, but encouraged, I had a healthier respect for the occult and everything it stood for.

That being said…the existence of ghosts wasn't something I believed in any more than I had always thought Rose did. Mildly confused and more than a little curious, I watched her from beneath the sweep of my lashes as I continued to catalogue the books.

Setting aside his own paperwork, Father Andrew's expression showed the same level of curiosity that I felt, though he didn't seem nearly as confused by the question. Obviously well used to dealing with questions like this he indulgently set aside his book to answer her.

"Well…it depends on how you define 'ghost' I suppose," he answered thoughtfully, brushing off dust from the leg of his pants and frowning slightly when he only succeeded in smudging it.

Frowning unhappily at an answer that didn't really explain anything, Rose reached into the box between us and lifted out a wooden crockery and cutlery set. Setting aside the spoons that were an oddity amongst the theological findings, she looked up at the priest whilst turning a dust-covered bowl between her hands.

"The whole point of this is that when you die, you go to heaven or hell. That makes ghosts just stories, right? They're not in the bible or anything."

Reaching forward to pick up the spoons from the floor at her feet, Father Andrew pursed his lips before replying. "Again, it depends on your definition. Our faith has always held that after death, the spirit separates from the body and may indeed linger in this world."

The loud thud of the bowl connecting with the dull wooden floor echoed throughout the quiet of the storeroom. Spinning wildly on its wobbly axis, Rose snatched it up quickly and cradled it on her lap between fingers that were clenched white with strain.

Frowning at the show of agitation from her, Rose uttered with quiet tension before I could ask her anything. "What? For how long? Forever?"

"No, no, of course not," he reassured her mildly, not seeing the signs of anxiety as easily as I could. "That flies in the face of the resurrection and salvation, which form the cornerstones of our belief. But it's believed the soul can stay on earth for three to forty days after death."

Stacking a set of books neatly to his right, he placed the spoons beside it and reached for the bowl from Rose's clutching fingers. Handing it over without a second glance, she waited for him to continue as she folded her fidgeting fingers in her lap.

"It eventually receives a 'temporary' judgement that sends it on from this world to heaven or hell," he continued. 'Although no one will truly experience either until the actual Judgement Day, when the soul and body are reunited to live out eternity as one."

"Yeah, but is it true or not?" Rose pressed insistently, abandoning her job to look almost imploringly at the priest with eyes widened by an intensity I didn't understand. Feeling a sense of unease sweep over me, my body moved towards her unconsciously before I stopped and righted myself.

"Are spirits really walking the earth for forty days after death?"

Remaining indulgent at her question, Father Andrew shook his head slightly at her question. "Ah, Rose. Those who have to ask if faith is true are opening up a discussion they may not be ready for."

Looking for a moment like she wanted to argue against his sage advice, Rose sighed heavily and nodded her head. Returning to her work, she disappointedly began to riffle through the box again as he continued to watch her.

Seeming to take pity on her curiosity, the priest relented. "But, if it helps you, some of these ideas parallel folk beliefs from Eastern Europe about ghosts that existed before the spread of Christianity. Those traditions have long upheld the idea of spirits staying around for a short time after death – particularly if the person in question died young or violently."

Becoming rigidly still whilst leaning over the edge of the box, Rose slowly turned her head towards the priest. Her dark, brown eyes – still wide – were no longer full of intensity, but something that looked like panic.

Feeling the instinct to protect and comfort her begin to overwhelm me again, I held myself back ruthlessly before I could reach out and actually touch her.

With the priest this close, I wouldn't be able to disguise my intent for her as anything other than concern. I was determined to make the most of what little time remained for us, but not at the expense of exposing either of us to rumours.

"Why?" Rose asked very quietly with a wobbly edge to her voice. "Why would they stay? Is it…is it for revenge?"

Oblivious to her distress, he continued to sort through his papers; arching a brow and nodding to himself as if he had found something of interest. "I'm sure there are some who believe that, just as some believe it's because the soul has trouble finding peace after something so unsettling."

"What do _you_ believe?" She pressed.

Hearing something in her voice, something he hadn't heard before. The cleric momentarily set aside his work.

"I believe the soul separates from the body, just as our fathers teach us, but I doubt the soul's time on earth is anything the living can perceive. It's not like the movies, with ghosts haunting buildings or coming to visit those they knew."

Smiling at Rose in what was meant to be a comforting manner, he continued. "I envision these spirits as more of an energy existing around us, something beyond our perception as they wait to move on and find peace. Ultimately, what matters is what happens beyond this earth when we attain the eternal life our saviour bought to for us with his great sacrifice. That's what's important."

Satisfied that he had explained, he returned to his work. Eerily quiet after his explanation, Rose watched at him for a few more unsettling moments before she turned to once again reach into the box.

Glancing up at her again, Father Andrew seemed to hear her unease in the silence that followed and decided to change the subject.

"I just got some new books in from a friend in another parish. Interesting stories about St. Vladimir. Are you still interested in him? And Anna?"

"Yeah," Rose answered with a small smile, though her eyes were fixed on the tattered bible in her hands as she avoided eye contact with the priest. "I'm interested…but I don't think I can get to it anytime soon. I'm kind of busy with all this…you know, field experience stuff."

Shrugging almost apologetically, Rose continued to sort whilst the priest watched her thoughtfully for a few minutes longer before letting the subject drop and returning to his own work.

Watching Rose from the corner of my eye, I thought about her interest with Anna. It was only natural, considering that she was only one – apart from Rose – that we knew about to have been linked to another Moroi through the resurrection of Spirit, but why would she be asking about someone who had died so long ago?

Continuing to work in companionable silence that was only mildly tinged with unanswered questions; I bided my time patiently and prepared myself for more evasion. When we were finally alone and I could ask her, there was no guarantee that Rose would tell me anymore than she had the priest.

"Right," Father Andrew announced twenty-minutes later as he pointed to the boxes that held reading material we had repacked. "I need you to carry these over to the elementary campus. Leave them off at the Moroi dorm there. Ms. Davis has been teaching Sunday school for some of the kindergartners and might be able to use those."

Smiling at us in thanks, he rose, dusted off his trousers, and headed back out into the chapel, leaving us alone at last.

Rising, I dusted off my own worn jeans and watched Rose as she did the same. The questions I wanted answered were on the tip of my tongue, but if I pressed her for answers now, she would probably avoid the conversation all together.

Heading for the lightest of the boxes, I hefted it and handed it to Rose. Looking at it in much the same way as when we had begun, she glanced at the watch on her wrist and her expression brightened at the possibility of an early parole before grabbing it from me and walking towards the door.

Smothering my grin, I grabbed my own and followed her out, wanting to know what she had planned for the rest of the Sunday…and how I could fit myself into those plans.

"In a rush to make a date, Rose?" I asked conversationally, catching up to her easily as we began to walk down the long aisle.

Snorting up at me as she heard the levity in my question, Rose smirked. "Oh, yeah. They're lining up to knock on my door."

I threw her a look that said she knew full well that if she gave them half a chance, they would be. "At least a few of them…one of them royal."

"Ugh! Don't start with the Adrian thing."

"Is he bothering you?" Shifting the box in my arms, it pleased me more than I should have allowed it to hear the annoyance in her voice.

"No. He's more of an irritation really. Not one that I can't handle, it's just that he's hard-headed and just doesn't jet that I'm not into him."

"Why not?" I asked perversely, thinking back to what Alberta and I had discussed days before. She had said that the Adrian Ivashkov was _exactly_ the kind of trouble that Rose would have gone looking for in the past, so why now wasn't she the slightest bit interested?

Pausing at the door of the chapel, the low glow of flickering candles bathed Rose's sceptical face in warm light. Looking up at me over the box in a way that said I had just asked a very stupid question, an eyebrow rose in question.

"Humour me, Rose."

Throwing me a look that said she was going to make me regret asking this, Rose's expression suddenly became serene…and my guard came up with it.

"You know, I don't know why I don't. I mean, yes, he's annoying, but he's also very charming, rich…good-looking. He has the right name and the right connections behind it…something that I could probably use in the future knowing the kind of trouble my mouth will get me into one day."

Resting a shoulder against the dark panelling beside the door, Rose looked back at me as though offering a challenge. Grinding my teeth together for even asking the question, she tilted her head and narrowed her eyes dangerously.

"Where was I…oh, yes," Rose continued airily. "Handsome, rich, connected…all of those are definitely a plus, add in the fact that he seems absolutely crazy about me, I mean, why shouldn't I be interested? His family would probably never approve, but that doesn't seem to matter to him _at all_."

"So what's holding you back?" I grated, my hands gripping with more force than was necessary around the fragile cardboard box. Staring stonily ahead, I registered that Rose was deliberately goading me, but couldn't shake the feeling of jealousy.

"No accent. It's a deal breaker."

Glancing down at her, the wide grin I received made me shake my head.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked softly, feeling like I had been expertly played.

"Well…yeah. You kind of make it ridiculously easy to yank your chain, comrade. A little advice though for the future. Next time, don't ask a girl to humour you unless you're looking for an argument."

"I'll try to remember that, Rose."

Laughing at me, she turned and pushed open the door. Stepping out into the chilly night air, we began our walk to the elementary campus.

"So what _are_ your plans for the rest of the day?"

" _As. Little. As. Possible_. Probably hang out with Lissa and Eddie; unfortunately I have to tolerate Christian even on my day off, but I figured I could just ignore him like I do the rest of the time. What are you going to do now that the John Wayne movie re-run is out?"

I was about to suggest joining them whilst trying to think of a way to keep the question casual, but as we crossed onto the slicked walkway that would lead to the dorm, a childlike scream pierced the cold air _"…Look, there's a ghost, there's a ghost! Ahhh...!"_

Running towards us, a trio of girls about five or six years-old were being chased by what looked like a boy dressed in a sheet with the eyes cut out. It was clearly an old Halloween costume from the year before; the smudge marks of eaten chocolate still stained the sheet.

Lifting the box high and out of the way as they ran between us, I smiled indulgently at them. Glancing over to Rose, I expected to see a similar expression, but what I saw was far from indulgent and more than a little alarming.

Looking at the boy as he continued to chase, her widened eyes darted to and fro; searching for something that didn't seem to be there. Gripping at the box, her breathing seemed a little ragged; the puffs of steam coming more irregularly a she watched the children disappear into the dorm.

Not understanding why something so childishly innocent could rattle her so badly, I remembered the ghost questions and decided the time was right to find the answer.

"Why are you interested in ghosts?"

Glancing up at me shakily, Rose glanced around once more before she looked straight ahead. Blinking quickly, she shifted the weight of the box in her arms to a more comfortable position and started to walk again.

"Just making conversation."

Hearing the evasion in the deliberately casual tone of her reply and not surprised to hear it when it had been what I had expected, I walked with her again, but she kept her gaze straight ahead.

"I can't see your face right now, but I have a feeling you're lying again."

Looking at me this time, her irritated expression made me feel slightly better that she was acting more predictably like Rose. "Jeez, everyone thinks the worst of me lately. Stan accused me of glory-seeking."

Refusing to acknowledge the very tiny twinge of guilt I had begun to feel when thinking of Stan and his fate over that very remark, I kept my expression neutral.

"I heard about that. That might have been a little unfair of him."

"A little, huh?" Rose commented dryly, as if it was only part of what she really felt about what I had said. "Well, thanks, but I'm starting to lose faith in this field experience. Sometimes in the whole Academy."

Clutching the box tighter to my chest as the shock of her words shuddered through my muscles and the end of my nerves, my eyes darted towards her as I challenged her comment, only barely able to keep the panic from my voice.

"You don't mean that."

If there was one thing I knew about Rose; one absolute truth to the very make up of her core values, it was her faith and belief in the system we were taught to uphold. We were dhampir; we protected the Moroi…there was nothing else that mattered.

To hear her now admit that she was rethinking it or that she was having a crisis of faith shook me.

"I don't know. The school seems so caught up in rules and polices that don't have anything to do with real life. I saw what was out there, comrade. I went right to the monster's lair. In some ways…I don't know if this really prepares us."

Feeling relief course through my pounding veins as I realised Rose was losing faith with the bureaucracy of the systems and not the system itself, I shifted the weight of the box more securely as we crossed over the threshold of the lobby of the middle school dorm.

"Sometimes I agree."

" _Really_?"

The clear disbelief in her answer made me smile as I glanced down at her; amazed as always that we were so perfectly in sync with each other.

"Really. I mean, I don't agree that novices should be put out in the world when they're ten or anything, but sometimes I've thought the field experience should actually be in the field. I probably learned more in my first year as guardian that I did in all my years of training. Well…maybe not all. But it's a different situation, absolutely."

Walking into the lobby, the monitor was nowhere to be found, but a few of the younger students were gathered. Watching us approach, they eyed me almost warily, but it was the way they looked at Rose that intrigued me.

The younger students normally looked at the guardians or senior novices with an expression that was respectful for the most part, but they rarely looked at any of us with awe. Rose's very young reputation was already beginning to precede her.

"Oh. We're in the middle school dorm. The younger kids are next door."

"Yes," I confirmed, setting the box down on the speckled-tiled floor of the lobby. "But Ms. Davis lives in this building. Let me try to find her and see where she wants these. I'll be right back."

Jogging up the stairs, I turned left along the carpeted landing and headed for her room. Knocking softly on her door, my wait was short as only a few seconds later it was opened by a slender brunette dressed in old sweats and clutching a tattered book to her chest; her pale blue eyes widened in mild surprise as she looked up at me.

"Oh…Guardian Belikov. Hello. Is something wrong?"

Softly spoken and in her early forties, Susannah Davis had been with the school since graduation and specialised in the curriculum for the youngest students. As one of five that did at the Academy, I had been in regular contact with her during the guarding shifts around the campus, but her shyness around me had never lessened.

The others – and by others I meant Emil – would wink slyly at me and say that she was interested in me for more than just my ability to guard her, but I had watched her interact with her own colleagues and knew she was just as reserved around them as she was with me.

"Nothing's wrong, Ms. Davis," I reassured her as the fingers holding the book tightened a little further. "Father Andrew has a few books he though you might like to use for the Sunday school. Rose is downstairs with them now. Can you take a look?"

"Oh." Eyes lighting up with the possibility of more reading material, she nodded enthusiastically before placing the book down on the set of draws to her right. Pulling the door closed, I moved out the way as she tucked thin strands of light brown hair behind her ear and began to walk briskly towards the stairs.

Not crowding her, I followed a foot away. As we reached the lobby, I could see that Rose had her back towards us and was talking to someone around the corner, but I couldn't see who it was. Judging from her body language, she was a little on guard, but not enough to concern me.

Catching up with the teacher, Rose turned at the sound of our approaching footsteps. Smiling in greeting as Ms. Davis returned it; the teacher dropped to her haunches beside the boxes and began to rummage through the books.

Leaving her to it, I re-joined Rose and finally saw who she was talking to. Tall, slender, pale and shy, the teenaged Moroi girl she was talking too was in no way more striking than most her age, but it was the pale green of her eyes that caught my attention.

They were a very rare green that were usually tied to a royal lineage that had been diluted over the centuries to only a few of the families. The Dragomire's, Dashkov's and Zeklos family lines were the only ones that I knew of, but to my memory, she belonged to none of them.

I tried to think back to what I knew about her, but it was her last name that for some reason swirled around my memory… _Mastrano_.

"Hey," Rose breathed happily, almost in relief as I stopped at her side. "I have someone who wants to meet you. Dimitri, this is Jill. Jill, Dimitri."

Ah… _Jillian_ Mastrano. Now the name fit the profile in my head, but there was still something there that was nagging at the back of my mind. Brushing it aside for the moment as the dots in my head refused to connect, I held out my hand.

Flushing furiously, the red staining Jill's cheeks made the paleness of her skin stick out starkly. Looking at my raised hand, her own flew up from her side. Shaking quickly, she dropped it again as it the skin had been burnt, but never said a word.

Watching Rose from the corner of my eye, she was struggling not to snigger at the exchange, but wasn't quite succeeding.

Throwing a wide-eyed glance at her, Jill tried to regain her composure, but seemed to give up half-way through and instead waved at us vaguely, turned on her heel and scampered away as she threw out a half-strangled goodbye over her shoulder.

Puzzled, but not surprised by her wariness, I didn't take it personally as I watched her disappear into the night. Muttering to herself, Ms. Davis drew my attention as I avoided Rose's smiling expression and glanced down.

"Yes…yes, all of these will be wonderful." Looking up at us with an armful of books held tightly to her chest, Ms. Davis rose. "If you can take these boxes into the playroom off the lobby, I'll sort them from there?"

Grabbing the boxes again, we carried our loads and left them with the happily organizing teacher before we headed back out. Walking close enough to Rose that the tips of our fingers were almost in contact, she didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't let on. I wondered what she would do if she knew how badly I wanted to touch her.

Sidestepping a puddle a moment later, Rose inadvertently put distance between us and killed the searching motion of my fingers. "Jill knew who I was," she remarked aloud, sounding both astounded and wildered by this. "She had kind of a hero-worship thing going on."

Hiding my answering smile, I nodded thoughtfully as it reminded me of the awed looks she had been given by the children earlier.

"Does that surprise you? That younger student's would look up to you?"

"I don't know. I just never thought about it. I don't think I'm that good of a role model."

Again hearing the self-doubt that could be so dangerous in our profession if allowed to fester and undermine confidence, my only thoughts were to reassure her. She needed to know that I thought of her as highly as most others did.

"I disagree. You're outgoing, dedicated, and excel at everything you do. You've earned more respect than you think."

Expecting her to scoff at my praise, I instead got a look flashed from beneath her lashes…one that I couldn't interpret until it was too late and I heard the surly note of resentment creep into her voice.

"And yet not enough to go to Victor's trial, apparently."

"Not this again," I sighed warily, not wanting to fight over an issue that had the potential to destroy my plans. The Victor/trial issue seemed to create more friction between us than anything else ever had and I wanted to avoid it at all costs.

Rose unfortunately, wouldn't let me. Increasing her pace, she moved ahead of me before swinging around. Walking backwards, she glared. "Yes, this again! Why don't you get how major this is? Victor's a huge threat."

"I know he is." I agreed gently, keeping my demeanour composed in the hopes that she would calm down whilst looking around to make sure that no one else was witnessing our conversation.

"And if he gets loose, he'll just start in on his crazy plans again."

Planting her feet on the grass verge between the walkway and the church, Rose continued to glare up at me as I came to a stop a few inches away from her. The anger emanating from her created a halo of ire and indignation so hotly intense it was almost visible.

"It's really unlikely he will get loose, you know. Most of those rumours about the Queen letting him off are just that – rumours. You of all people should know not to believe everything you hear."

Shaking her head in disgust, Rose turned away from me. Stomping off towards the chapel, her posture, like her next words, was stiff and unbending.

"You should still let us go. Or…you should at least let Lissa go."

Raising a brow at the last part, the catch in her voice was almost as astonishing as her willingness to let Lissa out of her sight. I knew that Rose was passionately zealous about keeping Victor Dashkov under lock and key, but it was still surprising that she had even suggested it. It wasn't like her…at all.

"You're right," I conceded amiably, though she would never know my true feelings on the matter or that I was confused by why she had said it. "She should be there, but again, it's nothing I can do anything about. You keep thinking that I can control this, but I can't."

Sliding a look of accusation in my direction, Rose impatiently brushed at the hair floating around her face. "But did you do _everything_ you could? You have a lot of influence. There must be something. Anything."

"Not as much influence as you think. I've got a high position here at the Academy, but in the rest of the guardian world, I'm still pretty young. And yes, I did actually speak up for you."

There wasn't much point in telling her that despite my request, I hadn't fought for them as hard as I could have. Lissa going to Court would have been a necessary evil as she was the primary victim in Victor's schemes, but for the rest of them, it would have been an ugly ordeal I had wanted to spare them from.

As if understanding that, though she couldn't possibly, Rose muttered caustically, "Maybe you should have spoken up louder."

Hearing the petulance begin to turn to into a full-blown tantrum, I said nothing in return, but I could feel the ease and enjoyment of the hours we had spent together fade so quickly I couldn't do anything to stop it.

The fight I had wanted to avoid was becoming less and less avoidable. The anger that drove Rose was beginning to crumble the plans I had made to spend as much time with her as I could. If she continued on with this, they would be beyond salvageable.

Inhaling deeply, Rose tried to reign in her temper; somehow sensing she was beginning to overstep her boundaries as she clenched her fists before muttering.

"Victor knows about us. He could say something."

"Victor has bigger things to worry about with this trial than us."

"Yeah, but you know him. He doesn't exactly act like a normal person would. If he feels like he's lost all hope of getting off, he might decide to bust us just for the sake of revenge."

Yes, he could, and the threat of that possibility had been hanging over my head for a long time, but even if he did, it still wasn't a good enough reason to expose any of them to the very real dangers he still posed.

"Then we'll have to deal with that as best we can," was my reply as we approached the church. "But if Victor's going to tell, he's going to do it whether or not you testify."

Glancing over at her again, the stubbornness of her jaw was set and didn't look like it would relax anytime soon as she pushed open the door to the chapel and slipped inside.

Walking towards the storeroom together, Rose kept as much distance between us as the pews on either side of the aisles would allow. Shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I wanted to reach out to her, to talk about something else… _anything_ else, but her body language couldn't have been clearer that she wanted _nothing_ to do with me at the moment.

Grinding my teeth, I forced a polite smile at the priest as he approached us with a box in his arms.

"Did you find Ms. Davis, Dimitri?"

"We did, Father. She's sorting through books as we speak. She seemed very excited by them and asked that we pass on her thanks."

"Good…good." Dropping his chin, he looked at the books in the box. "I went over the rest of the material whilst you were delivering the first load. This is the last of what I think Ms. Davis would find suitable for the little ones. Once you've delivered it, you're both free to go, and once again, thank you both for helping me today."

Smiling broadly, the priest took a step towards me, intending to unload the box, but Rose took a step forward and intercepted it. Taking it from him, she nodded once, turned on her heel and marched out of the storeroom. Looking at me quizzically, the priest said nothing as I thanked him followed after her.

Walking briskly down the aisle, Rose was already halfway down the church before I caught up with her. Reaching out, I made to take the box from her, but she neatly sidestepped and turned to abruptly face me.

"I'll do it. You don't have to come."

Sighing at the curt, churlish tone of Rose's brush-off, I felt my temper begin to fray. I could stomach more of her than most, but there were times when her bolshy attitude got under even _my_ skin.

"Rose, please don't make a big deal about this." My voice reasoned softly; almost desperate to save what remained of the day as I felt the fraying edge of my temper unravel to the point that my fingers had begun to tremble, but she wouldn't listen or even try to understand.

She was ruining what I had so carefully planned, without even knowing what she was ruining.

"It _is_ a big deal," she spat furiously; the short edge of her nails digging into the fragile cardboard of the box to leave crescent marks. "And you don't seem to get it."

"I _do_ get it," I bit out from between clenched teeth; provoked by her words. She was lashing out and didn't care where she directed her anger, only that it was directed at someone else.

"Do you really think I want to see Victor loose?" My trembling fingers folded tightly towards my palms to stop them from curling around her shoulders and shaking some sense into her. "Do you think that I want us all at risk again? But I told you, I've done all I can do. I'm not like you – I can't keep making a scene when things don't go my way."

"I do not," she argued hotly; her eyes shimmering in the dim candlelight.

"You're doing it right now," I pointed out more calmly, unsettled by the fact that my words had seemed to hurt her and determined to regain control. It irritated me that I had lost it and had begun to lash out as uncontrollably as Rose.

Staring me balefully in the eye, Rose hissed cuttingly in return. "Why did you even help me today? Why are you here?"

Controlling the sting of rejection a second too late, the cutting edge of Rose's demand hurt me more than I had thought possible. They were only words uttered by a very angry girl, but they slide so easily beneath my defences that I had no way of protecting myself against them.

How could she even _ask_ a question like that? Didn't she know how I felt about her…didn't she care at all that our time together had an expiration date? Was she so oblivious to the fact that everything I seemed to do and think and feel revolved solely around her?

Shoving aside the brutal sense of betrayal I felt at her lack of understanding…of belief and trust, my next words were uttered with a quiet question that hid the true depth of my wounded feelings.

"Is that so strange?"

Struggling to calm herself, Rose exhaled noisily in the quiet of the church, but her expression remained mulishly unforgiving.

"Yes, I mean, are you trying to spy on me? Figure out why I messed up? Make sure I don't get into any trouble?"

It was ironic really, I could admit to myself without any real humour that the girl I had been doing nothing but champion for the last six months, now thought I was trying to somehow catch her in the act. I had thought that I was one of the few that she trusted, but obviously I had been mistaken.

Tucking strands of lose hair behind my ear to mask the way I felt at this, I asked with calm detachment whilst backing away and towards the front door of the church, suddenly feeling the need to be anywhere else. "Why does there have to be some ulterior motive?"

"Because everyone has motives," Rose retorted with cold, unyielding cynicism, standing her ground and refusing to budge; not realising that my motives had only been to be with her before we had to leave for the trial.

"Yes," I conceded quietly, feeling as though the ground beneath my feet was falling away and I was close to losing my balance; my equilibrium shaken and unbalanced. "But not always the motives you think."

Shouldering against the door, I nudged it open and called over my shoulder, knowing all the while that I couldn't see her again…not for as long as it took to pull myself together again. "I'll see you later."

Out in the night air, I breathed deeply as the door swung shut behind me and the churning of emotions I had been battling fought to be free. Walking away from the church and Rose, the grip of a burning ache in the centre of my chest turned to cold fury that was directed at myself.

Cursing myself in Russian for being a fool…for allowing myself to give the power to hurt to someone else…for allowing myself to be open to vulnerability when I should have kept myself apart; should have distanced myself from her, I stalked towards housing, suddenly glad that tomorrow I would leave for Court.

I _needed_ the time away from Rose now almost as desperately as I had wanted to spend it with her in the first place. I need to be apart from her to refocus myself on what was important...on what and _who_ I knew to be priorities.

Grimly determined to detach myself, a gentle rain descended as I walked. Icily cold, it began to soak through my clothes, my skin and into the very marrow of bones, but the chill couldn't penetrate or ease the tight clenching ache in my chest.


	20. Chapter 20

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty ~

Waiting on the tarmac of the Academy's private runway, I closely watched the ground crew as they went about their final preparations for our trip to Pennsylvania…A trip that should have only been for the guardians summonsed to testify, but now also included the students who should never have been involved at all.

Shrugging deeper into the protective folds of the duster against the blustery weather as I tried to shrug off my irritation, the bright lights of an approaching SUV caught at my peripheral vision as it cut through the gloom of early evening.

Darkly tinted, the vehicle sped towards the private jet, carrying the new arrivals: Lissa, Christian, Eddie…and Rose.

Annoyed with myself that the thought of being this close to her made my heartbeat speed and filled my bloodstream with anticipation, my only distraction was the aggravated sigh at my side as I turned towards it.

Alberta stood with me as we waited, but she was no happier about it than I was.

Bundled up, the cold chill of the wind sweeping across the runway ruffled her short hair around a face that was pinched with displeasure and a mouth set into a thin line of irritation. It was a line that had only continued to flatten since she had told me we wouldn't be going alone.

After leaving Rose in the church, I had changed into running gear in the hopes that I could literally start distancing myself from her with every running mile I covered. On my way out, I had absently began to rub at the burning ache in my chest, worried that I wouldn't be able to ever be rid of it when I had been stopped by a fuming Alberta.

Knowing that she very rarely showed this level of emotion, the ache had been temporarily pushed aside as she asked me to join her in the office. Alone, she had paced for a few seconds as her agitated fingers pushed relentlessly through her short hair before delivering the news.

The Queen, it seemed, had had a change of heart; the students involved in the case against Victor were now flying out with us.

As I had listened to Alberta ranting about the lack of thought that went with the decision, I had marvelled at the sudden about-face. Debating it, we had both eventually come to the same conclusion; the only one that made any sense because interference from a third party was the one thing neither of us had thought of.

Adrian Ivashkov.

It couldn't have been just a coincidence that the ban on the students had suddenly been lifted and Adrian's name had made it to the top of the boarding parties list all in the same day.

Heading out into the cold rain, I had tried to outrun what this meant, but the faster I moved, the more I thought about it and the heavier the ache in my chest became.

I had desperately need the time apart from Rose in order to regain whatever remained of my tattered professionalism, but Adrian's interfering had all but destroyed that plan. Court would have offered some small measure of distance for however many days we would be there, but now we would be thrown together constantly…the plane trip, guest housing, the trial.

Whatever progress I might have been able to make to become emotionlessly detached was now going to be tested in the harshest way possible and it drove me harder over the icy terrain.

"This is ridiculous," Alberta muttered now, shoving her hands deeper into the pockets of her coat as she scowled at the vehicle beginning to slow. "They shouldn't be going. All it's going to achieve is stirring up memories better forgotten and interrupting the field experience."

Not waiting for my reply, Alberta stomped off towards the stairway and pilot beside it, grumbling to herself as she passed both Dustin and Alan as they headed towards me.

Dustin's bushy, blonde brows rose in question as he craned his head to look at Alberta's departing back, but I shook my head in response as he turned to face me again. Flanking me, they both shrugged deeper into their coats as the folds of the duster flapped wildly around in the wind.

"She still pissed about the students going?" Alan questioned lightly, enviously eyeing the stairway leading to the luxury and warmth of the private jet.

"Of course she is," Dustin replied gruffly. "Her job, like the rest of us, is to protect the Moroi, not expose them to more danger."

"Yeah, but come on. It's the Court's prison," Alan scoffed as his coal-black brows pulled together over the bridge of his nose. "He can't get out and even when he's at the trial there's going to be so many guardians around him, he couldn't pull anything even if he wanted to. It's not going to be pleasant, but it's hardly dangerous."

"Not physically, but for the love of God, he tried to kill Lord Ozera and Hathaway and would have done the same to the Princess if we hadn't found them." Shaking his head, Dustin sighed and stared off into the thick pine forests bordering the runway, seeming to relive that night.

He was no happier than Alberta or I about this, but even with his former influence at Court, not even he had been able to make anyone see reason.

"We'll keep them away from him as much as we can, Dustin," I reassured him quietly, adjusting the strap of the overnight bag over my shoulder as the strands of hair escaping the tie whipped about my face. "The only real contact they'll have will be in the courtroom and even Victor will have to behave himself there. Let's just get through this as quickly as we can and get them back here safely, all right?"

Turning back to me, he nodded slowly as the logic of my answer calmed him down "Ya; you're right."

"How come he's always right and I never am?" Alan asked peevishly, backing away from us slowly as the SUV came to a stop and I heard the give of the hinges creak when the doors were opened.

"If I have to respond to that, Alan, you're not going to like my answer."

Listening to them bicker as they walked off to meet the students, I should have been with them, but the thought of being this close to Rose when everything still felt raw and exposed made me think twice about it. I would wait on the side-lines until they had all boarded before joining them.

Once on the plane, I could sit as far away from her as was allowed…or at least, as far away as was allowed without raising any suspicion.

Listening to them noisily gather, the nervous excitement of the quartet pierced the night air. Sliding my hands into the deep pockets of the duster, I moved further away from the gathering, but not before I was noticed.

Fighting to keep my breathing even and the expression on my face calmly aloof, the struggle was harder than it should have been after years spent training to perfect it when Rose reached me and blurted out almost breathlessly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Pushing aside the feeling of elation her apology created, my fingers clenched reflectively in the pockets of the duster. Turning to face her for the first time since our argument yesterday, I felt my heart kick at the sight of her.

Hair loose and free flowing, it floated around her back and shoulders in the wind before tangling around her shoulders. The edges of her unbuttoned cardigan – deep indigo in colour – were caught in the bluster and whirled around her as they highlighted the dark circles beneath her eyes.

Strangling the instinctive reaction to ask what it was that had kept her awake; my reply to her question was deliberately disinterested.

"Sorry for what?"

"For all the horrible things I said yesterday. You did it— you really did it. You got them to let us go."

Reacting once again to the gratitude I could hear in her voice, the same sense of relief was missing as it was replaced almost instantly by resentment. Rose was thanking me when she should really have been thanking Adrian and it made the petty bitterness all the more disappointing to admit.

"It wasn't me, Rose. I had nothing to do with it."

Frowning at my answer and the almost cold indifference of it, Rose brushed hair out of her face but said nothing as we both heard Alberta call out for us to board. Walking away from her without another word; I was unsurprised by the stab of pain I felt when I did.

Following after Eddie, Christian – just ahead of him – moved to the empty seat beside Lissa. Taking the pair of seats opposite them, Eddie sat at the aisle whilst Alan and Dustin sat closest to the door. Moving to the open seats in front of Lissa and Christian, the only other passenger aboard was a smirking Adrian.

Smothering the surge of anger I felt at his blasé attitude to life and the oblivious awareness to the chaos he had created in my life, I frowned slightly as I saw him toss back a finger of rich amber liquor. Either whiskey or brandy, he rattled his glass and the ice cubes towards the flight attendant who moved almost immediately to refill it.

Noticing the direction of my gaze, Adrian raised his now refilled glass to me with a cocky salute that immediately grated over my nerves; the smirking grin only growing wider as Rose boarded and made her way down the aisle to sit next to Eddie.

"Little dhampir!" He called out. "About time you got here." Saluting her in much the same way he had me as she stowed her bag in the overhead compartment and sat at the window, he turned his slightly glazed expression back to me.

I didn't know why I felt as though Adrian was taunting me, but the gleam his green eyes seemed to issue a direct challenge as I stored my own bag and sat in the aisle seat

All aboard, Alberta lingered at the cockpit, talking quietly to the pilots and the stewardess. Once she was satisfied that we were ready, the co-pilot closed and locked the door before returning to the cockpit. Buckling in at the attendants' request, the engines began to hum to life.

Joining me, Alberta sank into the plush, wheat-coloured leather seat with a wary sigh and immediately began to go over paperwork in a thick dossier. Leaving her alone so that she could concentrate on the trial, I stretched my legs out and folded my hands over my stomach as my head rested back against the seat and I kept an eye on the others peripherally.

Adrian – having moved as soon as Rose was seated – was now in the empty seats between Eddie, Alan and Dustin. Restricted slightly by the seat belt, he had shifted to his side so that his body was angled backwards towards her.

Clearly irritated by him already, he was either too drunk to notice or simply didn't care.

Twenty-four hours ago it would have tested the limits of my control to watch his unashamed flirting, but things had changed since then and I had no place for jealousy now.

Beginning to taxi down the runway as we began our take-off procedures, the jet's lift-off was smooth. Climbing quickly above the turbulence of the clouds, the plan levelled out as we headed east. Watching as the seat-belt sign blinked off, the click of them was a metallic chorus within the confines of the plane as the cabin lights dimmed.

Knowing that I shouldn't, but seeming to be drawn to her against my will, my eyes found Rose barely a minute later. Resting back in her seat, she had her eyes closed and was rubbing at her temples with the tips of her fingers in small, clockwise circles.

Adrian – ignorant as always to what was happening around him – continued to natter inanely to her whilst steadily drinking.

Judging from her pained expression, Rose was in no mood to entertain his drunken ramblings. Wincing and clearly in pain from what looked like a headache, Rose squeezed her eyes tightly whilst massaging over her forehead and down the bridge of her nose.

Worried, I held myself rigidly still in my seat, wanting to point out to the spoilt Moroi that he was trying to flirt with someone who was anything but receptive to his weak charms, but I did nothing and again reminded myself why I couldn't.

"We're going to Court. Aren't you excited about it?"

Breathing deeply and sighing heavily, Rose seemed to gather herself before asking quietly. "About which one? The royal one or the legal one?"

Snorting, he drank deeply as Eddie frowned at him. "The royal one. Did you bring a dress?"

"Nobody told me to."

"So…that's a 'no'".

"Yes."

"Yes? I thought you meant no."

Balefully glowering, Rose lifted back the lid of her right eye and growled. "I did mean no, and you know it. No, I did not bring a dress."

"We'll get you one," Adrian promised with smug, airy confidence, winking at her.

Opening both this time, Rose eyed him warily. "You're going to take me shopping? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess they won't consider you a reliable chaperone."

Dustin and Alan, listening from the front of the plane, both grinned at Rose's sarcasm before Adrian scoffed. "Shopping? As if. There are tailors that live there. We'll get you something custom-made."

Continuing to massage, Rose shook her head slightly before wincing again. Sighing, she arched her neck against the head-rested and wrapped the edges of the cardigan around her; concealing most of her white, scoop-necked t-shirt. "We're not staying that long. And do I really need a dress for what we're doing there?"

"No," Adrian answered easily enough; his eyes roving over her body in a way that made a liar of me for thinking that I could so easily push aside my jealousy. "I'd just kind of like to see you in one."

Exhaling warily, Rose wrapped her arms tightly around her middle and tried to ignore him. Sliding over, she rested against the glass of the window for a moment, but jerked upright a second later. Opening her eyes, she twisted in her seat to look around her, but there was nothing there.

Turning my own head slightly as the concern began to turn to unease; I looked over my shoulder at Lissa. She was watching Rose intently, but remained in her seat as a frown grew between the pale, smooth skin of her brow.

Closing her eyes again, Rose shifted uncomfortably in her seat as Adrian continued to waffle on and her fingers pressed deeper into her skull. "Something black. Satin, I think…maybe with lace trim. Do you like lace? Some women think it itches."

Sighing irritably besides me, Alberta put aside her paperwork for a minute to frown at Adrian as his flirtations grew more outrageously out of control. Paying her no attention, his eyes continued to rove, only this time the admiration had taken on a sleazier quality.

"Adrian," Rose warned from between gritted teeth, but he paid her as much attention as he had Alberta.

"You could have a nice velvet trim too, though. That wouldn't itch," he slurred slightly.

"Adrian." The warning this time was louder, sharper and almost gritted out. I knew by the tone of her voice and body language that she was past the point of tolerance, but he just didn't see it.

"And then a slit up the side to show off what great legs you have. It could go nearly to the hip and have this cute little bow –"

" _Adrian!"_ Rose shouted at full volume as she jerked upright in her seat to glare venomously at him; the sound reverberating around the fuselage as everyone sat up and took notice. "Will you shut the hell up for five seconds?"

Backing off with widened eyes that were suddenly more sober than I had seen since boarding, Adrian's surprise at her outburst was a sentiment shared by the others. Resting her weight on the armrest dividing us, Alberta leaned towards Rose; worry etched into her weathered features as I felt it match my own.

"Rose. What's going on?"

Breathing heavily whilst Eddie gently placed a concerned hand on her back, Rose muttered between clenched jaws as she grabbed at her forehead and ground the palms of her hands against her temples. "I have the _worst_ fucking headache in the world, and he won't shut up."

Tightly shutting her eyes, Rose slid her hands over them and continued to breathe through the worst of it whilst Eddie drew calming circles over her upper back. Lissa hovered at the edge of my vision as she stood in the aisle with Christian slightly behind her.

"God," she moaned softly, rocking a bit. "Why won't it go away?"

Unable to remain motionless and uncaring, my seat belt unravelled at the touch of a finger. Rising before Alberta knew I had moved, I placed a palm on the edge of Adrian's seat and leaned towards her. Alberta joined me but moved to the aisle. Moving out the way, Eddie continued to look worriedly at Rose.

"She hasn't eaten today. She was really hungry earlier."

Glancing at Christian as he stood with a wide-eyed Lissa, I nodded towards him as Alberta leaned over Eddie and touched Rose's shoulder. Dropping her hands at Alberta's touch, Rose opened her eyes. Slightly unfocused, her features were pinched by pain as she blinked a few times.

"Can you get her something to eat?" Alberta asked over my shoulder to the now hovering flight attendant. "And find a painkiller?"

"Where's it at?" I asked quietly and calmly, somehow able to mask the panic her pain had created as it churned ruthlessly through me and made a mockery of my so called detachment. "The pain?"

Blinking up at me, Rose seemed to pull back, making light of something that clearly wasn't just a simple issue or ailment. "It's a headache…I'm sure it'll go away…" Trailing off as she saw that I was in no mood for more of her evasions, Rose sighed and sat back in her seat.

"It's like something pushing on my skull," she explained, placing the tip of her forefinger in the centre of her forehead. "And there's pain kind of behind my eyes. I keep feeling like…well, it's like I've got something in my eye. I think I'm seeing a shadow or something. Then I blink and it's gone."

Sounding harmlessly like a migraine, my relief was quick to kick in as Alberta nodded her head in silent agreement. "Ah. That's a migraine symptom – having vision problems. It's called an aura. People somethings get it before the headache sets in."

Blinking at Alberta again, but in surprise this time rather than pain, Rose frowned before looking up Adrian as he hung over the back of his seat and bent towards her. "An aura?

Smirking, he shook his head at her unspoken question. "Not that kind. Same name. Like Court and court. Migraine auras are images and light you see when a migraine's coming on. They have nothing to do with the auras around people I see. But I tell you…the aura I can see…the one around you…wow."

Not liking the turn in the conversation, Rose's next question raised the hair on the nape of my neck.

"Black?"

"And then some. It's obvious even after all the drinks I've have. Never seen anything like it." Seeming to suddenly remember that once more his glass was empty, he turned to find the stewardess standing behind him and winked at her.

Nodding, she took his glass before leaning towards Rose with a painkiller that looked like Codeine or Ibuprofen, a chocolate-coated granola bar, bottled water and a ripe banana. Smiling gratefully at her, Rose ate everything as everyone else resettled. Cracking the seal of the bottle, she drank the pain med, took the pillow handed to her and rested against the window, closing her eyes.

Returning to my seat, the others were considerate of her pain and kept their conversations quiet. Even Adrian returned to his seat with a final glance at her. Downing his drink in a single gulp, he was still frowning, but kept quiet.

Watching over her covertly whilst she dozed, the rapid motion of her eyes moving beneath the almost transparent membrane of her lid told me it wasn't a restful sleep. Shifting around in that moment, she frowned and moaned softly to herself.

Hearing the soft shuffle of movement from behind me, I heard Lissa say quietly. "That's enough." Reaching across the aisle, she touched Eddie's arm. "Do you mind?" She asked softly. Smiling at her, he shook his head and rose, taking her place next to Christian as she sat in his.

Brushing her fingertips lightly across Rose's forehead, the deeply maternal gesture was followed by a deep frown of concern. Not waking at the touch, Lissa wrapped her fingers around Rose's forearm as she gave her a soft squeeze.

"Rose?" She gently wakened.

Sitting up quickly in surprise, Rose blinked as Lissa came into focus. Rubbing at her eyes, Rose ran her fingers through the tangled ribbons of her dark hair and tried to smile at Lissa, but she almost recoiled as her eyes darted rapidly.

Rubbing at her shoulder, Lissa asked sympathetically. "You're still in pain?"

"Yeah," Rose groaned, rolling her shoulders against the discomfort of the position she had begun to fall asleep in. "I – oh no," she protested when she realized that Lissa was about to us the healing ability of Spirit to rid her of the headache. "Don't do it. Don't waste it on me."

"It's easy," Lissa breathed breezily, brushing aside Rose's concern. "It hardly fazes me."

"Yeah, but the more you use it…the more it hurts you in the long run. Even if it's easy now." Reaching out to brush a stray, pale strand of hair resting over Lissa's cheekbone, Rose's maternal instinct was as strong with Lissa as Lissa's was with her. As much as I wanted Rose well, I also agreed with her on the use of Lissa's powers – they had repercussions that none of us understood yet.

Smiling, Lissa nodded but carried on regardless. "I'll worry about that later. Here."

Interlacing the fingers on one hand, Lissa closed her eyes as Rose watched her closely. A second or two after the initial touch, I was expecting to see the faint lines of tension bracketing Rose's mouth disappear…to see her eyes brighten from the dullness of pain…to see her cheeks pinken and her normal gregariousness return, but nothing changed.

Frowning at Lissa in confusion that had nothing to do with the fuzziness of the headache, Rose waited until she opened her eyes, but Lissa seemed to already know that something wasn't right.

"Wh – what happened?"

Shaking her head and flinching slightly as the movement aggravated the pounding in her head, Rose replied wryly as she glanced up at Adrian, who had decided it was safe again to stick his nose into things that didn't concern him.

"Nothing. The headache's still going strong."

"But I…," Lissa floundered in a whisper, staggered that her powers had somehow failed her. "I had it. I felt the magic. It worked."

Squeezing her hand consolingly, Rose shrugged with a half-smile. "I don't know, Liss. It's okay, really. You haven't been off the meds that long, you know."

Disgruntled, Lissa glanced over her shoulder towards Eddie before turning back to look at Rose. "Yeah, but I healed Eddie the other day without any problems. _And_ Adrian."

"Those were scrapes. This is a five-alarm migraine we're talking about. Maybe you've got to build back up."

Slumping in her seat, Lissa's gaze was unfocused on the patterning of the seat in front of her as she nibbled on her lower lip in confusion. "You don't think the pills permanently hurt my magic, do you?"

"Nah," Adrian interrupted before Rose could answer. "You lit up like a supernova when you were summoning it." Cocking his head to the side, he waved a hand up and down her. "You had magic. I just don't think it had any effect on her."

"Why not?" Lissa demanded a touch belligerently, scowling at Rose before she returned her glare to Adrian.

"Maybe she's got something you can't heal."

"A headache?" Rose asked dryly, arching a brow as she questioned his answer.

Shrugging, Adrian looked over her again but without the same salacious interest as before…the interest this time was more curiosity. "What do I look like, a doctor? I don't know. Just telling you what I saw."

Throwing an irritated glance at him, Rose sighed and flattened her palm against her head, rubbing and wincing again. "Well I appreciate the help, Liss, and I appreciate your annoying commentary, Adrian. But I think sleep might be the best thing for now. Maybe it's stress or something. Probably can't heal that."

Nodding her head distractedly, Lissa still didn't seem convinced, merely resentful that there was something that she couldn't solve. "Maybe."

"It's okay. You're just getting your stride back. Once you're up to full power, I'll go crack a rib or something so we can test it." Grinning mischievously at Lissa, Rose tilted her head against the chair as Lissa shook her head in disbelief before groaning.

"The horrible part is that I don't think you're joking." Patting the hand that she still held, Lissa got up and brushed aside more hair before moving back to her own seat. "Sleep well."

Moving out of the way for Lissa, Eddie moved towards the back of the plane so that Rose had more room, something she realized soon enough as she swung her legs up to the empty seat and stretched out to sleep.

Within a few minutes the pain medicine had kicked in and Rose slept more deeply than before as her breathing evened out. She would have been three and four hours to sleep, depending on the turbulence. I only hoped it would be long enough for the migraine to disappear.

She looked so defenceless curled up against the cushions of the seat…so vulnerable and in need of protection it was hard to believe in this moment that she survived more in her young life than most adults ever would. Passing between us, the stewardess shook out a blanket and covered her lightly before she turned to us to ask if there was anything we needed.

Leaving to fetch the four coffees, the only sound in the cabin was from the whirling turbines of the engines. Neither Alan nor Dustin spoke; both seemed focused on some point in the distance and Alberta had returned to her paperwork, though there was still a small crease between her eyes.

She was still worried about Rose, though she wouldn't voice it.

Settling in for the flight whilst I kept an eye on Rose, I realised that it was time to be honest with myself.

I couldn't act professional with her when with every smile and touch she gave me, my professionalism disappeared. I couldn't detach myself when everything that affected _her_ affected _me_. I couldn't have the distance I wanted because distance only made me want her more…and I couldn't avoid the hurt involved with loving someone when not loving them made the pain more acutely unbearable.

Knowing all of this didn't solve my problems though, because ultimately, there was still no future with Rose.

Beginning our descent through the clouds just over three hours later, I had thought of very little else with still no way forward. Watching as the seat-belt sign glowed to life, the pilot announced over the internal comms system that we heading into an ice storm. Fifteen minutes later the touchdown was anything but smooth, but the pilots handled it with ease.

Jolting awake as the engines began their reverse thrust to slow down, Rose appeared momentarily disorientated before she took in her surroundings. Touching her hand to her forehead, she sighed in instant relief.

Unbuckling her belt, I watched as Lissa stretched and looked down at Rose. Throwing off the blanket, she got to her feet and did the same, touching her forehead again just to make sure. Reaching out, Lissa touched her hand again and smiled when Rose squeezed back.

"Better?" Lissa asked, tugging down the hem of her embroidered orange sweater over black leggings whilst Christian stood behind her and opened the overhead compartment.

Nodding slowly, Rose almost seemed to wait for the inevitable pain that followed before she nodded tentatively again. "Much. Better still if I can get some real food."

Chuckling, Lissa swung her coat over her shoulder before looping her arm through Rose's. Reaching overhead, Rose grabbed her bag as the others began to gather in the aisle. "Well, somehow I doubt there's any shortage of food around here."

Looking out the window, Rose glanced back over her shoulder. Watching the nervous excitement begin to build in her eyes, the co-pilot unlocked the door and swung it open as the staircase descended with a quiet hiss. Alberta, Alan and Dustin disembarked first with the students and Adrian following noisily behind as I nodded politely to the smiling stewardess and stepped out into the icy wind of a Pennsylvanian winter night.


	21. Chapter 21

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-One ~

Disembarking quickly into the violence of the ice- storm gustily buffeting us, the Pocono Mountain range in the distance was barely visible through the haze of wind and sleet.

Turning the collar of the duster up around my neck for the protection it offered against the elements, I had to squint to make out the multitude of buildings that made up the Court as they sat nestled in a shallow valley to the southeast of the range.

Descending the stairs quickly, our small party was met at the foot of the extendable stairway by an even smaller group of waiting Court Guardians. Mingling, Alberta had already taken control of the meeting and was making introductions by the time I had reached them.

Vaguely recognizing four out of the five from cooperative training exercises the academies regularly participated in before graduation, it was the cockily grinning face of the fifth that was all too familiar to me.

Konrad Medvedev.

A little surprised to see him here when the last time I had heard he was in the Romanian countryside and more than a little surprised to see that he actually looked happy to see _me_ , he bypassed the others on his way; grinning broadly as he held out his hand. Returning the gesture, I shook it quickly.

"Konrad."

"Dimitri…nice to see you again."

"Really?"

Laughing at the mild scepticism in my voice, Kon ran his fingers through the short, pale strands of his hair and nodded towards me with a glint of wry, almost embarrassed humour in his dark green eyes.

A former classmate from Saint Basils, Konrad had been more of a professional rival during our time there than an actual friend. After being straightened out by Galina, competing against my peers had never been my goal as I focused on what was important, but he had seemed to take personal delight in vying against me.

When I had been placed with Ivan after graduation and he had been sent to Romania, he had been anything but gracious in defeat. Deliberately picking a fight with me the day after our assignments had been announced, hadn't been a smart move on his part…especially as it had been witnessed by Galina.

Thickly-set and almost as tall, he could have easily overpowered me if I had been slower to act, but my speed and reach advantage had ended an attack premediated by uncontrollable anger.

Called into an immediate disciplinary hearing, both our careers could have been over before they had begun, but I had Galina as my advocate, and so was spared any punishment. Konrad hadn't been as lucky as with her damning testimony, he had faced removal.

It had only been my willingness to take half the blame for the incident that had saved him and my impeccable record so far, that had kept me with Ivan.

Galina had asked me about it afterwards; confused as to why I would jeopardize my future by defending him when he had shown nothing but ill-will towards me. Explaining to her that stripping his right to protect as a guardian simply because of jealousy and anger would have been a worse crime than the punishment itself, she had eyed me curiously, but had said nothing more.

Seeing him in passing a day later as we had prepared to leave the Academy, he had been unable to meet my eyes and his mumbled apology had seemed to stick in his throat, but I didn't doubt the sincere gratitude I could hear in his voice as he had promised that he would someday repay me for the kindness he knew he didn't deserve.

"Yes, and I can understand why you wouldn't believe me," he replied in Russian, shrugging deeper into his coat against the howl of the wind. "But living in the old country for the better part of a decade gives you a lot of time to think when there's nothing else to do…it puts certain things into perspective."

"And what did you learn prick."

Laughing under my breath and trying to disguise it as a cough, Kon twisted his lips up in a gesture of self-deprecation before his eyes grew grave. "I'm sorry for the way that I acted at the Academy…and I'm even sorrier about Ivan, Dimitri. I know how close you two were and how much it must have hurt when he was killed."

Nodding sombrely, I steered the conversation away from the reminder I didn't have the time to deal with because it would stir up than just memories. "What are you doing here? The last I heard you were still entrenched in the Romanian countryside with the Drozdov elders."

Grimacing, Kon scrubbed at the back of his neck. "I was reassigned late last year."

"Why?"

Continuing to scrub at a neck that was becoming steadily flushed, Konrad looked almost uncomfortable as he answered my question. "I was… _involved_ with one of old Nestor's granddaughters. He found out, wasn't happy about it and used his influence with the council to have me reassigned – right out of the country."

Arching a brow, it wasn't one of surprise. Kon's roving eyes had landed him in hot water more than once at the Academy; it had only been a matter of time before it landed him in something hotter than water.

"Nestor has two granddaughters; twins. Which one were you… _involved_ with?"

"Both," he mumbled into the whoosh of the wind.

"Hmmm."

From what I knew of them, they were both very pretty, almost identical…and _seventeen_. Careful not to judge against the temptation of youthful beauty when I wasn't much better myself, I pulled the edges of the duster closer to me and watched my own temptation from the corner of my eye as she and Lissa huddled closer together for warmth; their coats and jersey's wrapped tightly around them.

"Then you're lucky Nestor only deported you. I've heard rumour of his temper and the unforgiving nature that goes with it. Which part of the Court were you reassigned to?" Knowing already it wasn't the Queen's personal guard; the red pin which should have been visible even with the winter gear was missing, Kon grinned.

"I've been assigned as a babysitter, as the American's would say."

"Babysitter? To whom?"

"Your pal…Victor Dashkov."

Hearing that name suddenly reminded me of how very close I was to him. The last few days had been so consumed by worry for Rose that I hadn't had time to think of anything or anyone else, but now that he was practically within touching distance, the urge for violent retribution sang through my veins.

"You were assigned to the Court's prison to specifically guard Victor Dashkov?"

"Yes, but as he's the only prisoner in there, there was nothing specific about it." Shaking his head slightly, Konrad eyed me strangely. "He's interesting to talk to, that one. For weeks, he spoke only of himself and was generally condescending to whoever was guarding him, but as the trial date got closer he kept trying to charm me and the others into finding out more information about who would arrive to testify."

"What did you tell him?" I asked tightly, narrowing my eyes at the thought of the dangerously manipulative royal having any inside information about people I protected and cared about. It was going to be bad enough that he saw them at the trial, but somehow knowing beforehand made it worse because it would give him more time to scheme.

Frowning warily at the quiet undertone of menace in my voice, Konrad shook his head slowly whilst taking a small, unconscious step away from me. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"How did he seem? Angry, disappointed? He's not accustomed to having to scrounge for information. What did he say afterwards?" I pressed, watching peripherally as the others began to walk towards the guest housing attached to the main administration building.

"Neither really. He asked the question, but it was like he was expecting the answer he got…which was nothing. It made me think that he was going to somehow get the information he wanted regardless."

 _Knowing Victor, that was exactly what would happen_ , I thought darkly. "Was he asking about Princess Vasilisa or any of the other students…Christian Ozera or Rose Hathaway?"

"The Princess and Hathaway. He didn't seem to care much about which guardians would come with or if there were any other students…he seemed fixated on only those two." Glancing over his shoulder, Kon frowned as his gaze found them as the group began to walk briskly towards the warmth of housing. Shouldering my travel bag, we followed at a slower pace whilst I mulled over what he had said.

Victor's unnatural fascination with the pair had always concerned me; partly because it was dangerous, but mostly because I didn't fully understand it.

Where Lissa was concerned, his motives were clear: drain the healing ability of Spirit and her own life force to preserve his own as he sickened and wasted away, but with Rose, there was no such benefit. She was linked to Lissa and only Lissa and couldn't be of any real use to him, so what was the appeal…what was the draw that he was looking for?

"Hathaway's yours, isn't she?" Kon asked as he interrupted the inner turmoil and frustration of my mind as it drew a blank to the answers it so desperately wanted.

"My student. Yes, she is." I replied with calm neutrality; masking a frown at the blatant interest in his eyes as he looked over her. We might not have socialised much in the past, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be able to pick up any inflection of possessives I couldn't hide.

"Mmmm…looks nothing like her mother; must take after her father."

"You've met Janine?"

"A couple of years ago," he replied, ushering me through the ornately carved outer-doors of housing. Feeling the warmth of the internal heating systems flow towards us, I shivered as the difference in temperature raised my flesh in response.

"Is she going to be as good as Janine?" He wondered, nodding towards Rose.

Stomping my boots to loosen the slush and sleet clinging to them so stubbornly, I flicked the collar of the duster to shirk off any water. "Too soon to tell really," I hedged, not wanting to sound as though I knew any different. "If I can get her to control her temper and the rash impulsiveness that drives it, then maybe."

Continuing to size Rose up as she and the others were greeted by housing administration, the interest in Konrad's eyes turned to more than just appreciation as my hackles rose with it.

"She's beautiful."

"And only _seventeen_ ," I growled softly in response, looming over him as I stupidly allowed my jealousy to override my caution.

"All right…all right, relax," he pacified, holding up his hands in retreat. He would never stop to think for a single moment that it was out of anything more than concern …none of them would. "You're obviously protective of your student and it was only an observation that's all. Besides, I really don't need Janine Hathaway breathing down my neck because I'm ogling her daughter."

"Then stop ogling."

Walking away from him before he could reply, I joined our group and smiled polity to the attendant handing out the cards to our rooms before accepting it. Guest housing at Court was large enough to accommodate almost a hundred visitors at any given time and so we were all given individual rooms.

"No, I have to stay with the Princess." I heard Eddie argue loudly, his innate respect for the system pushed aside as he refused to be separated from Lissa by anyone…even Alberta. Seeming unsurprised by his dedication, she eyed me before turning to talk to Dustin.

"It's all right, Eddie," I told him with a reassuring smile. "There isn't any need for you to stick closely to Lissa whilst you're here. You were allowed to attend the trial to keep the momentum of the field experience going, but the Court has adequate protection and no one will be jumping out at you to get to her. Relax for a little bit; we'll be back at the Academy soon enough."

Looking uneasy, but always willing to listen to reason, Eddie glanced at Lissa for a long moment before he nodded at me.

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Yeah," Adrian drawled with a slight slur as he strolled over and clapped Eddie on the back. "Loosen up, Castile; don't be such a stiff."

Clearly not appreciating the comment but too polite to show his irritation, Eddie smiled tightly before making his way back to where Lissa and Rose stood together. Alberta, having finally completed her orientation, turned to us.

"Decompress for a bit and be ready for dinner in four hours." Turning to find Lissa, she conveyed a message given to her. "Lissa, the queen wants to see you in an hour."

Watching as Rose and Lissa exchanged a confused, Lissa recovered faster whilst Rose still looked suspicious. "Sure. Rose and I'll be ready."

Shaking her head, Alberta grabbed her overnight bag. "Rose isn't going. The queen specifically asked for you alone." Turning with a nod that was more a warning to behave and listen as she saw the expression on Rose's face, she headed towards the stairs with Dustin and Alan following.

"Mia's going to be happy to see all of them."

Turning back to Konrad, he seemed in no hurry to leave as the other guardians left us to settle in with Adrian grinning smugly at the group before he disappeared out the doors. Christian and Eddie looked at each other for a moment before following behind them; whilst Rose and Lissa continued to look at each other in a way that was all too familiar…the hallmarks of their silent communication were clear to see as they began to climb the stairs.

"Mia? Mia Rinaldi?" I asked almost as an overthought; watching as the pair disappeared before facing Konrad again.

"Yeah."

"How do you know Mia?"

Removed from the Academy by her father shortly after Mason Ashford's funeral, I had known she was at Court but I hadn't expected her to mingle, much less be noticed by someone who would have found her interesting in a way that made my skin crawl.

Smiling wryly at me as he heard the faint accusation and worry in my voice, he pointed towards the expresso machine in the small lounge off the lobby. Nodding in agreement, though it was more because of curiosity than for another cup of coffee, we made ourselves comfortable.

"I met her two weeks ago when I had a free shift. She was working with her father in the gardens and we started talking about Saint Vlad's."

"And?" I prodded, taking a cautious sip of the scalding hot brew.

"And what? All we did was talk…well," he admitted, leaning closer towards me as his voice lowered. "That's not all we've been doing."

"Konrad," I warned softly, but he interrupted me with a chuckle.

"Relax…it's not what you think. I've been helping to train her."

" _Train_ her?"

"Yeah. There's a small group of guardians here who believe that the Moroi can actually help with their own protection and have been training them to ward off attacks long enough to use their powers to save their lives. It's a very unpopular theory and we can only do it when off duty and away from prying eyes, but it's a growing movement."

Sipping again to hide my amazement, I found it hard to imagine tiny Mia Rinaldi learning to defend herself with a physical counter-attack. The Moroi were slender by nature and not bred for combat; physical or otherwise and Mia was especially slight, despite her height.

"How many Moroi are you training?" I asked almost as quietly, leaning forward as I cradled the hot cup between my thighs.

"Six in total; all in their late teens or early twenties…the progressive thinkers as they call themselves and mostly water or wind users. They don't think their powers are enough to protect them and want to be able to defend themselves if it comes down to that."

"They can't, even if you spent years training them."

Arching a brow at my answer and misunderstanding it, Konrad sat back against the cushions of the couch and crossed a leg over his thighs. "Well, that wasn't the answer I was expecting from you. I mean, I didn't expect you to applaud it, but I was expecting you to be more positive about it."

"Don't get me wrong, Konrad; I'm not dismissing your or their efforts. In fact, I admire them greatly; I just think they need to understand how and where they would fit in. Defending themselves against the Strigoi can't be a singular effort; it has to be a team effort. They need to understand that they can't do it on their own."

"They need to understand that they have limitations and that's where we come in?"

"Exactly."

"Hmmm…interesting, but it does make sense. I'm surprised actually that you agree with what we're doing."

"Why?"

"Because at the academy you were _Mr. by-the-book_ …never putting a foot wrong or arguing against the system. What happened to change you?"

 _I realised I loved Rose almost more than I did my duty and that the system might be important, but it wasn't perfect._

"Perspective is a funny thing." I answered instead, draining my cup before standing and collecting my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. "I still think the system is valid and we shouldn't push aside what's been working so obviously for such a long time, but I agree that we need to move forward and with the times. If that means that the Moroi have a bigger role to play in their own protection, then that's what needs to happen."

Rising to join me, Konrad eyed me speculatively, but nodded in agreement before grinning. "Did you ever think there would be a day that the two of us would actually agree on something and be able to have a cup of coffee together without me trying to goad you?"

Chuckling wryly, I shook my head. "No, but I suppose we've both changed."

"Yeah, and I meant what I said that day at Saint Basil's, Dimitri. If there's anything I can ever do for you, just ask." Holding out his hand, we exchanged numbers before shaking again and parting ways; agreeing to meet up again for dinner. Heading up the stairs and along a tiled corridor, I found my room and slid the electronic key into the lock.

Opening with a quiet beep, I stepped into a large suite that should have felt modernized, but only came across as sterile and impersonal. Closing the door gently behind me, I shrugged out of the duster, hung it on the coat hook in the closet and begun to unpack.

Taking less than five minutes to unpack the uniform I would wear in court, an extra change of clothing and the running gear I could use if we were here for longer than a day, I stowed my bag and sat down on the too-small leather couch with a dogged-eared copy of _The Tall Stranger_.

Kicking off my boots and setting them side-by-side near an armchair, I propped my socked feet up on the glass-coffee table and tried to kill time until dinner by losing myself in the frontier worlds of Louis L'Amour, but the distraction his words usually provided wasn't working.

Since landing I hadn't had time to think about the truth of my feelings for Rose and how it would affect our futures. Worrying about her health on the plane and her proximity to Victor Dashkov once we had landed hadn't allowed much room for anything else, but now it felt as though I had nothing but time on my hands to think about them.

Closing the book with a sigh a little over two hours later; unable to concentrate from one word to the next, I scrubbed my hands over my face and placed it gently beside me; my mind full of questions I wanted answered…all of them revolving around Rose.

Sitting forward, I rested my elbows on my thighs and rubbed at the back of my neck warily when I heard a quiet knock on my door. Welcoming the distraction of whoever it was at the door, I didn't stop to ask who it was before opening it.

Finding Rose waiting anxiously at the threshold was the last thing I expected and it put me instantly on guard as memories bombarded me of the last time she had knocked on my door.

Considering that my seesawing equilibrium couldn't be trusted around her, I should have tried at least to send her back to her room before she was seen, but the look of sheer panic manipulating her beautiful features stopped me from speaking as she took a step closer.

"I have to talk to you."


	22. Chapter 22

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Happy New Year, everyone, and thank you for the great reviews for Ch. 21 (Konrad was fun to make up and a useful tool).

The original one-shot that I wrote with this scene was my first attempt at a one-shot and was quite frankly terrible, so I won't be using any it, though the ending will be the same. That being said, I _am_ going to add in a bit of fluff to make up for what RM should have put in. Enjoy.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Two ~

Cautious but curious, and against my better judgement, I held the door wide open for Rose.

Passing me quickly, she handed over a single piece of paper folded in two before slipping inside. Checking the hallway for prying eyes and twitching ears, I found it blessedly empty. Closing the door softly, the decisive click of the catch falling into place sounded like an omen of sorts…or a warning.

Turning to face Rose, I found her pacing agitatedly back and forth over the finely-spun woollen rug beneath the coffee table; watching my fingers as I began to unfold the letter. Whatever concerns I might have had over a repeat of that night so long ago at the academy instantly disappeared as her restlessness increased with every pacing movement.

Something or someone had upset her, and judging by the way she was glaring at the paper in my hands, it was clearly the culprit.

Having half expected something like this, I skimmed the contents of the letter quickly as the lines blurred together to form a veiled threat; thinking absently as my suspicions were confirmed, that Victor Dashkov never disappointed.

 _Rose,_

 _I was so happy to hear about your arrival. I'm sure it'll make tomorrow's proceedings that much more entertaining. I've been curious for quite some time about how Vasilisa is doing, and your romantic escapades are always an amusing diversion. I can't wait to share them in the courtroom tomorrow._

 _Best,_

 _V.D._

Folding the letter very carefully again, I controlled every movement of my fingers to hide the quiver of rage threatening to shake them apart. Schooling my features to mask it, I closed the distance between us and held it out to Rose. Scowling at it for a long moment, she reluctantly accepted it back.

Turning and twisting it between agitated fingers; she lifted her feverishly-bright eyes to mine in silent appeal whilst I again silently cursed Adrian for his interference. Without it, Victor would never have the opportunity to manipulate or intimidate because Rose wouldn't be anywhere near here.

Stuffing the letter into the back pocket of her jeans, Rose continued to pace, muttering at me as her fidgety fingers caught at the edges of her jersey. "V.D –"

"Yeah, I know," I replied, unsurprised that I had to fight to keep the timber of my voice even. "Victor Dashkov."

"What are we going to do?" Rose asked tensely, taking no notice of the tight control I held over myself as she continued to wind herself up. "I mean," she continued without waiting for my reply, almost talking to herself more than to me. "We talked about this, but now he really is saying he's going to sell us out."

Easily catching the frantic edge to her voice as panic began to spread, my decision on what to do was evenly divided by emotion and logic.

The emotional part of me – the part that loved Rose – wanted to protect her from him and spare her anymore anxiety. It wanted to tell her to go back to her room so that I could deal with it, and as much as I wanted to listen to that part, I also knew it wouldn't work.

Logically, I knew that if I left her behind, Rose would continue to question her own judgement. She would torture herself over every _what if_ , and by the time we got to the trial, she would be a wreck and the defending attorney would tear apart her testimony.

I also knew that if after everything I left her behind, that she would simply follow me anyway and get herself into trouble…something she did as easily as most people breathed. I also ran the risk of Victor refusing to speak to me if Rose was there.

Digging my hand into the pocket of my jeans, my fingers curled around my cell as the decision was made for me. Punching in the number that had been in there for less than two hours, I dialled Konrad. "Give me a moment," I asked Rose as I saw her confusion.

Nodding, she turned to sit on the bed but almost immediately seemed to change her mind and walked over to sit on the couch instead. Raising a brow that she didn't see, I could understand why the bed would make her hesitate.

"Well that was quick," Kon answered on the third ring; humour evident in his voice as he lowered it to an almost whisper. "Did you miss me?"

"I'm afraid this isn't a social call, Kon," I replied in Russian, not wanting Rose to know who it was that I was calling. The less people that knew Konrad was involved with this, the better for him – he wasn't exactly following Court procedure. "You know that favour that you owe me? I'm calling it in."

Silent for a moment as he heard the gravity of my tone, Konrad cleared his throat. "Give me a minute," he asked. I heard the scrape of a chair and his muffled apology through the earpiece. Silence followed for a few seconds before I heard the whoosh of wind as he took our conversation to a setting that was more private.

"Okay, I'm alone and you sound ridiculously serious…even for you. What's going on?"

Wondering over to the window, I watched as the wind shook the barren branches of the winter-deadened shrubbery and trees planted around the centre courtyard. "How difficult would it be to arrange that I see Victor Dashkov – without supervision?"

More silence filled the space before Konrad sighed. "I should have known that your favour wouldn't be small or even easy. I should have just offered to do your laundry for the next decade instead." Exhaling dramatically, he asked. "When?"

"As soon as possible."

"Just you?"

"No…one other." Glancing over my shoulder, Rose sat very still and watched me carefully with a small crease wrinkling the smooth skin between her brows as she tried to understand what it was that I was talking about.

"Like I said…never easy. Give me ten minutes and I'll call you back, all right?"

"Of course, thank you."

Turning back to Rose as I disconnected the call, she looked expectantly at me; shuffling forward on the couch and clasping her fingers together. "What's going on?"

"I'll let you know soon. For now, we have to wait."

"Great. My favourite thing to do."

Disgruntled and impatient as ever, I smiled to myself as I twisted to snag an armchair. Pulling it towards Rose, I folded myself into its small space and stretched out my legs until the toes of my socked feet almost touched the tip of her boots.

Reclining back against the leather, Rose crossed her legs and folded her hands on her lap as the silence between us continued on. It wasn't uncomfortable, but as always it was filled with the awareness of each other, only this time, the awareness was tinged with the recriminations of the last real time we had spoken.

I wanted to clear the air after our argument, but I didn't want to begin a conversation that would only start it up again. Not enough time had passed for either of us to simply overlook it, so almost in fear of it, I said nothing.

Glancing away from me for a moment, Rose found my discarded novel on the couch beside her. Picking it up, she handled it gingerly; careful not to further damage the already dog-eared, creased cover of the paperback. Smiling to herself, she read the blurb on the back cover before looking up at me curiously.

"Why do you read these?"

"Some people read books for fun," I remarked casually, clasping my fingers over my stomach and waiting for the reaction that I knew was coming.

Arching a brow in challenge at my mild taunt, Rose sat forward in her seat and threatened me with the paperback. "Hey, watch the dig. And I do read books. I read them to solve mysteries that threaten my best friend's life and sanity. I don't think reading this cowboy stuff is really saving the world like I do."

Reaching forward to take the book away from her before the fragile binding unravelled anymore, I thought through my answer; trying to find a way to make someone understand the appeal of the Old West's code.

"Like any book, it's an escape. And there's something…mmm. I don't know. Something appealing about the Old West. No rules. Everyone just lives by their own code. You don't have to be tied down by other's ideas of right and wrong in order to bring justice."

Eyeing my strangely, Rose teased suddenly with a laugh. "Wait. I thought _I_ was the one who wanted to break rules."

Knowing I had walked right into that one, I tried again to explain without giving her the wrong idea. "I didn't say I wanted to. Just that I can see the appeal."

When I was a child, I had been unable to defend those I loved against the cruelty shown to them by someone they had trusted…someone who had betrayed that trust. Compounded by the fantasy world I lost myself in every day, it had probably warped my sense of right and wrong a little, but that didn't mean I wanted to go around shooting people.

Narrowing her eyes, Rose shook her head at me. "You can't fool me, comrade. You want to put on a cowboy hat and keep lawless bank robbers in line."

"No time. I have enough trouble keeping _you_ in line."

Grinning widely at my droll tone, Rose sat back in her seat again in enjoyment of our banter. It was something that had been missing the last few days and only with its return did I realise how much I depended on it…how much I needed it to balance out the sombre duty of my job.

Being with Rose didn't simply mean that I wanted to be close to her, it also meant being able to enjoy life because of what she brought to it. Without her, life became a monotony of honour, protection and sacrifice, but it wasn't living.

It was why I couldn't distance myself from her…and why I hated to deny her anything.

The disappointment I had felt at her accusations weren't only about her lack of faith in me, but because of disappointment in myself for not being able to give her what she wanted when it was something so very small. It was because I knew I could never give her anything else that she would want.

"I'm sorry," I uttered softly, placing the book gently down on the floor beside me. Straightening up, I leaned forward over my thighs towards her as I as pushed aside my fear that bringing this up would start the argument again.

"For what?" she teased, sitting forward as well; almost mirroring my movements exactly. "Reading cheesy novels?"

"For not being able to get you here. I feel like I let you down."

All amusement gone, Rose frowned at me slightly as the sombre sincerity of my words seemed to take her by surprise. Watching me almost warily, she seemed to internalize my apology for a long time before she spoke again.

"You didn't," she promised me softly, leaning even closer to me as I shifted in my seat to copy her; the heat from our bodies mingled and intertwined across the small space. "I acted like a total brat. You've never let me down before. You didn't let me down with this."

Sliding forward in my seat, I hesitated for as long as it took for my heart to give a painful thump of relief at her words, before leaving it, crossing the short distance between us and kneeling on the floor at Rose's feet.

Almost at eye level, Rose blinked in surprise but didn't pull away as I reached for her hands. Cradling them gently between my own, I looked down at them as felt the pulse jump wildly along the fragile bones her wrist.

 _I shouldn't be doing this_ , I told myself. I should just make due with what I had been given and not be greedy for more, but I couldn't stop myself as I found my thumbs rubbing against the soft skin only beginning to callous from training.; uncaring as to what this would both do to us later.

"Thank you for saying that, Rose."

Sighing quietly, Rose shuffled forward slightly until her forehead rested against my own; our fingers weaving together. "I meant it. I'm not just trying to spare your feelings because I was a bitch…which I was, but I knew that what I was asking you to do was unreasonable. I'm also really sorry about what I said to you in the church."

"Not unreasonable…just not the easiest thing to do."

"Yeah, I know. I was being stupid."

"No. You were trying to protect people you care about. There's nothing stupid about that."

"I'll remember to remind you of that the next time I don't get my way and I'm acting like a whiny little horror."

Chuckling gently against her, my head tilted back until the tip of my nose nuzzled against her forehead and my lips brushed against the bridge of her nose. "Soooo, tomorrow then?"

Pulling away, Rose narrowed her eyes at me. "Hahaha…there's that famous Siberian humour again. You'd think you enjoy fighting with me."

Transferring the hold on her hands to my left, I ran the fingers of my right across her cheek; brushing aside silken strands of hair that had come loose. "I really don't."

"Me neither."

"I remember that last time you said that."

"Different situation now, comrade."

"Yes, but the same outcome. We still ended up saying things we didn't mean to each other."

"Yeah, we did." Looking down at our tangled fingers, Rose pulled a hand loose and traced the pad of her forefinger along the veins and sinews wrapping around my wrist; following their pace up into my forearm until the sleeve of my sweater stopped her.

Gliding her fingers just beneath the bunched-up sleeves, the sensation of pleasure rippling through my skin at the simple touch was interrupted when Rose asked. "Why did you volunteer to help me clean the church? And tell me the real reason this time."

"You don't believe that I was there to spy on you anymore? That I was making sure you didn't get into any more trouble?" I asked quietly, tangling my fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck as I shifted closer, pressing my lips lightly to her cheek.

"No…I didn't really think it then, but I just couldn't understand your motives."

"And still you assume I had motives?"

Frowning deeply, Rose pulled away from me slightly as she looked up at me questioningly and I slid my hand down her spine; memorizing every bump of her vertebrae. "Well, why the hell else would you want to clean up a church on your day off?"

"You can't think of any other reason that I would want to spend time with you?"

Continuing to run my fingers downward, I skimmed them past the edge of her jersey. Finding the waistband of her jeans, I gently massaged the small of her back.

"Well, yeah," Rose stuttered unevenly; her breathing catching in places as I smiled secretly against the skin at her temple. "But it makes no sense because you're the one that said we couldn't do this. That our relationship had to be strictly professional."

"We still can't do this, Rosa," I agreed, though the weight of my words carried no real meaning as my fingers slide beneath her t-shirt to the bare skin beneath. Shivering against me, Rose pushed closer as I pulled her towards me.

"Then why are you doing this if you know that we can't?"

"Because when I'm around you I'm weak and I think of things that I shouldn't be thinking of. Because I've tried to be good…to stay away from you, and I can't."

Releasing my hand, Rose sank her fingers into the thick knit of the jersey covering my chest and racing heart, looking up at me whilst licking her lips and breathing, "what kind of things?"

Gliding my thumb across her still moist bottom lip, my fingers trembled faintly as I cupped her chin and brushed her lips with my own, whispering against them, "dangerous things," before I kissed her the way I wanted, the way I had been craving for weeks…

…Or at least that was what I wanted to _do_ and what I wanted to _say_. But I couldn't, because my cell phone was ringing.

Sighing irritably at Konrad's timing, I contemplated ignoring it; not willing to give up my own fantasies, but I also knew that the longer we delayed the greater risk we took at being caught. Sitting back in my seat, I reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out the phone; answering in grating Russian whilst Rose remained oblivious to what I had been imagining.

"Konrad?"

"It's done," was his muffled reply. "I had to pull every string I have in this place, but you'll be allowed in. Just be quick about it and avoid the main elevators and hallways with the cameras." Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Kon was silent for a moment.

"Kon?"

"Sorry, there are guardians all over the place. You'll be met by Illiya Askov at the entrance and he'll direct you to the service walkways between the common areas. Punch _x856pl_ into the keypad and it will take you down to the corridor leading directly to Dashkov's cell."

Memorizing the instructions and the code, I knew that we wouldn't be able to avoid all surveillance, but he was at least giving us as much of a blackout as was possible.

"Thank you, Kon," I expressed sincerely. "This couldn't have been easy to arrange and I truly appreciate it."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't, but I owed you…and by the way, now _you_ owe _me_. Good luck, Dimitri."

Cutting the call, I turned to stand over Rose; watching the curiosity flicker openly over her face. She had no idea of course of what it was that I had thought of earlier…of what it was that I wanted, but I had a feeling that if Konrad's call had come a little later, she wouldn't have objected to any of it.

Forcing myself to move away before I gave into what I wanted, I reached for my boots. Pulling them on, I slipped the phone back into my pocket, grabbed the duster and shrugged into it. Rising, Rose looked at me quizzically.

Opening the door, I checked the corridors again before holding it open for her. "All right, let's go."

Joining me, she looked up at me with a trusting, but puzzled expression. "Where?"

"To see Victor Dashkov."


	23. Chapter 23

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Three ~

Eyes widening in almost disbelieving shock at my words, Rose made no further move to leave the room.

Placing a flat palm between her shoulder blades, I pushed her gently towards the open doorway and out into the corridor. Closing the door behind us, my fingers folded back the collar of the duster as my eyes watched her process what I had said.

Taking a deep breath, Rose squared her shoulders, but there seemed to be a hesitation in the movement…like she wasn't quite sure that this was such a good idea. A few days ago she had been all but ready to take on Victor all on her own, but now the thought of actually confronting him suddenly no longer seemed like a good idea.

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, my fingers lingered on the fleshy curve in the hope that I would distract her. Startling a little at the touch, Rose glanced up at me. Seeming to find something comforting in the steadiness of my own gaze, she nodded once to me.

"Are you all right with this, Rose?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she answered quietly, wrapping her arms tightly around her middle. "We're seriously going to see him?"

"Yes, it was what you wanted, remember?" I reminded gently, leading her down the hallway to the stairs; keeping my eyes on her as I kept an eye out for anyone we would come across us and would ask too many questions.

"Yeah," Rose replied, jogging down the stairs beside me. "But I didn't think _you_ wanted it."

"I don't, but we no longer have any choice on the matter."

Pushing open the door of the lobby at guest housing for Rose, the monitor asked if there was anything he could do for us before we left, but I politely refused. He was trained only to be of service to the guests and wouldn't be suspicious that we were leaving together.

Once outside, we were hit by the cold, blustery weather again. Shivering, Rose moved slightly closer to me as her hair whipped around. "How did you organize this? I thought you said that you didn't have much influence at Court."

"That's right, I don't, but I was owed a favour by a friend."

Casting a suspicious glance upwards at me, Rose swept her hair to the side to keep it out of her line of vision. "Some favour. Who's the friend?"

"It's better that you don't know, Rose."

"Come on, comrade…you know that you can trust me."

"It's not a matter of trust, Rose," my answered carried in the strong wind as we crossed the frozen courtyard and bypassed the office block attached to Royal housing. "Konrad's track record is colourful enough; he doesn't need anything else jeopardizing it and if this got out, it would."

"Konrad? Is he the guy you were talking to on the tarmac?"

"Yes. We were at the academy together in Siberia."

"Why does he owe you a favour?"

Sighing at her natural curiosity, it was time to cut the conversation short. "I helped him once…and that's all you need to know. I've already told you more than I should have."

"Fine," Rose groused, but there was a small smile playing at the corner of her lips that made me want to smile in return. "Keep your secrets."

Heading to the prison facility located behind the main administration building, it was placed furthest away from the more populated areas for added safety. Normally under heavy perimeter guard, they were noticeably absent as the heavily armoured doors slide open and we entered the cold, sterile foyer.

Looking around, Rose frowned as she noticed the lack. "Where the hell are all the guards?"

"Lunch break?" I answered innocently, hiding my smile as I saw her look of wide-eyed disbelief.

"All together?! Exactly what kind of a favour does this guy owe you that he can clear out all the guardians from the prison?"

"Not all of them, Rose." Nodding towards a door to our right that bypassed the main bank of elevators, a solitary guard stood beside it. Knowing from Konrad's instructions that this was Illiya Askov, we spoke briefly in Russian for a few moments before he turned, punched in a code and stood aside as it beeped open, deliberately facing away from us.

Looking up at me in confusion with an eyebrow raised, Rose made no move to until I pushed her gently forward and into a passageway that was narrow and dimly lit. Walking the short distance, we found the service elevator. Calling for it, we slipped in through the chrome doors. Punching in the code Konrad had provided the doors slide closed behind us and we descended into the bowels of the prison.

"I want you to watch what you say to him, Rose. He's going to provoke you for his own purpose. Don't give him any more information than he needs to have, all right?"

Shifting restlessly beside me, Rose looked up at me as suddenly the bravado that had carried her so far, began to slip once she realised that she was about to be within touching distanced of a man that had hurt the girl she considered closer than a sister.

"Why are we doing this? You think we can talk him out of it?"

Snorting beneath my breath, I looked down at her as my head turned from side to side. "If Victor wanted to take revenge on us, he'd just do it without any warning. He doesn't do things without a reason. The fact that he told you first means he wants something, and now we're going to find out what it is."

Breathing through the anger that accompanied my words, I watched Rose closely as the elevator pinged softly to a halt. Opening, we found ourselves at the foot of another walkway; only this one was longer and would lead directly to the cells.

Colder than above by a few degrees, Rose shivered slightly and moved closer to me. Unconsciously or not seeking comfort and warmth, I rubbed reassuringly between her shoulder blades. "Easy, Rose. We'll do this together, and whatever happens, we'll deal with that together too, all right?"

Nodding absently, Rose stared out into the corridor for what seemed longer than a minute before she looked up at me again. Focused and single-minded, whatever hesitancy or doubts she might have had no longer clouded the clear depths of her eyes.

"Together."

Walking forward determinedly, Rose missed my smile of pride as I followed her. Passing by another guard who neither acknowledged our presence nor stopped us from moving forward, he stopped at the elevator, but did not call for it; standing silently beside it instead

"You really need to thank this friend of yours," Rose muttered beneath her breath as she looked over her shoulder at the guard studiously ignoring us.

"I do," my agreement sounded, echoing faintly through the empty corridors. Victor's cell was at the end of the corridor and surrounded by concrete, tile and silver bars custom made and magically hardened.

Sparsely furnished, the bed and desk faced the front of the cell, but he had pulled out a simple wooden chair to the side. Looking out past the other empty cells, he was regarding his short nails with lazy boredom when he heard our approach.

Not seeming surprised in the least to see us, Victor Dashkov smiled broadly as Rose stiffened beside me. The delight in his face was almost believable, but deep within the light green of his eyes was a calculating edge that flared to life as he focused on her.

Feeling a quiver of unease shiver down my spine at that look, I knew it was too late to back out, not when, to Victor's mind, we had played right into his hands by being here and he couldn't have been happier about it.

Seeing now the smug satisfaction on his healthy face only made it more difficult to swallow. I had known this was the lesser of two evils; that we had no choice, but seeing him now, living off the life force that he stolen from Lissa, so close to Rose, made it almost impossible to stop myself from reaching through those bars and ridding the world of his malignant presence.

"Oh, my," Victor all but cooed, swivelling in his seat to face us fully. "This is a treat. Lovely Rosemarie, practically an adult now." Eyeing her blatantly, her features tightened at his perusal before his eyes veered off to me, taunting me when he crooned.

"Of course, some have been treating you that way for quite a while."

Refusing to rise to his bait, I kept perfectly still and emotionlessly devoid from the outside even as the seething fury within grew harder to control. Unfortunately Rose had no such control, despite my earlier warning. Lunging forward, she wrapped her hands around the bar and hissed at him through them.

"Stop screwing with us, you son of a bitch. What do you want?"

"Easy, Rose" I cautioned softly, laying a gently restraining hand on her shoulder, pulling her back away from the bars whilst Victor continued to gleefully watch us with a smirking grin; his eyes following the movement of my fingers on her shoulder.

"After all this time, your cub still hasn't learned any control. But then, maybe you never really wanted her to."

Hearing the undertone of unmistakable sexual suggestion, I merely pulled Rose closer to me before answering steadily. "We aren't here to banter. You wanted to lure Rose over, and now we need to know why."

Spreading his hands wide, Victor gave us a wide-eyed look of false innocence. "Does there have to be some sinister reason? I just wanted to know how she was doing, and something tells me we aren't going to have a chance for any friendly chats tomorrow."

"We're not going to have a friendly chat now."

"You think I'm joking," he countered against Rose's snarl. "But I'm not. I really do want to know how you're doing. You've always been a fascinating subject to me, Rosemarie. The only shadow-kissed person we know of. I told you before, that isn't the kind of thing you walk away from unscathed. There's no way you can quietly sink into the regimented routine of academic life. People like you aren't meant to blend in."

"I'm not some kind of science experiment," Rose spat furiously, though the hectic flushing of her cheeks had begun to wan. Squeezing her shoulder in a gentle reminder to stay in control, Victor looked over her as through her words meant nothing.

"What's it been like? What have you noticed?" He asked with unconcealed interest, sitting forward with widened, excited eyes.

Unnerved by the way he looked at her and the insinuation that somehow her bond with Lissa was more than just the one way communication they shared…something more sinister and potentially dangerous, I pulled Rose protectively back against me before cautioning him.

"There's no time for this. If you don't get to the point, we're going to leave."

Rose tensed against me before she smiled suddenly; the movement of her facial muscles was little more than a taunting snarl. "There's no way they'll let you off tomorrow. I hope you enjoy prison. I bet it'll be great once you get sick again – and you will, you know."

Understanding why Rose was so bitterly resentful towards him, hearing her so callously dismiss him surprised me. Taking no offence, Victor sat back in his chair and viewed us amusedly.

"All things die, Rose. Well, except for you, I suppose. Or maybe you are dead. I don't know. Those who visit the world of the dead can probably never full shake their connection to it."

Feeling the hairs at the nape of my neck stand on end, I expected Rose to shrug off his comment as she had the others, but she stiffened beneath my palm; her heart beat faster as the pulse beneath my fingertips thumped alarmingly through her veins.

"Yes," Victor asked smoothly, watching Rose so closely he must have picked up on something that I had missed. "There's something you'd like to say?"

"What is the world of the dead," Rose asked from beneath clenched teeth. "Is it heaven or hell?"

"Neither," Victor replied with maddening nonchalance.

"What lives there? Ghosts? Will I go back? Do things come out of it?!"

"Well, clearly some things come out of it, because here you stand before us."

Startled by her intensity about the underworld, it reminded me of the questions she had hounded Father Andrew over. I had found it unsettling enough to hear them then, but now the nature of the questions no longer seemed as harmless.

Starting to pull Rose away from the bars, I wasn't willing to expose her to more of Victor's machinations when it was becoming clear that he wasn't going to tell us the real reason for his note.

"He's baiting you. Let it go."

Turning his attention to me, Victor scowled before arguing. "I'm _helping_ her." Dismissing me again, he turned to Rose. "Honestly? I don't know that much about it. You're the one who has been there, Rose. Not me. Not yet. Someday, you'll probably be the one educating me. I'm sure the more you deal death out, the closer you'll become it."

"Enough," I barked sharply, losing the edge of my already fraying temper in the wake of his words…words that made no sense, but deeply worried me. "We're going." Tightening my grip on Rose's shoulder, I began to pull her away when Victor suddenly rose from his seat and surged forward, careful to keep away from the bars.

"Wait, wait. You haven't told me about Vasilisa yet."

"Stay away from her," Rose warned venomously; surging closer once again. "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Seeing as I'm locked away here, I have no choice but to stay away from her, my dear," Victor drawled wryly. "And you're wrong – Vasilisa has everything to do with everything."

"That's it," Rose suddenly crowed, understanding in the same moment that I did that we were once again being used as pawns to get to what and _who_ Victor really wanted….Lissa. "That's why you sent the note. You wanted me here because you wanted to know about her, and you knew there was no way she'd come to talk to you herself. You had nothing to blackmail her with."

" _Blackmail's_ an ugly word." He taunted.

"There's no way you're going to see her – at least outside of the courtroom. She's never going to heal you. I told you: You're going to get sick again, and you're going to die. You're going to be the one sending me postcards from the other side."

Lurching forward, Victor pressed tightly to the bars; his face frantically wild and fixated as he sensed he wasn't about to get what he wanted. Pulling Rose further away, my arm wrapped around her waist. The protective gesture wasn't lost to Victor's sharp eyes, but he seemed more intent on his own agenda to comment about it.

"You think that's what this is about? You think my needs are that petty? You've forgotten everything, why I did what I did. You've been so caught up in your own short-sightedness that you missed the big picture I was looking at."

"You wanted to stage a revolution," Rose answered snidely, recalling that his agenda hadn't merely revolved around draining Lissa's life to save his own. "Still want to. That's crazy. It's not going to happen."

"It's already happening," Victor countered; the fanaticism fading to condescension. "Do you think I don't know what's going on out in the world? I still have contacts. People can be bought off – how do you think I was able to send you that message?"

Sneering, he shook his head at what he viewed as our ignorance. "I know about the unrest – I know about Natasha Ozera's movement to get Moroi to fight with guardians. You stand by her and vilify me, Rosemarie, but I pushed for the very same thing last fall. Yet, somehow, you don't seem to regard her in the same way."

"Tasha Ozera is working on her cause a bit differently than you did," my cold interjection interrupted his speech, though I kept what I really wanted to say to myself… _and she isn't a murdering, self-serving sociopath_.

Viewing me mocking, he sneered. "And that's why she's getting nowhere. Tatiana and her council are being held back by centuries of archaic traditions. So long as that sort of power rules us, nothing will change. We will never learn to fight. Non-royal Moroi will have a choice. Dhampirs like you will continually be sent out to battle."

"It's what we dedicate our lives to," was my softly growled reminder to him; what little patience I had left fraying as quickly as my temper. I was growing tired of hearing his megalomaniac spiel and poorly thought out justifications for what he had done.

"And it's what you lose your lives for," Victor retorted, turning away from us to walk across the length of his cell before he swung on his heel to watch us through narrowed eyes. "You're all but enslaved and don't even realize it. And for what? Why do you protect us?"

"Because…we need you. For our race to survive."

"You don't need to throw yourselves into battle for that. Making children isn't really that difficult," Victor drawled in response to Rose's hesitant statement; grinning suggestively at her as I ground my teeth together.

"And because the Moroi…the Moroi and their magic are important. They can do amazing things"

"We _used_ to do amazing things," he retorted, tossing his hands in the air as his frustration manifested. "Humans used to revere us as gods, but over time, we grew lazy. The advent of technology made our magic more and more obsolete. Now, all we do is parlour tricks."

Feeling the need to challenge his lunacy, I mocked darkly. "If you have so many ideas, then do something useful in prison and write a manifesto."

"And what's this have to do with Lissa anyway?" Rose asked as Victor ignored my comment.

"Because Vasilisa is a vehicle for change."

Gaping at him in dumbfounded silence for a long moment, Rose laughed hoarsely with disbelief as the insanity of his plan was revealed. "You think she's going to _lead_ your revolution?"

"Well, I'd prefer that I lead it – someday. But, regardless, I think that she's going to be a part of it. I've heard about her too. She's a rising star – still young, certainly, but people are taking notice. All royals aren't created equal, you know. The Dragomir symbol is a dragon, the king of the beasts. Likewise, the Dragomire blood has always been powerful – that's why the Strigoi have targeted them so consistently."

"A Dragomir returning to power is no small thing – particularly one such as her. My impression from the reports Is that she have mastered her magic. If that's so – wither her gifts – there's no telling what she could do. People are drawn to her with almost no effort on her part. And when she actually tries to influence them…well, they'll do anything she wants.

"Unbelievable," Rose laughed, but without humour as we both observed Victor's almost euphoric planning. "First you wanted to hide her away to keep her alive. Now you actually want her out in the world to use her compulsion for your own psycho plans."

"I told you, she's a force for change. And like you being shadow-kissed, she's the only of her kind that we know about. That makes her dangerous – and very valuable."

Watching as the corners of Rose's mouth pulled up into a small, secretive smirk, I knew that she was thinking about Adrian, but she wouldn't reveal it, even to best Victor. The fewer who knew that he was a Spirit wielder, the better.

"Lissa will never do it." There was absolute certainty in Rose's voice as she leaned closer to Victor than I wanted her to be. "She's not going to abuse her powers."

"And Victor's not going to say anything about us." Linking my arm through her own, I began to pull her away from the bars. It was time to go before either one of us revealed more than we should. "He's achieved his goal. He brought you here because he wanted to know about Lissa."

"He didn't find out much." Her voice was smug as she let me pull her away, but before we could get very far, Victor quipped tauntingly.

"You'd be surprised. And what makes you so certain I won't enlighten the world about your romantic indiscretions?"

Rigidly anxious, Rose moved closer to me as Victor's threat to expose us was openly voiced for the first time. Pulling her slightly behind me, the mask of indifference I had been wearing since arriving slipped just enough to reveal the virulent hatred I felt towards this man.

"Because it won't save you from prison," I goaded, levelling my own threat. "And if you ruin Rose, you'll destroy whatever weak chance you had of Lissa helping you with your warped fantasy." Enjoying the way Victor recoiled, I twisted the knife with a cold glare of a smile as I felt the tremors start deep in my muscles again.

"And it'll all be pointless anyway, because you won't stay alive long enough in prison to stage your grand plans. You aren't the only one with connections."

Letting the threat hanging in the air, Victor watched me with widened eyes. It didn't matter that he didn't know if I was serious or not, it was enough that his subconscious had heard it and was replaying it in his head even now.

Backing away from the bars, Victor glanced between us before he once again sat on his chair and feigned an air of bored disinterest. "You two are a match made in heaven. Or somewhere."

Tugging Rose away, she flung over her shoulder. "See you in court."

Stalking to the elevator with Rose in tow, I nodded curtly once to the guard and pulled Rose in. Riding up in silence, I could feel her eyes on me, but my emotions were too close to the surface to talk right now. I need to will the rage in my blood to subside as I clenched my fists tightly within the pockets of the duster.

I shouldn't have let Victor get to me; I knew this on a logical level, but emotionally was a different story.

Reaching the main lobby, Askov took our place as we left the elevator and without a word the doors closed behind him. Leaving the facility, the icy night air did nothing to cool my need for violence or the tremors that wracked my body like a shiver in the cold.

Crossing the iced-over, deadened grass on our way back to housing, I could feel Rose's gaze on me, but I kept my own fixed ahead.

"Are you okay?"

Glancing down at her softly asked question, the expression of concern for _me_ rather than _herself_ created an ache deep in my chest that had nothing to do with my agitation.

"Yes," I breathed harshly."

"You sure?"

"As okay as I can be."

"Do you think he'll tell anyone about us?"

My answer of "No" was instantaneous, but it wasn't entirely the truth. I only said it to stop her from worrying obsessively over it. If Victor thought that he could somehow discredit our testimonies by bringing it up, he would. Losing Lissa and her support as a consequence wouldn't enter his head if it meant he could save his own skin.

"Did you mean it," Rose began tentatively. "That if Victor did tell…that you'd…" She broke off, unable to finish the sentence as she looked up at me questioningly. There was a new awareness in her dark brown eyes as she tried to read me.

"I don't have much influence in the upper levels of Moroi royalty, but I have plenty among the guardians who handle the dirty work in our world," I hedged, not committing to answer her fully because I didn't want the look in her eyes to change to something fearful.

"You didn't answer the question," she accused, knowing that I was deflecting. "If you'd really do it."

Not willing to confirm or deny, I instead left it vague. "I'd do a lot of things to protect you, Roza."

But would I do what I had threatened Victor with, if it came down to that? Was I capable of pre-meditated murder if it meant that I kept Rose safe? Could I really have his blood on my hands if there was no other option left to me?

Swallowing roughly, Rose tried to smile but it seemed forced. "It wouldn't exactly be protecting me. It'd be after the fact – cold-blooded. You don't do that kind of thing. Revenge is more my thing. I'll have to kill him."

"Don't talk like that." Glancing sharply down at her, she started slightly under my withering glare. The last thing I wanted was for her to have more blood on her hands or have the guilt of taking another's life. "And anyway, it doesn't matter. Victor's not going to say anything."

Pushing through the lobby doors, the lounge was empty but for the same monitor who had seen us out earlier. Walking Rose to her room at the opposite end of the landing, I wanted to go in with her; stay for a few minutes to make certain that she would be fine on her own, but I couldn't risk it.

Reaching to insert the key, Rose eyed me strangely. Knowing she was about to invite me in, I walked away; softly calling over my shoulder. "Get some rest, Rose. I'll see you later."

Turning the corner and heading for the quiet solace of my room, I heard the electronic beep of Rose's card as her door opened, but it was interrupted by a conversation that was faintly audible _…"There you are. What happened? You missed dinner."_

Sighing as I heard Lissa, I opened my own door and quietly slipped inside. Shrugging out of the duster a few seconds later, her reminder over dinner made me check the time as I rolled back my sleeve and caught a glimpse of my watch.

We had missed dinner, I realised now. It wasn't an issue for me really; I would make up for it over breakfast, but Rose had a metabolism that demanded to be fed every few hours and our visit to Victor had interrupted that.

Debating for a few seconds, I called down to the lobby and asked if it was possible for the kitchen to send food up to her room. Assuring me that it wouldn't be a problem, I thanked them and sat into warily the armchair.

Picking up the discarded novel from the floor, I smoothed over the creased and worn cover but the wording and the images were slightly blurred. Frowning as I blinked rapidly to clear my line of vision, I realised belatedly that there was nothing wrong with my eyes…everything was blurry because my hands were shaking.

Placing the book gently on the coffee table, I clenched my fists tightly together in the hopes of stemming the shuddering, but it didn't work. Unclenching, I sat back into the seat, closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose; breathing deeply as I tried to expel emotions I normally had ease in controlling.

It wasn't so much Victor himself that had upset met or even his threat to expose us that had rattled my composure, but his fixation with Rose and her mortality that bothered me the most.

When she had mildly questioned the priest, I had thought it was merely because we were surrounded by the religious beliefs of so many, but the frantic questioning she had turned on Victor was something else entirely, and it put me more on edge than the upcoming trial did for reasons that I _still_ didn't understand.


	24. Chapter 24

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Four ~

Watching as tendrils of steam wafted lazily upwards from the cup of coffee I stared into at breakfast the next day, I still wasn't able to shake the sense of unease that had kept me awake for hours before.

"You're very quiet this morning, Dimitri. Is something wrong?"

Turning to face Alberta sitting at my right, I quickly drained my cup in a single, scalding mouthful and shook my head; both in answer to her question and to clear it before reaching towards the last piece of toast on my plate.

"No, Alberta. Nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking about the trial; running over my testimony one last time to make sure there aren't any grey areas."

Nodding thoughtfully at my answer, Alberta continued to eat her scrambled eggs. Adding more pepper, she took another mouthful before mumbling around it. "You're sure that's all that you're thinking about? Going to see Victor yesterday isn't playing on your mind?"

In the process of smearing strawberry preserve over the toast, the knife and my fingers came to a halt in mid-air. Glancing around the table to see if anyone else had heard the comment, the mixture of court guardians and our own were all too busy eating or talking about various aspects of the trial to have heard Alberta's nonchalant comment.

Continuing to spread the jam with smooth, controlled movements, my eyes swung towards her as she continued to calmly eat.

"You heard."

There really wasn't much point in trying to deny or justify it at this point. Even if Konrad had been able to keep our visit a secret, I knew that we hadn't managed to avoid _every_ camera in the prison facility. It would have eventually got out, but I had hoped it would be _after_ the trial, not before.

"Of course I heard." Finishing off the last of her egg with a swipe of croissant across her plate, Alberta picked up her own coffee before talking into the cup.

"Just because we're not at St. Vladimir's doesn't mean that I still don't have eyes and ears everywhere, Dimitri. I wasn't really surprised to learn that you had gone to see him, however, what threw me was that you took Rose with you."

"You know what she's like Alberta." I hedged, hearing her nonchalance slip a little as her irritation with what she would view as my irresponsible behaviour became apparent.

"I do, but that's not an excuse. What were you thinking taking her with you?"

"Do you think that Victor would have spoken to me if she wasn't there?"

"How could you have known that beforehand?"

"He sent her a note."

Spluttering into her coffee, the buzz of conversation around the table momentarily stalled before it picked up again. Wiping at her chin with another napkin, Alberta glared at me. "He sent her a note!? How?"

"He's well connected, wealthy and unscrupulously manipulative. It obviously was never going to a problem to bribe someone to get it out to Rose once we had arrived."

"What did it say? Do you still have it with you?"

"Nothing of any real importance," was my evasive answer. "Just platitudes and questions about Lissa, and no, I don't have it with me." Hoping Rose had destroyed it by now, I only prayed that Alberta would be too distracted by the trial to ask for it later.

Sighing, Alberta took a more cautious sip of her coffee. "I suppose given what and who he is, it was to be expected. What did he want?"

Explaining quietly to her the gist of the conversation, whilst carefully skirting around his threats and his fixation with Rose, Alberta's weathered face tightened with every word I said as she came to the realisation that Victor would try to gain access to Lissa.

"Apart from the time they'll spend together in the courtroom, there won't be any other opportunities. Once the sentence has been handed down; no one is expecting anything other than a guilty verdict. He'll be arraigned and taken into custody immediately."

"He'll still try."

"Yes," she agreed, arching a brow. "He will. We'll just have to be more alert to whatever he tries in the courtroom."

Laughing beneath her breath without any real humour, Alberta shook her head. "I thought the lure of power was what had gone to his head, but for him to actually think that the Princess would somehow back his ridiculous plans…he's insane."

"He's a fanatic, Alberta. It's more dangerous than mere insanity. Eddie will watch her like a hawk and I doubt Rose will be far away. She'll be fine."

"Oh, dammit. I forgot to organize the clothing for them for the trial." Wiping her mouth, Alberta threw her napkin down in disgust as I reminded her that we had students who wouldn't be dressed in the same way the rest of us would be.

About to push away from the table, I placed a hand on the arm of her pristine, white-sleeved shirt to stop her.

"I've taken care of it already, Alberta."

During the hours that I had spent awake, I had called down once more to the lobby to ask about spare uniforms for the pair. Alberta would want them to look presentable in court, but I knew that she would be so caught up once here she would forget.

Asking for the sets to be brought up to me to check on the sizing of each, I had chosen the best fits and slipped in a note for Rose before sealing the box and arranging for them to be delivered to their rooms before breakfast.

There had been so much that I wanted to write on the unmarked notepad I had found in the room…so many questions I had wanted to ask Rose, but I had kept the message short and brief; uneasy that it might fall into the wrong hands as all I wrote was… _Wear your hair up_.

"Thank you, Dimitri." Nodding to herself, she seemed lost in her own thoughts as time wound down for the trial to begin. She didn't seem particularly interested in criticizing me further for involving a student in something she should have been kept out of.

Glancing to my right and across the spacious dining room in guest housing, my eyes found that student as she sat with the others over breakfast. The table before them was stacked with food, but they were all too subdued to eat more than a little of it.

Lissa, trying to balance out the solemnness of the mood, kept Eddie and Christian involved in the conversation around their table, but Rose seemed too preoccupied to even bother with trying. Frowning at her a few times, Lissa eventually gave up, but laid her hand gently on her sleeve in what looked like a show of support.

It showed the strength of their relationship: Lissa was willing to comfort her over an event that had yet to happen and would certainly traumatize _her_ more than it would Rose. I knew that Rose wouldn't have told her about our visit with Victor...Lissa's concern was out love and nothing more.

Seeming to right herself with an effort, Rose gave her a small smile at the gesture before she sat up in her seat and resumed picking at her breakfast; careful to avoid staining the white sleeves of the shirt I had chosen for her. Having listened to my note, her hair had been sculptured into a smooth bun contained at the nape of her neck. Her jacket, like Eddie's, hung over the back of their chairs.

Neither of them, despite their age, looked out of place amongst us.

Finishing off the last of her coffee, Alberta checked her watch and stood, announcing that it was time to leave for the trial.

Shrugging into my own jacket, we all gathered around her at the door to the dining room as she explained the proceedings.

"Because we're all witnesses, we'll obviously be required to testify. When you get into the Court, walk straight down the centre aisle and head for the seats in the front, on the right. The guardians will be called first, then the students and finally the testimonies will end with you, Princess."

Nodding towards Lissa, she took a deep calming breath before she nodded back to Alberta. Appearing serene, she gave herself away a little by moving a little closer to Rose, who, in turn, reached out to brush her fingertips against Lissa's.

"Mr. Dashkov will be the last to speak as he tries to defend his…actions." Alberta finished grimly as she checked the time again. Pulling on her jacket, she took a deep breath before she spoke. "Just remember, all of you, to give the most unbiased version of your story. His imprisonment is all but a done deal, but that doesn't mean he's not going to try and discredit you if you become emotional and if effects your testimony."

Crossing the threshold, Alberta led our group out of housing and into the blustery weather that hadn't improved by much since our arrival. Walking briskly toward the adjacent building used as the Court, we had just entered when I heard Alan at my side.

"So that's it? One day you're Royal, and the next day you're not?"

"What are you talking about, Alan?"

"Alberta said 'Mr' and not 'Prince' Dashkov. He was stripped of his title as a punishment for his crimes, right?"

"Right."

"So, now he's just…not?"

"Well no, not biologically speaking. He's still a Dashkov and that's not something that even the Queen can undo, but the rights and privileges that go with his name and bloodline are no longer his to use. If there was any hope of him being let off, he would be reintroduced into Moroi society as an outcast…a pariah that will never be accepted by any of them again."

Shaking his head, Alan's brows rose in bewilderment, but he said nothing more as we entered the grandeur of the Court. Adrian, having come in earlier and skipping breakfast, was there already and seated close to where the Queen herself would preside. He looked bored with the entire process before it had even begun.

Ignoring the flash of anger I felt towards him for his meddling, we followed behind the students who were seated first with Lissa in the middle. Flanking them, the general conversation in the room was kept to low murmurs as we waited for the trial to begin.

Already seated at the front of the Court was the presiding Moroi Judge who would oversee the trial. There were no juries in Moroi trials; the Queen herself would make the final decision as the case was argued between the defending and prosecuting attorneys.

"That's Angelica Maxwell," Dustin murmured, indicating to the stern, unsmiling woman watching over all of us so intently. "She's been at the Court for decades and was specifically chosen for the trial by the Queen."

Falling silent as the elevator to the side began to rise from the depths, the doors slide open as a strained hush fell over the room. Flanked by guardians, Victor stood at the threshold of the room as I again felt the tremble of rage begin deep within my bones.

The rage, I had to admit, wasn't just directed at him; it was also aimed at myself.

I had just walked into a room that signified justice in our world, about to swear an oath of honesty and moral dependability, whilst all the while knowing that when I was up on that stand that I would lie to protect Rose…that I would willingly perjure myself in order to do that.

The truth of that was something I had been struggling with since receiving the notice to testify, but it wouldn't stop me from doing it.

Sauntering into the room, the former Royal surveyed those who had gathered to see him sentenced with idle boredom and a satisfied smirk on his face. Perusing, his sly gaze rested briefly on everyone before he found who he was looking for.

Lingering on Lissa, she swallowed jerkily and began to shrink back into her seat when she was stopped by Rose. Covering her hand, she murmured to her whilst Lissa briefly nodded back; squeezing the hand in return. Straightening her spine, Lissa held his gaze steadily.

Led away by the guardians to the left, he was seated in an isolated area that would face both the Judge and the Queen. Sitting, he crossed his legs and continued to smile arrogantly; completely oblivious to the looks of revulsion he was receiving.

"Smug bastard," Dustin growled softly.

Hearing the soft bell of the elevator ping again, the guardians on either side of it stood at attention to signal our regents' arrival. Rising almost as one, the entire courtroom stood and then knelt respectfully at the arrival of the Queen.

Rising a few moments later, Tatiana Ivashkov was seated and waiting on a raised podium to the left of the judge. Taking our own seats, she nodded regally towards the Judge to begin. Inclining her head politely towards her, Judge Maxwell shuffled some paperwork before beginning.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. You are here to bear witness to the trial of the accused, former Prince, Victor Alexandrovich Dashkov for his crimes against Her Royal Highness, Princess Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir as well as various others. We will begin with testimonies from his accusers. Guardian Alberta Petrov. Your testimony is required first. Please come forward."

Standing gracefully, Alberta approached the judge and stood at the small podium to her right. Enclosed entirely in wood, she vowed an oath of truth. Speaking clearly and without hesitation, she, then Alan, followed by Dustin answered each of the questions asked by Victor's attorney.

Seeming undaunted by the bleak picture they were painting of his character, Victor laced his fingers together over his stomach and continued to smirk.

"Guardian Dimitri Belikov. Please step forward."

Walking calmly to the podium as the Judge summoned me, my outward composure couldn't be faulted, but the seething roil of emotions within told a different story. Swearing the same oath as the three before me, I faced the defending attorney as he began to ask the same questions as he had the others.

Reading through his notes, he looked at me thoughtfully; the slash of his white-blonde eyebrows curving inward of blue eyes a shade darker than Christians as his line of questioning changed. "You were the first to notify Guardian Petrov of the alleged kidnapping on the night in question, were you not?"

"Yes," my answer was steady, though I wanted to contest the _alleged_ part.

"How is it, Guardian Belikov, that you knew about this before anyone else? Your written testimony here says that you weren't on duty on the time of the alleged incident."

"Your Honour," the prosecuting attorney protested; interrupting my answer as the short bell of her dark brown hair bobbing backwards and forwards when she stood. "I object."

"Grounds?"

"Council is referring to the incident as _alleged_. It has already been conclusively proven that Mr. Dashkov held Her Royal Highness against her will. Please ask him to refrain from the use of the word as it is ambiguous and misleading. "

Nodding thoughtfully, Judge Maxwell looked down her long nose at the defending attorney. "Sustained. Ms. Wright has a point, Mr. Harmon. Please stick to the facts of this case and not try to overshadow it with legal misinterpretations that will take up the Queen's valuable time."

"Of course, Your Honour…Your Majesty. My apologies. I was merely giving my client the benefit of the doubt. Guardian Belikov," he indicated, swinging back towards me. "Please continue with the answer to the question posed to you before."

"I was with my student, Rose Hathaway. She shares a bond with the Princess and was the first to sense what had happened."

"Based on the events, it sounds like there was a delay between when she discovered that and when you alerted the others."

"She couldn't act on it because Mr. Dashkov had inflicted a charm on her, one that caused her to attack me."

Very deliberately keeping my eyes only on him, I felt the weight of the lie I was about to tell begin to press heavily on my chest; crushing my sense of honour and integrity.

"Could you elaborate on that, please?"

"Mr. Dashkov works with earth magic," my answer began with a strong and steady voice. "And some who use that power and are strong in compulsion, can influence our base instincts. In this case, he affected her anger and violence through an object."

A gruff snort of a laugh followed my reply; echoing around the silence of the courtroom. Refusing to face Victor, all but one in the courtroom did. Rose watched me with a calm expression, but the panic in her eyes couldn't be hidden.

Victor had been all but silent during the testimonies of Alberta, Alan and Dustin, but with my own, he had been waiting for the opportunity to prove his threats weren't empty.

Frowning heavily in disapproval, the Queen glowered menacingly whilst the judge sat forward and scolded. "Mr. Dashkov, please respect the decorum of this courtroom."

"I'm terribly sorry, Your Honour and Your Majesty. Something in Guardian Belikov's testimony just tickled my fancy, that's all. It won't happen again."

Facing me again, Victor's attorney asked that I continue with my testimony. Complying, the rest of my version matched the others almost perfectly. There were no more interruptions from the side and although I refused to look at Victor, I could feel his self-satisfaction.

"Thank you, Guardian Belikov. That will be all for now. You may step down."

Nodding politely to the judge, my stride was sure and undaunted as I walked back to my seat and Christian was called up to testify. Sitting between Dustin and Alberta, I could feel their eyes on me, but I kept myself perfectly composed. No one here besides Rose would have any clue as to what Victor's angle was.

Barely hearing Christian's testimony, my heart began to thump so loudly it filled my ears with a ringing thud. Rose would be next to speak and I didn't know how she was going to react to the questions or to Victor if he decided to interrupt…and I was sure he would.

I had been taught to master my emotions; to bury them so deep they would never be found, but Rose hadn't. She had very little control and was too volatile to think before she acted, especially around him.

"Rosemarie Hathaway. Please take the stand."

Unable to stop my eyes from following her, even if it was a mistake for Victor to see, Rose stood at the stand and swore the oath voiced by the judge. Looking poised, more so than I had thought her capable, she face the defending attorney.

"Miss. Hathaway. You were the first to report that Princess Vasilisa had gone missing, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Through our bond. It allows me to feel and experience her emotions and feelings. I knew that something had happened when I felt her extreme fear and then nothing else afterwards. That's when I rushed to alert the others."

"You alerted Guardian Belikov first?"

"Yes."

"Why him and not any of the others?"

"Guardian Belikov is my instructor. He's seen the bond first hand and wouldn't hesitate to believe me or waste time questioning me."

"When you found him, that was when the so-called charm that Guardian Belikov explained about affected you?"

Becoming rigidly still, I waited for something to give her away, but for the most part, Rose's composure never slipped. Holding the attention of the defending attorney, her eyes were held steady, but for a split second in which she glanced towards Victor.

Flashing them quickly away, I could only imagine what she had seen on his smug face before she completed her answer.

"Yes. Mr. Dashkov had planned this. He had charmed a necklace before giving it to me as a gift in the hopes that it would affect me on the night. Everything leading to kidnapping was planned."

"Guardian Belikov said he was able to subdue you and disarm the charm…what happened next?"

"The guardian forces gathered and with my help, I was able to direct them to where Liss…Princess Vasilisa was being held. She had regained consciousness after being sedated and was being tortured by an Air user."

"How do you know she was being tortured if you weren't there?"

"Because of the bond, I could feel every painful contortion he used against her."

Horrified, the occupants of the courtroom began to murmur to themselves. The judge had no gavel, but her harsh expression was enough to quieten everyone down.

"And what happened next?"

"The guardians raided the cabin and stopped him. Chri…I mean, Lord Ozera and I were in the car, but decided to leave to help. Once in the woods, we were hunted by Psi Hounds that Mr. Dashkov had bred to hunt and kill. I managed to evade them, but they mauled Lord Ozera to the point of death. It was only Princess Vasilisa's healing abilities that saved him."

"Who else witnessed this?"

"Guardian Petrov."

"But how do you know that it was the Princess that did this? You could have been overwrought and only imagined that this happened."

Casting him a look of undisguised disgust and disbelief, Rose was about to lose control of her temper when the prosecuting attorney stepped in.

"Objection, You Honour. Miss Hathaway has answered every question without hesitation. For council to now doubt what she has seen with her own eyes when he has seen nothing himself, is ridiculous and quite frankly, insulting."

"Sustained. Council, again I remind you to stick to the facts."

"Yes, your honour. I have no further questions."

"Ms. Wright?"

"Nothing to add, Your Honour."

"Thank you, Miss Hathaway. You may step down."

Walking away, Rose resumed her seat. Knowing that Lissa would be next, she smiled and squeezed her hand. Watching her walk there with her head high, it was surprise that settled over me as I watched Victor fixate on her.

Why hadn't he said anything during Rose's testimony? Out of the two of us, he would have known that it would be easier to rile her than me, but there was only silence. What if, for all his effort, his threats were empty? What if he had merely been intent on tormenting us?

The false sense of security that began to fall over me felt a little premature and far too dangerous to rely on.

Asked a very similar line of questioning to Rose, Lissa answered with the same strong, confident conviction, but the faint tremor to her voice instantly roused the sympathy of those who listened to her. Hearing about her torture made those who had been horrified before, gasp with shock and compassion.

No one was immune to the genuine terror in her voice or the grief she still felt for having trusted a man that had so cruelly used her.

When the cross-examination had finally been completed, Lissa stepped down gracefully and returned to her seat. Comforted by Rose on one side and Christian on the other, she sighed and closed her eyes; refusing to look anywhere near Victor.

Unfortunately for all of us wanting to do the same, Victor was called next.

"Mr. Victor Dashkov. Please take the stand."

Strolling up to the podium, he smiled genially at the Judge as she scowled intolerantly and made him repeat the oath. Sitting, he awaited the prosecuting attorney with charm and ease as she read through her notes once more before addressing him.

"Mr. Dashkov, you stand here accused of plotting to kidnap and endanger a minor. For endangering other minors. For deliberately impeding a guardian in his duty. And wilfully convincing your own daughter to become a Strigoi in order to suit your agenda. Do you deny any of the charges?"

"No."

Answering without an ounce of remorse, Victor remained calm and unconcerned whilst the attorney seemed to take a deep breath to calm herself. She had no personal connection to any of us; had been hired at random, but her disgust in his indifference couldn't be faked.

"Why did you plot this, Mr. Dashkov? Why did you target an underage girl that trusted you? One that relied on you as a virtual member of her family after she tragically lost her own? Why did you exploit and harm her?"

Blinking curiously, Victor shifted slightly in his seat, but not in discomfort. "Why, I had no choice," he replied as though it was the most obvious answer in the world. "I was dying. No one was going to condone me openly experimenting with the Princess's powers. What would you have done in my place?"

Murmurs rustled through the courtroom again, but none of them were in agreement as Victor's actions continued to outrage.

"And you found coaxing your own daughter into turning Strigoi also necessary?" Attorney Wright demanded; ice coating every word as the outrage in the room turned to painful prickles of suspense.

Natalie Dashkov's turning had been an unforeseen play in Victor's game. Who among us would have ever expected him to convince his own child to give up her life to become a soulless monster?

"Natalie made that decision," he answered with a shrug, glancing over towards me as a reminder that _I_ had been the one to end that bad decision. The _molnija_ inked at the nape of my neck for her death would be one that itched uncomfortably for the rest of my life.

Barely able to look at Victor, Evangeline Wright shook her head. "Can you say that about everyone you used to meet your ends? Guardian Belikov and Miss Hathaway had no say in what you made them do?"

"Well," Victor smiled in less than secretive amusement. "That's a matter of opinion. I honestly don't think they minded. But if you have time after this case, Your Honour, you might want to consider trying a statutory rape case."

With those words, the false sense of security I had felt was so dangerous fell apart as easily as it had been put together.

Remaining unmoved, I didn't look away from the malicious glee in Victor's eyes as he took a gamble and called my bluff. Feeling the hangman's noose slip over my head and around my neck, I expected a dozen sets of accusing eyes to turn towards me, but there was no feel of them as they instead turned revolted eyes on Victor.

If he noticed them, he didn't pay them any attention as he continued to smirk and openly flaunt his disdain.

"Mr. Dashkov, this is _your_ trial. You will not derail it by slandering false accusations at any of your accusers, is that clear?" Searing him with a venomous glare, the Judge turned to the attorneys, but neither of them had any further questions to ask. Victor's knew when he had been assigned to the case that there was no hope and wasn't about to ruffle anymore feathers.

Turning to face the Queen, the Judge inclined her head as we all waited for the verdict. The tension in the room began to mount as she deliberated for a few minutes before finally casting judgement.

"Given the accuracy and consistency of the testimonies made by those directly involved in this case and Mr. Dashkov's own denial that any of the charges are untrue, made worse by his absolute lack of remorse or pity for his heinous actions, I can find only one verdict for this trial…guilty."

Rising whilst the tension in the room slowly diffused into relief, the Queen looked down her nose at Victor.

"For your crimes, you; Victor Alexandrovich Dashkov, will be sentenced to life imprisonment, without possibility of parole. You will be transferred to a maximum security prison within the hour, and as you sit in it for however long you have left to live, you can contemplate that your actions have consequences that you will have to pay for."

With a flick of her hand, the trial was over. Surrounding Victor, the guardians watched him carefully as he stood, smoothed his hands down the black satin of his waistcoat and tugged at the ends, smirking broadly.

Gratified that he would get what he deserved and that no one had taken his insinuations seriously, his unruffled, self-possessed demeanour troubled me. Knowing that he would be imprisoned at Tarasov – a special kind of Hell reserved for those who truly deserved it – should have alleviated some of my fear, but I knew Victor too well.

His manipulative nature wasn't going to simply lie down and accept his fate without a fight.

"Can you believe the crap he was sprouting?" Alan asked with wide eyes, standing as Alberta frowned, but said nothing. Looking at me for a long moment, she rose to talk to the prosecuting attorney. Puzzled by the look, I didn't have time to ponder it as Victor was led away. Passing by our group, we all circled Lissa as he actually had the audacity to stop and talk to her.

"Vasilisa, I trust you've been well."

Standing beside her, Rose bristled and pushed her slightly behind as Eddie did the same to her left. He couldn't do anything; not with his guardians hover over him, but I knew from personal experience that he could inflict damage with a single word.

"I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk, but I'm sure we will next time." Looking supremely comfortable that there would be a _next_ time, he nodded to her once before being prodded by the guardians and taken away.

Shivering, Lissa huddled towards Rose as Christian crossed to her, muttering as he looked at Rose. "He's crazy. I can't believe he said that stuff about you and Dimitri."

In the process of following Alberta out, I passed behind the pair and allowed, for a brief moment, for my relief to show. Rose echoed the sentiment before she turned her attention back to Lissa. Leaving them to adjust, we left the court as Alberta was stopped by one of the guardians who had met us on arrival.

Once in the cold, open air, I breathed deeply as the enormity of what we had just escaped hit me.

Free of the hangman's noose, the feeling of freedom was short lived as Alan continued to harp on about Victor when I would have preferred he not say anything at all.

"Did he really think that anyone would believe that you and Hathaway had a relationship that was anything but platonic? I mean, talk about grasping at straws to save his own skin." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Alan dug his hands into his jacket pockets as we crunched over the out outer courtyard towards guest housing.

"He was grasping at the wrong straws," Dustin slotted in grimly; his bushy brows pulled down heavily towards his nose. "I mean, _statutory rape_ …how sick is the man? To even suggest that is just despicable."

Laying a consoling hand on my shoulder, he tried to brush aside the remarks, all the while completely unaware of the tension growing uncomfortably in my body. "Don't worry about what he said, son. He was bound to try and divert the attention away from himself somehow…you just happened to be a convenient scapegoat. Try not to take it too personally."

"How could he _not_ take it personally?" Alan argued incredulously, slowing down as we entered housing; stomping the snow from our boots in the outer hallway. "That maniac publically accused him. In front of the _Queen_."

"Yes, but she didn't believe him; no one in that room believed him. They all knew what he was up to."

"Belief or not, Dustin, once something like that is out in the open; even if it _is_ a complete lie, you can't stop people from talking about it."

"Let them talk. Dashkov's on his way to Tarasov and Dimitri is a distinguished guardian. Within a month no one will even be talking about this trial and eventually, the name _Victor Dashkov_ will be nothing more than a distant, unpleasant memory."

Listening to the pair squabble over what should have been an argument that _I_ at least participated in, Alberta joined us. Frowning at them, she flicked the ice and water from her jacket and stamped her feet repeatedly to shake loose the caking.

"Hey, Dimitri, there was one thing about what Victor said in there about you and Hathaway that I wanted to ask you about –"

"Enough, Alan," Alberta interrupted sharply; her frown turning to a scowl. "What was said or done no longer matters; what we came here to do, we achieved. Victor will spend the rest of life paying for his crimes and we have a field experience to get back. Focus on that, please."

About to argue, Alan thought better of it as he saw her arch a brow before saying. "Guardian Hoffman just told me that our flight back to Montana has been delayed by a few hours because of storm over the Highland Mountain Range. Our new departure time is midnight. Until then, you're free to do as you please."

Walking into the lobby, she was approached by one of the attendants there. Moving past her, both Dustin and Alan headed to the lounge and the lure of hot coffee whilst I stood very still and watched her; grateful, but confused as to why she had cut Alan short.

Moving away after the conversation was over, Alberta gave me a long, measuring look as she walked out of sight; one that held her own secrets…and some of mine.

It reminded me uncomfortably of when I had been called into her office after flattening Stan. She hadn't made any clear remarks about the true nature of my relationship with Rose, but her undertone had been more than obvious. I had worried about it then; wondering if she knew more than I thought about us, but I had brushed it aside, certain that if she had, she would have spoken to me of it before.

Now, with that one look, I wasn't so sure she didn't know. It would make sense as to why she would have stopped Alan from looking too closely and asking too many questions.

Feeling the sense of newfound freedom leach from my body, I had to wonder: Rose and I had only just escaped the noose of one hangman, but with my carelessness, had I just created another?


	25. Chapter 25

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Hi all! Sorry it's taken so long to post the next chapter, but it's an important one for so many reasons and I wanted to make sure that I captured it all; not just for accuracy, but for the continuation of future events for my own storyline.

Fair warning, its long.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Five ~

"I need to ask you a question, Dimitri, and I want you to answer it honestly…is something going on between you and Rose Hathaway?"

Stoney silence filled the space that followed as the questioner sitting across from me grinned broadly whilst I watched him dispassionately and said nothing in return. Realising eventually that I was neither in the mood for his humour or going to answer his question, Konrad sighed and sank back into the plush armchair.

"Hey, you owe me, Belikov. The least you could do is humour me by answering my questions."

"When I find the amusement in them, maybe I will."

Shaking his head in disgust at my lack of cooperation and flat tone, Konrad took a large bite out of his muffin; chewing thoughtfully as he watched me whilst others milled around us in the lounge. Our party was due to leave in a little over an hour but none of us were keen to leave the warmth of guest housing as the weather since the end of the trial had steadily worsened.

"Don't worry about it, Dimitri," Konrad mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate chip, still determined to provoke me. "Nobody here would think any less of you if there _was_ something going on; Hathaway's hot."

"Enough, Konrad." I warned, raising an eyebrow as he grinned and took another bite.

"What?" He swallowed. "She is. I mean, yes, she's only seventeen," he continued on regardless; reckless mirth filled the green depths of his eyes as he sat forward. "But that's so close to eighteen. I'm sure they'll be lenient with you. They probably won't even throw you out."

"And you would be the expert on that, wouldn't you?" I reminded him softly.

Amusement fading slightly at the taunting reminder, Konrad sighed and gave up. "You never were any fun to bait, you know that?"

"That didn't stop you from trying though, did it?"

"Well, you can't say that I'm not persistent."

"Or delusional."

Wadding up the crumb-lined wrapper, Kon grinned broadly as he tossed it into the bin between us and dusted off his hands. "Delusional or not, I wouldn't let what Dashkov said get to you. It was a desperate attempt from a desperate man. Everyone I've spoken to agrees; none of them think you're capable of anything underhanded…you're too boring."

 _If you only knew, Konrad_ , I thought as I took a sip of cooling coffee, hiding my unease at the situation I now found myself in as he reached for another muffin.

The trial was over. Victor would be locked away in Tarasov for what remained of his life, and despite his attempts to circumvent that fate by exposing the lie that Rose and I had hidden for so long, we had somehow managed to escape unscathed.

Not a single soul in that Courtroom had believed him, and for that, I should have been grateful. I should have been relieved beyond words that Rose was safe and that neither of us would have our careers affected by his accusations, and I was, but the relief was overshadowed by something far stronger.

Guilt.

Lying under oath to protect not only Rose, but myself had been one thing, but by accepting the praise, trust and belief of others after the fact made me feel as though I was still living a lie…I felt as though I was still betraying the trust of them because I couldn't tell them that I didn't deserve it.

And what was worse, was now knowing with absolute certainty, that Alberta knew the truth.

Whilst none of the others might have suspected that Victor's claims were a last gasp attempt to discredit our testimonies, the look that Alberta had given me only hours ago when leaving the Court couldn't have meant anything else.

What I didn't know about that look was if it came with a different noose to the one that Victor had created for us…one that was far more dangerous, because we wouldn't be able to wriggle out of it this time.

There had been no direct confrontation from her – and I had expected there to be – but that didn't mean that Alberta wasn't biding her time; waiting for what she thought would be the right moment to approach me about it. If she did…if she asked me directly, I wouldn't lie to her. I admired her too much to treat her with anything other than the respect she deserved, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't still try and shield Rose in whatever way that I could.

If that meant taking action against me, then I wouldn't fight it or whatever else followed.

"That's what we told him earlier. Well, not the boring part, but the rest." Dustin grinned, pulling me away from my grim inner musings as he perched on the armrest of my chair and clapped me lightly on the shoulder. "But I know that he wasn't really listening because I can see that it's still worrying him."

"Of course it is," Alan chipped in with raised brows. Sitting across from us, he was drank from yet another cup of coffee. "Hell, Dustin, it would do the same to you. Being accused of something that outrageous isn't something you can just forget."

And forget was exactly what I wanted to do, but the conversation that Konrad had started and I wanted to end wasn't about to go away. I had already accepted that it would be talked about for weeks to come, and unfortunately – or maybe fortunately in my case – Alberta wasn't here to interrupt this version of it.

"Guardian Belikov?"

Turning to my right to face the concierge whose approach had been all but silent, the immaculately dressed Moroi smiled down at me almost apologetically for interrupting, but I couldn't say that I didn't return the sentiment.

"I apologize for the interruption, but guardian Petrov has just called down to the front desk. She asked that you see her in her room as soon as possible; it's 12b, on the second landing to the right of the main stairway." Turning with a polite smile and a nod, he walked away.

"What's that all about?"

Draining the last of my coffee, I stood and flicked out the folds of the duster around me and turned towards Konrad to answer him. "I don't know. Maybe some last minute arrangements that she wants me to take care of before we leave." I hedged; beginning to feel the unease I was expecting, but had hoped would come after we had returned to Montana.

Rising with me, Konrad checked his watch before picking up his coat. We had said our goodbye's earlier, but somehow he had managed to swop another of his shifts with whatever poor guardian he had sweet-talked in order to hound me over the trial and was due back on duty in ten minutes.

"Dimitri."

"Konrad."

Shaking hands, he grinned devilishly. "I'll be sending you my laundry. Remember to separate the white and colours, and don't shrink my unmentionables. They're tight enough already." Shaking my head in amused exasperation as Dustin and Alan laughed uproariously; I couldn't stop the answering grin as I turned on my heel and walked out of the lounge with the sound of their laughter following me.

Climbing the stairs swiftly and following the directions I had been given, I crossed the landing towards Alberta's room and knocked briskly with a calm, controlled motion of my fist…the action that belied what I felt inside as whatever amusement I might have felt in the lounge vanished with every step I took.

Opening a few seconds later, Alberta was on the phone. Gesturing for me to come in, she turned and walked back in the room on socked feet whilst she continued with her conversation…"Yes, I agree, Hans. It was an unfortunate set of events, one that none of us could have predicted. Hopefully the trial and Victor Dashkov's punishment will be warning enough for anyone thinking they could try the same thing…hmmm, that's true…yes, Dimitri Belikov and Rosemarie Hathaway."

Frowning as I realised that the conversation wasn't just about me, but Rose as well, I closed the door quietly and walked into the room; sidestepping Alberta's luggage as the grip of panic began to invade my muscles.

The person on the other end of the line was Hans Croft, head of the Guardian Council and a man who could single-handedly decide the fate of a guardian. I had no idea what the conversation was about, but considering that our names had been mentioned could either be very good…or very, very bad.

Breathing deeply and reminding myself that I had already made the decision that I would deal with whatever came next, I continued to listen…"I know she's young and has a reputation for being impetuous and somewhat rebellious, Hans, but I feel she would still be the best choice. I've known her since early childhood and her loyalty to Princess Vasilisa is unquestionable."

Swinging around to face me, Alberta's brow cocked as she listened to the reply…"Despite that, you can't ignore the advantages that the bond brings. I know she hasn't proven herself in the field experience yet, but for goodness sake, she kept herself, a fellow dhampir and two Moroi alive and killed both of her captors in the process. You can't overlook that."

Running her fingers through her short, messy hair, Alberta shook her head in exasperation. Obviously whatever point she was making wasn't getting through to Hans.

Feeling slightly intrusive for listening in, but unable to find it in myself to leave, I walked over to the window. Watching as the wind whipped and howled through the grounds, the rain had at least stopped, but it was it seemed to get colder by the minute.

…"Yes, she's young, but Belikov's experience will balance out her inexperience…She'll learn on the job when they're paired together just like the rest of us did…hmmm, I hear you….Yes, that is my professional recommendation….Of course, the decision is yours and the council's, but I think it would be foolish to ignore what's in front of you. Belikov and Hathaway make the perfect pair to be assigned to the Princess after graduation."

Feeling a twist in my stomach at her words, my panic began to slowly fade as the crush of disappointment replaced it. I had known this would happen, or at least, I had suspected it would and had thought that I was prepared for it, but actually hearing it confirmed out loud made me realise that I wasn't anywhere near ready for it.

By assigning Rose to Lissa, it would mean that she would be far guard to my near during the times that Lissa would need both of us. We would be on duty together; mere feet away from each other, but never able to anything other than protect Lissa.

When not on guard together, one of us would always be away from the other as more than just swinging shifts kept us apart…duty, sacrifice, loyalty, honour. They all conspired against us and were too powerful to fight all together.

Turning to face Alberta again, I rested against the wall beside the window and tried to reason with myself that this was for the best, that it was what Rose would want, but I couldn't. Sinking my hands into the duster's pockets to wait for her, the conflict raged within as to whether or not I should make the most of what little time I had left with Rose or start the isolation early.

"I understand your misgivings, Hans," Alberta continued on, oblivious to my inner turmoil. "Once the field experience has been completed, I will send you my detailed assessment…sure, that's sounds reasonable...You can't ignore the pedigree or the history either – Janine's track record started out a little uncertainly as well, and look at her…All right, I'll keep you informed. Thank you."

Ending the call, Alberta glared briefly at her phone before slipping into her back pocket and muttering to herself before glancing up at me.

"You know who I was talking to?"

"Hans Croft."

"Yes. He and the Council will meet early next month to start discussing the assignment of the novices after graduation."

"So early?"

"Hmmm…they still seem a little jumpy after that happened last year. I think they want things finalized as early as possible."

"You've recommended that Rose be assigned to Lissa after graduation."

"I have."

"Even though she hasn't proven herself yet in the field experience?" I pushed, wanting to hear that her faith in Rose wasn't just because of the bond. Alberta's seal of approval would be an important swing in Rose's favour with the council, but she was also putting herself at risk by recommending someone who had done nothing but stumble so far.

"You don't think she's proven herself already?" Alberta countered, watching me from eyes that were narrowed slightly and still closely guarded.

"I do; she proved that in Spokane, but it's your opinion that the council will want to hear."

"Yours will matter as much as my own. Obviously they won't make any firm decisions until after they've assessed the novices at trials, but you'll be called in to give your assessment of her before that."

"That's standard procedure?" I asked, having never trained another.

"For the most part, yes. Galina was called in to give her thoughts on you before you were assigned to Ivan Zeklos."

"Galina was a more experienced guardian that I am, Alberta." I pointed out, a little surprised that they would take my input so seriously. I had never felt as thought I had any influence, but that obviously wasn't the case. Maybe Rose had been right – if I _had_ spoken up about them being allowed to the trial, would they actually have listened?

"True, but they're not a panel of idiots." Sitting on the bed, Alberta began to pull on her boots; zipping up over the socks as she kept her head lowered. "The council like you, Dimitri. They consider you a model example of everything a guardian should be."

"I'm only doing my job, Alberta." I answered modestly, beginning to feel as though I had been over-anxious to see her.

"Exactly. You understand what that job entails perfectly and you also understand that it means sacrifice and that's not something that everyone is able to do. Especially if there is a conflict of loyalties that clouds that focus."

Suddenly attuned to the very subtle change in the conversation, I said nothing in response; waiting for what came next as my relaxed posture stiffened and the invisible rope slipped silently over my head and tightened around my throat.

Checking the fit of the boot, Alberta stood and adjusted the fold of the sock; continuing as I remained silent.

"But I know that that isn't something that I have to worry about with you. You're a very driven, dedicated guardian, Dimitri. You've always been able to stay focused on what needs to be done and I'm sure that you'll be able to keep Rose focused too on what really matters…protecting the last of the Dragomir's."

Straightening, Alberta briefly smiled at me before reaching for her jacket. Not waiting for my response; which was a good thing, because I didn't know if I could have answered her if I wanted to, she slung it over her shoulders and checked her watch, frowning enough to tighten the tanned skin across her brow.

"We're cutting it very close."

"Cutting what close?" I asked quietly, having to swallow repetitively against a dry, tight throat before I could speak.

"The reason I asked you up here in the first place. The Princess and Rose decided to use their extra time here to visit the spa." Shaking her head, Alberta smiled almost fondly through the visible exasperation she felt towards pointless pampering – especially for a novice.

"They were supposed to be back here twenty minutes ago, but have probably lost track of time. Could you go and fetch them, please? I've already phoned ahead, so they should be expecting you. I'll make sure your luggage, as well as their own, has been loaded and will send a car to fetch you in…twenty minutes or so? That should give you enough time to find them."

"Of course."

"Thank you, Dimitri. I know that I can always count on you. See you on the tarmac."

Turning away from me before I could flinch at the reminder, Alberta went about the last of her packing. Leaving as distractedly as I had arrived, I closed the door quietly behind me and started my way back down the stairs whilst I tried to sort through the chaos in my mind.

Alberta's warning – and it couldn't be misunderstood as anything else – wasn't something that I could ignore as I felt the noose begin to loosen, but remain around my neck. I would be a fool not to listen to her, not only because I knew she was right; Rose and I needed to focus only on Lissa if we were paired after graduation, but also because it was so apparent to her, how long would it take to become apparent to others…others, who wouldn't be as merciful?

The fear of discovery should have made my decision easy: start the isolation now, begin to distance myself from Rose so that when, and if, it became necessary, I could fool myself into thinking that it wouldn't hurt as much, but I had tried that before and it hadn't worked.

What reason did I have to think that it would this time?

Reaching the lobby, I bypassed the others, the waiting pile of luggage and the questions that I didn't want to answer, pushing through the door and into the cold. Shivering against the heavy buffet of the wind, my fingers dug deeper into the pockets of the duster as the iciness of indecision settled heavily into my chest.

Crossing the wide expanse of deadened grass and shrubbery lit brightly by the massive floodlights dotted around the grounds, the buildings looming were roughhewn with old sand and flag stone brought in from Eastern Europe when the facility was built.

Outwardly antiquated, I knew from Konrad that the townhouses, Royal housing and spa facility were internally ultra-modern and were a perfect balance of tradition and transformation that matched every building on the property.

Tucking my hair behind my ear, the wind whipped it about my face irritatingly. Reaching to the back pocket of my jeans, I found the woollen cap I had folded into it before leaving the lobby. Tucking the strands once more, I pulled on the cap.

Passing by younger shift guardians on my way into the spa, we exchanged nods of acknowledgement before they moved on, but not before I saw from the corner of my eye that they had turned to look back at me. They were at least respectful enough to wait until I was out of earshot to talk behind my back, but I had already accepted that I would be a topic of conversation for longer than I would want.

Turning the ornately fashioned handle, the heady combination of steam, acetone and shampoo was sucked out towards me and into the cold through the door as I opened it. Moroi – both guests and residences – didn't spare me a glance as they continued on with their treatments, but the receptionist seated behind a wide marble desk smiled politely at my entrance before standing.

"Hello, Guardian Belikov. Guardian Petrov told us to expect you."

Nodding, I looked around the room for Rose and Lissa, but they were nowhere to be found. Focusing again on the receptionist, she kept the same smile of friendly efficiency on her pale face as she answered my unspoken question.

"The Princess and her friend have already finished with their spa package. They were taken to see Rhonda."

"Rhonda?"

"Yes, she's our resident…fortune-teller."

Shelving for a moment the decision I knew I had to make – no matter how long I argued with myself over it for – I masked my surprise at the answer. Call them what you will; psychics, gypsies, clairvoyants, mediums, there had to be a certain level of belief or faith to what they offered in their predictions to ever truly work – and Rose Hathaway wasn't a believer.

"Was a visit to Rhonda part of the package the Princess booked?"

"No. It was suggested by one of the masseuses, Ambrose; Rhonda is his aunt. Princess Vasilisa's friend seemed sceptical and not interested in going, but the she was talked into it."

 _By Lissa, no doubt_ , I thought as it now made more sense. Asking for directions, I was pointed towards a narrow passage on the right. Thanking the receptionist, who said she would phone ahead and warn Suzanne that I was on my way, my footsteps echoed across the polished marble floors as I weaved my way through a maze of halls.

Reaching an unmarked door at the end of the third corridor, I knocked twice before entering. Finding a smaller room that resembled a waiting room with a few chairs placed neatly against the wall to my left. Another receptionist sat at a small desk to the side of a closed door.

"Are you Guardian Belikov?" The woman asked, running over me from head to toe with eyes that said she was interested in more than just knowing my name.

"I am," my brusque answer sounded in the small room. "I'm here for Princess Vasilisa and Rose Hathaway. They have flight to catch."

"Of course; Eleanor phoned ahead. They're both in with Rhonda now for their readings, but you're more than welcome to go in. They shouldn't be much longer."

Thanking her, I walked to the door and knocked politely. Opening it, the difference between the almost sterile settings of the waiting room and the interior of Rhonda's crimson chamber was jarring and a little disorientating. Draped from ceiling to floor in blood red furnishings, the influence of the Mediterranean Roma was very noticeable.

Finding Rose and Lissa sitting closest to the door on cushions placed precisely on a richly woven carpet of scarlet and gold, a young, shirtless dhampir man, presumably the nephew, Ambrose, sat on a matching sofa to their right. All of them turned to look at the intrusion with a range of emotions reflected on their faces in the dimmer glow of the room.

Lissa looked captivated by whatever her reading had predicted; Ambrose looked amused by whatever had been said as his gaze oscillated around the room and Rose…Rose looked completely and thoroughly disgusted.

The very epitome of a sceptic, Rose wasn't even able to disguise that for the sake of sitting through this for Lissa. Frowning at me now, she looked back down at the cards facing up and scowled deeply at them, as if she was offended by just looking at them.

"Ah, they said you were in here." I voiced softly, announcing my presence as I stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind me. Lissa smiled gently in greeting before looking down at the same cards Rose was still glaring at and Ambrose stretched his bare arms over the back of the sofa; smiling broadly and perfectly at ease.

Having heard enough about him and his…popularity from Konrad, I could understand his carefree attitude, though it wasn't him that captured my attention.

Sitting across from Rose and Lissa was a woman far younger than I had expected. Traditionally practicing diviners were older, but Rhonda looked to be in her forties. Dressed conservatively in black, there were no jangling earrings, rattling bracelets or burning sticks of incense to be found anywhere…how disappointing it must have been to Rose to find that she fit none of the stereotypes.

Viewing me as intensely as I was her, the dark eyes seemed to pierce me as easily as Alberta's usually did when she knew more than I was saying – they both shared the ability to see what was in front of them and look far deeper.

It was a gift they had in common with my grandmother.

Lowering my head in a gesture of respect at her abilities; abilities that others might scoff at, but ones that I had been taught to take seriously and appreciate, I felt a moment of unease as Rhonda continued to watch me with unblinking eyes.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," I interrupted anyway, fighting against a sudden urge to look away. "But I need to bring these two to their flight."

Reaching forward, Rhonda gathered Rose's discarded cards from the carpet and began to expertly reshuffle them; her soul-seeking eyes never waiver from my face. "There's nothing to apologize for. But maybe you've got time for a reading of your own?"

Normally it wouldn't have been an issue; I was familiar with the patterning of the tarot cards as well as their meanings, but for some reason, her giving me a reading felt too personal…too intrusive. Aware that I had four sets of very curious eyes on me, I relented after a few seconds and nodded politely in acceptance.

Folding my legs beneath me, I sat beside Rose as Rhonda finished shuffling. Closing her eyes briefly, she drew three from the pack and dealt them; turning them face-side up in front of me with slow, careful precision as I felt a twist of recognition in the pit of my stomach and the answering chill that slide down my spine.

Firstly, The Knight of Rods – a card that signified a man of honourably intentions; strongly driven and determined to succeed. Secondly, The Wheel of Fortune – a card that carried two meanings determined by the position of their markings and meant a turning point; that could either be very good, or very bad as the Wheel continued to spin. And last, the Five of Cups – a card that meant loss and the difficulties of dealing with that loss.

All three of them were eerily accurate.

That the Knight was me was clear. My determination to honour my duty was a strongly driving force. The Wheel and it's ever spinning Fortunes signified the crossroads of my life as I tried to decide on how I would act, but it was the last card that was the most telling.

The Five of Cups and the loss that it represented to me was obviously Rose.

I wouldn't lose her physically, but I would lose her to duty…and to Lissa. It was only more proof of what Alberta had said before, and should have finally decided for me, by fate wasn't simply determined by cards, and neither would my decision be.

Rhonda glanced up at me briefly before returning to study the cards again from narrowed eyed. Her reading was brief, but it only confirmed what I already knew. "You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can." Tracing a polished nail in ruby read around wheel, she looked up at me again, only this time her eyes were strangely shuttered. "The wheel is turning, always turning."

Aware of what she was saying; that everything was changeable, and that it was in my own hands to shape the path of my destiny, I inclined my head once again in respect of a trade that was a dying art form and thanked her.

Nodding in response, Rhonda said no more as she turned the cards upside down and shuffled them into the pack again, frowning at them as we rose and looked down at her. Taking a step back, my hands found their way into the pockets of the duster again as Ambrose joined us. Standing close to Rose, a little too close for my liking, his lips stretched into that same broad grin.

"Don't worry about the fees for Rhonda, Rose; I'll sort it out with Suzanne later."

"No," Lissa protested, looking down at Rhonda, who still had the same troubled expression. "We can't do that. Please, let me pay."

"Honestly, this one is one me, Your Highness. It was worth it." Winking down at Rose, I watched her reaction closely, but she only cocked a brow when he teased her. "Worth it to see you think twice about your fate."

Opening the door, I ushered Lissa out into the waiting room as Rose snorted at Ambrose. "No offense, but those cards didn't make me think much about anything." Listening to him laugh at her answer, I had to wonder at what conversation had started this off. Nodding to the receptionist, we were about to reach the outer door when Lissa suddenly stopped and walked briskly back toward Rhonda. Rose followed after as I listened from the door and Ambrose leant over the receptionist desk.

Hearing her ask about what element Rhonda specialised in, I suddenly realised why Lissa had been so determined to see her. It had nothing to do with a reading, and everything to do with the hopes of finding other Spirit users. Hearing that it was Air, I could almost feel her disappointment from where I stood. Closing the door behind her, she sighed and shrugged as Rose rubbed between her shoulders consolingly.

Checking the time, I opened the outer door, eager to leave. "We need to hurry; the car should already be waiting."

"What about our luggage, Dimitri?" Rose asked, looping her arm through Lissa's as we left the waiting room and walked quickly through the warren of corridors and out into the main reception area. This time those milling around did take notice, but it was Lissa they stared at. Noticing the attention, Rose tightened her arm and moved protectively closer to her.

"Guardian Petrov has already arranged for your bags to be collected." Opening the door for them, I saw over my shoulder that the SUV was waiting. "They'll be in the car." Escorting them out, both of them shivered violently against the cold brace of the wind. Pulling away as soon as the door was closed, we were on the tarmac within minutes.

"Oh, there's Christian." Lissa announced happily, looking out the dark tint of the window as the car stopped a little away from the plane. Grabbing her bag from the empty seat beside me, she was out the SUV before Rose and I could move.

Shaking her head, Rose reached for her own bag, but I was faster; slinging hers and mine together over my shoulder. Opening the door, I stood on the tarmac and waited for her as she eyed me strangely. Handing over her bag, we walked together toward the plane and the rest of our party in silence; Alberta stood with her back towards us, and was on her phone.

"Are you still thinking about what Rhonda said? That woman's a total scam."

"Why do you say that?" I asked, disguising my chuckle of amusement at her words with the clearing of my throat.

It was strange having someone who knew me so well…someone that I had known for so little a time, yet could understand what exactly what I said – and what I didn't say. She could see that I was lost in thought and that it was Rhonda's prediction that had caused my preoccupation, but she could never truly know why.

"Because she didn't tell us anything!" Rose complained with loud disgruntlement. "You should have heard my future. It was, like, one sentence stating the obvious. Lissa had a better fortune, but it wasn't really anything that profound. Rhonda said she'd be a great leader. I mean, seriously, how hard is that to figure out?"

"Would you be a believer if she'd given you a more interesting reading?"

"Maybe if it was good." Rose replied and this time I couldn't hide the laughter. Smiling up at me, the generous curve of her mouth straightened a little. "But you're taking it seriously. Why? You really believe in that kind of stuff?"

Shivering a little against the cold draught sweeping beneath the cap, I pulled it lower down before answering her. "Its not so much that I believe…or that I don't believe. I just respect people like her. They have access to knowledge that other people don't."

Growing up in a household that not only encouraged, but embraced the unique gift of foresight, I was more open-minded than most. Not exactly superstitious, I had to concede that there were something's that were unexplainable in this life…something's that defied logic or understanding.

"She not a spirit user, though, so I'm not really sure where she's getting this knowledge. I still think she's a con artist."

"She's a _vrajitoare_ , actually.

Tucking a strand of lose hair behind her ear, Rose threw me a confused look. "A…a what? Is that Russian?"

"Romanian. It means…well, there's no real translation. 'Witch' is close, but that's not right. Their idea of a witch isn't the same as an American's. My grandmother was like Rhonda. That is, she practiced in the same kind of arts. Personality-wise, they're very different."

"Your grandmother was a…v-whatever?" Rose waved almost dismissively at the word, watching me with wide eyes.

"It's called something else in Russian, but yes, same meaning. She used to read cards and give advice too. It was how she made her living."

Looking more sceptical by the moment, I half expected Rose to say something, but she seemed to bite her tongue. "Was she right? In her predictions?"

"Sometimes." I admitted, my eyes following the movements beyond us over Rose's head as my ears picked up the complaints. Adrian was grumbling about not being allowed to board; Alberta frowned at him and seemed to take more effort than normal to control herself. Walking away from him, she approached the co-pilot checking the landing gear. She didn't spare a glance in our direction.

Glancing down at Rose again, she still watched me as carefully, but with a dubious look on her face that I recognized all too well. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" she queried innocently.

"You've got this look on your face that says you think I'm delusional, but you're too nice to say anything."

"Delusional kind of harsh," she grinned. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I never expected you to buy into this stuff."

"Well, I grew up with it, so it doesn't seem that strange to me. And like I said, I'm not sure I buy into it 100 percent."

"I never thought of you as having a grandmother either. I mean, obviously, you'd have to. But still…it's jut weird to think about growing up with one. Was it weird having a witch grandma? Scary? Was she always, like, threatening to cast spells if you were bad?"

Shaking my head as a grin crept across the cold muscles of my face, I looked down at Rose with more of the indulgence that seemed to apply to her. "Most of the time she just threatened to send me to my room."

Frowning, Rose cocked a brow. "That doesn't sound so scary to me."

"That's because you haven't met her." _And probably never would_ , I thought with more than just a touch of regret.

"Is she still alive?"

"Yeah. It'll take more than old age to kill her off. She's tough. She was actually a guardian for a while."

"Really? So she gave it up to become a – uh, to stay with her kids?" Rose corrected quickly, having recovered from her surprise and jumping, as usual, to the wrong conclusion about the roles that dhampirs played outside of guarding.

"She has very strong ideas about family," I explained. "Ideas that probably sound kind of sexist to you. She believes al dhampirs should train and put in time as guardians, but that the woman should eventually return home to raise their children together."

"But not the men?"

Grinning wryly, I shook my head. "No. She thinks men still need to stay out there and kill Strigoi."

"Wow," Rose admitted. "You were the one who had to go. The women in your family kicked you out."

Noticing over her shoulder that the cabin crew had appeared at the top of the stairs and were about to let us board, I glanced down at her again and laughed more at the expression on her face than that actual question.

"Hardly. My mother would take me back in a second if I wanted to come home." Hiding the melancholy of homesickness I felt when talking about Siberia, Rose seemed to notice it anyway as her expression softened, but her attention shifted as Alberta called for us to board.

Following after Rose, Adrian had already seated himself and was complaining loudly that we should have taken off already by. Smirking up at Rose as she passed, she arched a disparaging brow before moving further down the aisle and to the left but he wasn't about to be ignored as he swivelled in his seat to watch her; drinking deeply from a clear liquid that reeked of expensive Vodka.

"Come on," he called loudly, having already started drinking elsewhere it sounded like as his words began to slur. "Let's get going. I need enough time to drink before we land or else my hangover isn't going to form…at this rate, it'll avoid me altogether."

"Oh, yeah?" Rose retorted dryly, crossing her legs and fidgeting with her dark leggings. "Maybe your hangover has met you before."

Heading towards the same seat I had taken on the flight in, Alberta was the last to board as she sat across the aisle from me and didn't see the small smile playing around the corners of my mouth at Rose's pithy comment. Shrugging out of the duster, I folded it over the headrest and pulled off the cap before running my fingers through the strands and tucking them and settling back into the seat.

Buckling up as the sign glowed brightly to life; I could see Adrian grin widely at Rose from the corner of my eye as Christian snickered quietly from behind us; more than willing to challenge her remark.

"Yeah, they probably do know me really well. The real question is…how well would _you_ like to know me?

"Not nearly as well as you would want."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"I thought you were the wild and uncontrollable dhampir of St Vlad's…why not be a little reckless now and try a little Adrian?"

Arching a brow dryly, Rose smiled sweetly before leaning towards Adrian. "Because it's always drunk and would probably poison me."

Draining the last of his drink, Adrian winked at her. "You know what they say…you'll never know until you try."

"For the record, I've also never tried drinking sewage and yet I already know that I don't want to…same thing applies to you."

"Rose," Alberta called warningly over her shoulder without turning as the chuckles from behind us grew louder. Rolling her eyes, Rose settled back and glared briefly at Adrian before turning to talk to Lissa at her right.

"Is it safe enough to fly in this weather?" I heard Lissa ask with quiet uncertainty in her voice as the plan was buffeted around by the heaving wind.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," I answered her softly; twisting in my seat to face her. "The pilots are experienced enough to know when it's safe or not and by the time we land, the ground-staff would have prepared safely for our arrival. We'll be out of the weather soon, Princess."

"You're Siberian; Belikov…shouldn't this weather make you feel at home?"

Thick with scorn, Adrian's drunken drawl scraped roughly over my nerves as I briefly caught his eye. "I mean, there must be something else to the Godforsaken place besides the weather. My Uncle loved it there, used to go all the time when I was a kid."

Knowing that I shouldn't engage, especially when he was in this kind of mood, I found myself wanting to defend my homeland, but I didn't have the chance to as Lissa, seeing that Rose was about to rant, changed the subject.

Talking about her visit to the Queen and her offer to send her to Lehigh after graduation, it wasn't surprising information. Lehigh was closely monitored by the Moroi, with a number of them actually attending. It was a small campus to control and would have less security concerns, but as Lissa continued to talk, I could hear the disappointment that she might not be able to attend a bigger campus.

She wanted the freedom, but she also knew that it would be a nightmare from a security standpoint. That was where Rose would step in. I couldn't follow Lissa around into classes the way I could here without raising suspicions from the human students, but Rose could.

That was why it was so important that she got through the field experience and trial at the end of the year without any further incident.

Five minutes later our take off was smooth, despite the deteriorating weather and the turbulence we experienced. Listening to the mechanical groan of the landing gear being raised, it was interrupted by a low groan of pain from behind me.

Recognizing the sound, my head swivelled around as Alberta's did the same; both of us watching Rose as she grimaced in her seat and pressed the palms of her hands over her forward. "Son of a bitch," she gritted out from between clenched teeth.

"You're sick again?" Lissa asked worriedly. At Rose's nod; which seemed to increase the grimace of pain, Lissa leaned towards her over the aisle. I wanted to join her, but with Alberta this close, it would be needlessly stupid.

"Have you always had trouble flying?" Adrian drawled from the seat in front of her; his glass once again full as he sloshed about more translucent liquid. Having already forgotten their previous argument it seemed, he viewed her strangely…like he was seeing her, but at the same time, not.

"Never. Damn it. I don't want to go through this again."

Wrapping her fingers around Rose's wrist, the pale, understated pink of Lissa's nails clashed with the bold gold statement of Rose's. "Maybe you should go and see Doctor. Olendzki for a check-up when we get back. You've never reacted to flying like this before and she can do the scans there, you know she can."

Snorting at the suggestion, Rose shook her head once before wincing again. "Lissa, I spend enough time in that infirmary as it is. I'm not about to voluntarily go back in there if I can help it."

"Rose…"

"Enough, Liss. I'm fine," she interrupted, before suddenly raising her head to glare at Lissa through pain-narrowed eyes at whatever communication had passed through the bond. "Don't even think about it, Lissa. You know that it didn't work the last time, so stop wasting your time."

"But…"

"But nothing. It's only a headache; there's nothing life threatening about it."

"Stubborn," Lissa muttered whilst Rose smiled a very, very small smile to comfort her. Brushing aside her hair, Lissa stroked her finger along the length of her cheek. Resting back against the seat, Rose closed her eyes as her natural complexion continued to pale from the pain.

Sitting back against my own seat, but not restfully, I kept an eye on her peripherally, but she eventually dozed off. With a lingering stroke, Lissa sat back but watched her closely with a frown as the conversation around her died down; her facial features twitched occasionally, the only outward sign that her sleep was restless.

Lights dimming inside the cabin, the stewardess gently covered her with blanket as Adrian sat back down, but he glanced back occasionally with a frown of concern transforming the normally carefree contours of his face whilst his glass was steadily drained.

"This is concerning me," Alberta spoke quietly from shadows beside me.

"What is…Rose?" I answered just as softly, having an excuse to look back at her fully without having it seem out of place.

"Yes. Her behaviour of late has been so strange. All the fumbling with the field experience and now these strange headaches. I think maybe Lissa has a point; perhaps it would be a good idea for Rose to see the Doctor when we land."

"She'll put up a fight."

"Then I'll have to insist."

Nodding, I folded my hands over my stomach and stretched my legs, not wanting to admit to her that I was equally concerned. For some reason, the fortune that Rhonda had spun for me kept echoing faintly in my head.

Trying my best to ignore it, I tried to think of a way to get Rose to the infirmary once we had landed that didn't involve throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her there, but I wasn't able to come up with anything as the hours of the flight wore on.

Hitting turbulence south of the academy about an hour before we were scheduled to land, we were all jostled about as the seat-belt sign flashed brightly above us. Having been woken up by the jolting motion, Rose groaned and stretched, instantly putting a hand to her head. Lissa leaned towards her again with more than just concern on her face.

Worried, I was about to go to her when the flight attendant called to Alberta.

"Guardian Petrov?"

"What's wrong?" Alberta asked, alerted instantly by the frown of worry on her face as she almost apologetically explained.

"An ice storm just blew through the area. We can't land at St. Vladimir's because the runway isn't accessible with the ice and the winds. We need fuel, however, so we're going to land at Martinville Regional. It's a small airport a few hours away by car, but they weren't as affected as much. Our plan is to land there, refuel, and then fly into the Academy once they've cleared the runway. It's less than an hour by air."

Scowling, Alberta checked her watch before sighing as the groans of protesting dhampir and Moroi alike filled the cabin from behind us. "Well, it's not ideal, but I suppose if we have no other choice, then Martinville it is. How long are they predicting the storm will last for?"

"With the speed of the winds, not much longer than an hour and a half; that's there best guess. The tower will keep us informed on its progress as it moves West and we'll be on our way as quickly as we can once its safe."

"Thank you."

Tossing aside the paperwork she had been reading over, Alberta ran her fingers through her short hair and closed her eyes. She didn't like the fact that we had been away from the Academy for longer than she had expected and this just pushed us further behind schedule.

Eyeing Rose, she groaned and stretched; tossing aside the blanket as she fastened her belt at her waist before leaning forward to view through the window, grimacing at the storm outside. Beginning our descent through the rumbling clouds lit by flashes of lighting, the touchdown was anything but smooth, but the pilots again got us safely landed.

Unbuckling, I leaned forward over my knees; listening to the engines whine as they powered down and rubbing at the back of my neck when I heard a gasp, followed by a groan and a rapidly sucked-in gulp of air that stuck in the throat in shuddering wheezes.

Whipping around and looking over my shoulder, I saw Rose double over as she clutched at her temples. Keening in agony, her face contorted into ashen pain as she rocked back and forth in her seat before recoiling so swiftly she was on her set whilst still being held fast by her seatbelt.

"Rose…Rose?"

Stretching across the aisle, Lissa tried to reach her; her eyes widened in frightened panic, but Rose waved her hands wildly in front of her, as if trying to ward her off. Scrambling so frantically at the buckle for the belt that her nails scrapped and tore against the metallic clasp, Rose's pupils dilated so widely that I couldn't find see any of her iris.

Freeing herself, she plastered her back to the moulded interior of the plane and continued to throw her arms out defensively; tears rolling down her white cheeks as she cringed and sobbed.

Moving only slightly faster than Lissa, and driven by fear, I was out of my seat and at Rose's side a few seconds before she was. Reaching for her, she batted at my hands with none of her usual co-ordination…like she was hitting out at something that wasn't really there. Screaming a moment later, Rose threw herself back and covered her face with her arms, shrieking from behind them.

"Make them go away! Make them go away!"

"Rose!" I barked hoarsely; my voice locked tightly with fear as her spine-chilling screams filled the shocked silence of the plane; my hands shaking as I tried to restrain her. "Rose! What's going on…talk to me, Roza? Rose…Rose!"

Freezing for a moment as my fingers locked around her upper arms, the unmistakable fear in her eyes began to fade as I leaned over her, only noticing then that I was panting in my panic; the sweat of fear slicking my back grew colder by the second as my blood chilled.

Watching as all recognition disappeared from the eyes that were all pupil, Rose struggled for a few seconds longer before her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Gasping in fright, I clutched her tighter as she went lax and began to slump to the side, giving way to unconsciousness. Lunging forward, I caught her fully and cradled her limp body to my own.

Checking frantically for a pulse, what I found was weak and thready, but it was at least there.

"Rose!" Lissa cried from beside me; her own hands shaking badly as she tried to push the hair away from her face; her fingers stroking against cold cheeks. "Rose, please wake up…please," she begged with soft sobs, her tears soaking into the shoulder of my t-shirt.

Shaking badly, I curled an arm beneath her and cradled her head against my shoulder. Brushing aside tendrils of hair from her face, I cupped her chin and turned her to face me; breathing over her in a rasp. "Rose…Rose, wake up! Rose!"

"Dimitri…Dimitri!"

Glancing up only when I felt Alberta's commanding hand on my shoulder, I don't know what she read in the anguished expression on my face, but her own softened more than I had ever seen. It wasn't exactly acceptance, but neither was it condemnation.

Squeezing my shoulder, she nodded towards the front of the plane and the thickly carpeted walkway. "Lay her down here, Dimitri."

Nodding, I rose unsteadily on legs that shook, locking my knees into place as the others gathered made way. Walking through the throng of concerned faces, I crouched and placed Rose gently down on the carpet, cradling her head for a moment before brushing aside strands of hair sticking to her clammy face.

Cradling her wrist and keeping my fingers on her weak pulse, Lissa sank to her knees on the other side of Rose; her shaking fingers searching for the same thing as the tear slowly continued to drip from her chin and onto the carpet. Christian knelt next to her with Eddie hovering over them with Dustin and Alan peering over his shoulder.

All of them wanted to help, but none of them knew what to do and didn't want to get in the way.

Alberta spoke quietly to the air hostess who was almost as white as Rose. She fidgeted with a small first-aid kit, but there wasn't anything in there that would help. I could hear them talking, but the words meant nothing.

The only thing that mattered was the unconscious girl at my feet.

Feeling the sweeping motion and the soft whoosh of air as a blanket was flicked out over Rose; I glanced up as Adrian covered her with the one that had fallen to the floor during her ordeal. Not so much as glancing in my direction, he knelt next to me and tucked in the sides of the blanket, very worried and suddenly very, very sober.

"We can't take her to any of the local clinics or hospitals; taking blood work would be disastrous. Is there anyway we can push through the storm to the academy without being diverted?"

"No, Guardian Petrov," I heard the stewardess reply to Alberta's question. "It's just too dangerous right now to land. We can cut our refuelling time at Martinsville, but not by much. We don't have of a choice here. I'm sorry."

"All right. I understand. Thank you."

"Is there anything else I can get her?"

"Another blanket, please. That's as much as we can do until we get back to the Academy."

"Of course."

Retrieving another blanket from the small linen cupboard, it was unfurled and draped lightly over Rose. Tucking in the edges with Adrian on one side, Christian did the same on the other with Lissa trying to help, but her fingers were still locked around the wrist closest to her.

Closing her eyes, she sniffed and wiped at her nose with the embroidered sleeve of sweater before her weeping started up again. Breathing deeply in jerking, heaving sobs, Lissa kept squeezing Rose's arm. It took me a moment before I realised what she was trying heal her, but she remained unresponsive.

"Liss…Lissa, stop. Stop it! That's not helping. Don't drain yourself."

"But it should work. Why isn't it working? It's the medication, I know it is. It's somehow affected my powers. This should work; I should be able to heal her…help her, but the meds. This is my fault, Christian."

"Stop it! It's not your fault," Christian ordered as Lissa became more distraught. "Your meds haven't done anything to your powers, you know that. What's happened to Rose is something else. You can't fix anything. Stop blaming yourself."

"But…"

"But nothing. Rose is strong; she'll be fine. Right, Dimitri?"

Glancing numbly at Christian, he was looking to me for a reassurance I couldn't give him or Lissa, because I didn't know if what I was saying would be the truth of not. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't know what was wrong with Rose or what had caused it…and I didn't know if she as fine as Christian was saying she would be.

Keeping my fingers lock around her wrist and her frail pulse; my only anchor to her weak life-force, the still trembling fingers of my free hand tucked the blanket around her neck. Still unnervingly pale, the sweat from before had dried and left behind skin that was cold to the touch as I smoothed her hair back gently from her face.

Forcing myself to focus on signs of life – the barely perceptible movement of her chest moving by the movement of her lungs, the pulse of her blood pumping through her veins from her strong heart – instead of the terror that threatened to cripple me, there was only one thought in my head…one thought that kept repeating itself louder and louder and louder every time it echoed through my consciousness.

… _You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can…_

I tried to reason around it, tried to tell myself that it didn't mean anything: Rose was young and strong, that this was something that could be explained…some medical condition that could be cured, but Rhonda's words only continued to repeat and for a brief moment, they mingled with those of Victor's in his cell.

I had thought I would lose Rose to Lissa and the Moroi, but now, I wasn't so sure that I wouldn't lose her to something else; something that would take her from me more permanently than duty…


	26. Chapter 26

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Hi everyone…Happy Easter! Thank you so much for the reviews for Chapter Twenty-five; they were really great.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Six ~

"Okay, let's check blood pressure one last time."

Strapping on the cuff, Dr. Olendzki increased the pressure to Rose's limp arm before checking the dial, letting it deflate and gently lowering it. Nodding more to herself than to either Alberta or I, she unstrapped the Velcro hold with a rapid tearing noise that was harshly loud in the quiet of the Academy's infirmary.

"Now pupillary reflexes." Lifting back a pale lid, the Doctor took out a small torch from her pocket and waved it back and forth so that the pupil contracted and then swiftly dilated. Satisfied by the reaction, she checked her pulse; timing it on her narrow wristwatch for a minute.

Listening one last time to her breathing, the Doctor sighed before hanging the Stethoscope around her neck. Turning to where we stood at the foot of Rose's bed, she frowned down at her before shaking her head in clear bafflement.

"Well, apart from the fact that Rose has been unconscious for the better part of eight hours, I can't find anything wrong with her. Her vitals are stable; her blood work is normal and her scans show up as clear. Physically, she's perfectly healthy and is in excellent shape."

"So then why hasn't she woken up yet?" Alberta demanded baldly, beating me to the question. Her tone was outwardly brisk, but I knew she was worried about Rose and it showed outwardly as irritation.

"I can't tell you why because none of this makes any medial sense to me...any sense at all!" Hanging onto the ends of the Stethoscope, Leonora Olendzki's wide hazel eyes swept assessing over Rose's still form from behind small-framed glasses.

"Go through the chain of events for me again, Guardian Petrov. You said that she started with the headaches on the flight to Pennsylvania, yes? Okay, then what happened during her time at Court? What did she do, who did she see, what did she eat or drink?"

Only half aware of the answer's Alberta was giving to the Doctor's rapidly asked questions, I moved fractionally closer to the unconscious girl lying so still in the bed before ordering myself to stop for the dozenth time since being allowed into the room.

Fingers twitching at my side, I wanted to reach out to Rose and feel the vitality of her pulse beneath my fingers…a way of reassuring myself that even in unconsciousness, she was still alive, but I couldn't. I hadn't been able to control my actions on the plane – actions born from emotions of fear and loss, but I had to practice more restraint here.

Listening faintly as their voices became muted background noise, I relived my own version of the past few hours…

Landing at the Academy's airstrip almost two hours after we had been forced to divert to Martinsville Regional to avoid the storm, the time spent between the tarmac and in the air were hours that I would sooner never live through again.

Frantic beyond nearly all reason or caution, I had stayed at Rose's side whilst the plane was refuelled as the pilot fought to land safely against the persistence of the ice-storm. Lissa, still trying desperately to heal what she couldn't, had remained with me whilst the rest of our party had hovered uncertainly around us; wanting to help, but unable to.

Alberta – having recovered from her own shock far quicker – had taken charge with the efficiency that I was incapable of. Making certain that Lissa was safely buckled into her seat before we had taken off; she had left me alone with Rose on the floor to protect her against the jostling turbulence of the return landing.

Once on the tarmac, I hadn't waited for any discussion about the best course of actions. Scooping Rose carefully up into the cradle of my arms, I had left the plane and loaded her gently into the waiting SUV with the others following.

Reaching the upper campus a few minutes later, I had been out of the car at a flat run towards the infirmary before anyone could stop me. Lissa had followed after, struggling to keep up at my pace as the heavy clouds kept the sunshine of midday weak and diluted.

Whilst I might have felt a sliver of relief that medical attention was within reach, all I could think about was the last time I had run to the medical clinic with an unconscious Rose Hathaway in my arms. She had no internal injuries or broken bones from an encounter with a newly turned Natalie Dashkov this time, but the fear was no less sharp.

Shouting hoarsely for the Doctor, the nurses on duty had frozen at our appearance, but seeing that it was Rose in my arms – and knowing of her history with life-threatening events – had quickly recovered and taken her from me; asking me rapidly what had happened as the Doctor had arrived.

Reluctant to have her out of my arms, it had only been Dr. Olendzki's reassurance that she would be taken care of that had convinced me to let her go.

Left standing alone in the waiting room as Rose was wheeled away on a gurney, the others had arrived shortly after and the waiting had begun. Christian had sat Lissa down on one of the plastic chairs, curled an arm around her and had tried to keep her calm, comforted and in her seat. Adrian had sat a few chairs away, uncharacteristically withdrawn. Eddie had come to me; standing at my side as we both looked towards the examination rooms; his expression as troubled as what I imagined my own was.

Alberta had appeared with Alan and Dustin in tow before she had sent them back to housing with our luggage and left herself shortly after, telling me that she would be back to look in on Rose after checking in with Gregor.

Nodding almost numbly in response to this, I hadn't bothered to look at her. Her earlier warning disguised as a friendly piece of advice all but forgotten in the wake of waiting to find out what had gone so horribly wrong with Rose.

Eventually the results from the tests had begun to come in and with every one that had been clear, the waiting room had begun to empty. Left with only Lissa at the end, Alberta had re-joined us in time for the Doctor to give us her final diagnosis…one that Alberta had found as frustrating as I had.

Arguing with the Doctor, she had eventually relented and agreed to re-run the tests, but had warned they wouldn't give us anything useful. Lissa had stayed with us but eventually Alberta had coaxed her into leaving. Reluctant, she had only agreed after I had promised to find her the minute Rose woke up.

"Belikov? Belikov?!" Alberta called out, pulling me away from the past and forcing me to focus. "Do you remember Rose eating anything out of the unusual?"

"No. Not that I can think of, Guardian Petrov."

Frowning at Dr. Olendzki, the practitioner shrugged her shoulders, seemingly at a loss. "I asked Rebecca to rerun her blood work earlier. The toxicology report should be done by now, but the count will take a little longer. I'll go see if it's picked up anything different this time. In the meantime, can you go to the front desk, there's paperwork that needs to be filled in."

Nodding, Alberta walked out with the Doctor, but paused for a second at the threshold of the door to allow her out first. Looking over her shoulder as I heard Dr. Olendzki walk down the hallway, Alberta asked quietly. "Is there any way that Victor could have...?"

Understanding at once, I shook my head. "No. I didn't let her near him and he didn't try and touch her. Besides, if it had been Victor, it would have affected her before the trial, not after. It makes no sense for it to be delayed."

"Mmmm."

Leaving without another word, Alberta closed the door behind her. Forcing myself to wait a few seconds as my ears focused on her footsteps fading down the hallway, I turned the handle of the door very quietly and opened it a fraction to listen for anyone approaching the room.

Knowing that I shouldn't be doing this; that it was irresponsible if I was caught and dangerous for more than just myself, the need to be careful suddenly didn't seem as important as I turned towards Rose and walked to her side.

Propped up slightly by the raised incline of the mechanised bed, she lay perfectly still beneath the clinic beddings pulled up to her collarbone. Head turned slightly to her right; her arms had been placed at her sides. Attached to the inside of her left elbow was an IV line with fluids for hydration; the needle imbedded in pale flesh and vein.

Sitting carefully on her right side, I reached up to brush aside the stands of hair still sticking to her forehead. Her skin was no longer clammy, but it was still too pale. Tucking the stands behind her ear and into the messy gathering to the side, I clenched them together tightly for a moment when they shook.

Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply for a few moments before turning my hand and slowly running the back of it over her cheek, jawbone and the satin-smooth skin of her throat. Fingers lingering over the pulse, it was no longer weak or thready.

Cupping her face, my thumb coasted slowly of her bottom lip as I felt the gentle puffs of air exhaling through her nose. Tucking the blankets more securely around her, I picked up her right hand; placing it between my own. Tracing my fingers over the raised blue of the veins beneath her skin, I followed them into her fingertips.

Finding what remained of jagged nails once painted burnished gold; the smooth coating had been chipped away and broken when Rose had scrambled so frantically to free herself from her seatbelt.

Following the path of the vein from the hand as it meandered down into the fragility of a wrist that I knew was strong, it disappeared beneath sleek flesh and toned muscles…muscles that I had helped to hone and harden in the months spent training, yet for all their strength, they hadn't been able to protect Rose when she had needed them the most.

And neither had I.

"Roza…wake up, please."

My plaintive murmur in the silence of the room went unanswered, but I had said it more for own sake than for hers. Raising her hand to my lips, I pressed my lips to her knuckles and felt through them how strong her pulse was.

It was strong… _she_ was strong, and she would heal. She would wake, but somehow knowing this still wasn't enough. It still wasn't enough to calm the fears gnawing away at the inside of me. It wasn't enough to ignore Rhonda's warning – the warning that hadn't left my consciousness since the moment Rose had lost her own.

Scrubbing my free hand tiredly over my face, the bitter resonance of it still echoed in my head, but there wasn't anything more I could do about it now as I heard the unmistakable approach of the Doctors return. Running my lips one final time over the knuckles, I laid her arm gently along her side and rose, crossing to the door.

Quietly closing it again, I walked slowly over the windows to wait and watch.

About an hour before dusk, the campus was deserted but for patrolling guardians. Warmer in the last hour, the bitterness of the storm had long since blown away. Icicles dripped from the bare branches of trees and the winter-deadened grass began to thaw into shallow puddles littering the grounds.

Hearing the click of the door, I turned to face the Doctor. "Guardian Petrov isn't back yet?" she asked, glancing around the room before her eyes settled on her patient and she moved to her side to check pupillary responses again. "No? Well she won't be missing anything new when she does."

"The results are still the same?"

"Yes. Is there anything that you can add to what Guardian Petrov said before? I know she asked before, but Rose is your student; you might have seen something she didn't even if you didn't think it was anything worth taking note of."

"No. There was nothing. She was fine before we boarded…in fact she was fine until take-off. What about issues with pressurisation at higher altitude?"

"I've checked that already. The reading was normal, although that was once she was back here. It's possible that it could have affected her in the air and would only show there."

"And you could only know this once she's back in the air," I answered grimly, looking down a Rose. If I had my say in anything, she wouldn't be on another plane for a very, very long time. "What other possibilities can you think of, Doctor?"

"Honestly? Not a lot. I've gone through medical journals, and consulted with colleagues, but none of them have anything new." Sighing, Leonora frowned worriedly. "I've been treating Rose Hathaway for everything from bleeding cuts to broken bones since she was ten-years old. She's a strong girl; doesn't let anything keep her down for long, but this…this is something else."

Feeling uneasy at the way she said it and how she looked at Rose, I moved protectively closer. "So what now?"

"Well, there isn't much more than I can do from a medical standpoint. The best thing now for Rose is time. She'll wake up when she's ready."

"That's not a very reassuring answer."

"I know. Give it a little while."

Smiling in what was meant to be comfort, but looked more like patient resignation, the Doctor reached around to collect Rose's chart. Reading it, she moved away from the bed and towards a small desk set up to the side, writing as she went, but something seemed to catch her attention at the last moment.

Frowning, she swung around and walked back to the bed. About to ask what was wrong, I saw what had drawn her attention.

Twitching intermittently, the fingers of Rose's right hand curled into a half fist before she moaned softly and her legs shifted restlessly beneath the blankets. Turning her head, she swallowed convulsively before trying again.

Keeping myself still against the almost overwhelming urge to slide my arms beneath her and hold her, if only for a moment, the relief I felt was almost weakening.

"Ah. See? I told you all that was needed was time." Hanging the chart on at the foot of the bed, Dr. Olendzki reached down to check Rose's pulse as Alberta opened the door. Seeing that she was on the brink of awakening, Alberta crossed to where I stood and asked if the tests had provided any answers. Shaking my head, I continued to watch Rose with singular focus.

Fluttering her lids quickly, Rose squinted at the brightness of the overhead light as her eyes finally opened.

"Hello, Rose," Dr. Olendzki began softly, squeezing her hand in reassurance. "How are you feeling?"

Blinking again, Rose raised her hand to her head, but found the IV attached. Peering down at it, she grimaced before looking around. Seeming a little disorientated, it took her a moment for her bearings to settle before she looked past the Doctor to where I stood with Alberta.

Seeing her like this – vulnerable and all but defenceless – reminded me of my own helplessness on the plane. It hurt me now almost as much as it had hurt me then to see her like that, but far worse than just the pain, it also made me admit to myself just how closely my wellbeing was tied into Rose's.

I had been frightened for her on that plane, but on some level, I had also been frightened for myself.

Accepting that I would sacrifice _almost_ anything for Rose had been hard enough for me to deal with, but knowing now that when she was vulnerable, so too was I, was far harder to come to terms with as it once again shifted against the dividing loyalties I grappled over.

"Fine." Rose replied after another moment, shuffling around the bed before lowering her gaze and avoiding eye contact with any of us. The disorientation was slowly clearing as the dawning realisation of what had happened seeped into her consciousness. Seeming to hesitate, the Doctor seemed as stumped as the rest of us had been on the plane.

Seeing her uncertainty, Alberta stepped in. "May we?"

Turning away gratefully, Dr. Olendzki nodded and moved to make room for us, but stayed within touching distance. Allowing Alberta to approach first, I followed behind and found it hard to keep my hands in my pockets as Rose kept her gaze on her fidgeting fingers.

Glancing back at me, Alberta frowned just as uncertainly as the Doctor had. "Rose…" she began, but trailed off; at a loss as to what to say when she didn't understand anything that was going on. Taking a step closer, Alberta shifted a little to the side to make room for me.

"Rose, what happened back there?" I asked with gentle concern, hiding how intensely I wanted to know the truth. "And do _not_ say it was nothing this time." I added quickly and in an unarguable tone, knowing that she would say whatever it took to escape our questions.

Staring mulishly ahead, Rose said nothing. Finding something to do as a way of avoidance, she peeled the tape away from were the needle had been inserted and quickly pulled out the IV before the Doctor could stop her.

"We only want to help," Leonora said softly, walking around her to place a band-aid over the small welling of blood at the inside of her elbow, though it was unnecessary; the puncture would heal within the hour.

"I don't need any help. I'm fine."

Hearing the defiance in her answer, Alberta eyed me warily as I clenched my jaw in growing frustration at her stubbornness. "You were fine when we were in the air. When we landed, you was most definitely not fine."

"I'm fine now," she repeated flippantly, smiling at Alberta in a show of bravado, but avoiding eye contact with me. She might have felt as though she could talk her way out this with Alberta, but she knew different with me.

"What happened then?" Alberta persisted; her voice hardening fractionally as her concern gave way to mild anger. "Why the screaming? What did you mean when you said that we needed to make 'them' go away?"

Parting her lips to voice another excuse, Rose breathed in heavily before saying nothing and lowering her lids. Squeezing her eyes tightly, I watched in astonishment as moisture pooled beneath the lids, but never escaped.

"Rose," I pleaded softly, finding it unbearable to watch as more tears formed. "Please."

Swallowing jerkily, Rose sniffed and tilted her head back, fixing her eyes to some unimaginable point on the white ceiling board before uttering very quietly.

"Ghosts…I saw ghosts."

Shocked silence from around me followed her confession. Alberta shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, the Doctor stared at Rose in bewilderment, and I stood perfectly still; stunned into immobility by the undeniable sincerity of the words.

"W-what do you mean?" Dr. Olendzki eventually asked in a near stammer.

Scrubbing at her eyes and the tears that were escaping despite her valiant effort, Rose crossed her arms defensively over her chest. "He's been following me for the last couple of weeks." Finally looking at us, she focused on me for a brief second before looking away.

"Mason. On campus. I know it sounds crazy – but it's him. Or his ghost. That's what happened with Stan. I locked up because Mason was there, and I didn't know what to do. On the plane…I think he was there too…and others." Placing a hand on her temple, Rose squeezed her eyes closed again, like she was trying to remember.

"But I couldn't exactly see them when we were in the air." She continued. "Just glimpses…and the headache. But when we landed in Martinville, he was there in full form. And – and he wasn't alone. There were others with him. Other ghosts."

Sitting up on the bed, Rose crossed her legs beneath the covers and placed her hands in her lap; looking between the three of us to gauge our reactions. When nothing but silence followed, she reached up to begin untangling her messy hair and cleared her throat in discomfort, waiting for us to respond.

Ghosts… _ghosts_?

Mind racing through the words, I tried to rationalise it.

I couldn't dismiss her confession. Rose's discomfort in it proved it was truth, or at least, it was what she believed to be true, but that in itself didn't make sense. Rose didn't believe in the lingering of a soul after death any more than I did…at least, she hadn't before.

Suddenly recalling the intensity of her question to both Father Andrew and Victor about the afterlife, some of it _did_ make sense. I hadn't understood why she had been so fascinated with something that she would have scoffed at before, but if she truly believed she was seeing some sort of apparition, she would have wanted answers.

As the realisation of the lie Rose had lived for weeks burnt with raw intensity through my consciousness, my confusion gave way to anger.

I had all but begged her to tell me the truth after the incident with Stan and she had looked me in the eye and told me it was nothing more than stage fright. I had known she was lying then, but the gravity of that lie was so much greater than I had imagined.

How many other times had she lied to me? What else had happened that she would never reveal? When she had frozen against Stan days after the first time, had that also been because of the supposed hallucinations? Bitterly disappointed, the anger made way for something far more powerful…a sense of betrayal that asked only one question.

Why hadn't she trusted me enough?

I could understand her fears in revealing this on some level, but she knew _me_. She knew that I would have taken this seriously, that I wouldn't have dismissed her fears as childish or nonsense. I had promised to help her…hadn't she believed me?

"Did you know them?" I asked eventually and as evenly as I could whilst trying to control myself when all I wanted to do was wrap my finger around her shoulders and shake some sense into her.

"Yeah…I saw some of Victor's guardians and the people from the massacre. Lissa's..." Hesitating, Rose seemed to have to pull the next words out from the depths of her soul. "Lissa's family was there too."

The association of death was clear. Rose had been directly involved in the accident that had claimed the lives of Lissa's parents and older brother – the accident that had nearly claimed hers as well, and she had been involved with the search for Lissa after Victor had kidnapped her – the result of which had been the death of his guardians.

It was the same with Mason.

Whatever it was that was happening to her…stress, some sort of delayed shock or trauma, the trigger was obvious. Guilt – deserved or not – was what was responsible for whatever hallucinations her subconscious was conjuring. Her mind wasn't able to process that as anything other than rational behaviour because it couldn't see past what she saw as her fault.

Feeling Alberta's penetrating gaze on me, I glanced over to her as the Doctor looked worriedly at both of us. I had my own answers, but I didn't know what either of them thought. Smiling in strain at Rose, the Doctor patted her arm before turning to us.

"Could I speak with the two of you privately?"

Leaving ahead of both of them, I stepped out into the hallway and breathed through my gritted teeth for a moment before they joined me, closing the door. Waiting just long enough for a nurse walking in the corridor to pass us, Dr. Olendzki turned on us.

"Well now that Rose is awake," the Doctor glared menacingly at the pair of us. "It's perfectly obvious what's going on. That poor girl," she pointed towards Rose behind a door that I could now see was not closed properly. "She's undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder, and it's no wonder after everything that's happened."

"Are you sure." Alberta began to argue, frowning at the possibility that a dhampir student…one of _her_ dhampir students was suffering from something we were all trained to deal with as an eventuality. "Maybe it's something else…" Frowning more deeply than before, Alberta faltered as she tried to explain it even to herself.

She might not have agreed with the Doctor's diagnoses, but I did. Rose clearly needed help that neither Alberta nor I could give.

"Look at the facts: a teenage girl who witnessed one of her friends getting killed and then had to kill his killer. You don't think that's traumatic? You don't think that might have had the tiniest effect on her?"

"Tragedy is something all guardians have to deal with," Alberta pointed out almost defensively against the Doctor's explanation, crossing her arms.

"Maybe there's not much to be done for guardians in the field, but Rose is still a student here." Pinching the bridge of her nose just below the glasses resting on it, Doctor Olendzki shoved her hands into her coat pockets with clear exasperation. "There are resources that can help her."

"Like what?"

Looking at me curiously from behind the lenses, the Doctor took a moment to assess my sincerity in the question before she would answer. "Counselling. Talking to someone about what happened can do worlds of good. You should have done that as soon as she got back. You should do it for the others who were with her while you're at it. Why doesn't anyone think of these things?" She finished on an exasperated note.

"It's a good idea," I agreed, even whilst feeling slightly resentful to the fact that Rose might well confide in a total stranger rather than me. "She could do it on her day off."

Raising her brows, the Doctor shook her head. "Day off? More like _every_ day. You should pull her from this entire field experience. Fake Strigoi attacks are not the way to recover from a real one."

About to argue against that and the harm it would do, the door of Rose's room was shoved open with enough force to create a squeak of protest in the hinges. "No!" Rose protested loudly, joining us in the hallway; her complexion flushed with anger.

Obviously having heard the entire conversation, her fierce expression held a shadow of panic that she would be excluded from the field experience. She knew as well as the rest of us what it would mean if she couldn't complete it.

"Rose. You should go lie down."

Flinching away from the Doctor's kind hand, Rose glared at the three of us. "I'm fine. And you can't make me quit the field experience. I won't graduate if you do."

"You aren't well, Rose, and there's nothing to be ashamed of after what's happened to you. Thinking you're seeing the ghost of someone who died isn't too out there when you consider the circumstances."

"Unless you're going to put me in counselling 24/7, you're just going to make it worse." Scowling defiantly at the Doctor, Rose huffed and crossed her arms. "I need something to do. Most of my classes are on hold right now. What would I do? Sit around? Think more and more about what happened? I'll go crazy— for real. I don't want to sit on the past forever. I need to get moving with my future."

"Rose, right now graduation should be the furthest thing on your mind. Healing is the most important thing for you." Cajoling softly, Leonora tried to reason with her, but she should have known better by now that Rose Hathaway didn't bargain well.

"But it's not," Rose grumbled in reply to the Doctor. "If I'm not going to graduate, then you might as well stick me in a padded cell now. I have to do this…I have to carry on." Throwing a frantic look in my direction, I understood her concern even as I warred with my own.

"What about some sort of reduced field experience."

"Like half time?" Alberta asked, frowning at my suggestion.

"Yes. Would she still be able to pass the field experience if she did only three or four days a week instead of the full six?"

Thinking for a minute, Alberta sighed. "It would be a fight with the council, but I think I can get it done. The minimum she would have to do is at least half of the required weekly days, so that would put her on three days a week."

"That's still too much," Leonora hissed quietly, looking at the strangely silent Rose.

"What about leaving any of the night duties out? She could continue to train or we could find something else for her to do during those times so that the time wouldn't be completely wasted. Would that still be acceptable to the council?"

Arching a brow at my suggestion, Alberta glanced at the Doctor. Clearly still not happy, she seemed to realise she wasn't going to get her way, so made the best of it. "I'm fine with that as long as Rose sees a therapist…every day!"

Eyes widening in horrified disbelief, Rose opened her mouth to argue against his, but thought better of it as I briefly glared at her.

"All right, then it's settled. Three days a week with no night duties and counselling every day." Looking pointedly at Rose, Alberta raised a brow in challenge to what she thought would be Rose's resistance, but all she got was a meek nod.

"Doctor?"

Nodding in agreement, Leonora gently steered her patient back into the room and after a final check-up, reluctantly cleared her. In no small hurry to leave, Rose grabbed her jacket and zipped herself into it before heading to the door.

Eying Alberta, she understood that I wanted to talk to Rose and willing to let me have my say, left with the Doctor. It was ironic really – if she knew for single second what it was that was on my mind, she wouldn't have left me alone with her.

Holding the door open for Rose, I clenched my fingers around the handle to hide the tremble of rage threatening to shake apart my composure. Walking out in silence through the infirmary and out into the watery sunshine, we avoided the puddles of icy water littering the walkways.

"Thanks for thinking of the half-time thing," Rose said in the stilted silence, breathing deeply into the cool sunset air as she took the pathway that would lead directly back to the dhampir dorm. For some reason her need to get there, and away from me, pushed me over the edge of reason.

Barely taking the time to look out for curious eyes, I took a stride forward and stopped, swinging around to intercept Rose before she took another step. Curling my fingers around her upper arms, I brought her closer to me than I should have – closer than was safe as her eyes widened in surprise and our body heat mingled.

Tightening my fingers, I wanted to hurt her like she had me when she hadn't trusted me enough to tell me the truth, but I couldn't ever do that, nor could I keep it from my voice as I confessed my fear and kept myself from bruising her skin.

"Rose. This shouldn't have been the first time I heard about this! Why didn't you tell me? Do you know what it was like? Do you know what it was like for me to see you like that and not know what was happening? Do you know how scared I was?"

Shaking her slightly, the fervour of my raw emotions roughed my voice. Staring up at me in stunned silence, Rose gaped a little at whatever she saw on my face before swallowing roughly. Glancing around nervously, she mumbled.

"You're not scared of anything."

"I'm scared of lots of things," I confessed heavily, surprised really that she wouldn't have realised this by now. Forcing myself to let her go when all I wanted to do was keep hold of her, Rose took a step back and frowned up at me. "I'm not perfect. I'm not invulnerable."

"I know, it's just…" Shrugging, Rose waved towards me helplessly, as if saying all that needed to be said.

"And this has been going on for a long time too. It was going on with Stan, when you were talking to Father Andrew about ghosts—you were dealing with it this whole time! Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell Lissa ... or ... me?"

"Would you have believed me?" Rose asked softly, hearing again how much this had affected me as the last note of my question almost broke at my tortured tone.

"Believed what?"

"That I'm seeing ghosts."

"Well…they aren't ghosts, Rose." I corrected with a frown, thrown for a minute. "You only think they are because –"

"That's why." Rose argued loudly; her expression mutinous as she took a step away from me. "That's why I couldn't tell you or anybody. Nobody would believe me; not without thinking I'm crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy. But I think you've been through a lot."

Shaking her head, she turned to walk away from whilst muttering. "It's more than that."

"Tell me then." Reaching out to her again, I pulled her closer to me this time by her shoulders, unwilling to let her go. "Tell me how it more than that."

"You won't believe me. Don't you get it? No one will. Even _you_ …of all people."

Hearing the emotion hidden beneath the gruff breaking of her voice, I realised why she hadn't confided and it had very little to do with lack of trust. Rose had been genuinely afraid to tell anyone…even me because of what it meant.

Humbled by this and feeling guilty for having resented her silence or felt any sense of betrayal because of it, I squeezed her shoulders gently in encouragement and lowered my head. "I'll…try. But I still don't think you really understand what's happening to you."

Glaring at my response, Rose tried to pull away but I tightened my hold. "I do. That's what no one realizes. Look, you have to decide once and for all if you really do trust me. If you think I'm a child, too naïve to get what's going on with her fragile mind, then you should just keep walking."

Trying to prove her point, she again tried to extricate herself from my hold, but I wouldn't let her. "But if you trust me enough to remember that I've seen things and know things that kind of surpass those of others my age...well, then you should also realize that I might know a little about what I'm talking about."

"I do trust you, Roza," I placated with gentle sincerity, knowing that she had already proved herself over and over again, and for me, should never have to do anything further. "But…I don't believe in ghosts."

"Will you try to?" she asked softly, wanting my support than I think even she knew. "Or at the very least try not to write this off to some psychosis?"

"Yes," my tenderness stroked over the word. "That I can do."

Listening to her explain in detail what I had wanted her to confess for so long, my clutching fingers became caressing fingers of support when I heard Rose become distraught or panicked by what she was telling me.

Finishing with a sniff and a self-deprecating shake of her dark head, Rose looked up me with scepticism in her eyes. "Doesn't it seem kind of, um, specific for a random stress reaction?"

Still convinced after hearing the entire story that it _was_ a product of stress, I kept my promise to keep an open mind, but I couldn't agree with her completely. "I don't know that you can really expect stress reactions to be random or specific. They're unpredictable by nature. Why are you so certain these aren't just things you're imagining?"

"Well, at first I thought I was imagining it all. But now…I don't know. There's something about it that feels real…even though I know that isn't actually evidence. But you heard what Father Andrew said—about ghosts sticking around after they die young or violently."

"So you think Mason's back for revenge?" I asked, struggling to keep the incredulity from my voice. I really shouldn't have been encouraging her, but I wanted everything out of her head and into the open, even if I still believed these so called sightings was from a guilty conscious.

"I thought that at first, but now I'm not so sure. He's never tried to hurt me. He just seems like he wants something. And then…all those other ghosts seemed to want something too – even the ones I didn't know. Why?"

Ending with a question that sounded more like an explanation, I cocked my head curiously. "You have a theory."

"I _do_ ," Rose voiced eagerly. "I was thinking about what Victor said. He mentioned that because I'm shadow-kissed – because I died – I have a connection to the world of the dead. That I'll never entirely leave it behind me."

"I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what Victor Dashkov tells you." Hearing the edge of hatred in my voice, it mingled with regret. I should never have taken Rose to see him before the trial. His failed efforts to escape the hangman's noose were only making things worse now.

"But he knows things," Rose protested loudly, finally pulling away from me and folding her arms across her chest as she heard my dismissive tone. "You know he does, no matter how big an asshole he is."

"Okay, suppose that's true, that being shadow-kissed lets you see ghosts, why is it happening now? Why didn't it happen right after the car accident?"

"I thought of that," Rose enthused, taking a step closer to me again as she heard my effort to be more supportive. "It was something else Victor said – that now that I was dealing in death, I was that much closer to the other side. What if causing someone else's death strengthened my connection and now makes this possible? I just had my first kill. Kills, even."

Not liking the eagerness of her own belief in this theory – one that was dangerously close to be delusional – I again tried to dismiss it without making it obvious. "Why is it so haphazard? Why does it occur when it does? Why the airplane? Why not at Court?"

Seeing through my tactic, Rose narrowed her eyes waspishly at me before snidely answering. "What are you, a lawyer? You question everything I'm saying. I thought you were going to have an open mind?"

"I am. But you need to too. Think about it. Why this pattern of sightings?"

About to argue, Rose exhaled noisily and shook her head. "I don't know. You still think I'm crazy."

"No," I reassured her, closing the distance between us and cradling her chin in my hand. Tilting her face up, I looked her directly in the eye. "Never. Not one of these theories makes me think you're crazy. But I've always believed the simplest explanation makes sense. Dr. Olendzki's does. The ghost one has holes. But, if you can find out more…then we may have something to work with."

Arching a brow in surprise, Rose asked. "We?"

Caressing her cheek, I smiled. "Of course. I'm not leaving you alone on this, no matter what. You know I'd never abandon you."

Hearing those words said out loud for the first time, I felt myself go still as I realised what I had said…as I realised that I had just made a promise to Rose that I knew I wouldn't be able to keep, _couldn't_ be able to keep, because it meant that I was putting her needs ahead of the Moroi's – ahead of Lissa's.

About to make an excuse for them, I found that I couldn't as my fingers still cupped her face and I looked into the grateful depths of her brown eyes. I couldn't find an excuse for them, because I knew that I meant every word, and as I finally accepted that painful truth, I felt the last of my loyalties divide.

The battle that I had waged without myself over the guilt of my love for Rose and the fracturing of my duty to the Moroi was lost. Rhonda's warning and my own terror on plane had had been the final blow, but it was more my own acceptance of it that had sealed my fate.

Honour, duty…they all still meant the same to me, but not at the cost of losing Rose.

Leaning into my palm for a moment and rubbing against it, Rose sighed, more at ease than I had seen her in days and again I felt humbled by the trust she had so desperately wanted to put in me before as I set aside the turmoil of my life for a moment to concentrate on hers.

I would have plenty of time to dissect my own failings later.

"And I won't ever abandon you, you know." Rose replied almost shyly. "I mean it…not that stuff ever happens to you, of course, but if you start seeing ghosts or anything, I'll help you through it."

"Thanks." I heard myself laugh softly, glad at the very least that Rose was returning to her normal self as I searched for her hand and she continued to ramble slightly. Holding it for a few seconds, I knew it was never going to be long enough and that it was dangerous to linger in the open; dusk was falling rapidly and I didn't know how long I could trust myself.

Squeezing tightly for a moment longer, we parted slightly and began to walk back to housing. "Will you be all right?" I asked once we had reached the lobby of dhampir housing. Leaning against the wall shielding the stairs to the upper level, Rose turned to face me as she took the first step.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"You're sure?"

Nodding, she grimaced before smiling wryly and continuing backwards up the stairs. "I know you have things to do – work to catch up on, besides, I have to go find the others and explain what happened. Lissa's going to want to strangle me for not telling her sooner."

"I know the feeling."

Grinning almost sheepishly at my wry tone of reproach, Rose stopped on the first floor landing. "You're _still_ going to give me a hard time about that after I told you the reasons why I didn't? Come on! Cut me some slack."

"Only if you'll promise me that you'll talk to the therapist and won't skip out on any of the sessions, Rose."

Grimacing, Rose sighed heavily as I reminded her. "It's a waste of time. I didn't argue with any of you before because I didn't know what the Doctor would do if I did, but you can't honestly expect me to give up the field experience to talk to a total stranger?"

Climbing a few steps, I closed the distance and height between us. "Rose," I began warningly, watching as she began to roll her eyes. "You need to talk to the therapist. Even if you don't think that whoever it will be that you'll be talking to will believe in your ghost theory, I still think it will do you good to talk to someone that's unbiased."

"Why? Because she's not going to take into account that everyone else thinks I'm crazy?"

"No, because talking to a complete stranger is somethings easier than talking to someone you've known all your life."

"Sounds like you're talking from experience, comrade."

"I'm not. I just know that an unbiased ear often listens better. Promise me please that you'll go."

Huffing, Rose narrowed her gaze at me for second; searching my face with what seemed like another reason to argue, but she seemed to find something else there. Something that convinced her to take my request seriously.

"Fine, but I'm not happy with it, and I'll state again that it's a waste of time."

"Noted," I answered softly. Shaking her head, Rose swung around and continued to walk up the stairs, calling over her shoulder, "see you later," before disappearing into the upper levels. Leaving housing a few moments later, I had barely taken a step from the doors before the churning of my inner turmoil rose like bile to bite acidly at my throat.

"You've made you're decision, Dimitri, there's no point in arguing with yourself about it now," I muttered quietly to myself as I continued on my way to guardian housing.

Even if I could change my mind, even if I could put aside how I felt for Rose or that she was now singularly more important than anything else in my life, there was still an underlying fear that I would lose her that wouldn't allow me to…a fear that I couldn't fight against, because I still didn't know if Rhonda's prediction had been fulfilled.


	27. Chapter 27

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Seven ~

"… _You will lose what you value most, so treasure it whilst you can…"_

"Roza…" I whispered quietly into the hallowed stillness of the chapel air; my preoccupied gaze caught and held by plumes of smoke curling lazily upwards as incense stick after incense stick was slowly extinguished at the gilded pulpit.

A day after the terror of the plane trip and everything that Rose had revealed hadn't worked to ease my fears. There had been no further incidents and during the brief moments I had checked in on her, she had reassured me that everything was fine, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that lay coldly in the pit of my stomach that I was going to somehow lose her.

Pulling double shifts to make up for the time away had done very little to keep my mind occupied from thinking about Rose…or the decision I had finally made.

Choosing Rose over the Moroi, over Lissa…over duty had been an easy decision to make once I had accepted it was the only way forward, but that didn't mean that I had made peace with it or what it would mean for any of us.

It didn't mean that I didn't feel like it was still a personal failure.

The guardian mantra – one that had been drilled into my head since early childhood – was still one that I could never shake, but it now warred so strongly with Rhonda's prediction that they constantly overlapped; one always louder than the other.

How did I honour my duty to the Moroi if all I thought about was protecting Rose? How did I protect Lissa when all I thought about was being with Rose? How did I learn to balance everything when the scales were so unevenly tipped now?

I could no longer pretend or deny that the conflict that had arisen between my duty to the last of the Dragomir line and my love for the girl who had sworn to protect her, was something that I could simply separate or compartmentalize into segments of my life that could be dealt with on my own terms.

How could I when the duty I had sworn to uphold towards the one, suddenly felt as though it would no longer matter if I lost the other?

Scrubbing my hands over my face, I ploughed my splayed fingers through my loose hair, raking it away from my forehead as I sat back against the pew, watching as Father Andrew methodically begin to douse the plethora of flickering candles adorning every flat surface of the church.

The first rays of the approaching dawn were beginning to lighten the chapel. It was almost curfew and the stillness of the academy grounds around me made the solemn isolation of my situation that much more obvious.

Sighing heavily as I realised that I didn't have an answer for my own problem, I watched as Father Andrew turned towards me; his richly coloured robes swirling around him as he began to disrobe, but his fingers stilled as he noticed my motionless figure.

Smiling with benevolent patience though it was obvious that he was more than just a little surprised to see me, the priest made his way over to where I sat; the burning candles all but forgotten.

I hadn't come here to seek him or his advice out. In fact, I had hoped to go undetected for the most part so that I could simply slip out without his or anyone else's notice, but now that the option to do so was no longer available, perhaps this was exactly what I needed…a neutral ear to bend with my troubles.

The specific details of those troubles couldn't be mentioned, but the priest wouldn't need to know them in order to offer advice if I led him to believe my problems were nothing more than a crisis of faith.

"Dimitri, my boy," the elderly Moroi deacon began as he stopped a few feet away. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you sitting there until now." Chuckling to himself, he shook his head slightly in mild chagrin at his own lapse. "You Guardians are trained to be so covert and inconspicuous that it's no wonder ordinary mortals like myself feel at a disadvantage around you all the time."

Shaking my head as my mouth twisted ruefully, I brushed aside his apology and his self-deprecation. His hearing was almost acute as my own and there was never _anything_ ordinary about a Moroi.

"Please, don't apologize, Father. I didn't mean to disturb you."

Clasping his hands over his midriff, he frowned as his wrinkled brow creased slightly. "It's no bother, Dimitri. I'm well used to you seeing you here, although of late, it's always with Rose." Gesturing to the empty pew beside me, I shifted over to the right to make room for him to sit, watching as he wrapped his robes more securely around him.

"She was in here earlier…with Christian."

Glancing over at him, I kept my expression blank, but the curiosity created by his words burnt through my bones.

"Really?" I began, as though only mildly interested when in fact I could barely keep still in my seat. "Is she still asking about ghosts?"

When she had begun to ask questions about the afterlife as we sat sorting through the church's paperwork days ago, I had thought Rose's interest in the belief of a spectral presence after death was merely a conversational piece, but after the events of the plane trip home and her own confession, I knew differently and it troubled me greatly.

Chuckling quietly to himself as he took this far less seriously than I did, Father Andrew replied. "No, not this time. This was about Anna. She wanted to know what happened to her after Vladimir died."

Frowning, I thought back to what I had been taught about the guardian of the Saint the academy had been named after. The only one we knew of, apart from Rose, who had been shadow kissed and bound to a Moroi through a link that so many could still not explain or understand.

"As I remember it, she died not long after he did."

"That's right. Which is what I told Rose, but she was more interested in _how_ she died rather than _when_."

"It wasn't old age?"

"Well at first it was thought to be old age, but in all the more recent readings on her and Vladimir, it seems as though she grew more and more unstable after his passing and that she eventually…took her own life. It's a theory that's still very unpopular, but there seems to be enough evidence to prove it. Young Rose was quite disturbed when she heard this."

Nodding as though I was merely contemplating his words…words that now troubled me far more than my own problems, I asked instead. "Does anyone know if it was directly linked to being shadow kissed or if it was merely the loss of Vladimir that drove her to commit suicide?"

Exhaling heavily, the priest pursed his lips at my question. "Suicide is a sin in the eyes of the church, Dimitri, you know this and Anna was perfectly devout; both to Vladimir and to her faith. Although there's nothing conclusive about the _why_ only the _way_ , there are many of us that just don't know what it was that set her off. So little is known about the shadow kissed phenomenon that we can't say for sure."

Picking at a stray thread on his sleeve, he continued. "The link between Vasilisa and Rosemarie is the only one that we know about and even now that we do, it will probably take years to understand it. Rose's interest in this is obviously more than academic; this affects her directly, but I think she's concerned about what might happen to her in the long run."

Staring ahead, my concerned gaze was captured by the flickering glint of gold as I thought through his reply, trying to reason around the cold knot of dread that had that had only increased since the start to this conversation…it felt nauseating and uncomfortably like panic.

If Anna's death had been in any way linked to the bond she shared with Vladimir, it probably would never have been documented. No one had known about it then, but now it was a different story. If Lissa's Spirit Magic was somehow impacting negatively on Rose, then it needed to be addressed sooner rather than later.

Shrugging off Rhonda's warning echoing faintly at the back of my mind, it was the priest who brought me back to the present.

"What is it that's on your own mind, Dimitri?"

Turning my attention back to him as he seemed to so easily read that my mind was preoccupied, Father Andrew smiled at my expression. "You're in here for a reason…of that I'm almost certain. Your religious beliefs aren't quite as strong as others, but I know that the refuge of the church is something that you seek from time to time…for quiet contemplation, I suppose. Honestly, in your line of work, who could blame you, so what is it that you want to talk about?"

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my thighs as I clasped my hands together between my spread knees and looked down at my fingers. The lean, calloused digits had been the savour of many and would be the death of many more in my time, but I had never seen them as anything other than a means to an end.

They were necessary… _we_ were necessary and as I realised this, I also came to understand that what I had come here for originally was just as necessary. I couldn't continue to dedicate myself to my duty if I was in constant conflict with myself.

"You're about to leave for and this might take a while…are you sure that it's a good time for this?"

Laughing loudly, the sound reverberated around the walls of the church as the priest shook his head at me in amused disbelief. "God's ability to listen, understand and grant mercy or absolution doesn't abide by schedules, Dimitri. Be they Manmade or Moroi and to be honest, I'm more than just a little curious as to what it is you have to say."

Lacing his fingers together, he assumed a more serene pose. "Confessionals from you are few and far between, so please, think of me as a neutral ear. You know that whatever it is that you divulge to me will go no further than these walls. I won't judge you; that's not my job."

 _You might once you've heard what I have to say_ , I thought tensely and more than a little uncertainly. It was bad enough already that Alberta knew about how I felt for Rose…if I wasn't careful here, the priest might also suspect.

"I'm finding that I'm experiencing…a conflict of interests." I began vaguely.

"What is the conflict?" He asked without inflection.

"My conscious…or more specifically, certain aspects of my conscious."

This startled him slightly as I heard the slight hitch in his normally melodious voice. "What do you mean? Does this have anything to do with the Strigoi that you've killed or the thought of the ones that you will kill?"

I shook my head in denial as I continued to study my hands. "No. I hate the loss of what they once were and eliminating them will never simply be a job for me to perform, but I've come to terms with that and the necessity of it. What I'm having a problem with now has nothing to do with the Strigoi I kill and more importantly with the Moroi I protect."

"Your conflict is with the Moroi? In what way? Do you doubt your ability to protect them? Are you no longer dedicated to the cause…are you second-guessing yourself?" The incredulous disbelief in the cleric's voice was hard to miss and it suddenly made me wish I hadn't started the conversation.

"No, none of the above really." I calmed as I glanced towards him. For a guardian to confess to _any_ kind of dereliction of duty, even when it was never spoken of and only hinted at, was a confession that could end with imprisonment for treason…or worse.

"I'm still committed to the Moroi and I would never doubt my abilities…if I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. My real issue is that I'm finding that my loyalties and my dedication are no longer centred solely on them. It's not a lack of belief, but a conflict within myself. I want to protect them, but it's no longer at all costs and I'm struggling to accept that."

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, the priest looked at me with eyes widened by concern and fear. He might have to uphold the privacy and confidentiality of the church and any conversations heard within its sanctified walls, but if he felt that what I said could possibly endanger another, he would have no choice but to voice his concerns.

"Don't misunderstand what I'm saying, Father," I reassured him steadily. "I would never abandon my duty to the Moroi, whether it was one that I was assigned to protect or any other. My problem is, I'm finding that upholding the duty to the one that I have been assigned has become an issue of division because I know that in doing my duty, I'm no longer honouring myself or anyone I have to protect. There is…something else that I'm finding more important."

"What could be more important than your duty, Dimitri?" he queried with quiet relief as he heard the truth behind my words. "I've met many guardians over the years and I've never come across one more resolute than you in carrying out your sworn oath…well, perhaps Rose, but she's still so young that it must be mostly bravado, I'm sure."

Looking away from the eyes that I was sure could suddenly see more than I wanted to reveal, I refrained from correcting him. Rose's brash and bold nature was not a product of youth and neither was her vow to Lissa or any other Moroi. None of them understood that her dedication was an inherent part of her nature but I couldn't defend her, not so publicly.

"Can I ask you something, Dimitri?" The priest asked before I could come up with a suitable answer to the first part of his question.

At my sombre nod, he viewed me with eyes that were kind and understanding and as I had feared before, they suddenly knew all too much – as if mentioning Rose had somehow triggered a thought that had not occurred to him before.

"Does this conflict you're finding yourself struggling with have anything to do with the headstrong Miss. Hathaway?"

Freezing as the instinct to panic suddenly gripped me, I exhaled very quietly; watching him in wary silence. Smiling sympathetically at me as we continued to watch each other as opponents rather than confidants now, Father Andrew nodded just once, as if acknowledging that what I could not say aloud was exactly what he had expected.

"I have time to observe people when they don't realise that they're being watched, Dimitri." He offered as I kept my gaze steady and locked to his. "There's something about being beneath this roof that makes them feel as though they don't have to keep their guard up, you understand? It gives those of us in this profession an ability to see what others don't necessarily see…or want to see, if you like. We see people differently."

Folding his hands over his stomach, he crossed his legs at the ankles and sighed before looking away from me and towards the pulpit.

"I've watched the pair of you on a few occasions and for some reason there never seemed to be anything there that would have given either of you away…except for the day that you volunteered to help her clean as part of her community service."

"At first, I thought it was merely your compassionate nature that had prompted you to give up your day off in order to help her, but then as I watched you more carefully; I began to suspect that there might be more to it than met the eye. There was nothing to substantiate it of course, and so I thought it might have been just a figment of my imagination…or old age playing tricks on my eyes."

Recalling the day as I tried to control the blind wave of panic surging through me, I couldn't think of anything that I had said or done that might have given me away, but the priest continued on, oblivious to my horrified thoughts.

"It wasn't until after you all returned from the trial and that horrible incident on the plane happened that I began to think about it again. When Alberta came to me rambling about Rose seeing ghosts before passing out, I was frankly sceptical, but I nevertheless went with her to see if I could offer my assistance. Did you even know that I was in the infirmary, Dimitri?"

Stunned into speechlessness, I could only shake my head.

I had been so frantic when arriving back at the academy; too scared of what had happened to the then unconscious Rose as I ran with her in my arms to the infirmary to worry about anything else. I hadn't realised Alberta had even gone to him when she had left to check in with Gregor…or that he had been watching me.

Chuckling quietly, his eyebrows rose. "No, I don't suppose you would have, would you? You were in a blind panic…more so than I have ever seen you and completely focused on Rose. I don't know if there had been a Strigoi in the room if you would have even noticed."

"After leaving the clinic a little while after, I was greatly concerned about Rose, but I was more concerned about what I had seen on _your_ face. I should have known as soon as you mentioned the conflict what it would be, but I had always assumed that neither of you would ever give in to what you both so obviously feel for each other. You both seem so bound by your honour and your dedication to the Moroi."

"Father…" I began, my voice strained by the stress of panic, but he cut me off, holding out his exposed palms as he asked me to allow him to finish.

"I told you that I wouldn't judge you, Dimitri and I meant it. I know what it means for the loyalty of a guardian to be questioned by anyone and I would certainly never question yours or even Rose's for that matter. I'm here to help, but I need you to be completely honest with me. The real issue here isn't between duty and doubt, but between the princess you have sworn to protect…and the girl that you love isn't it? And don't tell me that they're the same thing – I can see in your eyes, that they aren't."

Closing my eyes in defeat and knowing that it was now pointless to deny it, I nodded once; furious with myself that I had exposed both of us. Rose was already in a vulnerable position and under more stress than anyone should ever have to deal with at her age and I had just made it worse.

Waiting for the blow to fall…and it had to come; this wasn't something that he could simply ignore, the pit of my stomach revolted against me as it pushed the sickening feeling of hopelessness I rarely felt up into my throat.

"Do you know what the difference between duty and sacrifice is, Dimitri?"

"I know that often in order to carry out the first, the second is needed." I uttered quietly after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, feeling as though I was now living on borrowed time.

"Yes," Father Andrew conceded in a voice that was strangely gentle and tolerant. "And that's where most people get it wrong because you see, there is no difference between the two; they are the same thing. In order to be dutiful you have to sacrifice and when sacrificing, it's often because of duty. Right now you feel as though you are sacrificing what you feel in order to do your duty and that's what your real conflict is, but it isn't the same thing at all."

 _Of course it was_ , I thought unhappily. "What do you mean it's not the same thing? I can't do both without it affecting one or the other."

"That's right," he said almost excitedly as he sat up straighter in his seat. "You can't, and acknowledging that is the only _real_ difference between the two. I know that it sounds a little confusing considering that I've just told you that there isn't a difference but what I'm about to tell you will put all of that into perspective."

Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck beneath the hair that had parted and fell to either side of my jaw as I waited.

"If you chose to ignore the conflict that has been created, you run a greater risk than if you acknowledge and deal with it, Dimitri; cathartic acceptance isn't merely for grief you know? Keeping the resentment that would eventually build in yourself would be just as detrimental to the safety of your duty because you would eventually blame it for the sacrifice you have to make."

"In short, Dimitri…you can't do both. You have to choose between which one is more important to you. Duty or sacrifice and only once you do will you understand the real difference between the two."

Scowling at him in disbelief and about to deny that I would never harbour any kind of bitterness towards Lissa for something that she had no control over, I realised in the same moment that he was right. It wasn't the easiest explanation, but it suddenly made perfect sense. The reason I hadn't been able to see it for myself, was that for all my lack of objectivity towards Rose, I had just as little towards Lissa.

In order to have the best of both…the best for both of them, I would have to give up one. If I did, I could still honour my duty to the Moroi without sacrificing my feelings for Rose because they would no longer be in direct conflict with each other.

There was only one choice really and as much as it pained me to know that I would have to relinquish my watch over someone that I genuinely cared for, the thought that I could possibly lose the love of the other because I wouldn't, made the decision all too easy.

"I have to ask to be reassigned." I murmured almost inaudibly. "After graduation, I can't remain as Lissa's guardian. It's the only way."

Patting me gently on the shoulder at my words, Father Andrew nodded in agreement. "Yes. I realise that it would have been easier to just come out and say it, but I felt that it was something that you had to muddle through for yourself. In this situation, it really is the only solution, Dimitri."

Chuckling weakly beneath my breath as I felt what closely resembled relief flood through my veins, I rubbed the palms of my hands together as I felt the repercussions of this decision shudder through my conscious. "I suppose you're now going to tell me that I've discovered the true difference between sacrifice and duty, aren't you?"

Snorting, the priest clapped me once more on the shoulder before he rose. "I don't have to…you just figured it out for yourself."

Rising to meet him, I held out my hand. "Thank you for your advice, Father. I would have preferred another solution, but at this point, it seems to be the lesser of two evils. And thank you about the discretion you've shown. I'm not sure that many others would have understood, considering what this means."

Shaking my hand, he smiled before moving towards the front door, but stopped a few feet away and turned back to me with a look of true concern.

"Dimitri...are you certain that this is worth it? That your feelings are genuinely returned? She is very young and teenage girls are notorious for changing their minds at the drop of a hat…especially this one. Before you make a decision that cannot be unmade and will alter everything that you've achieved and everything that you want from the future be very certain of what this would mean to you if her feelings changed."

Understanding why he would feel this way about Rose's capricious nature, I nodded confidently at his concerns. "I'm certain, Father. I would never for a second doubt that what she feels for me is in any way less then what I feel for her, despite her being a teenager."

"Ah…yes," he began uncertainly, as something else had just occurred to him – something that seemed to make him intensely uncomfortable. "And about her being a _teenager_ …"

"I know, Father…I know."

Leaving it at that and obviously trusting that I would do the right thing, he nodded calmly in return and turned his back to me, beginning to once again disrobe.

"Do you mind if I stay for a while longer, Father?" I called out quietly, wanting the quiet of the church to work out the logistics of my decision.

Turning towards me, he shook his head. "No, of course not. I'll change and be back in a little while – that should give you enough time." Folding back the edging of his sleeves, he frowned suddenly as he looked up at me again. "Please remember that my door is always open, Dimitri…even if it's locked. You know where to find me."

Nodding my thanks and appreciating the offer, I watched as he ambled out and closed the doors quietly behind him. Resuming my seat, I slumped back against the pew once he was out of sight, folding the duster over my knees as I stretched my legs out as far as they could go.

This wouldn't be an easy transition. My decision would be met with disbelieving scepticism, reproach and outright condemnation, but it was the one that I could live with. It was the _only_ one that I could live with.

Rose wouldn't be thrilled that it meant that I would no longer be protecting Lissa, or that I would be assigned away from either of them, but what other alternative was there? If I stayed, we would be on separate shifts and always apart, and during the rare times when we were together, neither of us would be able to fully dedicate ourselves to protecting Lissa…something that would eventually create guilt and regret and I didn't want that for either of us.

I wouldn't tell her until after graduation. She had enough to worry about at the moment without me adding to it and I had another issue to tackle…talking to Alberta.

Not something I was looking forward to, I knew that it was unavoidable. I needed Alberta's backing with the council. As it was, there would certainly be an inquest of some kind – requesting reassignments, especially from such a prestigious post would demand it, and I would need all the help I could get.

Her disappoint was to be expected, especially as she had already felt she had addressed the issue with me, but it was unavoidable.

Resting against the pew, I felt the cold pit of my stomach slowly begin to warm. The peace I had been looking for hadn't exactly been found, but I felt more at ease than I had in a long time, and for a moment, I began to allow myself the hope that I could have the best of both worlds as Rhonda's warning slowly, and finally, began to fade away.

A faint sound; the squeaking of a hinge that I knew to be well oiled, caught at my attention as I sat perfectly still and basked in what felt dangerously like contentment, but it didn't motivate me to move. It was more than likely the returning priest, but as the seconds passed, a sensation of awareness flooded through my body…an awareness that was conjured by only one person.

Turning, I looked to the back of the church and found that one person watching me as intently as I was her.

A/N: Before I had started writing the whole of _Shadow Kiss_ from Dimitri's pov, I had only intended to write one-shots of the more interesting chapters, and the conversation with the priest was the first one that I wrote because of its impact on Dimitri's decision. However, once I had completed the almost 14 pages of a single scene, I realised that it was too long and couldn't accurately capture everything that had happened up till that point, so that's why I decided to write from the beginning.


	28. Chapter 28

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Eight ~

"Rose," I breathed, my voice catching slightly in my throat as the light from the candles illuminating the chapel bathed her in a gentle, golden glow.

The hue offset her exotic colouring and made the tangled waves of her hair draped carelessly around her shoulders and back seem as inky black as it did when in the shadows. Instantly alerted by the her intensely determined face, it put me on guard as I began to rise, but she waved me down almost instantly and began to walk briskly over to where I still sat.

"Is everything okay?" I asked with concern, worried that something else had happened whilst I was here. Her expression wasn't exactly distressed, or disturbed as the priest had said earlier, but there was a sense of urgency about her that couldn't be ignored.

Occupying the same spot that the priest had only just vacated on the pew beside me, I didn't slide over to make room for her as I had for him; forcing her into close proximity with me as she looked around the room. Making contact from knee to hip, I just barely controlled the shudder of need that pulsed through me.

Even through the layers of clothing; our dark blue jeans and my duster, it felt as though I had been scorched as the muscles of my thigh jumped reflectively and the aching compulsion I felt towards her compelled me closer. All I needed was to touch her, nothing else, but I couldn't when I wasn't certain that it would stop at a simple touch.

"Yeah…well, kind of." Rose answered; unaware of the tumultuous thoughts of desire I wanted so badly to give in to. "No breakdowns, if that's what you're worried about. I just had a question. Or, well, a theory."

"A theory about what exactly?" I asked with restrained curiosity, folding my arms across my chest to keep my hands safely away from her.

"The ghosts…and the loopholes."

Glancing up at me as she hesitated slightly, Rose eyed me as if searching for something. She knew that I wasn't exactly comfortable about her ghost theory or that I necessarily believe her, but after hearing from Father Andrew that she questioning him about Anna, I decided to listen first rather than question.

Nodding for her to continue, Rose sighed quietly in response. Crossing her legs, she clasped her hands together and slide them between her thighs before taking a deeper breath before she looked straight ahead at the candles left burning by the priest before she began.

"Christian went in to feed a little earlier and he got Alice. She was going on and on about how I was supposed to protect everyone at the school, but that I shouldn't be too eager to kill or I might end up undead myself or some such nonsense and that she would be sad if she couldn't see me anymore."

Clenching my fingers again as the image that rose with those words swirled the panic in the pit of my stomach again, I didn't like where this was going, but I didn't interrupted.

"When I mentioned that I wouldn't want to be Strigoi and would prefer to die a normal death and return as a ghost to visit, she said that I couldn't…that the wards keep Strigoi and ghosts about because their magic is alive and neither of the others are."

"I told her I _had_ seen them behind the wards but she insisted that if I was seeing ghosts _inside_ the protective boundaries that it was because there was something wrong with the wards. Either that, or I was nuts, which by the way, Christian _loved_ hearing," she muttered as she rolled her eyes before continuing her excited ramble.

"But that's beside the point. What she said makes sense. The wards at the Royal Court are strong and so nothing could get through them, but there aren't any wards on the plane, and that's why they affected me so strongly. There has to be something wrong with the wards at the school, Dimitri."

Frowning at her explanation, in theory, it did actually make sense, but there was something glaringly wrong with it.

New wards were laid every few weeks as precautionary measures. Security had been increased after the massacre last year and border patrols had doubled to ensure the same thing was not repeated here. If there was something wrong with the wards, it would have been found and reported.

"I know Alice," I began gently as my legs shifted restlessly beneath the duster. "I'm not sure she's credible." I hated to discredit her theory so quickly, but giving her false hope at this stage wouldn't make things any better.

"I know. I thought the same thing. But a lot of it makes sense."

Listening to the undisguised hope in her voice made my chest ache, but the loopholes that she had been talking about earlier were only getting wider. "Not quite. As you pointed out, why are your visions so irregular here? That doesn't go along with the ward theory. You should feel like you did on the plane."

"What if the wards are just weak?" she insisted stubbornly. I knew that tone; she was about to try and apply her brand of logic – mostly illogical – to my own. If she placed her faith on this and it turned out to be wrong, I didn't want to see the look of defeat on her face again.

Shaking my head to dismiss her insistence before it became impossible to argue against her, I made my voice firmer, leaving no room for arguments. "That's impossible. Wards take months to wear down. New ones are put in place here every two weeks."

Disappointed at the speed in which I had dismissed her theory, Rose slumped backwards against the pew as she heard the truth of my words, blowing out a frustrated breathe. "That often? Maybe they're getting staked? By humans or something – like we saw before."

"Guardians walk the grounds a few times a day. If there was a stake in the borders of the campus, we'd notice." I pointed out gently.

Tunnelling her fingers through the thick, dark mass of her hair as her delicate features pinched into disgruntled displeasure, Rose glared straight ahead. It was obvious that she wanted very badly to still believe that this was somehow the trigger for her spectral hallucinations, but she couldn't argue against me…not when there were too many inconsistencies.

Unfolding my arms, I very gently placed my hand over the top of the one closest to me, even whilst knowing it was a very bad idea. For most, a simple touch was nothing more than that, but for us, it had always been a precursor to something far more powerful…something that we were powerless to ignore.

The gesture had been meant as comfort, but her unrestrained recoil from the contact spoke volumes for what the contact meant. Spanning the entire width and length of her hand, I laced our fingers together and squeezed lightly; relaxing a little more as she squeezed them back in acknowledgement of the comfort I wanted to give her.

"You thought if she was right, it would explain everything."

Nodding, Rose's gaze strayed to the candles that had held my attention earlier. The light of dawn was slowly filtering in through the stein-glass windows around the small chapel. It lit patches of stone floor and wooden benches into colourful wedges of asymmetrical light.

"I don't want to be crazy." She mumbled with grudging reluctance, as if confessing to her deepest, darkest, most shameful secret; a secret she would have rather carried to her grave than confess. Hearing the obvious strain this was putting on her self-belief made the ache I already carried around intensify almost to the point of physical pain.

"You aren't crazy." I consoled her quietly but with enough conviction that she would have heard it even if she had refused to really listen to me. With her face still averted, I was able to allow my eyes to trace over her features in profile. Most of it was hidden by the swath of her hair, but the stubborn jut of her chin, her plush lips and the straight blade of her nose were visible.

Even on the brink of something she didn't understand…something that clearly frightened her, her courage and will to defeat any adversity seemed to amplify her beauty.

"But you don't believe I'm really seeing ghosts." Rose challenged suddenly, all traces of vulnerability suddenly gone…or carefully hidden. The undertone of her voice; one that was rife with disappointment in my own lack of belief in her, was very loud and very damning. She had asked me to trust her, and I did, but I was still sceptical.

"I don't know," I hedged carefully, my eyes following the trail of melting wax as it slid down a candle off to the left of the pulpit. "I'm still trying to keep an open mind. And being stressed isn't the same as being crazy."

"I know," Rose conceded, which frankly surprised me. I knew that she didn't believe that stress was the trigger, so her answer intrigued me as I waited for the rest. "But…well…there's something else…"

Stroking along the length of her thumb with my own, I promoted her to continue as she looked down at her other hand; picking at a stray fleck of remaining gold nail polish with the short, trimmed edge of her middle finger.

"What is it, Roza? What else is there?"

"I came here earlier…to see Father Andrew about Anna. To see if he knew what had happened to her. He said that she had died not long after Vladimir, but it wasn't from natural causes. He said…he said she had killed herself because she was unhinged later in life."

Shuddering slightly, Rose paused for a moment before continuing.

"I think, because of her being shadow kissed, she was able to somehow draw out his darkness…the depression and mood swings and negativity and insanity that comes as a side-effect from Spirit. I think it's the same with me and Lissa."

"Why do you think that? What's happened to make you believe that Lissa's Magic is somehow affecting you?" I asked with false calm and between tightly clenched teeth, but the harsh undertone of my voice couldn't be as easily disguised.

Knowing already of the one-way bond that linked Lissa's emotional state to that of Rose's, I had never seen anything else to indicate that it was more than that, and knowing Rose, if there had been, she would have kept it to herself.

"Nothing really," she responded, frowning at my tone, as if she couldn't understand why this would make me angry…as if she couldn't understand why it would affect me. "It was more an observation from Adrian that made me think about it."

"Mmmm," I uttered darkly.

Adrian Ivashkov was proving to be more of a thorn in my side than I had thought possible. Still angry with him for exposing Rose and the others to Victor Dashkov, hearing now that he was half the reason for Rose's anxiety only hardened my attitude towards him.

"What did Adrian say?" I murmured in encouragement, brushing aside my irritation as our fingers played lightly together.

"Well, part of _his_ Spirit Magic is the ability to see a person's aura. He said that when Lissa uses her magic, even a little bit and not necessarily for healing, that my aura darkens and hers lightens…like I'm sucking out the negative side-effects from the use of it without even being aware of it."

"The problem there is, he says that it goes straight into me. It would explain the mood swings and how short tempered I've been lately. The same thing must have happened to Anna, only no one knew about it and it eventually drove her mad."

Glancing sharply down at her, my voice was hoarse when I asked. "Adrian said he could actually _see_ your aura darken?" It might explain her temperamental nature of late, but it didn't necessarily explain the ghosts.

"Yeah. When he isn't trying to block it out with liquor, his abilities are actually pretty cool. It works a little differently to Lissa's; his healing skills aren't as developed as hers, but it makes sense."

"Have you told anyone else about this? Lissa? Your counsellor?" I asked almost automatically; my mind was still spinning with this revelation.

"No," she muttered in a voice that was hushed and slightly abashed as she looked away from my searching gaze. Neither of those responses were natural to her and I knew that it was once again the need to appear as though she was invincible that had created it. "I was afraid of what they'd think."

Clutching at her hand more tightly than before, I sighed in mild exasperation as Rose proved once again that she was more than willing to be a silent martyr. "You have to stop this. You aren't afraid of throwing yourself in the path of danger, but you're terrified in letting anyone in."

Lifting her eyes to mine, Rose tucked her hair behind her ears as she shrugged almost timidly. "I…I don't know. I guess."

"Then why'd you tell me?" I persisted gently, resisting the urge to play with the silken tumble of her hair.

Grinning a little, Rose turned her body inwards towards me as she looked me dead on for the first time since she had sat down. "Because you told me I should trust people." Playing with the edge of the duster that had fallen away from my lap and towards her, the grin increased as she looked down at where our hands lay intertwined. "I trust you."

"You don't trust Lissa?" I replied, hiding the quiet joy her words had created in me.

Watching as that question wiped the amusement from her face, Rose bit the inside of her cheek. "I trust her, absolutely. But I don't want to tell her things that'll make her worry. I guess it's a way of protecting her, just like keeping Strigoi away."

"She's stronger than you think," I reminded her softly, "And she would go out of her way to help you."

"So what? You want me to confide in her and not you." Rose defied brashly as her eyebrow cocked in rebellion at my words.

"No, I want you to confide in both of us," I corrected, chastising her mildly as she sent me a withering look. "I think it'd be good for you. Does what happened to Anna bother you?" I asked, expecting her normal glibness to come through strongly as she brushed aside my concern, but what I got instead was very different and the reaction of it shocked us both into rigid stillness.

"No," Rose voiced very softly, looking quickly away from me as her voice shook and her hand in my own trembled. "It scares me."

Closing my eyes as I heard a frightened vulnerability I had never expected to come from Rose, much less for her to feel or to actually show it, I untangled our fingers and curled my arms around her slender shoulders. Pulling her towards me so violently that she almost ended up on my lap, I cradled her protectively to my chest.

The risk that we would be found like this was great, but the need to comfort and protect her was far greater.

Hearing the hitch in her voice as she fought against the grief of her fear, but lost, I rested my cheek on the top of her head as she clutched a the lapel of the duster and burrowed against my heart…the heart that thumped painfully for her.

"I don't want to be like that," she sniffed quietly against the coat as I pressed my lips very lightly to her hair and ran them back and forth; breathing her intoxicating scent deeply into my lungs. "I want to be like everyone else. I want my mind to be…normal. Normal by Rose standards, I mean. I don't want to lose control."

Burrowing deeper, her words were muffled by the dark grey t-shirt covering my chest. "I don't want to be like Anna and kill myself. I love being alive. I'd die to save my friends, but I hope it doesn't happen. I hope we all live long, happy lives. Like Lissa said – one big happy family. There's so much I want to do, but I'm so scared…scared that I'll be like her…I'm afraid I won't be able to stop it…"

Chocking back another sob as her real fear – the fear that she would lose control and be unable to stop herself from harming either herself or others – made itself known, I tightened my grip on her, hoping that I could hold off the panic if I held her that much tighter. My strength was hers…she only had to ask for it.

"It's not going to happen," I almost crooned as emotion made my voice thicker and my accent more pronounced than normal and the warning of Rhonda's that I had thought was silenced once again resurfaced.

"You're wild and impulsive, but at the end of the day, you're one of the strongest people I know. Even if you are the same as Anna – and I don't think you are – you two won't share the same fate."

Anna and Vladimir had been together for a lifetime; Rose and Lissa's bond was barely three-years old. Whatever damage might have already been inflicted could be stopped and with time, perhaps even reversed.

Cradling her to me with one arm, I ran the fingers of the other over the silky mass of her hair, feeling its warmth and vitality sooth my own fears as my fingers tangled lightly within it. "You're also missing something. If you're in danger from Lissa's magic, then at least you understand why. She can stop using her magic, and that'll be the end of it."

And it would be…I would make sure of it.

Feeling Rose react to my words, but not in a way that was normal, not in a way what would have signalled relief at my alternative, she placed her hands squarely on my chest and pushed away from me slightly as she looked up into my face with eyes that still brimmed with unshed tears.

Swiping an unsteady hand over her face, as if she suspected that there were lingering tears on her cheeks and wanted them gone before I could see them, Rose frowned at me. "But can I ask her to do that? I've felt how it makes her feel. I don't know if I can take that away from her."

"Even at the cost of your own life?" I asked with quiet incredulity and drawn brows as the martyrhood she was aiming for came into focus again. She might be willing to sacrifice herself, but if giving up something in favour of another meant putting her in danger, I would never allow it, especially as it could be so easily prevented.

"Vladimir did great things – so could she. Besides, they come first, right?" Rose reminded me as she once again curled up against me. Keeping her close as our hearts thumped together in a synchronized beat that paralleled our own synchronicity, I felt the heat of our bodies combine through our clothes, but it wasn't enough…it was never enough.

Vladimir _had_ accomplished wondrous feats, I had to concede, but at the expense of the person who had loved and known him best. I had no doubt that he would have tried to save Anna if he had known that it was harming her, just as I had no doubt that Lissa would do the same for the girl she considered to be a truer sister than any she might have actually had.

"Not always," I murmured as I rested my forehead against hers.

I couldn't pretend that the thought of Rose sharing Anna's fate didn't scare me and after the enlightening conversation with Father Andrew earlier, the answers were beginning to fall into place, but I also now knew that her safety was more important than that of anyone's.

The Moroi might come first, but if the choice was them or Rose, it would always be her.

Pulling away again as Rose gaped up at me whilst I still kept my hold on her, the uncomprehending astonishment on her face was almost comical, except, there was nothing remotely funny about this situation. "Sometimes, Rose, you have to know when to put yourself first."

Breaking away from my hold, Rose sat back against the pew. Looking at me as though I had lost my mind, I had to remind myself that I was now calling into question everything she had ever been taught since childhood. Everything we had _all_ been taught as children. Her reaction was only to be expected; she was still too young to be able to put things into proper perspective.

"Not with Lissa." She told me firmly, almost daring me to argue against it. Ordinarily I wouldn't have, but this was too important for her to forget. If she allowed herself to become embroiled with the negative side of Lissa's Magic, she wouldn't be of much use to her either way.

"She's your friend," I reminded her again, latching onto the smaller version of the rosary worn around her wrist; the Dragomir _chotki_ Lissa had given her over Christmas as it dangled from beneath the sleeve of her lilac jumper. "She'll understand."

Indicating to the tiny cross tangling hanging from a loop on the beads; the cross that bore the family crest of Dragomir, Rose stubbornly refused to listen to me as she continued to prove that nothing I said at this point would sway her. "It's more than that. If anything, _this_ proves it. I'm bound to her, to protect the Dragomirs, at all costs."

 _And by all costs_ , I thought severely, if she meant that her life was expendable to achieve that, that it was merely another consequence to that vow. "I know, but…" Exhaling warily, I let it drop for the moment.

She hadn't reached the conclusion that I had earlier and because of that, she wouldn't understand why I was suddenly trying to make her think beyond what we had been instructed. It made me feel more gratified for waiting until after graduation to tell her. Maybe by then, she would understand the way I felt.

Shaking her wrists loose from my grip only because I allowed it, Rose looked over to where bright sunshine streamed in through the windows. It only seemed to occur to her now that she was somewhere where she shouldn't have been.

"I need to get back. It's past curfew."

Grinning wryly, I shook my head at her, knowing she was using the curfew as an excuse to cut a conversation that wasn't sitting well with her short; curfew's had no impact on the rebellious Rose Hathaway.

"And you need to me to get back or you'll get into trouble."

Looking sheepish for a change, Rose grinned back at me as she tucked the _Chotki_ securely beneath her sleeve and stood. "Well, yeah, I was kind of hoping…"

Not pressing her, I rose and pulled her up with me, both of us looking back towards the doors as Father Andrew came in. He had given me more time than he should have and for that I was grateful, but when he saw that Rose was with me, his eyes widened slightly in reaction. Covering it quickly, he showed no other response other than polite surprised as we walked towards him.

"Hello, Rose." He greeted her gently, smiling when she returned the gesture. "Dimitri," he nodded to me, but there was a gleam in the gentle brown of his eyes that had not been there before.

"Father," I nodded back as I gave him a look full of meaning. "Thank you again for allowing me the time."

"You're welcome any time…both of you are. I hope I was able to help. Have a good evening."

Walking slowly back to housing, there was silence between us, but it wasn't awkward. Rose seemed to realise that something was different, even if she didn't know what it was, and didn't want to disturb it in any way.

Finding Yuri walking past a few minutes later, I decided to ask him about the wards as he had been on boundary duty for the past month. Rose needed to realise that there was something else at play here and that her ward theory didn't add up.

"Yuri." I called out, pivoting gracefully on my heel to face him as the duster flew around my legs.

"Hey, Dimitri," he called back in greeting, nodding at Rose as she watched him approach with a speculative expression on her face.

"You've been working with security, haven't you?" I asked casually. "When was the last time they laid new wards?"

Frowning as the skin around his mild blue eyes crinkled, he considered for a few seconds as he scratched at the stubble on his chin with his thumb and pursed his lips. "A couple of days ago. Why?"

"Just curious," I replied mildly, catching Rose's eye from the corner of my own. Nodding her head in acknowledgement, she muttered under her breath and made for the lobby. Still hovering, Yuri looked at me strangely but wouldn't leave, and so I couldn't follow.

Feeling the opportunity of time with Rose slip away, I hid my disappointment and walked with Yuri to the front office. There would be time with her later, especially as her half-time field-experience now allowed training that wouldn't have been possible before, so it was only patience that I needed.

Patience…and Alberta in a generous mood.


	29. Chapter 29

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Twenty-Nine ~

Breathing heavily into the thin, frosty air, the elementary campus was lightly misted and hazed in the golden light of early morning as I crossed over the winter-deadened lawns from the upper in search of Alberta.

I knew from being in the office with Yuri earlier that her shift had ended already, but no one had seen her return, so she was probably still on the lower campus. Not exactly worried that I would lose my nerve to talk to her, but that I would begin to doubt the decision I had made only an hour earlier if I didn't, I had decided against waiting to talk to her.

Knowing from the roster that I wouldn't find anyone with her on that part of the campus at this hour, it was probably better if I spoke to her alone.

Even if I _did_ find her in a generous mood, this conversation was still going to be unpleasant.

My request was bound to shock her. Anger would be next, followed by irrational lashing out and then reasoning for me to come to my senses, and I was prepared for all of that, but it was her disappointment that would be the most difficult to deal with, and there was no way around it.

With my realisation in the small chapel that I could have both duty _and_ Rose, came with it my ability to feel as though I could overcome any obstacle in my way. I also knew that this was just the first in a serious of stumbling blocks…and if I couldn't get over this one, there would be no point in facing the rest.

It was why I would have to word what I would say next very carefully. If Alberta refused to speak to the council on my behalf – and it was a real concern that she would – then the possibility of being reassigned would dwindle to non-existent.

Walking through the thick pine forest bordering the boundary of the property on the East, the frozen pinecones crunched loudly beneath my boots. Hearing a similar crunching a little way off to my left, I turned towards it in the hopes that I had found who it was I was looking for, even as my stomach lurched in nervous anticipation.

Brushing aside the heavily hanging branch of a dripping Yew, I saw Alberta before she saw me. Walking slowly, she appeared deep in thought with her head lowered slightly and her hands dug deeply into the pockets of her coat as the morning light caught at the dull highlights in her sandy hair.

Feeling now almost tensely unsure of myself, I shook off my hesitation and was about to make myself known, but I didn't have the opportunity as without lifting her head, Alberta seemed to know that I was there already.

"You're up very late, Belikov, and you're not on boundary duty until Friday morning. What's wrong?"

Reaching me, Alberta shrugged deeper into the warmth of her clothing and tilted her head back to stare at me with impenetrable eyes. Feeling again as though they could see straight through to what was already on my mind, I decided to get to the point as quickly as possible.

"I need to talk to you. Would you mind if we walked for a while?"

Arching a brow quizzically and almost instantly wincing as the deep cut above her brow from one of the West twins pulled with the movement, Alberta sighed quietly and nodded. It was obvious that she was tired and would have preferred to sleep, but she took her responsibilities towards her subordinates very seriously and often selflessly put their needs above her own.

I was hoping in this case that I wouldn't be the exception to her rule.

"Is this about Hathaway?"

In the act of sweeping another heavily hanging branch out of her way, my fingers clenched around the cold, wet pine needles. Telling myself that no matter how penetrating her gaze, Alberta couldn't know what I was about to talk to her about, I pushed aside my own uneasiness and turned to her.

"Rose?"

"Yes. Has been another… _sighting_?"

Hearing the wariness in the last word, I slowly forced my fingers to uncurl as I realised that her question had been merely curiosity about what she still didn't understand – what none of us did, really, and nothing more.

"No, no other… _sighting_ or at least, none that Rose has told me about. She's full of theories as to why she's having these hallucinations, but none of them have any consistency or make any sense really. She's also having her head filled by other people's nonsense, which isn't really helping."

"What other people and what nonsense?"

"Adrian Ivashkov."

Briefly explaining what Rose had told me in the church about his ability to sense or see auras, Albert looked at me as sceptically. Finishing off my explanation with a contemptuous bite, Alberta snorted nosily as she heard the clear distaste for him in my voice.

"I know that you don't approve of him being here, Belikov, but I've told you before that it's out of our hands."

"Mmmm," was my darkly murmured reply. His being here might be out of our hands due to the family connection to his great-aunt, but maybe it was time that I had a word with him about watching what he said to Rose in future.

"You don't believe that Rose is really seeing ghosts, do you?"

"No," I answered mildly, whilst already calculating when it would be the best time to find and talk to Adrian. "And I've told her as much, but I do agree with Dr. Olendzki's theory of some sort of delayed trauma. The idea that she sees a therapist might not appeal to Rose, but I think it's the best for her right now."

Scoffing, Alberta shook her head. "I know from Deirdre that she's at least shown up to her first session, which for Rose is progress, but that doesn't mean she's going to continue to go. Honestly, I'm amazed that she even went to the first one. I thought we would have to drag her kicking and screaming."

 _You probably would have, if I hadn't made her promise that she would go_ , I thought with a touch of ironic amusement.

"Dr. Wallace has spoken to you about her session with Rose?" Deirdre Wallace was the seldom used psychotherapist employed by the academy. In the eighteen or so months that I had been at St. Vladimir's, I had only ever known of a handful of students that utilized her skills.

Frowning darkly, Alberta shook her head, clearly displeased that the therapist had made good on her oath to protect clients information. "No, she was very guarded on what she would and wouldn't say, and the only reason we spoke at all is that I've asked her to report to me on every session Hathaway attends…and misses. If this half-day field experience is going to work, she's going to have to listen to us for once."

"Will she give you written reports if you requested them?"

Sidestepping a large puddle, Alberta glanced up at me. "I doubt it, but what I have asked is that if she picks up on anything in her sessions with Rose that set off any warning bells, that she would break patient/doctor confidentially and tell me. I would like to keep this exercise under wraps if I can, but if there's something there that is genuinely disturbing, the council will want to know."

"And if there is, it will affect her graduation…and with whom she'll be placed."

Keeping my voice calm and my manner composed as Alberta nodded distractedly at me, I hid my panic at the thought. I knew that what was wrong with Rose had nothing to do with mental instability and everything to do with guilt, but if the therapist misinterpreted it, she could prove to be a serious setback for Rose.

If she seen as unstable, she wouldn't graduate, let alone be assigned to Lissa…and then what I was about to do would be pointless. I was about to ask to be reassigned, which would leave Lissa without either of us to protect her.

The thought of that set my stomach roiling all over again.

What if I did talk to Alberta now? What if I was called into a hearing with council, my request was approved, a replacement picked and then something happened to Rose in the next six months that would cause her to be disqualified from being Lissa's primary?

How would I feel then, if it was all for nothing?

Closing my eyes briefly, the panic that had set in and threatened to carry me away slowly began to be replaced by a more shameful emotion…guilt.

I was basing all of this conjecture of my own fears, not on Rose's abilities…abilities that I knew with time, would be even more formidable than my own and more than likely, her own mothers. There was nothing about Rose that was the least bit crazy and she would prove to everyone, including me, that she was worthy of being a guardian by the time she graduated.

Which would prove that my decision was worth the risk.

"That's something that we'll have to deal with, if it needs to be dealt with, at a later stage," Alberta continued, oblivious to where my train of thought had carried me to. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired, so what did you want to talk to me about?"

Feeling guilty for keeping her awake when she looked paler than before with deep groves of exhaustion bracketed the sides of her drawn mouth, I inhaled deeply and decided against stalling any further.

"I have a favour to ask of you."

Skirting another puddle, Alberta looked up at me with an expression I had never seen before, or one rather, that had never been directed at me…one that said she hadn't ever expected to hear these words from me and wasn't sure on how to proceed.

"A favour? What kind of favour?"

"A very important one."

Stopping in the cold shadow of a massive pine, Alberta's expression was still puzzled as she looked up at me once again with unfathomable eyes. Shifting almost uncomfortably, I settled myself.

"I want to be reassigned and I need your help to convince the council to allow me. That's my favour."

Hearing the crunching of cones resonate through the still forest, the sound mingled with the anticipation of my heartbeat ringing loudly in my ears. Staring with almost blank incomprehension, Alberta blinked twice very quickly.

"You…you want to be reassigned? Is that what I heard you say?"

"Yes," I sighed very quietly as the shock settled in. "After Princess Vasilisa graduates, obviously. I'll continue to be her primary until then, but I'm asking you now because I knew that reviewing candidates as my replacement will take some time to organize my replacement."

Stunned momentarily into silence, Alberta gaped a little at me before closing her mouth with an audible snap. Staring at me for a few seconds, her pale cheeks began to flush with dull colour high on the cheekbones.

 _And here comes the anger,_ my mind whispered as my body braced.

Pacing away from me a few feet, Alberta shook her head as if to clear it. Muttering to herself in Ukrainian, she suddenly swung around to face me, only now the heat along her cheekbones was feverishly bright with fury and she no longer looked remotely tired as she uttered just one word between thinned lips.

"Why?"

"I respect you immensely, Guardian Petrov, which is why I'm not going to lie to you or make excuses for why I'm doing this. Besides, it would be pointless if I did because you already know why I'm asking to be reassigned. You knew at Court when you warned me, and have probably known for a while."

"Yes, I did warn you", Alberta hissed menacingly. "I did you a courtesy when I only made myself clear on the issue of Rose Hathaway and didn't take action, but you obviously weren't listening then, so I'm going to warn you again, only this time, I'm going to be more direct than I was before. Whatever is happening or _has_ happened between the two of you can go no further."

"Guardian Petrov…"

"Don't interrupt, Belikov! For the sake of everyone involved, I am going to forget that you have asked me to be reassigned, because I know that this time, you are going to actually listen to my warning, because if you don't, I will haul you in front of a disciplinary hearing so fast, your head will spin."

Taking another step closer, Albert glared up into my face. "As of today, I will take over Hathaway's training. You will continue to participate in the field-experience and will therefore be assigned to attack her during the exercise, but that will be the extent of your contact. If I see you together, no matter how innocent it looks, you'll be seeing the council members far faster than you would ever have liked to and in a much less friendly way. Do I make myself clear?"

Expecting the shock and the lashing out as Alberta's anger got the better of her normally level-headed temperament, the threats to separate Rose and I was one that I hadn't seen coming. Not when it made no sense.

"That's your decision of course, Guardian Petrov." I calmly observed as I fought to stay composed. "But you know doing that will only set her back further. She's not going to understand why it's happening and she'll worry about it when she should be concentrating."

"Oh, she's not going to know why I'm separating you, is she?"

Ignoring the thick sarcasm, I corrected her. "Rose has no idea that I've made this decision, Guardian Petrov. She has no idea that we're even having this conversation right now, in fact, if she knew, she wouldn't be happy that I want to be reassigned. If you want to be angry with someone, then it should be me. Don't punish her for my decision"

"Oh, I am angry with you, make no mistake about that." Eyeing me with a scowl bordering on murderous intent, Alberta abruptly swung away from me. Muttering in Ukrainian again, this time it was swearing and not just mumbling as she began to pace.

"Amazing. _You're_ about to make the biggest mistake of your life, and it's _Rose_ that you're worried about. Do you know what this could do to _your_ career? You're concerned about her being setback, but this could be an even bigger hurdle for you and that doesn't even seem to bother you."

About to argue against the concerns for what my own future held, I instead said the only thing that I could in my defence with perfect sincerity because it was all that really needed to be said.

"I love her."

Heaving a heavy sigh, Alberta ran her fingers agitatedly through her hair, glaring at me over shoulder as she continued to pace tensely. "Dammit it, Belikov! I never thought that I would have to have this conversation with _you!_ Theroux maybe, Dalca definitely, but not _you_. I thought you had more sense than this?"

"My lack of sense isn't the issue here."

"No, your disloyalty to the Moroi clearly is."

"My loyalties to the Moroi have not changed, Guardian Petrov." Holding my anger in check, it was only what I knew to expect. Now, and in the future. Everything about my loyalties to the Moroi would be questioned by anyone that had opinion, Moroi and dhampir alike.

"Really? From where I'm standing, it doesn't look like that. It looks as though as long as Rose Hathaway is involved, your loyalties are anything but fixed on the Moroi."

"I will continue to honour my duty to the Moroi, Guardian Petrov, just not Princess Vasilisa...not as long as Rose is involved."

"Because you're so certain that Rose will be assigned to her after graduation? And what if she isn't? Have you thought of that? What if she assigned to a Moroi on the other side of the world? You would have given up the Princess and be nowhere near Hathaway? Hmmm, then what? All of this would have been for nothing."

It wasn't actually something that I had given any thought to, because I knew at the end of the day, the council couldn't ignore the advantage that the bond brought, no matter how uncertain they were of Rose's suitability.

"If that's what it comes to, Guardian Petrov, then we'll still at least have shifts that give us some time off, without one of us constantly having to guard the same Moroi. It won't be easy, but it won't be for nothing either."

"How romantic," Alberta scoffed loudly, pacing towards me again. "A long-distance relationship that you would make work whenever you could get time off? And how long would that last, Belikov? Hmmm? This relationship will be hard enough to make work with you both in the same country considering how much resistance you're going to come up against, but long-distance relationships are impossible."

Striding forward at a fast clip, Alberta closed the distance to only a few inches between us. The anger shimmering off her was an almost visible heatwave as she continued her barrage. "What happens when the distance pulling between the two of you is too strong to ignore? Then what?"

"That would be our concern, Guardian Petrov."

"No! It would be mine!" Alberta barked, rising to stand on her toes so that her glare was closer to see. "I would have to appear before the council, regardless of whether I agreed to this ridiculous request or not, and have to explain to them why one of my most respected guardians wants to leave the prestigious post of guarding the last Dragomir because he was stupid enough to fall in love with his student right under my nose!"

Turning away again, the swearing continued, but this time Russian and English mixed with Alberta's native Ukrainian as I remained silent and let her rant. We both knew that the council would never know the true reason, but she seemed beyond common sense right now.

"You think I don't understand what it's like to be young and in love?" Alberta asked harshly, switching back to English as for a moment she stared out into the distance and seemed more focused on her own memories of the past than on criticizing me for my future.

"I understand more than you know, and like you, I was once faced with the same decision when I was younger. I gave up the person I loved to keep the oath that I had promised to the Moroi…" Trailing off, Alberta's shoulders slumped as she breathed out heavily, expelling her anger with it.

"Maybe if I had felt I had another choice. Maybe if was brave enough to feel like I had another choice, but I wasn't. Things were different then, and so Arthur and I made our choices."

Feeling as stunned as Alberta must have felt earlier, I repeated the name in my head a few times, the only Arthur I could think of, was the legendary guardian who had been part of the massacre last year…the massacre that Rose and I had unwittingly stumbled upon.

"Arthur? Are you talking about Arthur Schoenberg? You two were…"

Facing me again and arching a sardonic brow at my incredulous tone, Alberta narrowed her eyes dangerously at me. "Yes, Arthur and I. There's no need to look so shocked, Belikov. I was young once and not always so hard and unforgiving."

"Of course, forgive me for implying that you weren't, Guardian Petrov." Still a little unsettled, my surprise gave way to sadness for her. "Last year, when he was…I'm sorry."

Nodding solemnly, Alberta stared almost blankly through large gap in the forest to the rising sun. "Life for us is often fleeting; it's an occupational hazard, but Arthur lived to an old age and he lived his life doing what he wanted to do…what he thought would make the most difference. Grieving over that would be a waste of time, Belikov, and Arthur would be the first person to tell you that."

Although Alberta said those words outwardly, I knew that she must have grieved for him privately at some stage.

"Dimitri, reconsider. Please?!"

Finding her facing me again, the anger at my announcement had slowly begun to fade as her threats began to turn to reasoning and our conversation became more informal.

"I can't, Alberta. It's already too late. I know that you'll never understand why, or understand how I could do what it is that I'm doing, but this is the only way that I can still honour my duty to the Moroi…and be free to love Rose without feeling guilty for doing so."

"So that's it? You just woke up with one day and decided that this was the only way forward?"

"No. This is something I've been struggling with for a long time, but it wasn't until speaking to Father Andrew a few hours ago that I realised I could compromise without losing anything in return. He made me see that sacrifice and duty could go hand in hand, which is when I made the decision for reassignment."

"It wasn't an easy decision, Alberta, but it's the only one I can live with." Brushing aside a strand of hair blown across my face in the cool morning breeze, I took a step closer to her and softened my voice to a near whispering plea. "If it's done this way, there'll be no rumours or speculation afterwards when our relationship would have been more obvious. This is the only way."

Sighing, Alberta glared, but for the first time since starting this conversation, I felt as though she might actually be accepting of what I wanted to do. Shaking her head, Alberta walked away from me slowly; her retreat muffled by the pine-cones beneath her feet.

Waiting what seemed like an eternity, Alberta finally turned to face me, but her expression was resigned in defeat and it filled me with a quiet triumph.

"I can't believe that I'm actually agreeing to this madness…fine, I'll contact the council next week before they meet to discuss the novice assignments at the end of the year to tell them about your request, but I'm not happy about this and I still think you're making a big mistake."

Resting her back against a cold pine, Alberta folded her arms over her chest. "Have you thought about what you're going to say to them when they ask you why you want to be reassigned? It will be a question they want answered honestly, and believe me, if it's not what they want to hear, you're as good as buried."

"Obviously I can't go into detail and to be honest, I doubt that there's going to be _any_ reason that I give to them that's going to be good enough, so I was thinking along the lines of saying that due to personal issues, I no longer felt as though I was the best qualified to do the job."

Hearing what I had just said, I wasn't surprised at how difficult it was to say them.

"No, no, no, no. They will never for a second believe that you're having personal issues and that you don't feel as though you're fit enough to protect the remaining member of a Royal line." Pushing away from the tree, Alberta chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"Tell them that whilst it has been a privilege to serve as the Princess's guardian, you think that your time and expertise would be better served by continuing to train at the academy or at any other training facility, and that you respectfully request to be removed as Princess Vasilisa's guardian in order to do so."

"They'll already be thinking of a way to punish you for even asking for a transfer, believe me, and this will give them less ammunition. It might also help you in the long run; the guardians placed at academies have more freedom, and if you're lucky and believe so strongly that Rose will be assigned to the Princess, then you might even be assigned to Court. If I can reason with Hans, then I will try and suggest to him that it's Court you should be assigned to."

"Because you believe that Rose _will_ be assigned to Vasilisa?"

"At this point I don't know what to believe in anymore. An hour ago I was going over the mundane details for the next week's schedule in my head, never suspecting that _this_ is what I would have to deal with." Swiping impatiently at the short hair lying flat over her forehead, Alberta glared at me balefully, but the anger was almost gone.

"Thank you for your help, Alberta. Not just for this, but for what you will have to do for me in the future. I'm truly sorry that I'm putting you in this position."

"Not half as sorry as I will make you if I see even the slightest hint of your inappropriate behaviour towards a _minor_.I might be reluctantly agreeing to help you, but I am still your superior, and you will behave in a way that is expected of you, do I make myself clear?"

Glaring menacingly, I nodded once. "Yes, Guardian Petrov. I understand perfectly. It won't be a problem."

"No? I didn't think I had to worry about this sort of thing happening with you either, so you'll forgive me if I'm sceptical."

"Guardian Petrov, I have no ulterior motives here. I know that Rose is underage, and still a student, which is why all of this hinges on _after_ her graduation. Does this mean that I will continue to train her, or are you still set on separating us?"

Not wanting to push my luck when the favour I had set out to gain was already mine, I waited patiently for her reply whilst secretly on tenterhooks.

Placing her hands on her hips, Alberta muttered to herself. "I should put you on double duty from now until graduation." Sighing, she shook her head. "I have enough on my plate already, and now thanks to you, I have more. Continue with Rose, but bear in mind what I've just told you."

Nodding solemnly, Alberta blew out a frustrated breath and started slowly back towards the upper campus and housing. Walking at her side in silence for a few minutes, I allowed what this all meant to sink in. This was only a stepping off point. There would be more to follow that would be harder to accomplish, but I didn't allow myself to think about that when all I could feel was relief.

"I will contact the council at the beginning of next week, which means that I'm going to give you a little more time to think about this, if for no other reason than the panel you will be faced with will be merciless with you."

Looking at Alberta as she broke the quiet, I let her continue before interrupting.

"They will question your every motive and judge you at every turn. They have the ability to make what's left of your guarding career an absolute misery, no matter how good your track record is, Belikov."

"I understand all of that, Guardian Petrov, and I don't need any more time."

"I don't think you do, which is why I'm going to give you the time anyway. Just make sure you're ready."

"I will be, and…I'm sorry that I've disappointed you."

"Disappointment is a part of life. Granted, it isn't a part that I enjoy, but I don't get to choose. Hearing your plans and also realising that despite my warning, you hadn't taken it seriously, is a disappointment, Belikov, but I respect you more for coming to me now, rather than trying to hide your relationship later."

Crossing over to the upper campus, Alberta spoke but it was so quiet, I thought it was to herself. "You know, after watching you on the plane, I should have expected this, but I thought you knew better than to let your emotions get the better of you."

"I did…before I met Rose."

Glancing up at me in a way that said she would never look at me the same way again, Alberta pushed open the lobby door of housing and headed for her office as I followed a few paces behind. "Just remember what I told you…be prepared for the council."

"I will be. Thank you again."

"Don't thank me yet, Belikov. You've never had to face Hans Croft when he's angry – and guardians creating disruption in _his_ schedule, is a particular pet hate." Opening the door, she slipped through and closed it behind her before I could reply.

Leaning my shoulder against the dark wooden panelling outside her office, I thought about facing Hans and his panel of the jury as he stood as judge and executioner, but it was something that couldn't worry about right now, not when everything that I wanted was almost within touching distance.


	30. Chapter 30

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: The end of this chapter sets up the next with the attack on Rose by Dimitri, Yuri and Jean, and is more in line with the actual book events, but the rest of it is just a little bit of fluff to get there.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty ~

"Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!"

Thrusting her right leg towards the abdominal region of the training dummy, Rose dug her knee into the Solar Plexus on her third hit; grunting as she made contact with the hardened, flesh-coloured rubber.

Bobbing violently in every direction as its springs creaked in protest and it's anchoring to the gym floor barely held; it ricocheted back towards her, but Rose had already anticipated which way it would recoil as she ducked to the right and lashed out with her practice stake.

Striking directly over the imaginary heart again and again, she never missed as the dummy bobbed and weaved, but there was something off about the way she was striking…something almost frantic about her movements as they became more aggressive and less methodical.

Lashing out again, Rose continued with her almost blind assault. Waiting another minute to see if she would collect herself and attack as she had been trained, her attention to the detail of her movements only seemed to be worsening and I became concerned she would hurt herself.

"Rose? Rose…Rose, stop!"

Crossing over the mat to where she stood with her fists clenched tightly around the stake; glaring at the dummy and breathing heavily, I deliberately kept my distance by stopping a foot away from her and asked calmly, "what's wrong, Rose?"

Sighing heavily, she shook her head before briefly closing her eyes, clearly struggling to regain control as her chest rose and fell rapidly and her skin – bared by the gaping neckline of an old black t-shirt that was too big for her and knotted up at her ribs – glistened with sweat beneath the bright lights of the gymnasium.

Opening her eyes a second later, the glare Rose gave me was in no way less menacing than the one she had given the poor dummy earlier and it made me pity myself, rather than it. Backing up a step, I warily eyed her as she raised her arm and once again drove the stake home, watching me, rather than the dummy.

"Wrong? Why would you think anything is wrong, comrade? The field experience is already into its second week and I haven't been attacked once…not even close to it and I'm on half time whilst everyone else is out there actually facing off!" Stabbing viciously enough to make even me wince, I hid it as Rose turned her glare to the dummy again.

"The guardians are looking at me like I'm crazy, and the other novices are acting like I'm being given preferential treatment and, to make matters worse, I'm stuck in a gym on a Saturday morning attacking a fucking dummy instead of the real thing!"

Launching one final attack, Rose stabbed at the dummy with enough force to puncture the outer, rubber shell and break off the tip of the practice stake. Leaving it imbedded in the ruptured plastic flesh, she rested her hands on her hips and turned to me once more with ire burning in her narrowed eyes.

"I know that you're frustrated, Rose," I began gently, almost placating as her eyes narrowed into brown slits and I tried to calm her. "Believe me; I know how you feel, but…"

"Really?" She interrupted with caustic sarcasm. _"You know how I feel?_ Were you benched during your field experience? Did everyone look at you as like you had lost your mind and should be wrapped up in a straitjacket?" When I remained silent, Rose continued to rant. "No, of course you weren't, because you're you, so don't try and relate because you can't know how I feel, Dimitri."

Turning on her heel, she walked towards her gym bag, jacket and water bottle lying in a haphazard pile at the edge of the mat with a snort that perfectly summed up her disdain for my sympathy…and reduced it to anger as strong as her own.

In the five days since I had approached Alberta with my plans to ask for a transfer, the emotional high I had felt at the beginning as I realized that I could have the best of both worlds hadn't faded, despite her bleak warning that I could be ruining my career before it had really begun and that I would come up against opposition from the council before they allowed it.

Kept busy for most of it by the field experience and additional shifts to make up for time spent at Court, the training sessions spent alone with Rose had only given me further sense of vindication that I had made the right decision. But as the days wore on, her disappointment with being excluded from the field experience had begun to affect not only her own outlook, but mine as well.

I could understand that she was frustrated with doing nothing more than training and reading through manuals on fighting techniques; anyone would be and I was no different, but her attitude had begun to sour so severely that I begun to wonder which side of her personality I would be meeting when I entered the gym.

Today had been no exception.

Delayed by Emil on the way in, I had arrived a few minute late to find Rose warming up on the practice mat. Asking how she was, I had expected her to roll her eyes in playful exasperation, but there had been nothing playful about the way she had snapped out her reply.

Gauging that her mood this morning was far worse than it had been during the week, I hadn't said another word and had instead set her up to fight against the dummy, hoping that the physical exertion would help to expel her rage, but clearly, it hadn't worked.

Normally I would have been able to control the anger I felt at her poor attitude, but after suffering through almost a week's worth of self-imposed restraint in response to Alberta's warning that I maintain my professionalism, my control was now in short supply.

"Rose! Come back here!"

Freezing at my harsh bark, Rose straightened and tossed her jacket back into the pile, but didn't turn to face me. Shoulders stiffly set, it was clear that the natural inclination of her stubbornness was about to rebel again.

"Now, Rose!"

Sighing noisily, Rose swung fluidly on her heels towards me and approached. Clear defiance was visible in every taut line of her body as she made her steps deliberately slow, but she knew me well enough by now to know when she had crossed a line and wasn't about to push her luck any further.

Planting her feet at the edge of the mat, she was slightly taller from the thick padding, but she stilled raised her chin defiantly to look at me as she crossed her arms over her chest. The action pulled tight the too large shirt across her collar bone, revealing the skin beneath and wide black straps.

Unfolding my own arms from my chest, I closed the slight distance between us and reached out to gently rest my hands on over the skin that had just revealed; resting my thumbs in the still damp hollow at the base of her throat even though I knew I shouldn't have touched her.

Frowning a little at the action, when she clearly hadn't expected it, Rose shifted slightly beneath my hands, but didn't pull away as I saw her irritation give way to confusion. It wasn't surprising considering that I had been very careful with keeping my distance in the last few days. She wouldn't know what to make of the sudden shift in my behaviour.

"I _do_ know how you feel, even if I can't relate to your specific situation, Rose."

Arching a brow, the softening of her lips suddenly became harder again, but I interrupted her before she could mouth off again.

"Whether you believe me or not doesn't matter. What matters is how you handle it. Have you tried talking to your counsellor about how you feel instead of taking it out on the poor dummy…or me?"

Grimacing wryly, Rose shook her head. "We talk about lots of things, but me wanting to inflict bodily harm isn't usually one of them. Besides, I doubt she can help with the lack of attacks. That's probably Alberta's decision." Finishing off darkly, Rose glared briefly towards the admin block and Alberta's office; not knowing how right she was.

"Is the therapy helping?

"You mean with the…ghost thing? I don't know if it's working or not, but I haven't seen Mason or any of the others since we got home. I haven't had any headaches…the only problem is everyone treating me like I'm brittle and going to break."

Dropping her arms to her side, Rose looked up at me with an expression not just of frustration, but of defeat as well. "How the hell am I going to prove that I should be assigned to Lissa after graduation if I'm not being attacked? This half time thing isn't working, Dimitri."

Agreeing with her, but also wanting her to continue with her counselling, no matter how pointless she might feel it was, I decided then to talk to Alberta. I knew that she had deliberately altered the roster to keep Rose away from any stressful condition, but it was only making things worse now.

There was no guarantee that Alberta would agree to this. She wasn't exactly happy me with at the moment, but I still needed to try.

"It's only been a few days, Rose," I consoled quietly, knowing that I couldn't give away what I was about to do next. "Give it some time. There's still another four weeks of the field experience to go. I'm sure that by the end of it, you'll prove yourself."

"Great. Another four weeks of the other novices giving me crap and waiting for something to happen just so that I can prove myself. I can't wait."

"You can handle yourself."

"Of course I can," Rose replied almost cockily to my comment. "But that still doesn't mean I'm allowed to hit any of them."

Chuckling beneath my breath, I held onto her for a second longer before letting go. "No, it doesn't. Especially considering that you're so intent on killing whatever's in your path." Glancing back over my shoulder to the staked dummy, I grimaced a little. "Do you think we continue to train without you destroying any other equipment?"

"No promises, comrade."

Raising a brow, I walked to the abused dummy and pulled out the stake; shaking my head at the damage and knowing how expensive they were to replace. Showing her the broken tip, Rose shrugged without any real concern as I tossed it back to her and she caught it nimbly. "Better the dummy, than you."

"I'm touched by our concern, Rose. Did you think about how you're going to get a replacement stake before impaling the poor dummy? No? How are you going to defeat any of the guardians without your practice stake, Rose?"

"Oh, I don't know, Dimitri. Maybe I'll ask them nicely not to attack me, or maybe I'll tickle them instead until they drop theirs? I can't really know how I'm going to defeat any of them because none of them, including you, are attacking me! Now do you have anything else to say on the subject, or are you just screwing with me too?"

"I'm starting to think that the dummy got off lightly."

Exhaling noisily, the expression of aggravation hardening Rose's features relaxed into remorse as she saw irritation creeping into my own at her tantrum. "I'm sorry. I know that you only want to help, and I'm being a bitch about it." Gesturing helplessly towards the dummy, Rose muttered. "Can we just skip the rest of training please? My head's not in this today."

"And that is exactly why we're going to carry on." Crossing over to her, I steered her gently to the centre of the mat, unzipped my jacket, folded it up and carried it to the edge. Placing it neatly next to Rose's mess, I shook my head at the disorder before neatly rearranging it.

"You heard that I apologized, right? I don't often do it, so you might not know what it sounds like."

Keeping my back towards her as I folded her jacket, I hid the smile at her quiet words. "Yes, Roza. I heard." Joining her on the mat again, she looked at me a little uncertainly whilst fidgeting with the knot of her t-shirt.

"So… I've already killed the dummy, what are we going to do now?"

"Something different."

"Different, how?" Rose frowned. "I thought you had taught me everything?"

'No, I haven't taught you everything, Rose, but what I'm about to teach you hasn't exactly been approved by the council as part of the novice curriculum, so don't tell anyone."

"You're breaking the rules?" Arching a brow, Rose smiled approvingly.

"No, I'm bending them, just this once, so don't so pleased. It's not going to happen again."

"Ok, so what are you teaching me?"

"To fight dirty."

"Ah…metaphorically, or literally, because if it involves going outside and rolling around in the mud, it's not happening, comrade."

"Metaphorically speaking, Rose."

"You've always told me that fighting dirty has no honour in it and should never be used unless it's if I have no other choice. It's not exactly something that I should ever use against a guardian during field experience. Not that I'm getting any experience," she grumbled sourly.

"You're right. It doesn't have any honour and shouldn't be used unless its life or death, but you're wrong about using it against guardians in the field. You have to remember that we're not your teachers out there; we're Strigoi and our only objective is to kill you and your Moroi."

"Yeah, I know that, but still…"

"There is no argument in this, Rose." Taking a step back, I shifted my stance to one of defence and curled my fingers at her.

"What? You want me to attack you?" At my nod, Rose looked sceptical and a little wary. "Yeah, that doesn't normally work out well for me."

"Pretend that I'm the dummy."

Grinning at her glare, the uncertain light lurking in the depths of Rose's eyes turned to retribution as she flexed her fingers and clutched the damaged stake tightly in her right hand. Taking a single step towards me, Rose ducked to her right and closing the distance, rapidly swung the stake at my ribs.

Ducking out beneath the blow at the last second, I knocked the stake from Rose's hand, locked onto her wrist and kicked her legs out from beneath her. Flipping her over onto her back in a single fluid movement, I followed her down onto the padded mat with arms locked around her and my weight resting on my elbows.

Breaking her fall slightly, I crouched over Rose as she closed her eyes and groaned not in pain, but in defeat. Sliding my arms out from beneath her, I braced my flat palms on either side of her shoulders and caged her in.

"That was terrible, Rose. I've seen you take down Aylesworth, West and Castile with no effort and in half the time. You're not even trying. I'm starting to doubt my abilities as your instructor."

"I told you it wouldn't work just like I told you my head isn't in this, but you don't want to listen to me." She griped, still not looking at me.

"It's not working because you're not looking at me like I'm a Strigoi, not because you lack concentration. You're going through the motions that I've taught you, Rose and that's not going to work. You have to attack me like your life is at risk."

Opening her eyes, they widened as Rose saw that I was close enough for my breath to disturb the fine hair at her temple and felt our body heat mingling in the space that separated us. Swallowing roughly as I kept my own gaze steady, but didn't move away from her, Rose suddenly seemed to remember why she lying on the mat.

"You…you actually _want_ me to hurt you?!"

"If it means you win against me, then yes. You have to do whatever it takes. That's the whole point of fighting dirty."

Viewing me with speculative eyes, as if she was trying to work out a problem she had never encountered before, Rose pursed her lips. "So then I should target the softer, more sensitive areas of the body? The area's that will hurt the most?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Like these areas?"

Raising her right arm, the motion of Rose sweeping her fingers over the bridge of my nose caught me off guard. Drawing a line beneath my eye and down my cheek, Rose tilted her head as the speculative look turned into something else...something that turned my stomach inside out and sent my blood hammering through my veins.

"Are those area's sensitive? Should I target them?"

Sliding southward when I didn't answer…when I _couldn't_ answer, as the air in my lungs burnt up, her index finger traced over my upper lip and onto the bottom. Lingering for only a moment, Rose continued down over my jaw and my throat.

Raising her other hand to join the first, she slid both of them down my chest and around to my back to dip into the indentations of my spine. Burrowing beneath the t-shirt now damp with sweat not created by exertion, but of restraint, she rested them on my ribs.

Skimming her knuckles gently back and forth over the hard vaulting of bone and muscles, Rose opened her palms and rested them against my twitching, jumping stomach muscles as I stifled a groan. Keeping my hands flattened on the mat, the pounding in my head made her next works difficult to hear as Rose arched up off the floor and quietly spoke into my ear.

"What about here? Are these the area's that I should target?"

Trying to recall why this was a bad idea, why this was a _terrible_ idea, the attraction between us made it almost impossible to remember as we drew closer to each other. About to throw caution to the wind and beyond caring if we were caught by anyone, I felt Rose raise her knees to my chest and only realised a moment too late that I had played right into her hands.

Kicking upwards and slinging me over her shoulder by using her grip over my ribs, Rose flung we backwards onto the mat and rolled with me as I found myself landing hard against it with her now straddling me.

Motionless for a few seconds as I tried to clear the desire fogging my brain, I opened my eyes to find a hugely grinning Rose looking down on me with smug victory lighting up every tiny detail of her beautiful face. Patting me on my chest, she used it to push up and away from me as I sat up, sighed and conceded.

"Well done, Rose. That wasn't exactly what I meant by fighting dirty, but you outsmarted me and caught me by surprise, which is exactly what I wanted to teach you."

Bending to retrieve the stake, Rose tossed it into the air, grinned and winked at me. "You didn't need to teach me how to fight dirty, comrade; I was born knowing it, but thanks for the compliment anyway and the reminder that we all need to use whatever we have to gain the upper hand."

About to ask if Rose planned on gaining the upper hand with everyone in the same way, I didn't have the chance as the look of triumph disappeared and was replaced by the type of intense concentration brought on by the one-way communication between her and Lissa.

Ignoring the hard discomfort of my body, I rose and stood at her side. Her expression didn't trigger any alarm, but I knew that I would mean an end to our training. Waiting for it to end, I gathered and packed Rose's bag.

Blinking quickly less than a minute later, Rose looked up at me waiting as she pulled away from the connection.

"Lissa?"

Chuckling softly to herself, Rose nodded. "She's been on Lehigh's website again and wants to talk to me about it." Laughing louder, a sudden look of glee warmed her eyes. "Christian's obviously had enough hearing about it. I almost feel sorry for him. He's had Lissa gushing about college in one ear and me bitching about field experience in the other. He's probably off hiding somewhere."

Reaching for her gear, Rose shoved the ruined stake into the inside pocket of her jacket as she pulled it on and slung the bag over her shoulder. "I have to go find her. Is it okay if we finish up a little early?"

"Sure. It's not like I have anything left to teach you."

Laughing at the wry irony in my voice, Rose tilted her head. "Don't be like that; you've got lots to still teach me, just not this."

Walking towards the doors, I called out. "Rose?"

Pausing at the door, she looked back at me over her shoulder. "Mm-hm?"

"It will get better. Just…"

"Yeah, I know…give it time. What you really should be teaching me is patience."

"It's not something that's teachable…especially to you."

Smirking at me as she pushed through the door, Rose shook her head and left. Exhaling, I stripped and put the equipment away, made a note to send the dummy in for repairs, and gathered my own gear, heading for the admin building.

Knocking twice when I reached Alberta's office, she called out to enter. Closing the door behind me, she raised her eyes from the paperwork on her desk and sat back in her chair with raised brows and a suspicious expression. It was to be expected, but it still irked me that she would now automatically assume the worse.

"Belikov."

"Guardian Petrov. Do you have a moment?"

"As long as it has nothing to do with Rose Hathaway, yes, I do."

When silence followed her question, she crossed her arms over her chest and glowered.

"It is about Rose," I acknowledged before quickly continuing. "But it doesn't have anything to do with what you're thinking."

"Then what is it about?"

"Her exclusion from the field experience."

Raising her brows ruefully, Alberta sat forward as she continued with her work. "That's actually something that I'm working on right now. It seemed like the best thing for her last week, but now I'm not so sure. There's already talk amongst the other guardians and I can only imagine it's the same with the novices."

"It is."

Shuffling papers, Alberta slide the roster over to me. "I've slotted her in for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Sunday."

"I'm well aware of that, Belikov." Alberta answered as she reacted to my surprise. "The novices were warned during orientation that there would be attacks on Sundays, so it shouldn't be an issue, as long as they are prepared."

Keeping my opinion to myself, I glanced fleetingly over the roster and saw that Alberta had scheduled the attack, but it was the number of attackers that made me pay more attention to it. Yuri and Jean had both been rostered against her, but there was a third attacker that hadn't been pencilled in.

"A three-pronged attack?"

"Yes, it's the only way she's going to prove herself." Sitting back again, Alberta watched me closely through calculating eyes. "Despite everything that's happened, I actually like Rose and my belief in her, is almost as strong as yours, but we both know that if the Council decide to pair her with Lissa, it will make her final trial at the end of the year far harder than any of the others will have to face. She has to prove to everyone now that she can handle that."

"Guardian Petrov…"

"Belikov, my mind is made up. Yuri and Jean will flank and support the point."

"Who will be on point for the attack?" I asked with a sinking feeling that was rapidly turning into an uncomfortable knot in the pit of my stomach. "Who's the third?"

"You."


	31. Chapter 31

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-One ~

Hidden by the deep shadows of a Sycamore planted to the right of the quad, my watchful gaze focused on my target as she unknowingly approached her attackers lying in wait…attackers that _I_ led as they waited for my signal to ambush Rose Hathaway.

Clenching my back teeth so hard the bones of my jaw ground together, I again wondered how it was that I now found myself in this position.

For a solid minute after Alberta had confirmed what I had already begun to fear, I had stood completely still in her office as she continued to outline her plan, speechless that she had put me in this position, whilst all the while the part of my brain not in shock had whispered that I should have expected this.

Alberta wasn't cruel by nature or even necessity, and I knew that her actions weren't born of some sort of punishment for what she saw as my disloyalty towards the Moroi. She had been right when saying that Rose had to prove herself, and she knew that the only way to do it was to pit us against each other.

My brain had kept reminding me of this throughout that day and the next, but my heart was having trouble remembering it.

I wasn't worried about the physicality of attacking Rose; she was more than capable of holding her own against me, it was the manner in which Alberta had organised it that concerned me. Most of the novices had faced multiple attackers since the field experience had begun, but they had usually been with other novices and had paired up to defeat the guardians attacking them.

None of them had taken on three at once.

Exhaling deeply, though it did very little to expel my tension or ease my anxiety, I knew the time had come and there was no point in further delaying. Shifting carefully with a subtle movement that wouldn't give away my position, I turned my head to catch Yuri's eye over my left shoulder. Nodding that he was ready in acknowledgment of my silent question, I did the same to Jean on my right, who responded in the same manner.

There was no need for further instruction. This attack had been planned down to the finest detail.

Darting silently in a blur of black between the weathered stone columns bordering the quad and the outer corridors, they kept to their own shadows as the halls and passageways began to fill with students heading towards for dinner.

Most were coming in from the chapel after service and were too hungry to pay careful attention to their surroundings. There was a more relaxed atmosphere on Sundays as the week wound down that all the students, including the novices, had taken advantage of. Alberta had reminded me that they shouldn't have; they had been warned in orientation, and I could only hope that Rose would remember this.

Refocusing on her now, I saw that she was no longer alone. Strolling arm in arm with Lissa over what, in the spring would be a grassy lawn, but now was little more than a muddy patch, they gingerly dodged the puddles and mush as they made their way towards commons and a small group of students gathered.

More at ease than I had seen her in days, the fine tension and slightly frantic air about her was calmer and more contained…mostly because of the person beside her. Lissa was the one person that Rose completely dropped her guard around.

Their emotional bond, as well as the mystical one, allowed them the freedom that so many feared, and whilst it made me happier knowing that Rose could be around her exactly what she was for once – a teenage girl enjoying time alone with her best friend in a world that would rarely allow it in the future – it also irritated me that I was about to disrupt it.

"Does she always answer your questions with questions?"

Hearing the disgruntlement in her voice over what was obviously a question about her therapist; Rose glanced at Lissa with a disgusted expression as she dug her hands deeper into the pockets of her pale yellow hoodie.

Laughing at the irritation in her voice, Lissa hugged Rose closer and lightly bumped her forehead against her temple. "We don't have the same counsellor. I'd be a conflict of interest."

"Well does yours do that?"

Reaching over to pluck a small ball of fluff from her jacket, Rose arched a brow as Lissa continue to smile in enjoyment that she had met someone that she couldn't talk her way around. "Not that I've really noticed." The smile widened. "I take it yours does."

Brushing at the fluff herself, Rose sighed and shook her head in bewilderment. "Yeah…it's actually pretty amazing to watch."

Hearing the reluctant mingle of fascination and frustration, Lissa wrapped the open edge of her pale-pink cardigan more securely around herself for warmth as the nip in the air permeated through the wool. "Who knew the day would come when we'd be comparing notes on therapy?"

Looking so startled for a moment that Rose actually stopped short and pulled Lissa up with her, she chocked out a laugh. Joining in, Lissa huddled closer to her as my muscles tensed in anticipation of the attack.

About to give the final signal, my peripheral vision tracked the movement of someone approaching the pair. Holding up a hand to keep the other two in their place, my eyes followed Dean Barnes as he broke away from the small group of students loitering at the doorway of the dining hall.

Gaze narrowing sharply at his awkward gait, his movements seemed uncoordinated and there was a dull flush riding along his high cheekbones. Stumbling over a paving stone, he kept walking clumsily forward whilst throwing an annoyed look over his shoulder before muttering at it.

"Unbelievable," I muttered almost inaudibly to myself, sliding a disgusted look towards the waiting wraiths, both of which were shaking their heads in equal disgust. It was bad enough to be underage and caught drinking, but for it to happen during the field experience when they _knew_ they had to be alert at all times, was inexcusable.

Wanting to yank him aside, another thought came to mind before I could read him the riot act.

Intoxicated or not, he was another novice…one that I could use to divide the attack on Rose without it looking suspicious to the other two.

Trusting that this wasn't part of the plan but that they would follow my lead anyway, I glanced over to the others and mouthed Jean's name. Seeing the question in her eyes, I nodded towards Rose and mouthed first attacker. Doing the same to Yuri as the second attacker, they didn't question me further as they moved forward with silent, deadly intent and closed the distance to only a few feet.

"Hey, Rose. A bunch of us are trying to figure out why you're on half-time."

Slurring slightly, Dean swayed on his feet and didn't seem to notice that he was standing in a muddy puddle as he raked a hand through his messy brown hair. Leaning forward unsteadily, he hovered over the pair closer than I liked, and closer than I was certain Rose would want. Frowning, Lissa looked worriedly at Rose for a second, concerned that her notoriously short temper would become even shorter, but she remained unruffled and actually looked…a little judgmental.

Feeling the reluctant upward curl of my lips despite the seriousness of the situation, I wondered if she even realised just how much she had changed since her return. The girl she had been before wouldn't have disapproved – she would have joined in.

"I've been sick. Dr. Olendzki didn't want me going full-time."

Snorting rudely at the calmness of her half-truth, Dean leaned towards Rose again, but lost his balance and began to pitch forward, only righting himself at the last moment to save from falling onto them both. Having already anticipated the direction of his fall, Rose had moved Lissa to the left and slightly behind her even before he had begun to lose his balance.

Narrowing her eyes at him, Rose kept Lissa behind her as Dean shook his head slightly, widened his stance to keep his balance and sneered mockingly. "Really? I thought they were always talking about how in the real world, you don't get sick days. Or something like that."

"Well, this isn't the real world, and Dr. Olendzki's word is final."

Watching as Rose's calm façade began to give way to irritation, I knew it was only a matter of time before Dean's drunken stupidity caused a fight. Not wanting that as a distraction for what was about to happen, I moved slowly out from behind the Sycamore and into the open as Yuri and Jean moved from their shadows.

"I heard it was because you're a threat to Christian." Dean obnoxiously carried on, turning his back towards my silent approach. Rolling her eyes, Rose shook her head whilst looking towards Lissa and away from the approach of her own attackers.

"No, believe me, that's not it." Wrinkling her nose as she turned back to Dean and he once again leaned unsteadily towards them, Rose pulled back with a small grimace. "Have you been drinking?"

Pulling away, Dean shrugged and tried to steady himself. "Yeah, Shane got some stuff and had a few of us up in his room. Hey…don't look at me like that!"

Blinking at his outraged tone, Rose looked confused for a moment. "Like what?"

"Like you disapprove."

"I'm not."

"You are, actually," Lissa confirmed with a smothered laugh as Rose looked at her questioningly. Seeming to realise she was right, Rose didn't bother to defend herself, but the look on her face said more than words ever could.

"Hey," Dean defended hotly, poking his index finger into his chest. "It's my day off, and even if it _is_ Sunday, that doesn't mean I can't –" Trailing off unexpectedly as Rose jumped away from him so quickly that she was a blur of motion, the glazed look of confusion in his eyes transformed into shock.

Realising a moment too late what was happening, Dean stared wide-eyed at Rose as she fended off an attack by Jean and didn't seem to notice me until I was hovering menacingly over him.

Turning too slowly and too clumsily to be of any real threat, Dean fumbled around for his stake and dropped it twice before he could even begin his attack. Knocking it easily from his hand, he tried to land a series of body blows, but his movements were so sluggish it was laughably easy to deflect them. Barely paying him any attention, I tried to watch Rose from around him, but he obstructed my view.

Kicking him in the stomach, he went down with a wheezing groan and scrambled for his stake as my view was finally clear.

Not surprised to see that Jean was already standing to the side with a large red mark spreading over the right side of her jaw, she looked on at Rose with approval as she and Yuri danced warily around each other. Keeping one eye on Dean, who still hadn't recovered enough from my blow to his stomach to stand up; I felt the adrenaline that was missing from the fight with him kick in as I watched Rose.

Embracing the excitement of the fight as it simmered through my veins, every escape from beneath Yuri's grasping fingers she made, every dodge to the left or feint to the right she escaped, every counter-strike or kick she blocked, I felt as keenly as if I was making them myself.

Circling around each other for almost a minute, Yuri's patience began to grow thin. Lunging recklessly forward, he left himself open to an assault from Rose. Retreating with a grimace as his hand went to instinctively cradle his bruised ribs, he tried to swoop in beneath her, but Rose was too quick to be caught.

Faster, younger and fighting for more than just the need to prove herself, Rose wasn't about to let him win.

Raising my arm to block a blow from the still winded Dean, I shoved him out the way as Yuri charged. Backing up to side-step him, Rose skidded to the right as her booted-foot landed in the mud. Losing balance slightly, my heart kicked against my ribs as Yuri took advantage of it and coiled an arm around her waist, but before he could tighten his grip, Rose elbowed him over his sternum.

Wincing in sympathy, I suddenly realised how the training dummy must have felt.

Grunting in pain and doubling over, Yuri lost his grip on her. Waiting for the opportunity to slip from his grasp, she twisted beneath his hold, raised a leg to knee him in the Solar Plexus and staked him with a swift uppercut to the chest as he began to go down.

Winded, but grinning, he nodded to her once and bowed out instantly as Dean tried to clumsily attack, but only managed to drop his stake again.

Turning quickly to check on Lissa, Rose quickly scanned for any immediate threats to her. Finding none, she turned towards us, but her sights were set on Dean's tragically pitiful attempts to fend off his attacker, and not on the attacker himself.

Shaking her head in disgust as she recognized that he was only putting himself at risk the longer he stayed in the fight, Rose reached him in a few running strides. Grabbing the back of his flannel shirt, she threw him to the side.

Groaning from the impact as he landed hard on his stomach in front of Lissa, Rose paid him no further attention as she turned towards me with her stake raised – the stake that I had only just managed to have replaced after she had destroyed her previous one. Faltering slightly as she saw me, the flare of confidence and victory in her eyes instantly betrayed her uncertainty.

It was there clearly to read…she didn't think she could beat me.

Afraid that she would lock up with insecurities, I crouched low and took a threatening step towards her in the hopes that her preservation instincts would spur her into action. Seeming to shake herself internally, Rose immediately orientated herself into a better position to face off against me.

Feeling the gentle simmer of the adrenaline from before begin to bubble and boil violently through my veins, I was only vaguely aware of the crowd our encounter was drawing, of Lissa standing tensely on the side-lines, of Dean still wheezing at her feet – there was nothing more important than Rose right now.

Only Rose.

The inevitability of this moment had been set up the second Alberta had made her decision, and although I had hoped to avoid it, I know realised how fiercely I wanted it…how fiercely I wanted Rose to prove herself here and now.

Tightening her grip on the stake, Rose leapt towards me. Anticipating that she would try to catch me off guard as it was one of the very first things I had ever taught her, I intercepted her as she landed at my feet with a backhand blow against her head. Knocking her back, she lost the advantage even as I had to stop myself from cringing that I had hurt her.

I had kept the contact as light as possible, but it would still leave a bruise as a reminder that I had struck her. Burying deep the need to gather her in my arms and apologize for the pain I had caused, I instead did the only thing I could do – I went back on the offensive.

Jean, Yuri, and by now about a dozen bystanders were watching me too closely to do anything else.

Gathering herself, Rose narrowed her eyes vindictively at me and in spite of the situation; I had to smother a laugh as I saw the flash of vengeance in their glowing, brown depths. Whilst I felt remorse for the pain I had inflicted, and would inflict again, Rose wasn't about to let me off lightly.

Circling in the mud, we advanced and retreated, lashing out at each other time and time again, but never reaching the other. Our reflexes were lightning fast, our opponent never out of our sight, but for all of our speed and agility, we were too evenly matched.

I had spent the last six months teaching Rose, and she, in turn, had spent the last six months watching what I did, learning from me, learning how to anticipate my actions, how I would move, how I would counter-strike.

It wasn't getting us anywhere.

Watching as Rose brushed impatiently at a strand of hair blown across her face, I decided on a different tactic, one that I had only just taught her and one that I was keen to see if she would remember and use against me.

Zigging left, then zagging right, I steaked across the mud so quickly that all Rose could do was brace for the attack. To her credit, she stood her ground and swung directly at my heart at the last moment, but the sheer force and momentum of my bodyweight knocked her easily to the ground. Bracing her fall slightly by curling my arms beneath her, I took most of the force as we landed in the mud.

Squelching wetly beneath us, Rose struggled and writhed beneath me, trying to buck upwards whilst raising her legs to unseat my weight. Avoiding her sharp knees, I pinned her arms out above her head, but couldn't get anywhere near her neck to initiate a 'kill' as she continued to wriggle out from beneath me.

Trying to ignore the feel of her lush curves pressed tightly from my groin to my chest was harder said than done and did very little for my concentration. Groaning in a kind of pain that had nothing to do with the knee she had managed connect with my ribs, and everything to do with the battle of lust I was constantly on the verge of losing, I felt her pull free one of her hands, but didn't realise my mistake until it was too late.

Swinging her torso to the right, Rose jerked her arm up and rammed her elbow into the socket of my left eye with enough force to make me flinch and jerk away from the pain radiating sharply along my cheekbone and into my skull. Seeing her advantage as my weight was marginally lifted from her body, Rose shoved upright and flipped me onto my back before I could gain my bearings.

Straddling my waist now, I grasped her wrists to keep her stake away from my chest and tried to throw her, but Rose dug down with her knees into the soggy ground and refused to be moved even against my superior strength.

Amazed at her sheer will to succeed in the face of odds she shouldn't have been able to overcome, the look of purpose turned to savage determination as she ripped her wrist from my slippery grasp and drove downwards, impaling me with unerring accuracy over the centre of my heart.

Relaxing beneath her now that it was over, it was only then that I noticed the icy-cold of the wet ground permeating through the polar-neck and into my back. Knowing that I should move – that the longer the applauding crowd saw me lying here the more suspicious it would look – I found that despite the discomfort and the risk, I didn't want to move anywhere.

Panting only inches above me, mud streaked Rose's chin, cheeks and nose. It clumped her hair to the sides of her neck, her ears and along her forehead. Her clothing was ruined; torn and so muddy that the yellow of her hoodie was indistinguishable, but in spite of all of it, or maybe, because of all of it, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Feeling her fingers clench into the heaving, mud-splattered wool covering my chest, Rose's warm breath washed over in me in panting gusts that I knew had nothing to do with being winded

Wanting to ignore the others gathered around us, I wanted to slide my fingers into the muddy, tangled mess of her hair…I wanted to pull her lips towards mine and feel them tremble as they parted…I wanted to crush her softness beneath my hard, aching body and roll with her…I wanted to pull away her ruined clothing and taste the sweet, clean flesh beneath the mud…I wanted to…I wanted too many things.

Fighting against the urge to give in, and give in I wanted to…badly, I knew that I couldn't. Obviously, I couldn't, but that didn't stop the desire-drenched fantasies in my head from filling my consciousness even as Jean hovered over us and pulled Rose to her feet. Smiling so broadly it pulled the skin of her face tautly from ear to ear, she was joined by the equally impressed and equally muddy Yuri.

"Well done," he congratulated gruffly, giving Rose an awkward pat on her back as she tried to clear some of the hair from around her face and to right her clothes. "You took down all three of us. That was textbook perfect."

Rising to my feet and ignoring a heavy ache in my body that wasn't created by our fight, pride ripped through my heart as sharply as if the stake she had used to defeat me had been real. Smiling triumphantly, Rose seemed to bask in their praise, but neither of them noticed the relief that was the much quieter undertone.

"I hope," Rose panted, trying to catch her breath and stretching her torso before wincing. "I hope I didn't hurt any of you."

Chuckling with the others as they looked at each other, Jean rubbed deliberately over her stomach before

shaking her head reassuringly. "That's our job. Don't worry about us. We're tough." Eyeing me, she raised a brow. "She got you pretty good with her elbow."

Rubbing at it, though I could barely feel the sting through the high of my adrenaline rush, Rose turned to look at me. I could see her concern that she might have hurt me, but it wasn't strong enough to drown out her victorious joy.

"The student surpasses the teacher," I replied gently, knowing the others would see it as a joke and would never realise the true praise it represented. "Or stakes, rather."

Beaming, Rose looked over her shoulder at Lissa as Yuri and Jean closed in on Dean standing dejectedly on the sidelines. Unable to meet anyone's eye, he kept his gaze on his stake and wouldn't look up until Yuri was standing almost on top of him.

"Alcohol isn't allowed on campus."

Glaring belligerently, Dean backed down when he saw Yuri's stony expression, but it didn't stop him from trying to defend himself the say way he had with Rose. "It's Sunday! We aren't supposed to be on duty."

"There are no rules in the real world." Jean answered shortly, her expression matching Yuri's displeasure at his attitude. Glancing away, Dean shuffled his feet in embarrassment as those gathered around didn't bother to hide their laughter. Turning back to Rose, Jean smiled with warm approval.

"Consider this a pop quiz. You passed it, Rose. Very nice job."

Grimacing, Rose shrugged her shoulders and tried to hide how happy their admiration made her. "Thanks. Wish I could say the same for my clothes." Glancing down at herself, this time her grimace was real at the sight of all the mud. Turning to Lissa, she wrinkled her nose apologetically. "I'm going to have to go change, Liss. I'll meet you for dinner."

Brimming with pride, Lissa could only breathe, " _Okay_ ," through the tumult of her emotions before turning and walking back across the quad towards commons. Passing through the parting of the students who had gathered to watch the show, she was stopped by Jesse Zeklos and his favourite disciple, Ralf Sarkozy, but I couldn't see any further as the crowed closed in on them.

Frowning at the unusual interaction, my attention was directed elsewhere as Yuri latched onto Dean's arm and pulled him towards the admin buildings. "And you are going to take a walk with us."

Shuffling off with Jean besides him, the crowd began to disperse from around as hunger won out over the need to see blood. Meeting her gaze across the small distance separating us as I turned to leave with them, the wanting was as raw in Rose's eyes as it was in mine.

Again wanting too much, all I could do was hope that she could see how proud I was of her...how much I wanted to stay with her to celebrate this, even if it was to only talk, and that she could see my regret that I couldn't. Nodding in acknowledgment of what we both wanted, but couldn't have, I followed after the others reluctantly, only half listening to them berating Dean as the elation of her triumph someone seemed to transfer viscerally to me.

Finding it difficult to contain my emotions, Jean held the foyer door open as Yuri dragged an unwilling Dean towards the corridor and private office. Feeling a very small twinge of sympathy for what was sure to be an unpleasant discussion, it didn't dampen my mood.

"You know you're not doing a very good job of hiding how proud you are of her, Belikov."

Pausing in the process of stomping my mud-caked boots at the outer foyer, I glanced up at her. "Rose is my student – is it wrong that I am?"

"No, of course not," Jean quickly responded when she heard the defensive edge to my voice, "After that performance, you should be very proud of her. It's just unusual to see you so involved, that's all."

"Hard not to get involved when I'm one of the three attackers, don't you think? Excuse me." Deliberately glib, I smiled at her before heading to the showers to clean up. After almost an hour of scrubbing off mud and standing beneath water near boiling point to work out the ache of knotted muscles, I shouldered into the duster and left the change-room.

Heading towards the office to begin the report on the attack, my mind was on other things when Celeste found me in the foyer. Watching as her normally sombre dark-blue eyes filled with levity, I wondered what the joke was as she approached me.

"You should be in the office."

"Why?"

"Because it's not often that Rose Hathaway has her praises sung and I don't know when it will happen again."

"Ah." I replied softly, understanding that the others had already replayed the attack. "Yuri or Jean?"

"Both actually. I don't think I've ever seen Jean so expressive…or Yuri so talkative. Stephen was like a kid being told to sit still in his seat as they broke everything down move by move. Alberta had the tiniest smile curling at the corners of her mouth and even Stan looked impressed…or maybe it was indigestion."

"Alto?" Having given me a very wide berth since I had broken his jaw, we had only crossed paths fleetingly over the past two weeks, and although I hadn't expected much to change with him, this was surprising news.

"Yes. He wouldn't come out and say anything of course, but it was there to see, for however brief a moment. We're all very impressed by her performance, Dimitri. You should be proud of your student and proud of yourself."

"I didn't do anything."

Gentle kindness replaced the mirth in her eyes. "Yes, you did. You took a girl on the brink of self-destruction…a girl that was lost, and you gave her focus. You gave her direction and you gave her a reason to follow that direction and this is where it has led to. Take some credit for that."

"She chose that direction, Celeste."

Laughing in mild exasperation, she shook her head. "I should know you well enough by now to recognise that you're not going to pat yourself on the back. I suppose you're going to say that you – "

"Guardian Belikov…Dimitri!"

Cut off abruptly, Celeste and I both turned sharply towards the loud, frantic calling of my name. Running through the moonlit gloom, Christian followed by Adrian a few paces behind, yanked open the doors and stumbled into the foyer. Breathing heavily, Adrian struggled to catch his breath as he bent over and rested his hands over his knees, whilst Christian lurched towards me. Steadying him before he fell, he looked up into my face with horror sharpening the ice-blue of his eyes.

"Christian, what's wrong?"

"Lissa…Rose…screaming…in the hall. She…she ran, something about the pond and fence, I don't know…I don't –"

"Slow down, Christian. You're not making any sense. What's happened?" Keeping my voice deliberately calm and steady when internally I was ordering the same thing of myself, Christian drew in a deep, shuddering breath and then another before he could speak again, but it was just as rapid and no less frantic.

"Something's wrong with Lissa. Rose was with us and then she…spaced out like she always does when she's connecting with Lissa and then she started screaming in pain, only it wasn't _her_ pain, it was… _Lissa's_. She ran off, shouting about the…the northwest corner of campus and the weird-shaped pond. Eddie told us to find you and the other guardians and then he ran after her. I think…I think that's where Lissa is…you have to go and find them, Dimitri!"

Fear spiked so sharply through my brain at the thought of both Lissa and Rose in a dangerous situation together that the rest of Christian's words were meaningless. Pushing him towards Celeste, I was out of the door before she could call my name. Registering dimly that she would tell the others and they would follow, I sprinted across the mushy ground and through the winter-deadened forest.

Running headlong for the pond, a loud commotion to the right of it drew my attention. Dodging trees and skirting the old cabin Tasha had used during her stay the previous year, a scream of outrage twisted around their trunks in the darkness.

"Let me go!"

Heart pounding in my throat at the sound of Rose's hoarse screech, I burst through the sparse treeline and into a clearing of the forest that surrounded the small pond. Scanning instantly for Rose, my brain peripherally catalogued Lissa hovering over a prone Jesse, Ralf groaning on the ground a few feet away and a few shocked students lingering on the side-lines before spotting her.

Restrained by Eddie, she struggled violently against his hold, but his physical strength outweighed her determination. She screamed again, but this time I didn't know who it was she was shouting at…Eddie for holding her, or Lissa for what looked like her attempts to heal Jesse.

"No! You can't!"

Not understanding what I was seeing, but somehow knowing that seeing Jesse and Ralf approach Lissa an hour before had somehow led to this, I heard the harsh crunch of dried pines from behind as Celeste reached my side a moment later. Panting, she took in the situation and turned to Alberta who began to bark out orders. A few of those were to me, but I only had eyes for Rose and was slow to react.

The relief of finding her unharmed left me feeling weak, but there was something about her behaviour that seemed off.

Physically fine, there was mud on her knees and shins and blood on the sleeves of her white spencer, though I didn't think it was hers. Judging by the blood still pouring from Jesse's nose, it must have been his. Frowning in concern at the force of the blows she must have used against him, my unease grew as she faced me.

Alarmed at the crazed looked in her eyes, I didn't know if she even realised the extent of her savagery in punishing those still lying on the ground.

Bucking wildly against Eddie, Rose focused on Lissa being removed and escorted to the clinic by Alan and Grier, but her attention wasn't on her for long. Hissing through her clenched teeth as Jesse was gently picked up by Stephen and Celeste, Rose yelled. "You can't let him go! You can't let him go!"

Approaching Rose, Alberta frowned at her as an almost unconscious Jesse was carried off, but she didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary with her behaviour. "Calm down, Rose. It's over."

"It is _not_ over," she hissed back, baring her teeth viciously. "Not until I get my hands around his throat and choke the life out of him!"

Shaking her head at what she thought was typically melodramatic behaviour from Rose Hathaway; Alberta eyed me over her shoulder. Spurred into action, I closed the distance as Alberta instructed, "Get her out of here. Get her cleaned up and calmed down."

Nodding to a concerned Eddie to release her, Rose eyed me with frenzied, wild eyes; her hair falling in disarray around her face. Knowing her well enough by now to anticipate that she would try and break away from him, I was ready as I saw the glint of rebellious flight in her eyes.

Clutching at her arm tightly, I locked her to my side and marched her off towards the cabin as the others dispersed. Having her around others right now was hazardous to their health, but that didn't seem to register with her as she continued to struggle

"We can make this easy or difficult," I advised her calmly, though it wasn't how I felt. "There's no way I'm letting you go to Jesse. Besides, he's at the med clinic, so you'd never get near him. If you can accept that, I'll release you. If you bolt, you know I'll just restrain you again."

Trying to pull away once more, Rose sighed heavily and I felt some of the fight drain from her. Watching her carefully from the corner of my eye, I wasn't entirely convinced that it wasn't just an act. "Okay." She agreed easily. Too easily. Giving her the benefit of the doubt whilst knowing that if she betrayed it I could easily chase her down, I uncurled my fingers from around her arm and kept a wary eye on her.

"Alberta told you to clean me up," Rose started pleasantly, seeming to have found some small measure of restraint. "So we're going to the med clinic?"

Snorting, I shook my head; seeing straight through at her ploy. It might have fooled others, but it wouldn't fool me. "Nice try. I'm not letting you near him. We'll get first aid somewhere else."

Grumbling besides me, Rose folded her arms huffily over her chest. Fighting against the urge to brush aside her tangled hair and inspect her more carefully, I kept my hands to myself and focused only on getting to the cabin.

Outlined by the pale light of the full moon only beginning its descent over the stars, the small wooden structure seemed lonely amongst the trees. Placing my hand between her shoulder blades, I gently propelled Rose inside as the hinges of the door creaked eerily in the stillness of the night.

Darker within as the natural light was blocked by drawn curtains, the door creaked again as I closed it firmly behind us, but resisted the urge to lock it. Smelling faintly of dust and mildew, it was clean and sparely furnished.

Finding what I needed easily enough in the dark, Rose turned to me and eyed the door for a moment when I picked up a half-empty box of matches. Frowning at her, she realised her mistake and looked away, but not before I noticed.

"Sit down."

Nodding towards the bed, Rose sighed and shuffled off towards it. Sitting down with an exaggerated flounce, I turned to the fireplace. Rearranging the wood leftover conically, I found kindling and struck the match. The bright flare of light and the phosphorous odour that followed filled the cabin with its pungency.

Lighting the dry kindling, it caught quickly and engulfed the wood. Straightening up, I made sure that Rose hadn't moved an inch before moving towards the small kitchenette built into the cabin. Looking around the canned goods and other non-perishables now easily distinguishable by the light of the fire, I settled on sealed water and the first aid kit stowed in a cupboard.

Gathering my supplies, I pulled a chair from the fireplace and sat opposite Rose as she looked up at me warily. Feeling almost as weary, it gave me time to study her as I opened the bottle of water and tipped it towards the gauze.

The wild, untamed look in her eyes was a little subdued, but it was still there, lurking, waiting for something to provoke it again. I didn't understand it, and even as I sat watching it, I could see it waver and flicker around the clear brown of her eyes…like it wasn't merely trying to cover them, but to consume them entirely.

And it scared me for reason's I couldn't name.

A/n: I deliberately made Rose and Dimitri's romp around the mud field PG because of what will take place in (and take up most of) Chapter Thirty-Two…sorry to disappoint, but I promise it will be worth the wait.


	32. Chapter 32

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: As promised, as much fluff as I could pack into one chapter. Enjoy.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Two ~

"You have to let me go!" Rose shouted in a sudden outburst that was very loud in the stillness of the little cabin.

Clenching her fists tightly together, the flesh over her knuckles whitened and strained over the bone until it looked like they would rip through the skin. Struggling for control, all pretence of patience vanished as Rose shifted restlessly on the bed and looked at me with eyes that begged to be set free.

Frightened only moments ago by the wildness I had seen in them, the pleading in them now didn't frighten me any less. Wanting desperately to understand what was happening to her, there was a part of me that was equally desperate to ignore it – to write it off as stress and anger so that I wouldn't have to know that it was something else.

Something not as easy to explain.

Placing the bottle carefully on the floor, the slight tremor in my fingers shook them for a second before I controlled the show of fear. Gently capturing her chin, I tilted it up and towards the light of the crackling fire. Finding a shallow cut just beneath the hairline, my fingers brushed aside the matted hair and cleaned off the dry blood in long, methodical strokes.

Bristling beneath my careful attention, Rose didn't flinch as I made contact with the wound, but the jittery, agitated frenzy in her body seemed to fill the air around her with so much friction and heat it practically vibrated.

"Don't you see?" She spat furiously, shifting away from my hold. "Don't you see how Jesse has to pay? He tortured her! He did horrible things to her!"

Holding still for a moment with my hand on her forehead, I continued with my cleaning to cover my unease. It was an unease created not just by the violence of her reactions, but also from my own guilt for not following my instincts when I had seen Lissa cornered by Jesse and Ralf.

I had been so preoccupied with Rose and the euphoria of her victory that I hadn't acted on my suspicions when I should have…like I had been trained to do. Lissa had been out in the woods; alone, terrorised, frightened, and I hadn't given it a second thought because all I had been able to think about was Rose.

Dabbing lightly whilst she squirmed beneath my touch, the echo of Alberta's accusation that I was becoming disloyal to the Moroi in favour of Rose crept back into my consciousness. At the time, I had known she couldn't have understood, but now, I wasn't so sure. Lissa was still mine to guard…to protect, and I had failed her.

I had failed them both.

"He'll be punished, believe me," I promised solemnly, feeling as though I should be punished as severely for failing in my duty. "And the others."

"With what?" Rose ground out, jerking away from my hold and knocking away the hand still at her forehead. "Detention? This is as bad as Victor Dashkov. Nobody does anything around here! People commit crimes and get away with it. He needs to be hurt. They all need to."

Placing the moist, bloodied gauze on the floor, I capped the bottle – and for the moment, my own guilt – as I looked carefully at her and reminded myself that she was my focus. Illuminated by the warm, orange glow of the fire flickering over her features, the play of shadows couldn't hide the savage violence contorting her features.

"Rose," I began slowly and calmly, fighting against my own agitation to keep from increasing hers. "I know you're upset, but you know we don't punish people like that. It's…savage."

 _Especially not Moroi_ , I wanted to add. It was one thing for dhampir to fight with each other; they were hardier and healed faster, but the Moroi were off limits for reasons other than physical fragility and she knew that. No matter what Jesse or Ralf had done, there was still no justification for how she had dealt with it.

Narrowing her eyes until only slits of darkened colour remained in her flushed face, Rose hissed from between clenched teeth with the kind of seething animosity I had never seen before. "Yeah? What's wrong with that? I'd bet it'd stop them from doing it again."

Pushing upwards and away from the bed, Rose hadn't fully extended her legs before my hands were clamped over the slender curves of her shoulders and I was pushing her down. Having to fight against the strength of her rage, we battled for a few moments before she was seated again. Trying to twist out from beneath me, I kept my seat and kept her in place, but it only seemed to enrage her further.

"They need to suffer for what they did! And I want to be the one to do it!" Screaming at me, Rose scratched and clawed at my arms as her hair flew wildly around her face. "I want to hurt them all. I want to kill them all!"

Sickened by the feral bloodlust spewing from her, my fingers dug into her shoulders as I shook her lightly and tried to reason with her. "Rose! Snap out of this! You don't mean any of it. You've been stressed and under a lot of pressure – it's making a terrible event that much worse."

Sounding hoarse and desperate to my own ears, I knew that it wasn't just stress that was doing this, but I had no other explanation.

"Stop it!" Rose screeched, thrashing around from beneath my grip. "You're doing it again – just like you always do. You're always so reasonable, no matter how awful things are. What happened to you wanting to kill Victor in prison, huh? Why was that okay, but not this?"

"Because that was an exaggeration. You know it was. But this…this is something different. There's something wrong with you right now."

Eyes darting frantically between where I sat pinning her with my gaze and to the door only a handful of steps away, Rose trembled in my grasp. "No, there's something right with me. I'm the only one who wants to do anything around here, and if that's wrong, I'm sorry. You keep wanting me to be some impossible, good person, but I'm not! I'm not a saint like you."

Arching a dry brow at the saint reference, I shook my head ruefully, wondering how she could possible think that after everything that had happened between us. "Neither of us is a saint." Sliding my hands down so that I could gently squeezer her upper arms, I began to relax my grip on her and only realised my mistake too late.

"Believe me, I don't –"

Knocking my hands away, Rose jumped off the bed and angled her shoulder towards my chest. Shoving against it with enough force to send me backwards, the chair skidded across the wooden floor. Almost toppling over, I only just kept my balance as Rose made a dash for the door. Swearing at my stupidity, I launched myself after her. Catching hold of her right arm, I pulled her into my arms and turned with her in one movement, crashing onto the bed. Taking the brunt of the fall on my back, I turned and trapped her to the bed beneath me with her arms pinned above her head.

Writhing violently in an effort to free herself, the tendons and sinews stood out in stark relief along her jaw and neck. Straining against me, Rose reared up and screamed, "Let me go!"

Heart thundering loudly in my ears, the darkness I had seen in her eyes before spilled over and strangled all sense of humanity and sanity from the clear brown of her irises. Watching as the eyes that I knew, the eyes that I loved became all but unrecognizable, I shook her again, roughly this time, when she continued to scream at me to let her go.

"No. Not until you break out to this. This isn't you!"

Gnashing her teeth, she snarled as slow, miserable tears tracked down her cheeks and her thrashing became more frantic. "It is! Let me go!"

Distraught at the sight of the helpless torment she couldn't shake, the panicked anguish in my voice couldn't be hidden. "It's not you. It isn't you!" Curling my arms around her tightly, I tried to get through to her, but it felt like I talking to someone who wasn't there – she wasn't my Rose anymore…she wasn't anyone's Rose.

"It isn't you!"

"You're wrong! It is –" Seeming to stumble over her words; Rose gaped at me and breathed in jerky gasps that shuddered through her body like sobs, but they were soundless. No longer struggling beneath me, the angry, resentful fight seemed to leach from her body as quickly as it had started.

It should have eased my anxiety, but in its place was something far scarier…defeat. Rose was losing to some internal struggle that I couldn't see, that I couldn't help her fight. She was stronger than anyone I knew, but her strength could do nothing for her now, and I couldn't lend her any of mine.

"Rose?"

Blinking back more tears, the sound of her name seemed to penetrate the haze. Shivering so much that her teeth chattered, Rose looked, for just a brief moment, as though she didn't recognize me. Stricken over her vulnerability, my throat thickened. Lowering her trembling lids for a moment, the last of her hostility disappeared, but her distress didn't lessen. Moving my weight partially off her and to the side, my arms changed from restraining to embracing.

"Oh my God."

Staring ahead blindly, Rose continued to shake as the angry colouring in her face gave way to whitened shock. Releasing her arms, my fingers unsteadily wiped away the tears still seeping through. Cradling her cheek in my palm, Rose turned blindly towards it, seeming to seek either the heat of the flesh or the contact.

"Rose? Are you okay?"

Nodding whilst swallowing jerkily, Rose sniffed. "I…I think so. For now."

"It's over," I soothed quietly, trying to convince both of us that I was right. Gently brushing aside the hair falling over her face and sticking to the dampness on her cheeks, my thumb rubbed gently against her cheekbone. "It's over. Everything's all right."

"No, it's not." Rose argued back shakily. "You…you don't understand. It's true – everything I was worried about. About Anna? About me taking away spirit's craziness? Its happening, Dimitri. Lissa lost it out there with Jesse. She was out of control, but I stopped her because I sucked away her anger and put it into myself. And it's – it's horrible. It's like I'm, I don't know, a puppet. I can't control myself."

"You're strong," I argued back with quiet certainty, wanting to make her remember that. To never forget what she had already been through…what she had overcome. "It won't happen again."

"No." Inhaling unsteadily, Rose blew it out and pushed against my chest. Wanting to sit up, I weighed my options on her trying to run again, but she didn't so much as glance in the direction of the door, and so I allowed it. Keeping my arm around her, I pushed away from the bed and took her with me.

"It will happen again," Rose whispered through tight lips, wiping the palms of her hands over her cheeks as she curled closer to me. "It will happen again. I'm going to be like Anna. I'm going to get worse and worse. This time it was bloodlust and hate. I wanted to destroy them. I needed to destroy them."

Tilting her head back, Rose looked at me with tears still glistening. "Next time? I don't know. Maybe it'll just be craziness, like Ms. Karp. Maybe I'm already crazy, and that's why I'm seeing Mason. Maybe it'll be depression like Lissa used to get. I'll keep falling and falling into that pit, and then I'll be like Anna and kill –"

"No," I stopped her, my hands sliding beneath her hair. Cradling her face between them, I pulled her close enough to feel the gentle gust of air as she exhaled through her nostrils. "It won't happen to you. You're too strong. You'll fight it, just like you did this time."

Desperate to convince her, to make her listen to what I was saying, the dark misery behind her words couldn't be ignored when it had suddenly begun to make sense. Every question she had asked Father Andrew, every answer she had received from Victor Dashkov, our conversation in the church, her fear of Lissa's spirit ability, it had all been because of this…because of what she had feared would come true.

All at once, Rhonda's prediction was all I could think about _…you will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can…_ Anna had committed suicide because she couldn't separate herself from the side-effects of Vladimir's spirit ability. To even think about that happening to Rose…for her to feel as though there was no other way out…

Pulling her to my chest, Rose wrapped her arms as tightly around my waist as I did to hers. Grinding her head against the hardened muscles of my chest, she shook her head. "I only did it because you were here. I can't do it by myself."

Hearing the uncertainty and the fear threatening to break her apart again, my hand stroked unsteadily over her tangled hair. I wanted to ask more questions, but comforting her right now was more important. "You can," my soft voice reassured her; faltering under emotion as I felt myself unravelling in her arms. "You're strong – you're so, so strong. It's why I love you."

"You shouldn't," she whispered back unsteadily. "I'm going to become something terrible. I might already be something terrible."

Tilting her chin up, I met her gaze again; our lips less than an inch apart. "You aren't. You won't. I won't let you." My face was as fierce as the conviction in my voice. "No matter what, I won't let you."

Tilting her head, the firelight shimmered over the damp surface of her pinkening cheek. Unwinding her arms from my waist, Rose skimmed her hands slowly upwards over my chest and beneath the folds of the duster. Breathing unsteadily at her touch, the feel of her hot palms against the nape of my neck settled low in my stomach and changed the atmosphere with a single look.

Catching the glimmer in her eye, this time it wasn't from frightened tears or a rabid desire to inflict vengeance. It was unadulterated need – pure and untainted by anything done in the past or anything that would happen in the future and it was too overwhelming to resist any longer.

Lifting her, my arms wrapped around and crushed her to my chest as our mouths desperately found and clung together.

Hungry for her kiss, I was starved for the contact of heat and flesh and wanted to glut myself, but I kept the build slow, not wanting to scare Rose with what I really felt…what I really wanted. Content to let her set the pace, it was enough to simply have her safe in my arms. For long moments, we were both content to stay wrapped around each other with nothing more than our laboured breathing and the crackling fire to disturb, but the slow build couldn't satisfy the deeper hunger that had been dwelling in us for six months…a hunger that had been stoked and interrupted only an hour before.

Rising to her knees, Rose looped her arms around my neck and pushed closer, searching for deeper contact, but she couldn't find it and moaned pleadingly. Clawing at my back in frustration, the sharp edge of her nails bit through the thick leather of the duster and set the slow, heated ache in my body alight with blazing desire.

Cupping the back of her thighs, I pulled her into the cradle of my lap. Shuddering as Rose ground against the rigid flesh straining painfully beneath the zipper of uncomfortably tight jeans, I carried her with me to the bed. Wriggling beneath me, Rose clutched frantically as our tongues tangled. Groaning huskily into her mouth, my hands wandered hungrily over her hip and to her leg as I curled her thigh around my waist.

Sinking fingers into her tumbled curls, I arched her head back as our kiss broke. Panting, Rose continued to writhe beneath me as my lips travelled downwards. Kissing along her jaw and neck, the sweet, sweat-misted skin of her throat drew my lips to the hollow at the base. Breathing harshly into it, the wildly-beating pulse jumping beneath the skin matched my own as I tried to find enough of my iron-willed control to stop.

Rising above Rose, I groaned in a different kind of agony as the sight of her nearly sent me over the edge.

Bathed in the heated glow of the fire, her hair was wildly fanned out over the old, faded quilt. Flushed by the rush of exhilaration, her lips were parted as her breath panted through them in short gasps and she lowered her lashes. Back arched in subtle seduction, every inch of her luscious body was unconsciously geared towards luring me in and left me scrambling to remember things I shouldn't have had a problem remembering.

"We can't," my words reasoned weakly as the longing in my voice argued against them.

"I know," Rose breathed jerkily, struggling for air whilst I struggled for control…struggled, and failed.

Taking her mouth again, Rose moaned into the kiss and sank her fingers into my hair. Ripping loose the hairband, she pulled me closer as her nails dug almost painfully into my scalp. Shrugging out of the duster, I flung it violently away as frenzied energy sizzled through my veins and set my nerve ends burning.

Biting softly down on her lower lip, I pulled away to sit back on my haunches, kicking off my boots and shuffling them off the bed. Lifting the edges of my cable-knit jersey, I yanked it off and flung it in the same direction of the duster. Heavy-lidded, Rose propped herself up on her elbows before sitting up and reaching towards me.

"I don't remember much…from before."

Almost shyly, Rose ran her fingers lightly over the muscles of my shoulders before her exploration took her over my clavicle, down past my pectorals and over the smooth skin of my sternum. Jumping at her touch, the muscles contorted and shivered.

"The night of the dance?"

"Hmmm," she confirmed, smiling a little at my husky question.

"You've seen me without a shirt on…before and after that night."

"Yeah, but this is different. Isn't it?"

"Yes," I whispered, loving her so much that it felt like my entire centre of gravity had shifted to revolve solely around her. "It is."

Continuing south, Rose scratched lightly over my abdominal muscles. Jerking lightly at the touch, they quivered violently beneath the skin when her slender fingers reached the buckle of my belt.

Swallowing roughly, my arms hung at my side as my fingers twitched and curled into fists. Eyeing me from beneath provocatively lowered lashes, Rose trailed her fingers downward over the leather to the hard bulge throbbing beneath the denim. Reaching upwards again, she slowly unbuckled the belt whilst her smouldering eyes held mine. Pulling the ends apart, the popping of the two buttons followed before the parting of the zip over my rigid length.

Carefully parting the material, I shuddered and closed my eyes as Rose slide her fingers beneath the elasticated waist of my underwear and lightly thumbed the slick head pulsing against band. Sifting her fingers through the coarse hair, she grasped the thick shaft firmly and stroked upwards only once before the pleasure of her touch became too much to bear.

Thrusting the fingers of my right hand into her hair, I pulled her roughly towards my kiss as the fingers of my left covered hers at my aching groin. Curling my fingers around them, I gently pulled them away as Rose cupped my nape and deepened the kiss. Placing her hand in a safer region, I made quick work of stripping her jacket down her arms.

Nuzzling against my lips, Rose pulled away from me slightly when I could get it no further than her wrists and pulled it all the way off, dropping it carelessly on the floor beside the bed. Beginning to lift the hem of her blood-splattered spencer, my hands covered hers. Brushing them gently aside, I grasped the lace edging and tugged upwards, pulling it over her head.

Dangling from my fingertips, I didn't give it a second thought when it joined the rest of the pile as my eyes wandered over what could only be described as perfection.

Generous hips sat beneath a narrow waist packed with muscle honed by endless training. They led upwards to abdominal muscles not as rigidly defined as my own, but no less hardened and strong. Counting the faint shadowing of ribs heaving beneath her skin from the force of her breathing, they led to the connection of Rose's sternum and the breasts that it cradled.

Encased in white satin and edged with lace, the frame of her bra perfectly showcased the cleavage that made my fingers itch. Pushing demandingly against the cups, her nipples begged for attention.

Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, my fingers found the front catch of the bra and twisted in the opposite direction to release the closure. Parting the fabric slowly, it clung faithfully to the curving mounds as they swelled into my hands. Feeling almost scorched by the heat of them, Rose arched her back with a small, breathless whimper.

Shrugging from the straps, they slide halfway down her arms, but no further. Wanting it out of the way, I made short work of it and sent it sailing somewhere in the direction of our clothing. Bared entirely from the waist up, Rose didn't shy away from my heated scrutiny as she proudly displayed herself.

Paler than the rest of her, the high, full breasts were capped by areolas that were darker brown and nipples flushed red. I knew the taste of those nipples, I knew the feel of those breasts, but the memory was fuzzy, like a dream you remembered only vaguely. All the detail was elusive. Victor's charm had unleashed an unnatural chemical intensity of animalistic aggression and an overriding need for satisfaction, but it hadn't allowed for any real enjoyment.

This was different, and I wanted to savour it.

Staying on my haunches, my hands reached for her. Lifting her onto my lap, Rose wrapped her legs around my hips and wound her arms around my neck. Crushing her closer, we both shuddered at the feel of her nipples rubbing against my chest with every breathe she took. Almost at eye level, Rose kissed along my jawline before gently biting down on my chin. Angling my head down, she continued to nibble upwards until she found my lips and tugged.

Kissing her greedily, Rose whimpered and ground down over my groin in undulating movements that drove me mad. Trapping my erection between the v of her legs, the friction of the rough denim rubbing against it tipped me over the edge and suddenly taking things slowly didn't seem like such a good idea.

Carrying her down again, my lips mapped along her jaw, down over her neck and collarbone, hungry for the taste of her skin. Leaning over her, they forged a path downwards until they found her breasts. Arching her back, Rose sank her fingers into my hair and tugged my head towards her right breast. Kneading the supply flesh, my tongue curled around the nipple of her right whilst my fingers plucked at the left.

Suckling so strongly the nipple nudged against the roof of my mouth, Rose cried out and clawed wildly at my back. Enflamed by the response, I bit down gently and tugged. Bucking uncontrollably beneath me, she arched and rolled us before pushing against my shoulders until they met the bedding beneath us and she rose to straddle my waist.

Notching my fingers into the hollow of her waist to hold her in place, my hips lurched upwards as hers ground down; content for the moment, to let her take control. Tossing back the tangled mass of hair, Rose lightly raked her nails over my chest and looked at me with almost predatory intent.

"That's a dangerous look, Roza."

"Are you scared?"

"A little, yes."

"Don't worry, comrade," she purred, grinning widely as she lowered her head and kissed slowly along my chest; the dark skeins of her hair dragging over the rippling flesh. "I'm not going to do anything that you're not going to enjoy."

Grinning at her confidence; the false confidence of a virgin talking, my grin turned to a noiseless groan when she found my nipples. Swirling her tongue around the hardened, sensitive nubs, Rose licked roughly before suckling on each in turn. Biting down in a repeat of my torture, her teeth raked over them almost painfully and sent my arousal past the flash point.

Thrusting a hand into her hair, I pulled her up from my chest and took her mouth again. Rolling us, the rising urgency of her need heighted my own as Rose pushed her hands beneath the loosened waistband of my jeans and clutched frantically at my buttocks. Groaning harshly into her mouth, my teeth found her bottom lip and tugged before I shuffled down the bed.

Writhing evocatively beneath me, Rose whimpered when I set my mouth over her collarbone. Trailing slowly south over her sternum and towards her navel, my tongue swirled in the centre as my fingers found the buttons of her jean. Unsnapping them, I hooked my thumbs into the waistband and tugged them down her legs. Stopping at her ankles, I pulled loose her sneakers and tossed away her socks.

Standing over her, the tiny, white satin panties were all that covered what was left of her modesty, but Rose made no move to cover herself from my hungry gaze. Highly flushed, the look of fever along her cheekbones called to me. Watching as her hands fluttered up to rest against her stomach, they slide slowly over her ribs to her breasts. Cupping them, she closed her eyes and tipped her head back, moaning as her nails raked over the stiffened nipples.

Groaning at the sight of her, my hands smoothed over the long length of her outer thighs and curled around the satin twisted at her hips. Tugging downwards slowly, the shadowed cleft revealed made my mouth water. Nuzzling against the pubic bone, my nose angled inwards, breathing in deeply at the moist scent of her sexual excitement.

Rearing upwards before I could give into the ravening beast of lust clawing at my insides and scare her with the true nature of the sexuality that I kept so tightly under wraps, I stood over her and shed myself of the rest of my clothing. Staring down at her in almost stunned disbelief, Rose smiled and whispered breathlessly. "You're looking at me like you've never seen a girl naked before, comrade."

"Oh, I have," my hoarse voice confessed as I felt a tinge of regret that I couldn't offer her the same honour she was about to give me. "But none of them were nearly as beautiful, Roza. You make my heart ache just looking at you."

"Only your heart?" She grinned.

"No," I murmured back, crawling over the bed as she parted her legs. "Not only my heart."

Settling over her, Rose raised her knees to fit against my hips. Trailing her fingers over my shoulders and downwards, they traced over the bumps of my vertebrae. The air of confidence was still around her, but I could feel her uncertainty in the quiver of her hands as they settled in the hollow at the bottom of my spine.

Feeling my heart ache again, but for a different reason, I kissed her gently, reassuringly, whispering against her lips as I cupped my left hand over her head and the other encircled my aching flesh. "Don't be afraid, Roza. I won't hurt you."

Returning the kiss, Rose moaned softly as I ran the engorged head slowly along the slick, swollen opening of her body and ruthlessly controlled my body's own demands. Gasping a little against my lips, her nails sank into the flesh of my buttocks as I pushed forward past the heat and moisture of her outer lips. Placing the rough pad of my thumb over her clitoris, it gently rubbed as I pushed into the strangling tightness.

"Shhhh," my lips crooned as Rose flinched from the inescapable invasion of my body, my hips lunging gently forward. Shuddering from the snug clasp of muscles working to both pull me in and push me out at the same time, my thumb kept rubbing as my other hand travelled downwards and cupped her buttocks, pulling her up as I thrust deeper and met the natural barrier of her body.

"You can take me, little one," I whispered gruffly, my accent more thickly pronounced than normal by the emotion it carried. Pushing through the thin membrane of skin that would make her mine completely, I caught the small gasp of her discomfort. Waiting for her body to adjust to the feel of me, I hated that I had caused her pain, but I found so much pleasure in my possession that I couldn't hide my satisfaction.

Breathing through a deep tremble, Rose clasped the sides of my face. Pressing one soft peck to her lips, I lifted my head to look down at her.

Writhing beneath me, it wasn't a set of movements created by pain, but of a need she didn't know how to fulfil or deal with. Lifting back her lashes, the passion-glazed euphoria held only the barest hint of discomfort. Brushing against her sweat-misted brow with my thumb, I waited for as long as I could before my need for even her wellbeing was overridden by need of another kind.

Flicking the edge of my thumb against her clit, Rose gasped and arched back. Closing her eyes, she her legs tightly around my hips as her own thrust up. Shivering at the slide of moist friction along my shaft, the shiver turned into a shudder when Rose again sank her nails into my buttocks and pulled. More than eager to give her what she wanted, I hesitated for a moment longer than I thought I was capable of.

"Dimitri…please?"

Groaning at the moaning plea, I gave her clit one final flick before rising up on stiffened arms on either side of her head. Flattening my palms on the mattress, I rested the weight of my torso on them as my hips lunged forward and thrust past the tight clasp of her body, gritting my teeth at her gasping reaction. Rolling my hips, I plunged slowly at first, but the overwhelming need to drive into the depths of body became too much to resist.

Hammering harder and deeper with every swing of my hips, I drove into her wet heat over and over; groaning harshly at the rippling contractions milking my aching shaft. Breasts joggling with every rolling thrust, her back arched helplessly under my relentless onslaught as droplets of sweat dripped from my brow and wet her already stiffened nipples.

Feeling the tightening of my testicles and the oncoming release, the plunging motion jerked uncontrollably fast as Rose writhed restlessly in carnal agony beneath me.

Crying out as her climax caught her unaware and threw her bodily into a spiralling turmoil of pleasure, Rose gasped breathlessly before turning limp beneath me. Gritting my teeth to ward off my own climax, the strangle hold of her flesh was too agonizing to fight. Twisting my hips to change the angle of penetration, the pistoning action knocked our hip bones together as my knees ground into the bed and my harsh growl of completion ripped through the cabin.

Shuddering over her, the draining, wrenching spasms sapped what was left of my strength. Lowering myself slowly on weakened arms, I was careful to keep my weight off Rose, but she pulled at me, unwilling it seemed, to let any space between us as we both fought to catch our breathe.

Curling my arms beneath her shoulders, I rolled us as one and collapsed flat against the damp bed. Curving around me, Rose lay over my thundering heart and rested her head in the sweaty hollow of my throat; sliding her legs between mine and keeping us intimately connected. Winding her arms around my neck, she snuggled closer as the crook of my arm kept her tight to me.

Raking back the damp strands of hair sticking to my face, my head tipped back as my eyes closed and I sighed in boneless bliss.

Sex before had been an indulgence of need based on urges. It had satisfied a temporary desire, but it had never been anything more than a fleeting moment of pleasure. This was so much more than fleeting or temporary…it was a bone-deep joy. The things I should have remembered earlier were still there….student, seventeen-years old, my promises to the priest, Alberta and myself, but none of that could take away what I felt right now.

Stroking slowly over her damp, tangled curls, the sound of our harsh breathing in the cabin was slowly replaced by the popping of a crackling fire beginning to burn down to embers. Turning to brush light kisses over her forehead, Rose tipped her chin upwards to look at me drowsily as I smiled down at her.

"I love you, Roza," I heard myself say as her drowsy eyelids snapped alertly open. "I'll always be here for you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Silent, Rose seemed to watch me for an endless moment of time. She knew what I was saying; the gravity of what I was promising her, and why I shouldn't be saying it, but she had no idea just how far I was willing to take it to keep that promise. Failing Lissa wasn't something that I could change, and I would have to deal with my own guilt over that, but I knew that no matter my responsibilities and duties to either her or any other Moroi in the future, it would always be Rose that I would put first.

Cupping my jaw, Rose lightly thumbed my bottom lip before I could catch it between my teeth. "And I won't let anything happen to you," she promised as solemnly, though I could see it war with everything she had ever been taught. "I love you."

Resting my forehead against hers, our kiss was long and languid, neither of us rushing. It wasn't until Rose tried to push closer that I felt her wince against my lips. Kissing the tip of her nose, I pulled away slightly to look down at her in concern.

"Are you sore?"

Wriggling around a little, Rose sniffed before scrunching up her nose. "Not really." Smiling impishly, she smirked at me. "It's nothing in comparison to what you _normally_ put me through in training, so I should be used to it."

"This is different."

"I know, and I know what you're asking. You didn't hurt me; it was wonderful."

"Good. I'm glad."

"You?"

"No, Roza, I'm not sore…I wasn't a virgin."

Reacting to the dry retort and my deadpan expression, Rose reared up and punched me in the ribs as I laughed at her murderous expression. Hugging her to me again, Rose struggled but eventually quietened down before growling. "That's not what I meant, and you know it!"

"I know, I just couldn't resist." Tipping her chin, I kissed her gently whilst whispering against her lips. "It was perfect, Roza. Thank you for allowing me to be the first. It's something that I will cherish for the rest of my life."

Snuggling down, Rose sighed contentedly. Sifting my hand through the tangled mass of her hair, the dying firelight played with the highlights of red sheen hidden deep within the dark strands as they fell from my fingers. Even hopelessly snarled and knotted, it was beautiful. It wasn't often that I was able to indulge in feeling it slide like silk through my fingers, and I wanted to make the most of it whilst I could.

"We have to go."

"Hmmm."

Resting her chin on my chest, Rose smiled at me in slumberous amusement. "Shouldn't _you_ be the one telling me this? That we have to be responsible? That we have to be careful because of the consequences we would face if we're caught…or something like that."

"Hmmm."

Carefully disentangling herself when it was obvious I was in no rush to go anywhere, Rose sat up at my hip in the tangle of the quilt with her long hair falling in tangled disarray over her shoulders and partially covering her breasts. "Ok. There is something seriously wrong with you when _I_ am being the voice of reason." Leaning over to kiss me quickly, Rose rolled away and was off the bed before I could grab hold of her arm to pull her back to me.

Facing away from me, Rose arched her arms above her head and stretched with a quiet groan whilst my own at the sight of her was anything but quiet. Glancing back at me over her shoulder, Rose arched a brow. Rising reluctantly from the bed, I crossed to where she still stood. Gathering her hair to the side, I scattered gentle kisses along the width of her shoulders and over her nape; my lips lingering over her _molnija_ above the thin silver chain holding the _nazar_.

Burying my nose in her hair, I inhaled deeply once before rubbing over her shoulders and turned to find our clothes. Scattered haphazardly around the cabin by the haste of our passion, we had to search for most of it. Buckling my jeans and checking that my stake was still holstered, I sat on the bed to pull on my socks and watched Rose with an amused twitch to my mouth.

"I can't find my other sock."

Grumbling, Rose stood with her hands on her hips and glared. Thankfully, for my peace of mind and my bodies, Rose had pulled her jeans on and had just finished snapping close the fastening of her bra, but she was still a distracting sight.

"What is it with you and socks?"

Turning to glare at me, and not just the offending sock, Rose sighed dramatically. "I don't know...I somehow repel them." Laughing at her disgusted tone, I finished tying the laces of my boots and stood. Stretching the muscles that before had been tight and bunched, but now felt wonderfully relaxed, my indulgent smile grew a little wider.

"Roza…it's only a sock."

"I know it's only a sock, but I'm not wearing only one sock back to campus."

"Why not?" I laughed, not quite believing that after what had just happened, it was a missing sock she was worried people would find out about. "No one would know."

" _I'd_ know, Dimitri. Now why don't you try and help me find it instead of laughing at me? You were the one that was yanking off all my clothing, remember?"

"I don't remember you complaining at the time."

Throwing me a look that was more amusement than frustration, Rose swept her spencer and jacket off the floor but the sock wasn't with it. Finding her scattered sneakers next, she picked them up, but again, no sock. Groaning in frustration, Rose continued to scowl.

Taking pity on her, I rooted through the tangled beddings to help her look for it. Straightening and tucking in the corners when I found nothing, I made a mental note to have the quilt and sheet laundered during the week. Crouching to look beneath the bed, the sock lay innocently beneath it, having no idea how much trouble it was in.

"Rose?"

Turning at my question, the scowl turned to a black glare as she saw me holding up the sock. Rising as she approached, Rose held out her hand, but I stretched out my arm and held it high above her head. Frowning at my smile, Rose cocked her head.

"What are you doing?"

"There's a price for this sock that has to be paid first."

"Thank you?"

"No."

Catching on to my game, Rose smirked. "Oh, I see. And how expensive is this sock? I don't have any money on me, so I'm not sure that I can afford it."

"It's very pricey, but money isn't what I want for it."

Stretching on the tips of her toes, Rose wound her arms around my neck and pressed herself tightly against me. Kissing the point of my chin as I looped my arm around her waist, she nuzzled against my throat before asking.

"What do you want for it?"

"A kiss."

"Just one kiss? That doesn't seem very expensive."

"It has to be a very, very good kiss."

Pulling back a little, Rose looked at me quizzically. "That sounds a little like blackmail, comrade."

"You can call it what you want, Roza, but you're not getting the sock until I get my kiss."

Giving into my extortion with ease, the kiss Rose rewarded me with almost guaranteed we wouldn't leave the cabin. Groaning minutes later, our lips lingered together for a long second before we broke apart – we both knew we couldn't stay any longer. Handing over the tool of my extortion, Rose kissed my knuckles before she sat to sock her bare foot. Tying on the sneakers, she ran her fingers through her snarled tresses and tried to comb out some of the tangles.

Shrugging into the duster, the cleaning materials were gathered and thrown away as Rose finished dressing. Spreading what was left of the embers so that they burnt down completely; I pulled the guard into place and held the door for Rose. Glancing around the small cabin as she left it, she lingered at the door for a moment before looking up at me.

Tucking a hank of hair behind her ear, my fingers played with the soft flesh of her ear. Curling an arm around her, the door closed quietly behind us. Out in the dark of the forest, it seemed different somehow. Nothing had really changed for the outside world, but for Rose and I, nothing would ever be the same again.

Listening to the forest and for anyone that was close enough to see us, it was very quiet, and so, for the moment, I could enjoy the simple pleasure of holding her close to me. Sliding my hand between her own, the lacing of our fingers seemed to surprise Rose but she didn't pull away. Squeezing tightly, she rested the side of her head against my arm as we walked slowly towards campus.

She must have had questions to ask, but like me, she wanted to enjoy what limited time we had together, and so our walk was silent.

Nearing the dhampir dorm, the building was dimly lit in the distance and although we were protected by the thick cover of darkened forest, it was dangerous for us to be this close to each other. About to pull her to a stop and talk about what had already happened and what would have to happen from here on in, Rose suddenly jerked to a halt and stared intently ahead; her hand resting over her stomach as a sick expression contorted her features

Frowning, her brow furrowed deeply as she looked around before her eyes fixed on some point between the woods and the campus. Looking towards what it was she was so intently focused on, I couldn't see anything more than darkness.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you see him?" Rose asked quietly, seeing something I clearly wasn't.

"See who?"

"Mason."

The whispered answer sent chills tingling down my spine. More than willing to listen to _why_ it was she thought she was seeing Mason's ghost, I wasn't nearly as willing to indulge in anything that meant it in any way was affecting her wellbeing. Pulling her gently towards the light of the buildings, Rose resisted and continued to frown questioningly at an empty space. "Rose…we should go back."

Uneasy as she almost seemed to reach out towards the nothingness, Rose murmured. "What? What is it?"

Looking over her shoulder as she received some answer I couldn't hear or see, Rose jerked her head around almost frantically before asking again in a low, pleading tone that scared me more than anything else. "Tell me."

Gasping a second later, Rose jerked away and turned to me with terror in her eyes only a moment before I felt the chill of another kind shiver down my spine…the chill of instinct and warning. Winding an arm around her waist, I pulled Rose closer whilst sweeping the duster aside and reaching for my stake as she blurted out a moment too late.

"Dimitri…there are Strig –"


	33. Chapter 33

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Happy belated New Year, everyone! Sorry about such a long delay, but I really, really, REALLY, didn't want to write these last chapters. It's like it only dawned on me _after_ I had posted Ch. 32 that this was the beginning of the end for poor Dimitri….serious mental block.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Three ~

Skidding to a stop amidst the frozen pinecones less than a dozen feet away from us, the warning on Rose's lips died away as unblinking eyes the colour of blood-red narrowed on its prey… _us_.

Sweeping her behind me in a single movement, Rose was pushed against the broad width of a tree to protect her back as I stood between her and Strigoi to protect her front; never more aware that she was completely unarmed, and that I had been caught completely off-guard by something I had never thought possible.

 _This shouldn't be happening…this_ couldn't _be happening, not here_ , my mind whispered in disbelief, even as my eyes followed its every movement.

The wards were impenetrable; they were specifically designed to keep this from happening, to keep the Strigoi out of places like the Academies. Incidents like the massacre of Arthur Schoenberg and those he protected was isolated and instigated by outside factors, but that wasn't the case here. There were no stakes to counteract their magic because I knew the boundaries of the wards were checked routinely, and had been replaced only last week…so how the hell had this happened?

How was it that this Strigoi now stood on ground that was all but hallowed?

Continuing to argue with myself that this was isolated – that it was merely a fluke that it had somehow managed to get through the defences of both the wards and the patrolling guardians, the fluke in question crouched and growled menacingly.

Readying itself to spring, the predatory grace of its movements was made eerily surreal by the pale moonlight filtering through the forest in beams of light as it highlighted the lifelessness of the creature.

Snarling, it leapt into the air. Suspended in a momentary arc, it gave me enough time to roughly guess where he would land so that I could adjust my stance. With only a second to spare as an advantage, every instinct taught or born pushed me to use the precious time that I had, to not hesitate, but hesitate I did, because of the person I protected.

Engaging him meant leaving Rose.

About to land at our feet, it wasn't the need to protect her that finally made me move, but the metallic pungency of blood wafting through the forest. It was a smell that made me realize that for all of my own arguments, this wasn't an isolated incident, because it was too strong for a single Strigoi to somehow have found a way in and killed a single guardian.

That much blood on the air meant far more than just one.

Galvanized into action, I darted forward to intercept as the pinecones crunched beneath his feet. Crimson eyes widened for a second in surprise that I was so close before it was replaced by the crazed lust for my blood. Feeling that blood pound with adrenaline through my veins as the need to survive…to protect, overrode everything else, the stake flashed downwards a second later.

Jerking away from the point, he wasn't fast enough to escape its deadly arc entirely as it sliced through an already tattered plaid shirt, the colour of which was lost from smears of mud and blood stains; some dried, some not.

The sight of whoever had been his latest victim turned my stomach with rage. The thought that it could be someone I knew personally, someone I had sworn to protect…that it might have been Rose, or Lissa, or Christian, increased the nausea until it felt like it would rise up into my throat and choke me.

Howling as the ripped shirt billowed and gaped apart to reveal a knitting of pale, mottled flesh and bone beneath, the Strigoi bared its fangs before it feinted left and tried to swing low enough to sweep my legs out from beneath me. Blocking the motion with a stiff arm and an elbow jab to the throat, my right arm swung again to impale, but the demented creature had recovered from the blow and reached towards me with clawing fingers.

Thrusting my knee viciously upwards, the target of its sternum was plainly visible without the shirt to cover it. Connecting with the bone as the breaking of it echoed through the forest, the second's advantage it gave me when the Strigoi staggered backwards was all I needed.

Lunging forward, the stake lashed through the air; deadly and silent as a beam of moonlight flashed over its smooth surface and it almost seemed to glow in my hand. Jerking away in shock, the Strigoi tried to evade, but it was too late to gain the distance he needed before the tip impaled through flesh and bone.

Stiffening in the throes of what was for him, a second death, the widened red eyes rolled back into his head before his body began to slump. Yanking free the stake with a gush of foul smelling blood and ooze, the gasping gurgle grew louder before his knees gave way and he fell to the ground. Twitching for a few seconds, the writhing stopped when the artificial life it had been given finally came to an end.

Breathing hard, the sheen of sweat over my skin chilled almost instantly from wind and fear as I stood over the fallen Strigoi. I could hear other sounds in the forest now, sounds that didn't belong there as they grew closer and my fear grew sharper.

Swinging back to check on Rose, the relief of finding her unharmed was almost instantly replaced by the need to have her away from here. Still rooted to spot I had left her in, her focus was on the lifeless form at my feet. Pale and shaken, the look of horror was still in place, but there was something else there that I didn't recognize.

"Rose," my voiced barked gruffly and urgently. Lifting her head slowly at my command, the expression I hadn't understood before was suddenly clear: fear. The fear wasn't just for herself of course; it never was, but for those she knew had already died, and for all the rest she knew would die before dawn arrived.

"Listen to me," I begged harshly, having no choice but to send her away. Every part of me wanted her close, to protect and to know that she was safe, but someone needed to warn the others, or the Strigoi I could hear closing in would overrun the academy before anyone knew what was happening and it would be too late.

"Run. Run as fast and as hard as you can back to your dorm. Tell the guardians."

She nodded jerkily; still too pale, but there was a determination beneath the pallor. Reaching for her, my fingers curled brutally around her upper arm, pulling her towards me as the other hand clenched tightly around the grip of the stake. Forcing her to focus only on me, my next words were spoken clearly so that there would be no misunderstanding.

"Do not stop. No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, do not stop. Not until you've warned the others. Don't stop unless you're directly confronted. Do you understand?"

Realising what it was that I was saying, Rose blinked quickly as her fear for the others changed to fear for me. She knew that I had to stay behind to buy time and give the others a fighting chance, but she didn't want to leave me. Squeezing gently, my fingers lingered on her as I allowed myself to remember the perfect contentment of the cabin for just a moment before they fell away.

"Tell them buria," my voice sounded flatly as my eyes made out the fast-moving shadows in the forest.

Moving her head in agreement again, the wind whipped through her loose hair as she began to slowly back away from me; torn between love and duty. Watching her closely, I couldn't help myself from memorizing each of the features that I already knew so well.

I didn't know if I would ever see them again, so the committing of them was more searing than at any other time, but it was for only a single moment and would allow for no words. They were closing in…there was no time. Fear strangled my vocal cords so viciously that the words I wanted to say were reduced to one final, grating order.

"Run."

Spinning around, Rose did just that. Dodging trees, she broke into a hard sprint as the forest thinned, gaining speed towards the lights of the campus at an astonishing rate. Amazed almost at the speed in which she had crossed the outer fields, my push for her to run when we had first started to train together was finally paying off. She had grumbled at the time when I had told her that it might save her life, and that was never truer than right now.

Turning away, I faced those I had sent her fleeing from.

Seeming to rush in on all sides and all at once, the Strigoi attacked without direction; their only purpose to kill and drain anything that stood in their way. Whipping the duster off in a single movement, I twirled it above my head and launched it at the two closest to me: a dark-haired woman smaller than Rose and a man no taller than Emil; both of them feral and hell-bent on my death.

Covering them both, they stumbled and crashed into each other with a grunt and faint groan. Targeting the female first, the stake flashed down and tore through the leather, biting into the flesh over her heart. Falling with a spasming slump, the duster wrapped around her in a leather shroud as it pulled free from the snarling male.

Springing upright, the attack was instantaneous. There was no show of remorse or anguish for its fallen companion, only the obsession that drove him, and it made him careless. Lashing out, the bottom of my boot connected with his stomach. Wheezing, he clutched at his abdomen and wobbled off-balance long enough for the tip of my stake to find its way to his heart.

Falling with a dying groan, there was only a moment to spare before the next one was close enough to attack. Whipping around, my head turned almost automatically towards the campus; my concern with Rose, and not with myself. But I couldn't see her anywhere, and the thought of what might have happened to her stupidly allowed my terror to overtake my instinct to survive.

What if she hadn't made it? What if she had been cornered and trapped in the lower levels without even raising the alarm? What if no one knew she was there and needed help? Would they ever know if she had lived or died trying to warn them?

Would _I_ ever know?

Having no chance to answer my own question, I drew in a deep, shuddering breath before fending off the next attack. On some level as I fought and killed, there was a dim awareness that the organisation of these Strigoi was unprecedented. The sheer number of them was staggering as one after another dropped by my hand, but they kept coming from everywhere; a relentless wave of snapping teeth and deranged eyes.

Feeling like what seemed to be an hour later, but was more likely only minutes, the last of the attacking Strigoi finally fell at my feet. Winded, bloodied and aching in muscles that burnt with the stain of violence, the grisly carnage that lay around me as I fought to catch my breath was gruesomely graphic.

Bodies littered the forest floor all around. At least half a dozen set of lifeless limbs splayed at odd angles, lay over congealing pools of blood as rigor mortis began to set in and the air filled with the sickening stench of flesh that had already begun to rot.

Resting on my haunches for a moment, I winced slightly as my fingers found the swollen corner of my mouth and wiped at the blood that had already begun to dry there. Checking for any other head injuries, the bruises, cuts and scratches were all minor and would heal quickly. Concussions were always the biggest problem, but my vision was clear and the ache in my temples was minimal. My ribs were battered, but not broken, and nothing else seemed to hurt enough to warrant immediate attention.

Rising with a groan, the silence in the forest that followed the aftermath was now filled with the echoes of fighting in other areas. Turning towards the main campus, they grew louder as screams mingled with shouting. Leaving behind the ruined duster, I ran towards the fighting.

As much as I hated to hear it, it did mean one thing: Rose had lived long enough to have warned the other guardians. Instead of feeling relief at this, there was still fear and uncertainty that she was safe. Protocol in these situations would have made sure that all students would be under lock-down in their dorms, but that didn't mean that Rose would be one of them.

Clearing the inner fields, my objective was the main housing block, but as I crossed over the pathways towards it, I heard a familiar yell off to the right that changed my direction. Dodging the broken shards of glass and splintered doors hanging off their hinges in the empty corridors, it was in the quad that I found a battle raging.

Trapped against the giant Sycamore by Strigoi on either side of his throat, Stan fought desperately to keep them from biting him, but he was losing ground fast. Trying to ram his shoulder into the monster at the left of his neck to gain distance away from his teeth, the other began to drag him to the floor as he cried out, swearing and yelling.

Dustin – caught at the other end of the quad by three advancing Strigoi – could do nothing to help Stan as they began to crowd him backwards and corner him against a pillar. Striking out at the one closest to him, he brought it down with a single impalement, but as soon as it crumpled, the other two lunged forward and tackled him to the ground.

Both were experienced guardians, but neither of them stood a chance against the determination of their predators.

Vaulting over the half-wall and into the fray, the Strigoi pulling at Stan had their backs towards me and only realised that I was on them when it was already too late. Stabbing through both with ease, I hauled them off of Stan and held out my hand to help him to his feet. Wide-eyed, he panted in a slump against the base of the tree and continued to recklessly wave the stake around, not recognizing that I was a friend, and not a foe.

"Stan!"

Blinking rapidly and shaking his head when the calling of his name seemed to cut through his stunned panic, he took my hand as I pulled him quickly to his feet. Running his hands shakily through his blood-matted hair, the harshly-set planes of his face were almost slack with shock at the realisation that he had been staring death in the face only moments before.

Having no time to help him come to terms that he still had a life when Dustin was busy fighting for his, my back turned to him as I pivoted on my heel, flipped the stake grip-side up so that my fingers curled around the point and hurled it through the air. Skewering through the throat of the Strigoi hunched over Dustin, the tip ripped out a chunk of flesh and a sprayed a font of arterial blood.

Snatching at the back of a tattered denim jacket and yanking him away, the stake was pulled free and plunged into his chest to end its suffering. Turning to the Strigoi still hovering over a struggling Dustin, it snarled and turned on me wrathfully, but Dustin was quicker and thrust upward with his stake so viciously the tip of it ripped through the front of its shirt. Tossing aside the limp body, I helped Dustin to his feet.

Wheezing slightly, he bent at the waist to rest his hands on his thighs and muttered his thanks. Concerned that he was injured, I glanced over him quickly, but his wounds were like my own and mostly superficial. Stan however, wasn't as fortunate. Walking shakily over to us, the source of the blood was a deep gash running from just above his right brow all the way along his scalp. The blood had already begun to clot, but he was still too pale.

Pushing aside my personal dislike for the man in order to help him, I gently steered him towards an unbroken stone bench on the edge of the quad and sat him down. Crouching, I checked his pupillary response and found them dilated. Frowning at the obvious signs of a concussion, I glanced over my shoulder at Dustin.

"Concussion?"

Nodding at his question, Dustin muttered and wiped at a trickle of blood sliding slowly down his left cheek before crouching beside me and examining Stan himself. "We can't get him to the infirmary; it's crawling with these fuckers. We'll have to take him into one of the dorms. They might have set up a makeshift triage's already. Someone can take care of him there."

"How bad is the elementary campus?"

"Completely overrun the last I heard. Come on, Stan. Up you get, nice and easy." Rising, Dustin wrapped an arm around Stan's waist and gently pulled him up. Glancing at me as I did the same on the other side, the look was almost sardonically amused.

"Who would have thought that it would be _us_ helping _him_?"

"He's still one of us, Dustin."

"Yeah, asshole or not."

"Does anyone know how they got in?"

"No," Dustin gritted harshly as we walked Stan towards the dorms. "I was with Yuri last week when they laid the new wards, I saw them with my own eyes, so I know that there's nothing wrong with them, but it's the only thing that makes sense. The wards failing are the only way that so many of them could have got in without anyone knowing."

For a moment, I thought back to what Rose had said to me in church about her theory of the ghosts showing up with the wards were weak. I hadn't taken it seriously then, thinking that she was grasping at straws as an explanation, but I couldn't dismiss it now.

"How is that possible? The only way for the wards to be broken is by staking them, and the patrolling guardians would have noticed that. And even if they hadn't, how is it that there are so many of them? Strigoi are lone hunters; not pack hunters. They don't organise or work together, and where the hell would so many of them hide if they did?"

"I don't know, son. Not much of this makes any sense right now. All we have concentrate on is killing as many of them before they kill all of us. Did you see Grier when you were out there?"

The name pulled me up so rapidly that Stan grunted in discomfort. "Grier?"

"Yeah."

"Grier wasn't on boundary patrol today, Dustin; Emil was."

Shaking his head, Dustin gave me a strange look. "They swapped their shift this morning."

"No," I heard myself say quietly whilst an uncomfortably familiar feeling of nausea sunk into the pit of my stomach. "No. I didn't see him," I hedged, but Dustin was an old hand at reading people, and not even my training could mask what I was really thinking.

"You think he's dead, don't you?"

"That's not what I said."

"No, but it's what you're thinking. What did you see?"

"The first Strigoi Rose and I found in the forest was covered in fresh blood. It came in from the south and I know that Grier normally starts his loop from the south. He's a creature of habit." Shifting Stan, I glanced over his head at Dustin's wrinkled brow. "It's probably nothing; just a gut feeling, no proof."

"Your gut feelings aren't usually wrong, Dimitri."

Silence fell heavily over us as we half pushed, half carried Stan to the closest dorm. Appearing abandoned, the outer lobby doors had been ripped from their hinges; the door frames buckled and every pane of glass broken. Pushing through them, the loud crunching of glass beneath our feet brought the sound of running feet down the stairs.

Instantly on guard, Stan was hauled to the side and pushed unceremoniously behind a ripped and overturned sofa to help protect him. Facing the approaching footsteps, Dustin and I stood tensely shoulder to shoulder; stakes drawn and ready, but what we faced wasn't what we had expected to find.

Sprinting recklessly down the last of the steps, Dean Barnes and Ryan Aylesworth almost collided with each other as they saw us and came to a grinding halt. Armed with what looked like fire axes raised high above their heads, they immediately dropped them and sagged against the walls.

"What the hell are you idiots doing?" Dustin barked gruffly. "Where are the guardians?"

"There aren't any here, Guardian Johannsson," Dean babbled, whilst Ryan looked out from between us to the eerily quiet gardens with wide, darting eyes. "Guardian Chase was here earlier with Guardian Dalca, but they both left to help with the elementary campus. It's…it's just us."

Throwing a look of disbelief at me over his shoulder, Dustin muttered a few choice phrases in Swedish before asking. "Who else is upstairs?"

"A few of the junior novices, and they're scared stupid."

"No Moroi? What about Vasilisa? Any of the other Royals?"

"No, Guardian Belikov," Ryan replied. "They're in their dorms with most of the senior novices and guardians. We were caught here and told to stay put until we were fetched, but that was so long ago and we didn't know who was coming in, so we decided to look."

"With fire axes? You'd chop each other's heads off before you chopped off any Strigoi's." Dustin griped in disgust.

"What else are we supposed to use," Ryan whined. "It's not like we can use our practice stakes against real Strigoi. We have to protect ourselves somehow and these were the only things we could find. Rose was the only one given a real stake by Guardian Petrov, and she's not even with us!"

"What do you mean she's not with you?" My voice sounded quietly, calmly, but a chill of fear slide over my skin. He must be wrong; Alberta would never willingly give a novice a stake and send her out to where the danger was. She would have sent back to one of the dorms, but there was something in Ryan's expression that turned the chill into a cold sweat.

Taking a step away from me, Ryan's eyes bulged out at I lurched menacingly towards him without even realising that I had moved at all. Swallowing roughly as he backed up against the battered reception desk, he stuttered out. "All…all…I know is that after Guardian Petrov gave her the stake, she…she disappeared. Just before we were separated, Shane said he saw her heading towards the elementary campus…alone. That's all I know, Guardian Belikov."

 _Alone…Alone…Alone…_ the horror of those words resonated through my mind with such gut-wrenching fear that for a moment I forgot how to breathe.

Only vaguely aware that Dustin was explaining to Ryan and Dean that Stan was concussed and that they needed to move him upstairs, I felt his hand gently grasp my shoulder a moment later, but I couldn't turn to him – my body was almost numb with panic at the thought of what might have already happened to Rose.

"Dimitri? Dimitri!" He urged, shaking me roughly now to snap me from my daze. "I'll stay here. Go and help the others…go and find Hathaway."

Out of the door before he could say anything more, or before I could question that it seemed yet another person on this campus knew how I felt about Rose, I plunged recklessly into the darkness towards the elementary campus.

Dawn was only ten minutes away, and already the faintest glow of orange and pink had begun to outline the ridge of mountains to the east, but it was still dark enough for the Strigoi to use…still dark enough to kill as many as they could before they were forced to go to ground.

Rounding the corner of the main administrative block at a dead run, my stride faltered as I stumbled upon a war zone.

Strangely lit fires raged uncontrollably across the pathways and gardens leading to the elementary dorm as a handful of guardians protected those inside against more than double their number in Strigoi. Guarding the entrance of the dorm with their lives, they stood amidst broken glass and crumbling brick walls.

Searching frantically amongst the fallen for Rose, every small, misshapen corpse with long, dark hair I found kicked painfully at my heart, but none of them were who I wanted to find...and I didn't know if I was more relieved, or more anxious.

There were those that I did recognize – dhampir, Moroi; guardians, teachers, students; all of them too young to have lost their lives in such a brutal, wasteful way, but there were also others that I didn't…others that had been burnt beyond all recognition.

Charred heaps of burning flesh was the source of the fires I have found strange before; the smell of them hung heavily in the air as it mingled with blood and death. Crouching besides one, I was nauseated by the stench; the flames that licked and ate away at the flesh were hotter than any normal fire and had an eerie bluish hue to them, like salted driftwood set ablaze.

"Moroi fire," my voice whispered almost in disbelief, looking around to where the nearest Moroi lay, but he was on the other side of a badly damaged stone fountain and was a water-user, and couldn't have set alight any of the Strigoi. So who had?

"Get the fuck off me!"

Jerking upright at the vicious yell that snarled through the putrid air, the chaos only feet away from me caught at my attention. Celeste was entrenched in the lobby entrance with Alan at her side as they fought off five aggressively attacking Strigoi. Jean and Gregor were cornered against the side of the dorm by another four, whilst Alberta, Maia and Stephen had surrounded a smaller grouping of three beside the leaking fountain, but it was none of them that had yelled out.

Trapped against the doorway of the side entrance to the dorm, Emil was held by three Strigoi baying for his blood. Struggling against them, his stake was blocked by an arm pinning it high against the wall. There was no room for manoeuvring, and with every attempt he made, their teeth moved closer to his Jugular.

Pushing away from the ground with a surge of speed, I saw Maia break away from the thick of the battle and rush to Emil's side. Leaping into the air, she landed on the back of the Strigoi nearest to her, and pulled it off Emil. Tumbling backwards, the pair grappled on the ground for moment before Maia raised her stake and plunged it downward.

Yanking it loose with a grunt, Maia panted and tried to catch her breath whilst clutching at her bleeding side to try and staunch the flow, but with her back to Emil and the pair of Strigoi he was fighting off; she didn't see that one of them had broken away.

Shouting out to her, I was only feet away, but the Strigoi was too close, and my warning was too late.

"Maia! Look out!"

Jerking her head quickly at my desperate cry, her dark-blue eyes widen in a moment of surprise before the emotion changed to acceptance; she knew she had no chance of escape. Rearing back instinctively as the claw-like hand of the Strigoi closed like a vice around her neck, her vertebrae popped with a stomach-churning wrench. Twitching convulsively just once, I watched in horror as she slumped to the ground in a dead fall.

"Maia!" Emil screamed hoarsely, fighting madly against the Strigoi still pinning him to the doorway whilst the monster that had just killed her bent at her throat and bared its teeth; preparing to sink them into the soft flesh contorted grotesquely around her broken neck.

Enraged by the callousness of the act, the infuriated bellow that tore its way from my throat caught the Strigoi momentarily off guard. Raising its head just long enough to watch me attack, it reared back as I tackled it head on. Rolling twice, we were wrenched apart as we crashed into the base of an already damaged garden fountain.

Scrambling upright, my hands rested on chunks of marble debris littering the floor. Closing around a large piece of plaster as the Strigoi leapt forward, my throw was aimed at its head. Knocking it backwards as it smashed into the fleshy, misshapen protrusion of a nose already broken, the Strigoi howled like a maddened animal and charged blindly.

Stumbling over the rubble, he pitched to the left when his ankle twisted beneath him, slowing his deranged momentum just long enough for me to dart forward. Meeting his fall on the way down, the stake plunged and found its target. Twisting deeply within the soft tissue, the first strike was enough to end his butchery.

Wrenching the stake free, the Strigoi fell limply amongst the marble ruins. Rising above it, the sweat and blood matting my hair and blocking my vision was wiped away with the ripped sleeve of my jersey, but it didn't clear the haze of rage. Normally after a kill, I felt no sense of vindication in taking a life that was little more than an abomination, but for the sake of avenging Maia, there was now almost a sense of satisfaction.

It was a kill I had _wanted_ to make.

Turning my head sharply at Emil's frenzied growl, I found him straddling the corpse of the Strigoi he had finally beaten. It was long dead, but that didn't seem to make any difference to him. Swinging down in uncontrollable rage again and again, the stake ripped through muscle, sinew and bone, spraying blood in a wide arc across the pale stone of the doorway.

Dripping from his contorting face, the savage outpouring of his pain was difficult to watch. Partly because of its brutality, but mostly because it revealed a depth of feeling for Maia that I hadn't known existed. I had been so wrapped up in Rose that I hadn't noticed that their flirting had become so much more.

Slumping backwards when the energy of his rage had run dry, Emil clutched at the bloody stake and fought for breath. Jerking his head around, he didn't seem to take any notice of any of the others staring at him in horror. Searching for Maia, he stumbled to his feet, shouting at me as he rose.

"Dimitri, check her! Dimitri…Dimitri! She might just be unconscious. Check her!"

Crossing to her with no real hope, my hand rested gently on the dishevelled crown of her head for a moment. Her hair was tangled with bits of twigs and dirt, but it was still warm, still alive…unlike the rest of her. Dropping to his knees beside me, Emil reached towards her with shaking hands; searching for a pulse he would never find.

Blinking against the blood obscuring his vision, he wiped at his face impatiently, but it wasn't helping. He hadn't realised yet that it wasn't only blood in his eyes.

"Maia?! Maia?!"

Crying her name hoarsely, Emil's hands shook as they slide them beneath her lifeless form. Picking her up to cradle in his arm, he rocked her back and forth, shaking her as it did it, stupidly trying to wake her because his grief-stricken mind wouldn't allow itself the truth that she was dead. Squeezing his shoulder consolingly, I rose to stand beside Alberta as she limped towards us, looking around for any lingering Strigoi, but those who hadn't been killed had already left, fleeing the rising sun.

"Dalca…Dalca...Emil?"

Sighing warily when he didn't respond, Alberta closed her eyes for a moment before she turned to me. Her face, usually impassive and inscrutable, was stripped bare of its barriers and exposed her struggle to conceal the force of her grief.

Resting a hand on her back as she swayed unsteadily on her feet, she nodded once and began to bark out orders to the others, because even battered, bruised and surrounded by death, she knew that this day wasn't yet over.

"The sun is almost up. Check the perimeters for anyone left behind. There were earlier reports that some of the Strigoi had been seen carrying people out; both Moroi and dhampir, and some of them might have been dumped in a hurry. Go as far as the boundary fence to check, but no further. And pair up," she shouted as they scattered. "I don't want any of you going alone. If there are any injured, get them to the infirmary and report back to me."

 _Carried off?_ Listening with only half an ear to Alberta direct Gregor to secure the fences and to get the wards restored, the thought that Rose might have been one of those that had been taken created a thickening of blood in my veins. It slowed it down so much that if felt as though my heart was clenching painfully for it; starved and paralysed by panic.

"What about the Strigoi bodies?"

"Pile them up on the outskirts of the woods, but out of sight of the students." Alberta instructed in reply to Gregor's question. "Once we have everything under control, I'll make contact with the Alchemists for disposal. For now, I have to contact the council to report this…to let them know what's happened. We'll need replacement guardians to be brought in, the parents need to be told, the…"

Rubbing at her brow, Alberta shook her head at the logistical headache that had only just begun.

Nodding once in understanding, the sympathy I could see lurking in dark depths of the eye that wasn't swollen shut and bruised was the only hint of softening I had ever seen from Gregor. Turning to me as he headed off, I wanted to ask how I could help, but I said nothing, more desperate to find Rose now than I had been before.

Knowing already where my thoughts were, Alberta spoke softly. "Rose was fine the last time I saw her. She was with Yuri and Christian. They headed west before the secondary fighting broke out here."

Feeling the rush of blood flow start up again as my heart lurched against my chest from the relief of Alberta's words, it prickled painfully through my veins, making them feel to full, like they couldn't contain the force, and it took me a few seconds to register what she had said about Christian.

"Christian is with them? Why? Was he caught on the outside?"

"I think he might have been at first, but if he was, he wasn't trying to get back in."

"What do you mean?"

Nodding towards the blackened, charred remains of a still smoking Strigoi, Alberta arched a brow. "Who do you think set all of those on fire?"

"It was Christian that did that?!"

"Yes. From what I saw before they moved off, he lit them up before Rose staked them. They're the main reason that the Strigoi were kept out of the elementary dorm until reinforcements could arrive. She should have known better than to involve a Moroi, but I can't argue against their methods." Sounding at once both proud and exasperated, Alberta shook her head as I did the same.

"Rose and Christian working together to kill Strigoi…" Trailing off, I again looked back over the scorched remains, and marvelled at the numbers they had taken out.

"Go and find them," Alberta pushed, watching me. "But once you have, and you know that they're inside, go and help the others. You have other responsibilities."

"What about Emil?" Still on his knees at our feet, he hadn't moved or given any indication that he even knew we were here, and the quiet keening he had begun with were now quiet sobs. Each one of them struck deeply like an accusation against me for not being the kind of friend he deserved.

"I'll stay with him. Go, Belikov. Go!"

With one final glance at Emil, I left. Following the trail of smoking bodies around the back of the dorm, it was Yuri I saw first. On his knees with his back towards me, he knelt beside someone on the ground, and for a second, the fear made it difficult to swallow. Calling out hoarsely, he turned sharply to face me; stake drawn and ready, but relaxed his guard as I dropped to my haunches besides him and saw who he was helping.

Susannah Davis lay on an icy patch of mud; her limbs splayed at awkward angles and her clothes almost completely torn from her body. Deep gouges and punctures marked her neck and collar bone. More than one Strigoi had fed from her, yet I could only see a single corpse in the distance – charred and smouldering. Feeling for a pulse, it was there, but very, very weak.

"Two of these bastards were feeding when we found her. We killed one before the other fled." Covering her exposed breasts with his jacket, he gathered it gently around her.

" _We_?"

"Rose and Christian were with me. They went after the other Strigoi – they should be just around the corner." Gathering Susannah carefully, he picked her up before groaning harshly as he stood, and buckling slightly. Helping him, his mouth was bracketed by lines of pain and was almost greyish in colour. It was then that I noticed a large, red stain seeping through the pale yellow of his shirt over his ribs.

"Are you all right, Yuri?"

"Yeah. I'll get it strapped; it's only a flesh wound. Where are the others?"

"All over. Alberta sent most of them to the boundary to look for Moroi or dhampir left behind by the escaping Strigoi." Seeing Yuri's confusion, I briefly explained. Gritting his teeth, he hefted Susannah closer to his chest, and swore viciously.

"Get her to the clinic, Yuri; it should be safe by now. I'll find Rose and Christian, and join you and the others as soon as I can." Tucking Yuri's jacket more securely around Susannah before he left, I waited only for as long as it took him to round the corner before I resumed my search. Following a flash of bright orange light flaring up from behind a high hedge of shrubbery not deadened by winter, a scream of pain and the smell of burning flesh ripped through the air.

Clearing the vegetation a second later, Christian turned at my approach; hands raised and already alight with fire. Eyes widening as he saw me, he sagged slightly as the flames became to douse themselves. Pale and clearly exhausted, he was physically unharmed, and almost gave me a cockily triumphant grin as he looked over his shoulder at his partner.

Kicking the legs out from beneath the Strigoi screeching in burning agony only a few feet away, Rose followed it to the floor and staked it in one, smooth, precise swing of her arm. Sitting back on her haunches, she tipped her head back and inhaled deeply, rolling her neck. Yanking free the stake, she rose quickly and looked to the forest at her right.

Finding it hard to think or feel around anything other than finding her alive, it was only Christian standing watching us that stopped me from going to her – that stopped me from swinging her into my arms and crushing her to my chest…that stopped me from kissing her, breathing in the warm smell of her body, feeling her arms wrap around me, telling her how scared I had been, how much I loved her – but only barely.

"We gotta find another." Rose half-growled, still slightly breathless and already tensing with the anticipation of finding another enemy, but she wouldn't find another. The sun was finally up, and it would finally put an end to a night filled with horror and tragedy.

"There are no others."

Whipping around at the quiet certainty in my voice, my jaw and heart clenched painfully at the sight of her.

Bottom lip puffy and split, a trickle of blood had dried halfway down her chin. Above it, over her left cheek, a large purple bruise had blossomed outwards. There was a darker spot over her cheekbone where the blood vessels had burst when meeting the bone, but I didn't think it was broken. Scratches – angry looking and inflamed – ran downwards along her neck before disappearing beneath the torn neckline of the bloody spencer that had once been white.

It had been only Jesse's blood staining it before, but now it was pink from all the Strigoi blood she had spilt.

Wilting a little a she saw me, her exhaustion was obvious. The aggressive determination she was so well known for was only just stronger than her fatigue and would keep her running when the adrenaline ran out, but it wouldn't last long.

Wiping impatiently at the hair sticking wetly to her face, Rose looked at me with such intense longing that for a moment, I thought she would ignore Christian, and launch herself at me, but she was strong…far stronger than I probably was, and so she controlled herself. We both knew that right now, we had other things to concentrate on – the things we wanted to say and do, would have to wait for later.

"They're either dead or have run away." Gesturing towards the rising sun, the fight slowly began to drain from Rose as she looked to the east and realised what it meant. Grimacing warily, Christian eyed the shaded cover of the nearest building. He wouldn't want to be caught out in the sun any more than the Strigoi he had helped to kill.

"What you two did –" Shaking my head, words failed.

"Was stupid?" Glancing back towards me, Rose arched a wary brow, clearly thinking that I was about to read her the riot act for endangering a Moroi. She was right to think it; it was what I should have done because it was what was expected of me, but after what they had just done, after what they had just survived, how could I tell her they had been wrong?

It made me wonder when either one of them would realize exactly what it was that they _had_ done.

With this one act – an act of combining a fire-wielding Moroi and a dhampir to defeat not one, but so many Strigoi – they had unknowingly set into motion an act of unstoppable change in our world. It was change that had been pushed by so many for so long, and one that Victor Dashkov himself had tried to begin – although his motives hadn't been as pure.

Walking to her side, she looked up at me as our fingers all but touched whilst Christian joined us and sank tiredly to his haunches in our combined shadows. Whatever she saw on my expression softened her own and she knew then that I wasn't going to criticize her decision.

"One of the most amazing things I've ever seen. Half of those are yours."

Nodding towards the carnage, Rose seemed to see everything from a different perspective. I knew the feeling. Whilst you killed, the adrenaline to keep yourself alive, as well as those you protected, made it impossible to be consciously aware of what you were doing. Once it was over and the killing haze had lifted, it was suddenly easier to see the bigger picture.

Clutching the bloodied stake tightly, the haze for Rose had only just begun to clear…and it was replaced by a soul-deep sadness as she saw that the dead scattered over the academy grounds weren't only those of Strigoi, but of guardians and Moroi.

Moving closer, the tips of our fingers brushed for just a moment, before Rose pulled away as Christian got to his feet. He might have been exhausted, but he was watching us too closely too miss even the smallest of gestures.

"There are more than just Strigoi bodies there."

"I know," my answer wasn't as small or soft, but it was filled with as much grief as hers. "We've lost a lot of people, in all senses of the word."

What do you mean?

"The Strigoi killed some Moroi and dhampirs. And some," my words caught and stuck in my throat; forcing them out actually felt like it would physically hurt as I answered Christian. "Some they carried away."

The silence that followed my words was filled with awareness. There was no need for further questions; they were both very young, but they understand almost instantly. Feeling the fury and fear that had driven me slowly begin to drain away, it was steadily replaced by sorrow for those who now awaited a grisly fate.

If those who had been taken were lucky, they would simply be bled to death by the Strigoi, but if they weren't…I didn't have the stomach to think about what would happen to them.

Shaking his head, Christian ran his hand tiredly though his hair and started the short walk back to the dorms. Following after, we flanked him, but a walked a step behind. Grimacing as every body we passed became less frequent and more familiar; Christian muttered beneath his breath and picked up his pace.

"There would have been more bodies, Christian…if not for you and Rose. You two are largely responsible for stopping the Strigoi from penetrating the elementary dorms and that's something you should be very proud of. Focus on those you _did_ save, not those you couldn't."

Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled faintly at my praise before looking away, but it didn't seem to help much.

Reaching out to slow Rose down, we kept Christian in our sight, but fell further back. There wasn't much time for this – we would be in full view of the others in less than a minute and once we were, would be sent our separate ways – but I needed more than just a look to tell me she was okay.

Arching a curious look at the hand that was still reaching towards her, it took Rose only a second more to realise what I needed. Cautiously, far more than I was at the moment, Rose reached out and our fingertips locked for a moment before they reluctantly dragged apart.

' _Are you all right?'_

Understanding what kind of reassurance I wanted, but couldn't have it whilst we had an audience, Rose mouthed back. ' _I'm okay, comrade. Sore, but okay. You?'_

' _I'm all right, Roza.'_

"Dimitri?"

Pulling further apart with a final, lingering look, we reached Christian. He had stopped just off the pathway that would lead directly to the dorms, shading his eyes from the sunlight beginning to filter in through the thick forest around us before looking down at a shallow pool of blood setting in the cold, morning air.

Growing paler as I watched him, his eyes followed skid marks left in the mud. They led away from the blood before disappearing into the forest, and had been made by the digging heels of someone who had been dragged away – either by force, or unconsciously. Moving closer to him without even realising it, the sympathy emanating from Rose was very unusual, especially towards Christian.

"Come on, Christian."

Taking no notice of the gentle hand she had placed on his arm, Christian spoke very quietly, with no direction to who he was asking.

"How many were killed? Do you know?"

Glancing at me, Rose again tried to steer him towards the dorms, worried that his adrenaline had run out and he was going into shock, but he wouldn't budge. Cupping his shoulder blades, I tried to pull him along. "We need to get you inside, Christian."

Resisting at first my stronger tug, Christian wasn't about to be deterred, even as I managed to pull him away. Walking him on the pathway, Rose stayed close to our side; her eyes tracking every movement from the trees still in shadows around us.

"How many, Dimitri?"

"I don't know. The body…the body count will take some time. Once it's been checked, we'll have a full list of those we've lost."

Stepping over shattered glass and the broken doorframe, we found the elementary lobby chaotically full. Guardians and Moroi mingled closely together as roll call sounded off. A makeshift triage had been set up against a far wall, where anyone with any medical knowledge at all was attending to those who had been injured. Crying children and slamming doors could be heard from the floors above, as teachers and students stood huddled together, and guardians called out to each other.

"That list isn't going to be short, is it?"

"No, Christian, I don't think it will be." I confirmed softly.

Shaking his head tiredly, he walked towards Gregor and roll call, but Rose didn't immediately follow. She stood very still, watching a dhampir child no older than four or five being rocked by a teenaged Moroi. Both were softly crying, traumatized and shaking with fear, but at least they were alive.

How many more weren't?


	34. Chapter 34

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Four ~

Christian had been right…the list wasn't short.

Twelve Moroi had been killed within the Academy grounds, whilst three had been found in the blood-stained snow of the outer fields; left behind by the Strigoi in their haste to escape the sun. Barely alive, they had died from blood loss shortly after being rushed to the infirmary and had pushed the number up to fifteen.

Those fifteen had only been the Moroi bodies _found_ , not the total of the ones taken.

A group of thirteen, which also included dhampir, had been carried away. We had followed the tracks left behind as far as Alberta's instructions of the outer fields would allow, but when the wind had swept away most of the trails, it had made it impossible to continue by foot. A secondary party had been sent out to search by car, but only a few items of torn clothing had been found and multiple tracks leading in every direction.

The thirteen had vanished without a trace.

Some speculated that they had been killed in the woods and hastily buried to conceal their tracks, whilst others argued that the Strigoi wouldn't have wasted time digging holes, and would have left their victims out in the open. Other theories had circulated, but no one really knew what had happened to those that had been taken, and the Strigoi we had killed couldn't tell us anything more than we already knew.

The count of their fallen had shocked us all. Twenty-eight bodies had been gathered for disposal for when the Alchemists would arrive, with early estimates putting the total number of attacking Strigoi at somewhere around a staggering fifty. We couldn't know for sure of course, but the rough count didn't seem to overlap anywhere, so the number was generally accepted.

No one had ever seen or heard of such an organised display from creatures we had always assumed were solitary hunters. Methodical and adaptable, they had planned and executed a perfect attack we had never been taught to expect.

When learning in the Academies, we were taught to think a certain way when it came to the mind of a Strigoi: they didn't adapt, they weren't organised and they attacked without thought or reason. But it was all wrong, and that flaw in the teaching, coupled with our complacency in the wards and in ourselves as guardians, had become the harshest lesson ever learnt.

For thirteen of those guardians, it would be a lesson they would never learn from.

Grier had been one of them. Found on the southern boundary almost an hour ago, his exsanguinated corpse had been coldly stiff when brought in. Judging by the advanced degree of rigor mortis, he was more than likely the first one killed by the Strigoi that Rose and I had found when leaving the Cabin. Dustin had been right about my gut feeling, and I had been right about personally knowing the victim whose blood had been fresh on his shirt.

Crouching besides him now, I slide the sheet higher up his body and looked out at the others. Spread out over the floor in the guardian lounge, they were covered by shrouds of white linen. Mostly killed on the outer fields or during the fighting in the dorms, they would be sent home once any family they had were notified.

For those who didn't, they would be laid to rest in the small burial-ground attached to the church and memorialized for the sacrifice of a life given. That loss of life, and the enormity of what it meant, was only now beginning to be felt as it created an atmosphere of subdued sorrow that wasn't just felt by the guardians left alive, but by everyone.

The greater sorrow wasn't solely reserved for those who had already died, but also for those who had been taken and would suffer a far worse fate before they were allowed to die.

The Strigoi hadn't discriminated when taking their victims. Abby Badica, Henry Ellsworth, Molly Harper, Morgan Stapleton – students, teachers, guardians…they were only a few of who had been reported as missing once the final count had been completed.

Another had been Eddie Castile.

The last anyone had seen him; he had been fighting off Strigoi outside of the Moroi dorm that Lissa had been trapped in at the start of the attack. Reports were sketchy, but some of the guardians fighting there had said they had seen him surrounded, struck down and carried off into the woods before anyone could help him. None of them knew if he had been killed outright, or taken unconscious.

So his fate, like that of the others, was unknown, and would likely stay that way.

Any kind of rescue at this point was out of the question, even if it was something that the Council would agree too. The guardians left in the academy couldn't be spared until the reinforcements arrived, and even when they did, we had no way of knowing where they thirteen had been taken…or if they were even still alive. Most would agree that it would be a suicide mission, but there were those who would argue that even a slight chance was worth the risk.

I was one of them…and so was Rose.

She wouldn't have been told that Eddie was one of the thirteen yet; the full list wouldn't be released to the rest of the Academy until later, but once she did, I knew how she would react. Eddie, apart from being a good friend, was the last living reminder of Mason Ashford, and for Rose, it would feel like losing him all over again.

She hadn't been able to save Mason, but she would want to try and save Eddie.

Shrouding Grier completely, my eyes briefly closed. Softly murmuring a Russian prayer of restful peace Yeva had taught my sisters and I as children, it wasn't just for him that I said it. Rolling my neck tiredly, a soft footfall to my left lifted my head. Crouching beside me, Dustin slowly tugged back a corner of the sheet and shook his head. Most of the right side of his face was covered in the purple mottle of a massive bruise and swollen, but it couldn't hide the contortion of angry sorrow.

"Normally I enjoy telling people ' _I told you so'_ , but this isn't one of those times."

"None of us could have known."

"Your gut instinct did. That's why I told you to trust it, but you are right. None of us could have known, and even if we had, we couldn't have saved him anymore than we could have saved the others." Sighing, Dustin covered him again and rose. Standing to join him, we both watched as Father Andrew walked amongst the dead, softly praying as he knelt beside each of the bodies. It wasn't exactly Last Rites, but it was close enough to it.

"Any idea yet of how the Strigoi got in?"

"None. I walked the perimeter myself with Yuri less than an hour ago. The wards are down; there's no doubt of that, but there are no stakes…not even a sign of one in the ground. Anywhere!" Frustrated, Dustin ran his hands over his short hair. "They've been restored, but until we figure out how they were broken in the first place, we're blind, Dimitri."

"And short on guardians."

"I've been thinking about that."

"In what way?"

"The replacement guardians being sent in now are only temporary placements. The Council has been scrapping together the numbers from everywhere to help here, but they'll eventually have to go back to their Moroi, and we'll be left thin in defence.

"More will eventually be brought in as permanent staff."

"Yes, but that takes time. What do we do until then? Hope and pray that this doesn't happen again? We still don't _how_ this happened. We need to be proactive about this, Dimitri."

"So what are you suggesting, Dustin?"

"Turning the field experience into practical experience."

"You want the novices to be put on full-time guarding duty to make up the numbers?!"

Raising bushy eyebrows at the furied disbelief in my voice, Dustin held out in hands. "No, no, of course not. Well…maybe, but not alone. Pair off the senior novices: Hathaway, Aylesworth, the West twins etc., with us for patrols and boundary duties until all the full-time replacements have arrived. You know it could take weeks for us to be at full strength, so why not use what's left of the six weeks. It's not like they have could do more during the field experience – after surviving the attack, they have nothing to prove."

Wanting to point out the madness of what he was suggesting, I couldn't, because on some level, it actually made a certain amount of sense. The practical aspect of learning to guard another was only ever done before graduation in the field experience, and it was against guardians that the novices knew weren't really out to kill them. By putting them out there now, it would be a more effective way of gaining experience.

"Alberta will never agree to it." I pointed out, calming down as another thought occurred. If by some miracle, Alberta actually _did_ agree to what Dustin was suggesting, Rose would be placed with me. As her instructor, I was the logical choice. And as much as I didn't want her on the boundaries – especially after what had just happened – I couldn't deny that spending that much time with her wasn't what I wanted.

"Normally, no, she wouldn't, but I don't think she has much of a choice right now. I'll talk to her about it later. Right now, she has more than enough to deal with." Dustin replied mildly, watching me with a quiet intensity that bordered on scrutiny, and suddenly I had the feeling that he wasn't only talking about just Alberta.

Resisting the urge to shift guiltily beneath it, the look reminded me uncomfortably of our last conversation and the realisation that Dustin was another who knew that my true nature with Rose was more than it should have been. Knowing that it would be a conversation that was unavoidable, I decided to at least delay it by changing the subject.

"Have you seen Emil?"

Working better than I had hoped, the knowing expression on Dustin's weathered face drained of curiosity and became troubled. The last time either of us I had seen Emil was when he brought in Maia's body. His expression had been so starkly harrowing I had looked away for only a moment, but he had already gone when I had turned back.

"No, but I'm worried about him."

"So am I."

"Did you know about them? Him and Maia, I mean."

"Not like this…I thought it was flirting, you know? Nothing more serious"

"But it wasn't, was it?"

"No, it wasn't, and that's what worries me."

"And then there's Grier…"

Scrubbing my hands warily over my face, I raked back my hair, wincing slightly at the bruises and cuts still healing. "He'll blame himself for both. Grier because he swapped the shift that put him on the boundary where he was killed, and Maia because she was helping him when she was killed. Neither of them were his fault, Dustin."

"He's not going to see it that way, Dimitri. Where would he go?"

"I don't know…the church, maybe? I'll head over now to see if I can find him, but I have to be back here in twenty minutes to help with the rotation schedule."

"If you don't find him before then, I'll take over. There isn't much more than I can do here anyway."

Agreeing to be back in fifteen, I left Dustin and headed towards the church, not even sure if it was the right place to start looking. Emil wasn't religious in the least, and often treated the practice with amused disdain, but we both knew that both Maia and Grier had been devout. He might now feel it was the right place to be, at least, that was what I was hoping. I didn't know what I was going to say when I found him, but that wasn't going to stop me from going.

Traveling the grounds in the bright sunlight, the wind blowing over the land was very cold and seemed to steal the warmth of the sun before it could reach the ground. Passing only a few guardians on my way to the chapel, the campus for the most part was deserted.

In the hours since dawn had broken and we had regained control of the Academy, the school had been in complete lock-down. Most of the students and teachers had been moved to dorms and buildings that had sustained the least damage and were the most secure. A daylight schedule had been put into immediate effect with a stricter curfew that allowed the students out only for meals.

Most were still too terrified to leave the dorms.

Parents and legal guardians had been notified, but like the reinforcements, it would take time for them to arrive. Once they did, there would almost certainly be a mass exodus of the Moroi students from the Academy. Until it could be explained how the Strigoi had passed through the wards, and until it could be guaranteed that it wouldn't happen again, they would be removed to somewhere safer.

Passing beneath the arched stone doorway of the chapel, the light from within was almost as bright as the sunlight streaming in from behind me. Dozens of candles burnt not only on the pulpit, but the pews, aisles and every flat surface available. Students, teachers and guardians were scattered across the chapel; some praying, others weeping.

None of them should have been here; the curfew didn't allow for it, but there wasn't anyone here who was about to stop them.

Looking around for Emil, there were a few bowed blonde heads in the pews, but the shade of gold was wrong. Certain I would have found him here, my disappointment was fuelled by frustration as I lost minutes looking for him. About to walk out and try elsewhere, a pair of mud-covered boots peeking out from behind the last pew at the back of the church caught my eye. Leaning back and to my right, the muddy boots led into muddy jeans mingled with blood stains.

Walking slowly around the pew, I found who I was looking for.

Sitting on the floor with his legs pulled up and his back to the brick wall, Emil stared straight ahead and didn't give any sign that he even knew I was there. Seeming to stare mesmerizingly into the flickering flame of the candles nearest to him, the long cast of their light played over the harsh grooves of pain bracketing his mouth and the emptiness in his eyes.

Lowering myself slowly beside him, I sat almost identically, but was careful not to touch him. He seemed somehow fragile; like a simple brush of my arm against his would splinter him apart.

"Emil?"

When there was no reply, I tried again, but still nothing happened. Concerned that he'd gone into some sort of delayed shock, my fingers wrapped lightly around his wrist to check his pulse, but he started at the contact of our skin. Jerking away from me, he wedged himself into the corner and stared back with wide eyes.

"My fault."

Giving him the distance he needed, I shook my head at his gruff words and gentled my approach. "Emil, you're not responsible for what happened to either Grier, or Maia. It isn't your fault."

Blinking, he shook his head. "Isn't it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Now more than just a little concerned by the bleak defeat in his voice, I tried to think of a way for him to see around the guilt, but I knew first hand that it wasn't easy, so I instead tried to empathize. "I know right now you can't think about anything other than that, but in time you will see."

"Time?" Emil chocked out "Why should _I_ have time when _they_ don't?"

"Emil…"

"And you're wrong. It is my fault. Grier should never have been on the boundary. I asked him to swop shifts because I wanted more time in the gym. It should have been me that was killed, or maybe not. If I had been there, maybe I would have killed the Strigoi. We'll never know now, but that doesn't make me less responsible for his death."

"It also doesn't make you responsible for it."

"And what about Maia…oh, God, _Maia_."

Sobbing out her name, Emil grabbed bunches of his hair and pulled; his face contorting in grief. Rocking back and forth as he keened her name, I realised suddenly that no matter what I said, or how I comforted, it would make no difference at all. Sitting quietly with him, I wanted to try and absorb some of his pain, to ease the burden, but all I could offer was silent support.

"Dimitri."

Turning to face the priest and the approach I hadn't heard, he crouched at my side with the kind of patient sympathy that seemed to come so naturally to men of his ilk. Glancing between Emil and I, my head shook as his nodded in understanding that I couldn't do what he might be able to. Standing slowly with him, we moved closer to the door.

"I tried, but…"

"I know you did, Dimitri," Father Andrew interrupted tiredly, cutting off what would have been an apology. The Moroi priest seemed to have aged overnight as the death that surrounded us took its toll on him. "Don't think yourself a failure as a friend for not being able to get through to him. Grief is a process; you know this yourself. Each of us go through it differently, but ultimately it can't be rushed or reasoned with."

Placing a calming hand on my shoulder, Father Andrew sighed quietly "Leave him to me. I'll talk to him once he's calmed down and then hopefully I can get him to listen. If not, then maybe the extra councillors that will be arriving at the end of the week can help."

"I don't think the councillors will do him any good. He might eventually forgive himself for Grier, but not for Maia."

"Guardian Reznikova? They were involved?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm, then yes, I think you're right. Leave him with me for now, Dimitri. You need to be at housing; the others have begun to arrive, and I've no doubt that Guardian Petrov will need your help with scheduling them."

Knowing by others he meant the reinforcement guardians; I hesitated for a few seconds before leaving. I should have been reassured by the priest's presence, but despite what he had said, I did feel like failure for not being able to help Emil. It felt like I was giving up too easily, and that wasn't something I ever did.

Shoving my hands deeply into the pockets of my jeans to keep them warm, and not for the first time missing the duster, my disgruntled return to housing was interrupted when I almost walked into someone leaving the admin block – someone I hadn't expected to see so soon.

"Guardian Hathaway!"

Planted firmly on the walkway just before the foyer door, Janine Hathaway craned her head back to look me squarely in the eye. At just on five feet tall, she was nineteen inches shorter than I was, yet somehow her formidable reputation more than made up for her lack of height.

"Belikov. You seemed surprised to see me here."

"Not surprised to see you here, Guardian Hathaway, just surprised to see you so soon. I thought you would still be in Europe."

"Normally, I would be, but Lord Szelsky was in Canada visiting relatives when we were told of the attack." Eyeing me speculatively, Janine's assessment made me feel vaguely uncomfortable. "I see you've survived relatively unscathed. Where is Rose?"

Instantly irritated by what sounded more like a harsh accusation rather than a question about her only child's whereabouts or even her welfare, I kept my expression politely helpful and restrained my protective, possessive urges.

"The last I saw, she was with Christian Ozera at roll call in the elementary dorm. That was just after dawn. They would have been taken back into the dorms afterwards, although," shrugging back the cuff of my shirt, I checked the time. "It's breakfast. They're probably in the dining hall."

"Hmmm. From what I've been hearing about her and Lord Ozera, I half expected them to be neck-deep in trouble somewhere. I take it the stories are more truthful than rumour."

"They are, Guardian Hathaway," my voice intoned evenly, even as I felt the irritation spike to anger at her dismissive attitude for what Rose had accomplished. "Between them, Rose and Christian killed eight Strigoi and were largely responsible for many of the others getting no further into the elementary dorm than the foyer."

"She also deliberately placed a Moroi in danger."

"I don't think there was anything deliberate about it. From what I understand, Christian refused to leave her side."

"You were there?"

"No, Guardian Hathaway."

"But you're certain that's what happened?"

"I am. Rose might be rash and impulsive, but she isn't reckless and would never intentionally place another in harm's way. Especially not a Moroi."

"Even though she threw a tantrum when told she would be assigned Lord Ozera instead of the Princess for the field experience? You don't think that was motive enough?"

 _Of course she would have been told about that_ , I thought, grinding my teeth together. "No, I don't. That was an overreaction. There was nothing premediated in it, just like there was nothing premeditated in this, Guardian Hathaway."

"Hmmm." Eyeing my speculatively, it suddenly made me feel like I had said more than I should have. There hadn't been anything in my defence that would have given me away, but Janine was smart and intuitive. She could easily read between the lines. I only hoped she didn't understand what it was she was reading.

"Well, luckily for Rose, you're assessment is much the same as Guardian Petrov's," Janine replied dry, the harshness of her weathered face softening fractionally to reveal, for just a second, the true depth of her feelings for her daughter. She might have appeared gruff and disapproving, but there was also concern and love.

"Have you had a chance to see the Strigoi bodies? The charred ones I mean?"

"I have," Janine murmured, shaking her head as her brow arched. "I can't pretend that I'm not disappointed with Rose for involving a Moroi, but what they did…." Hearing pride now mixed in with the praise as she shook her head, the reluctance of it didn't seem to matter, and my irritation began to fade.

"Would you like me to find her for you, Guardian Hathaway?"

"No, no, no. That's not necessary," Janine waved off, the pride turning almost instantly into discomfort at the thought of facing her daughter. "I'll see her later. I hear she and some of the other seniors have been invited to the meeting."

"They have been." Rose had wanted to continue to help after roll call, but Gregor had made it clear that the only thing she could do was to stay put in the dorm and stay out of the way of the guardians. Disappointed and on the verge of disobeying, it was only after he had told her that she and the others would be involved in the meeting that she had agreed to stay where she was.

"Well, I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm not going to interfere with Alberta's judgement…for the time being."

Moving past almost dismissively and without another word, Janine's short stride took her off towards the main housing block surprisingly quickly. Left watching after her, I shook my head; bewildered, as always, by the woman who was the polar opposite of her daughter. Pushing through the lobby doors, Dustin was on his way towards me. Nodding to him as he passed as a way of letting him know I had found Emil, I took the corridor to Alberta's office, but met someone else I hadn't expected to see so soon.

"Alto."

Glancing away from me as he propped himself against the wall, Stan pushed away from it, but still couldn't meet my eye. He looked terrible. Still pale and a little unstable on his feet, the furrow of shaved hair running along his scalp showed the stitches he had received. Surprised really to see him out of the clinic, he finally looked up.

Taking a deep breathe, whatever he was about to say – and I was certain it was an apology – was having a difficult time forming into words. I should have made it easier for him, but with his history with Rose, I couldn't find that much sympathy and so didn't.

"Belikov – Dimitri. I…I just wanted to say thank you. For helping me. For saving my life."

Stunned almost speechless by the humble sincerity of his gratitude, my unsympathetic stance towards him suddenly didn't seem such an important grudge to bear. "You're welcome, Stan. How is your head?"

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he touched the wound and winced. "Still trying to split apart right down the middle. Dr. Olendzki wanted to keep me for observation, but I can't lie around around in bed all day when we're still understaffed."

"So she released you?"

"She doesn't know I'm out." Grinning cockily, although it clearly hurt to do so, Stan closed his eyes and again rubbed gently at the wound. "I'll check in with her later for another scan, but I think I'm over the worst of it. Again…thank you, Dimitri."

Nodding, I watched him walk off with something that felt like… _concern_. Shaking my head hard, I wondered if _I_ had a concussion as I walked into Alberta's open office. On the phone, her harassed expression told me more than her phone call did. Holding up a hand to make me wait, Alberta pointed to a chair.

"…yes, yes, I understand. No, that's fine…the bodies have been moved out of sight, and the students are under strict curfew, so they won't see them. We'll wait for them to arrive early in the week. That's not a problem. On such short notice, and with such a large number, no one is expecting the Alchemists to perform miracles, Hans…no, we haven't made any progress yet on how the wards were compromised…yes, of course I realise what this has done to the Academy's reputation, Hans…."

Flushing angrily as Hans Croft rattled on, the heated colour made the severe bruising on Alberta's face stand out angrily, but there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. This wasn't the first call from him, since the attack, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

"…I'll have the full written report sent to you within the hour…yes, I've seen Janine already…no, I don't feel that she should take over the logistics or the investigations, Hans, Gregor and I have everything under control…" Fuming at whatever his response was, Alberta got to her feet and blazed down the line. "…Go to the Council then, and if you have a majority vote to remove me as head of the guard, let me know, until then, stop interfering and let me get on with my job."

Slamming the receiver down, Alberta clenched her fists tightly at her side and gritted through clenched teeth. "There are times when I really hate that man."

"He doesn't trust you to handle this?"

Scoffing, Alberta sat and visibly calmed herself. "This has nothing to do with trust. It's about keeping his job, because make no mistake, Dimitri; heads will roll over this. Including his. It's why he's so obsessed with micro-managing this situation, whilst being too scared to actually leave the safety of Court."

"Surely they can't hold you accountable for what's happened here?"

"Damage control is all about blame. Someone has to be the scapegoat, and I'm first in line."

Sitting back warily, Alberta rested her elbow on the armrest of her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sighing deeply, she sat forward again and reached for a folder sitting atop a messy pile. The disorganisation was a tell-tale sign of just how stressed she was, and as much as I, or anyone else wanted to help, there were some things we couldn't do ourselves.

Passing it to me, we reshuffled the Academy guardians with those who had been sent in as replacements and left for the foyer where most were still waiting to be assigned. Quickly assigning, Alberta divided the groups into two with Gregor in charge of the outer fields and boundary, and Dustin in charge of the inner campus and dorm patrol.

Leaning over a map of the grounds to try and identify the areas that would create the weakest security points, Alan and I helped with the distribution whilst the others hovered around us and added in their opinions. Hearing the lobby doors swing open, I glanced over my shoulder and straightened up immediately; my body instantly on a different kind of alert.

Standing at the doorway, Rose was left there by her mother. Finding me across the room, she looked towards a corner of the lobby not occupied, and I walked there to join her; looking around first to see if anyone had noticed, but the guardians in the room were all too busy to pay us any attention. I had to be careful here not to give myself away, but it was difficult when most of my worry was centered on her.

Having left so much unsaid when I had sent her away to warn the others, it hung heavily in the air between us now.

Fidgeting, Rose tucked her loose hair behind her ears before sticking her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. Looking around me to watch the others closely, her obvious agitation made the tension brewing around us crackle with concern and curiosity.

Leaning closer to her, I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch her. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I think we should launch a rescue mission," Rose blurted out, eyeing the others warily, before staring up at my face with intent.

Fighting against a surge of irritation at whoever had made the information about the thirteen public knowledge this early, I knew that it wasn't just Eddie that Rose was thinking of. She like the rest of us, couldn't stomach the thought of leaving them, but without knowing where they were held, or even if they still lived, we couldn't go in blind. And that was something she had to know.

"You know we –"

"– don't usually do that," Rose cut in abruptly, looking over her shoulder as more guardians rushed in and around us. "Yeah, yeah. And I know we don't know where they are…except, I might."

Filled with doubt, despite her sincerity, my brow furrowed. "How?"

Almost whispering, Rose moved further into the corner and explained. "Remember in the woods, after…after the cabin, how I froze just before I told you the Strigoi were there?" At my tight nod, she continued. "Well the reason I froze was because I saw Mason again."

"Rose…"

"No, don't look at me like I'm crazy!" She gritted fiercely, careful to keep her voice low. "I told you before that I knew what I was seeing wasn't some sort of stress trigger or that I was making it up to get out of trouble. I actually _saw_ him, Dimitri. He was trying to warn me about the Strigoi before they attacked; only I didn't understand it until it was too late. Mason's locked out now because the wards are back up, but somehow…I think he knows where the Strigoi are."

Not answering for a moment, I felt the discomfort of what she was saying settle deeply into the pit of my stomach as yet another example of things left unsaid became obvious.

Rose seemed almost comfortable talking about the ghost of Mason Ashford now, when before she had been scared. And whilst she might have become more accepting of what I still didn't believe was anything more than guilt manifesting into some kind of delusion, the incident with Lissa and Jesse made me the opposite. I didn't like not being able to make sense of things, especially when it involved Rose.

Irritated by my lack of belief, Rose glared. "Come on! You have to believe me after what happened."

"I'm still having a hard time with that, but okay," I pacified, only half believing what I was about to ask her. "Suppose this is true. You think he can just lead us? You can ask him and he'll do it?"

Still watching me with irritation at my obvious scepticism, Rose crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah. I think I can. I've been fighting him all this time, but I think if I actually try to work with him, he'll help. I think that's what he's always wanted. He knew the wards were weak and that the Strigoi had been lying in wait. The Strigoi can't be too far away from us…they had to have stopped for daylight and hidden out somewhere. We might be able to get to them before the captives die. And once we get close enough, _I_ can actually find them."

Leaning in, I asked very quietly. "What do you mean, _you_ can find them?"

Leaning away, Rose watched me warily, not fooled by the quiet restraint in my voice – she knew that I wasn't going to like hearing what she was about to say. "Do you remember just before the attack, I had a funny look on my face? Like I was feeling sick?"

"I do."

"Well, it's because when the Strigoi was close enough, almost on top of us really, I felt nauseas. Not nervous, scared nauseas, but premonition nauseas. I can feel them, and it made me feel sick. It was like that the whole time we were fighting. It was only at dawn when they disappeared that the feeling went away. If we can find where they've held the thirteen, and I'm with you during the rescue, I can give you an advantage."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked as my mind spun wildly.

"How was I going to know before this? There isn't exactly an abundance of Strigoi walking around for me to test the theory, comrade."

"Is this because of Lissa?"

"In a way, yes – I think it's got something to do with being shadow-kissed. Like it's some sort of side-effect. It's not the same as it was before with Jesse, if that's what you're asking."

"Why only now? You didn't have this ability in Spokane, or else you would have been able to get yourself and the others out in time."

"I also hadn't killed before then, and I think that's what's triggered it – killing those Strigoi. Remember what Victor said in prison…that being shadow-kissed wasn't something anyone could walk away from unscathed. And then asking about the ghosts? I think he knew all along that this would happen."

Unable to argue against any of what she said, not because it made sense or that I fully believed any of it, but because it was actually strange enough to maybe be the truth, I instead asked. "But Mason isn't here. You said he can't get through the wards. How will you get him to help us?"

Looking around me again to the guardians still too busy to give us any notice, Rose murmured. "Take me to the front gates."


	35. Chapter 35

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Five ~

Leaving housing a few minutes later, Rose and I walked across the brightly lit grounds in silence.

Normally when in the sun, she would bask in it and slow down to absorb as much of its warmth as she could, but now with so much of the campus still cordoned off and patches of blood still staining the ground, she hurried forward and onto the long, winding drive that would take us to the front gates without even bothering to try.

She, like the rest of us, didn't need any further reminders of what we had lost.

Reluctant at first to take her out, not just because it was a dangerous time to be outside the wards, but also because I wasn't all that happy with what she was trying to do, Rose had been so adamantly certain about this Mason theory that I hadn't been able to deny her.

Approaching Alberta should have been a problem, but she hadn't reacted to my odd request when asking to investigate a possible lead in how the Strigoi had broken through our defences. Still too busy with the reshuffle, she had waved me off without a second thought and turned back to Gregor.

Careful now to keep distance between us, I watched Rose from the corner of my eye as she wrapped her arms around herself as an icy wind blew in from the mountains. It was a long way to the main entrance of the Academy, and the walk alone should have provided us with an opportunity to talk about everything that had happened, but neither one of us took the opportunity to start a conversation, and maybe, for the moment, it was for the best.

Stepping from the guard booth, the pair of guardians alerted to our approach carried not only stakes, but fully automatic assault rifles. Bullets didn't do much more than slow down Strigoi, but they were usually enough to scare off anyone else wondering down the road leading to the front gates. Forged in tempered steel and iron, those gates led to what was normally impenetrable fencing that encompassed the entire campus and lay directly over the wards.

"Belikov…what are you doing out here?"

Instantly suspicious, Ramirez walked forward to meet us, whilst Hendriks backed up into the booth and resumed guard. Puerto Rican born, with sharp black eyes, Mateo Ramirez looked us over for a moment before subtly shifting his weapon. He reminded me a little of Stan, who, with his skewered self-belief, thought that he was somehow a one-man army.

"We need to go outside for a few minutes."

Scowling at my brisk reply, his bushy black brows met over the top of his thin nose. "Outside? For what? No travel is authorised whilst in lockdown, you know this, Belikov."

I felt like pointing out that the problem was with those who were trying to get _in_ , and not _out_ , but instead answered. "We're not going any further than just outside the gates, Ramirez. Guardian Petrov has already been told and has no issue with it…unless _you'd_ like to make an issue of it."

Glowering at my pleasantly issued challenge, it looked for a moment like he was actually going to contact her office to confirm, but then obviously thought better of it, and turned on his heel whilst gritting. "Fine, but no further than a few feet away." Feeling Rose watching me, she tried to hide a grin, and failed. Unlocking the triple latch, the heavy gate slide open with a faint creak and only enough for us to walk through one at a time.

Nodding to the pair, I went out first and was followed quickly by Rose. Walking a few steps away from the gate, I scanned the road and forest on either side for any movement, but there was nothing. Not knowing how far Rose would need to go, I glanced down at her and felt the hair on the nape of my neck stand on end.

Grimacing, Rose clenched her eyes shut and rubbed at her temples. Opening them again, she blinked rapidly and didn't seem able to focus on what was right in front of her. "Go away," she grumbled, shaking her head and blinking again. "I don't have time for you. _Go_."

Chilled to the bone by a feeling of foreboding I didn't understand, but one that I nevertheless listened to, my body moved protectively closer to Rose, but she didn't seem to notice. Hearing the heavy clink of the gate being locked behind us, I barely gave it a second thought as Rose walked a step further away.

"You're okay?"

Nodding at my gruff concern, Rose looked around the empty space that surrounded us for a few minutes before she called out. "Mason, I need you." Glaring faintly out into the open, Rose closed her eyes and breathed deeply, clenching her fists at her sides before she opened them and again implored. " _Mason_. Please. Come here."

Stomach clenching at the sense of menace I couldn't shake; I was almost past the point of caring what Rose thought she could and couldn't do. About to pull her back into the grounds and beyond the safety of the wards, I needed to use the time alone to see if I had been fooling myself into thinking that there was less wrong with her than there actually was, because right now, it felt like I had been.

Reaching out to her arm, Rose sighed quietly before I could reach her and almost smiled. "Finally," she breathed in relief, chuckling weakly as she seemed to focus on something or someone…neither of which I could see. "You were making me look bad."

Pocketing my fidgeting hands, my frown deepened when the expression on Rose's face fell. "I'm sorry," she said with a quiet sadness. "I need your help again. We have to find them." Impassioned suddenly, Rose lurched forwards. "We have to save Eddie."

Breathing heavily and nodding faintly, the relief on her face was clear again. "Can you show me where they are?" Cocking her head and frowning, Rose spun on her heel to look towards the back of the campus, on the perimeter that had been the first to be breached. Following her agitated movements, her frenetic energy surged through the heavy wind as she turned back to face the road.

"They came in through the back of campus?"

Looking at me almost triumphantly, Rose thought the information was new and that this theory of hers had been right, but we already knew that the Strigoi had broken through there, and it was something that she could have heard in passing. It didn't prove anything, but before I could say anything, she asked for something I hadn't expected.

"We need a map."

Curious now to see where she was leading with this instead of being concerned that it was just another delusional dead-end, I did as she asked and went to the booth. Ramirez by this stage was more than pleased with keeping me locked out, so it was to Hendriks that I asked. "Do you have any maps or topography charts of the campus grounds?"

Finding my request strange, but going to fetch what he had anyway, Stephen handed it to me through the narrow window built into the bullet-proof glass. Returning to Rose, she took it from me and unfolded it, both of us taking note that it was a topographical view rather than a detailed map. Holding the edges flat when the wind threatened to whip it out our hands, Rose tapped her index finger against a point on the map that showed the exact spot the Strigoi had broken the fence, whilst I kept quiet and watched her very closely.

"This is where they came in, isn't it? Where the wards first broke?"

Nodding to herself a few seconds later, Rose frowned and shook her head in disagreement before stabbing at the map aggressively. "No, that's not right. It can't be. This stretch of woods by the mountains has no roads. They'd have to go on foot, and it'd take too long to walk from the school to this other road. They wouldn't have enough time. They'd be caught in daylight."

Growling low under her breath, Rose again shook her head as her finger traced over a road that ran along the foothills of a small mountain range and led eventually to the Highway. Agreeing with her phantom arguments, there was no way the Strigoi could have made it to the road without at least the cover of the forest, and there was nothing there but open land.

"They can't be there now," Rose disputed irritably, throwing a frustrated look over her shoulder. "It's outside. They might have come in through the back, but they had to have left through the front – gotten in some kind of vehicle and took off."

When the answer she got apparently wasn't the one that she wanted, Rose turned back to me. "Is there any building or anything out there? He says they were going out to that road. But they couldn't have walked there before the sun came up, and he claims they're there."

"Not that I know of." Taking the map, I looked down at it whilst my mind whispered in disbelief; _I can't believe you're still going along with this, Dimitri_. Wanting to kick myself for not ending this when I should have, there was still something so compelling about Rose's conviction, that it kept me from doing anything other than helping her. Walking to Stephen, I left Rose behind and slide it through the gap.

"Is there anything out there?" I asked, pointing to the spot that had agitated Rose. "Abandoned houses, or buildings, maybe? Something that we might have missed when we went out before to look for anyone left behind?"

"Nothing," Stephen confirmed, shaking his head and brushing aside the floppy brown hair falling over his forehead. Tracing over the map with his forefinger, his brow furrowed thoughtfully as I heard Rose talking softly over my shoulder and turned slightly to keep an eye on her. Thankfully Stephen was too engrossed to listen to any of it.

"Son-of-a-bitch."

Swinging around to Stephen again, he was staring down at the map with a kind of fascinated horror.

"What? What is it?"

Sliding his finger up along the dirt road, it stopped at a point in the map when the road met the foothills before looking up at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. "How did you know to point at this spot, Dimitri? There's nothing on this that indicates there's anything out there."

"I didn't – not really. We're only working on guess work here, Stephen," I hedged, not about to explain Rose's preoccupation with the dead. There were only a few of us that knew, and that how I wanted to keep it. "What's out there, Stephen?"

"Caves."

Feeling a shiver of awareness – different from the earlier shiver of dread – slide down my spine at his faint reply, I looked sharply back over my shoulder at Rose. She was still softly talking to… _Mason_.

The proof of it wasn't logical or even tangible, but after this – knowing the exact location of a set of caves she didn't know existed – how could I believe anything else? Rose wasn't suffering from PTSD…she wasn't stressed or delusional or making up an excuse to explain her behaviour. She knew exactly what… _who_ , she was seeing, when the rest of us – myself included – had doubted her all along.

"I can't believe I didn't remember this!" Smacking his hand down over the map, Stephen continued on, oblivious to the shame of my doubt. "A few years ago there was a geology class that mapped out the surrounding area as part of their syllabus – the access points, the tunnels, the chambers. They had detailed charts of the topography and of the entire system, which is only about five miles away. It must still be in the office somewhere."

Curiously excited, Stephen cocked his head. "You think this is where they're hiding, don't you? You think this is where they have our people? And by the way…what the hell is Hathaway doing out there?"

"I don't know, Stephen, but it makes the most sense." Deliberately drawing his attention away from Rose and back to the map, I pointed to the spot again. "They would need to avoid the sun during the daylight hours and could make their escape from there after sunset. It would also explain why we wouldn't have seen any of them until the attack. Can you remember anything about the system? Would it be large enough to hide over fifty Strigoi?"

"Easily," he nodded.

Pushing away from the booth with a nod of thanks, my walk back to Rose was slow and deliberate. It was stupid really, but it somehow felt now like I was intruding on a conversation that before I hadn't thought really existed.

"Rose…"

Turning to face me, she brushed aside the hair swept over her face by the wind and looked at me questioningly as I held the map out to her. "Stephen says there are caves right at the base of the mountain here."

Staring for a moment, Rose couldn't seem to find the right words. Glancing over my shoulder to the visible peak of the mountain we were talking about, Rose asked quietly. "Are they big enough –"

"Big enough for the Strigoi to hide out in until night time? They are. And they're only five miles away."

"Only five miles?" Rose whispered incredulously. Glancing back at what was presumably Mason, Rose demanded. "Why didn't the search parties pick up on that? The tracks should have led to the road."

"They did, but with the wind and Alberta's instructions to go no further than the outer fields, we didn't see anything. Also, and I'm only now beginning to realise how clinical the Strigoi were in covering their tracks, there were so many points of access to cover. The main break in the fencing isn't the only way they fled. They planned this very, very carefully."

"Knowing that we probably wouldn't be looking for them, because why would we? We don't usually search or even try and rescue. What they didn't know about, was Mason."

Walking slowly past me, Rose stopped in the dirty snow she had mushed before; wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the chill – whether it was from the cold, or something else. "Mason…you say the others are alive…that Eddie is still alive? You're sure of that?"

"What is he saying?"

Eying me, Rose arched a brow at my question, probably wondering why I was now asking the question when I had categorically told her before that I didn't believe in ghosts. "That he's seen them…in the cave. Eddie is still alive, and so are a few of the others. He's…he's not certain for how long. He seems to think that when the Strigoi leave tonight, they're noting taking anyone with them."

"How many is _a few_? Can he be more specific?"

"How many do we need, comrade?" Rose demanded impatiently, her voice rising in volume and intensity as that same drive I had seen in her before to kill…to protect, become all that she cared about. "If even one of them is alive, then we need to go. We _need_ to rescue them!"

Glancing uneasily at the nothingness behind Rose and the now curious guardians, I stood between her and them and softly cautioned. "Easy, Rose. I know how you feel – I feel the same way, but drawing attention to yourself right now isn't a smart idea. There are only a handful of people who know about what happened to you on the plane, and the guardians behind us, are not any of them. They're already suspicious, and the last thing we need to do right now is create a panic. Calm down, all right?"

Narrowing her eyes, it took Rose a few seconds to listen to what I was saying. Breathing deeply to calm down, she nodded tightly. "Fine. What are we going to do first?"

"Talk to Alberta. If there's going to be any rescue, she would be the only one who could petition the council to allow it. She's also one of the few that know about the ghosts…about Mason, so the theory isn't going to sound completely…"

"Crazy?"

"I was going to say farfetched."

"Of course you were…you're too polite to say crazy."

Turning her upper body away before I could respond, Rose looked over her shoulder and raised her fingers in a half curl wave obviously meant for Mason. Gravely nodding once, she turned back to me. "He says we need to hurry, Dimitri."

Not questioning anymore, I looped an arm around her back, led her to the gate and pushed her through the narrow opening. Returning the map with my thanks to the now confused set of guardians, Rose and I quickly made our way back to the inner campus. As silent in our return as we had been when making the first trip, it wasn't until we had reached the outer walkway that I spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Lost in her thoughts, it took a moment before Rose knew I had spoken. Looking up in surprise, her brow crinkled. "For what?"

"Not believing you…about the ghosts. About Mason."

Snorting softly, Rose chuckled to herself. "It's okay, comrade. For a while there, I didn't believe myself."

Reaching out, my fingers curled around her wrist, slowing her down. Half hidden by the shadow of a winter-deadened Birch, Rose threw a curious glance at me before looking around for anyone who might see us, but the grounds were still empty. Turning her wrist in my light grip, the tips of her fingers brushed against my inner forearm as her pulse jumped.

"No, it's not okay. If it had been me asking you to believe what I was saying, what I was _seeing_ , you would have without hesitation. I know you better, and I should have trusted that. I should have trusted you. Maybe if I had, this would have turned out differently."

"Seriously? You're trying to blame yourself for all of this?" At my look of helpless responsibility, Rose squeezed my arm tightly. "Look, even if you and rest of the Academy had believed me, Mason doesn't talk; he just points or nods and shakes his head, so I would never have been able to understand what he was saying, or that my theory on the wards being weak was right. No one here is to blame for what happened."

"Aren't we all? Our complacency might be."

"What do you mean?"

"Until now, did you believe that this could happen?" At the slow shake of her dark head, mine shook the same. "Neither did I, and that's the problem. None of us did. We've all lived for so long in our own self-belief and preconceived notions of the Strigoi; we completely failed to see that they could be anything else. If we had, then maybe we would have known to expect this."

Thinking hard about what I said, Rose looked around the damaged campus. "Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know, and beating ourselves up over it isn't going to change it or make it hurt less, Dimitri. All that matters right now is going to those caves and saving as many as we can."

Tugging me gently out of the shadow, we separated as our pace picked up, but I couldn't help the small smile that played at my lips. Even in the middle of all the death and despair, when most would be wallowing or despondent, Rose was only focused on one thing – saving the living. Her determination was a force strong enough to carry the rest of us.

Finding Alberta in her office a few minutes later, she glanced up at us from behind her desk, and scowled darkly at me before barking. "I don't have the time or the patience to deal with whatever the hell is going on here, Belikov, so –"

"It's about the thirteen," I interrupted hastily, watching Rose frown in confusion when I closed the door and pushed her towards the same chair I was in an hour ago. She had no idea that Alberta knew anything about us, and it wasn't a conversation I wanted to have right now. "We have information that you need to know."

"What kind of information?" Alberta said almost dismissively, refocusing on the paperwork on her desk.

"We know where they are."

Angling her eyes upwards first, her head rose a second later as her body became perfectly still. "What do you mean you _'know where they are'_?"

Standing behind the chair Rose sat in, I began. We needed to explain this calmly, and Rose right now was a bundle of nervous energy that would blurt out instead of carefully explaining. "Five miles from our southern border are a series of caves running through the foothills of the mountain range. According to Guardian Hendriks, that cave system has chambers large enough to hold a large number of bodies at any one time."

"Caves?" Sitting back, Alberta tapped her fingers against the armrest whilst Rose squirmed restlessly in her seat and glanced between the two of us. I had warned her not to interrupt, and could only hope that she remembered.

"Yes. We think that the Strigoi must have used the caves before the attack to gather, and that's where they've gone to when they escaped the campus at dawn. It makes the most sense…they would need cover until nightfall, and it would explain why they and the thirteen disappeared without a trace. It's the only logical place they could be."

Tapping more rapidly against the armrest, Alberta was silent, but I could almost hear the wheels in her head shifting into gear and begin to turn rapidly. "And what proof do you have of this, Belikov?

"We don't have any hard proof – we just have information." I answered quickly, watching from the corner of my eye as Rose shuffled restlessly and impatiently clenched her fists. She wasn't going to be quiet for much longer.

Sitting forward again, Alberta narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Information from where? From _who_?"

"From me."

Glancing at Rose, Alberta turned her attention back to me for just a second before she looked at Rose again and asked. "And where are you getting the information from, Miss Hathaway?"

"Mason."

Jerking away a little, Alberta controlled her reaction to that name a little too late to hide how she really felt about hearing it. Of the handful of us that knew about what had happened on the plane, Alberta had been the most disbelieving…and the most uncomfortable.

"Do you remember what I told you in the infirmary about Mason following me around campus?" Rose asked quietly. When Alberta nodded very stiffly, Rose sat forward and rested her elbows on the table. "He wasn't doing it to upset me; I think he was trying to warn me about the Strigoi. He knew they were in the caves, just waiting for a chance for the wards to be weak enough to break through them. When Dim...Guardian Belikov and I were attacked in the woods, he appeared just before to try and warn me again, but I didn't understand it until it was too late."

"He was _warning_ you?"

"Yes," Rose replied quickly, hearing Alberta's disbelief. "And that's why I needed to talk to him again. I thought that if he knew about the attack, then maybe he would know about the thirteen that were taken, and he did. He says they're in the caves, and that some of them are still alive."

Closing her eyes briefly, Alberta rested her chin on her stacked hands and asked. "Where exactly did this conversation take place?"

"Outside the front gate."

Glaring at me now, Alberta grated. "You took a student outside the wards?"

"He had to," Rose jumped to my defence before I could explain. "Mason can't get back into the academy grounds, so we had to go to him. And it was only for a few minutes, Guardian Petrov."

"Why did you have to go to him?"

"Because the wards have been restored. He's kept out by them…just like the Strigoi."

Closing her eyes again, though for far longer this time, Alberta massaged of her temples before speaking very softly from between compressed lips. "So let me see if I understand this. The ghost of Mason Ashford has told you that the Strigoi and their victims are in a cave only five miles away from us?"

"Yes, and he says to hurry. They're planning on moving out as soon as the sun sets…and they're not planning on taking anyone with. We have to rescue them!"

"Rose…" Sitting back again, Alberta didn't look happy or convinced. "I can't go to the council with this type of information and expect them to believe it. _I_ don't even believe it fully, and I was on that plane with you, I saw everything. Organising a rescue mission, any kind of rescue mission with the information we have would be risky enough, but what you're now asking me to do is trust something that I can't see or hear or touch."

Throwing a frustrated look up at me, I interrupted before she could explode. "We might. Guardian Hendriks said that the caves were mapped out by a former teacher for a geology class. He's sure that they're somewhere in the office. If we have a proper layout of the caves and can plan our entrance and escape, then would you consider it?"

"No." Alberta was adamant. "It's still too risky. We would be heading into a situation we nothing about."

"Then take me with!" Jumping to her feet, Rose lurched forward a step before my hand clamped down on her shoulder to hold her in place. Shrugging against it, my gentle grip was too strong for her to escape. "I can warn you before the Strigoi attack. I can give you time."

Stomach clenching in panic at the thought of having Rose in those caves, I knew that she, more than anyone else, had every right to be there. She was strong, she was fierce, she was capable…but that didn't make it sit any easier with me.

"What do you mean _you_ can warn us?"

Realising too late that she had revealed something that only I knew, Rose sighed. "When the Strigoi are close, I can…I can _feel_ them."

"Rose…"

"No, listen," Rose blurted out when Alberta's fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm not making this up, Guardian Petrov! When they're close, I feel intensely nauseas. It doesn't give me much time – a few seconds at most, but that's at least _something_. It means we have an advantage against them, so use it. Use me!"

Shaking her head emphatically, Alberta spoke very precisely and very slowly. "You are a student, Rose. Even if what you are saying is true, and I'm not saying I believe it is, when and _if,_ we launch any type of rescue mission, you will not be going with us!"

Pulling so strongly against my hold that I had to tighten it, Rose almost shouted. "Why not?!"

Forcing Rose into her seat before Alberta's patience ran out and she refused to listen to anymore, Rose glared over her shoulder at my interference, but at my fierce expression she mutinously obeyed and clamped her lips tightly.

"Guardian Petrov. We've given you enough information to at least _investigate_ the possibility. We can sit here all day debating this, but with every minute we waste doing that, the survivors are running out of minutes to live. If we're going to travel to the caves and back before nightfall, we need to leave before noon, and that's in a little over five hours."

Running her hands through her hair, the logic of what I was saying couldn't be ignored. "They will never agree to this." Alberta muttered.

Knowing she meant the council, I flattened my palms on her desk. "Then go around the council! There isn't a guardian here who won't volunteer for this, because we've all fought, and we've all lost people we know…friends, family! It's what we are, Alberta."

Thinking about this, Alberta was silent for a long moment as she weighed the pros and cons. She knew that if she disobeyed the council in this, it would almost certainly cost her job, but she was angry, like the rest of us. The Strigoi had ripped apart the defences of a place meant to be safe, meant to protect, and had endangered and killed those we protected with our lives. We were related to none of them, but they were ours…ours to protect, and ours to avenge.

Sighing heavily, Alberta waved us off. "Find me the maps of the caves before the meeting and I'll look over them before I make a final decision on what to do." Pushing Rose quickly to her feet before Alberta changed her mind or Rose opened her mouth again, we were heading for the door when Alberta barked.

"But until I do, not a word of this to anyone. Understood? Go to archives next to Kirova's office – if the maps are anywhere, they'll be there. If they're locked, ask Ms. Cooper – tell her I've sent you in to find old records."

Agreeing quickly and thanking her, Rose and I avoided anyone that would ask too many questions and stepped onto the muddied pathway to the main block a few seconds after leaving housing. Silent as we both prepared ourselves, it was only as the front doors of the office came into view that Rose spoke.

"She wants to do this, doesn't she? That's why she told us to look in the archives. She's trying to help without actually getting involved."

"Yes, so maybe you should remember that before you start shouting at her again." Arching a brow at my sardonic tone, Rose pushed open the office door. Immediately greeted by guardians on duty, I explained what we needed, and we were shown to the archives by Headmistress Kirova's assistance, a very rattled Ms. Cooper, who explained that she had no time to assist us. Left alone with the key, we began our search; rifling through dusty paperwork in filing cabinets, cupboards and drawers.

Sneezing, Rose wiped at her nose and complained. "This is worse than going through Father Andrew's paperwork. We've been here half an hour and nothing!" Looking around at the cluttered disorder, she turned back to the blueprints she had unrolled over a small table beneath the only window in the room whilst I rummaged around in a filing cabinet full of old transcripts for former employees.

Finding the geology teacher's, his file was thick with recommendations, degrees and notes on his dissertation, but there was nothing on any cave mapping. Closing the door with barely restrained frustration, I looked around the room, but nothing stood out.

Sneezing again, Rose growled beneath her breath and rubbed even harder at her nose. Leaning over to open the window and find fresh air, the sudden gust of wind that blasted through the opening sent paperwork fluttering.

"Dammit." Reaching out snatch at flying paper, Rose lunged around the table to catch them, but knocked over a series of boxes stack haphazardly beside the table whilst I closed the window. Dropping to her knees, Rose cursed beneath her breath and gathered the books that had tumbled out. Sinking to my haunches besides her to help, I stacked the papers together and turned to placed them in the box when Rose grabbed my wrist.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait…what is that?"

Turning my wrist in her grip, the paper folded in four had a corner turned back with a scale ratio for distance. Plucking it from my fingers, Rose spread the corners over the floor and used the scattered books as paperweights. Kneeling over it, Rose traced her fingers of the faded, intersecting blue lines in excitement as her fingers mapped out the chambers and borders of the cave system.

"Did we actually find it?" Turning back to where I knelt beside her, a swath of dark hair fell over her eyes and wide grin.

Tucking it gently behind her ear, my fingers lingered over the soft, velvety shell for a moment. "We did."

Going over it together, we found that the central chamber was over a mile long and more than large enough to hold what was left of the Strigoi and the thirteen. Two clear entrances had been marked, with the northern end opening out onto a dirt road, but according to the notes on the right side of the map, there had been landslides from heavy rains a few years ago that had sealed the cave. As we looked at each other over the map, we both knew that the rocks could be easily moved by the combined strength of that many Strigoi.

Rolling the map, we locked up and made our way back to Alberta. Almost at the lobby doors, Rose glanced worriedly up at me. "Do you think this will work? Will Alberta agree to this?"

"I don't know, Roza…but we have to try."

Finding Alberta still in her office, she wasted no time in going over what we had found. Listening patiently to our explanation of the caves' layout, she made very few comments and asked only straight forward questions. Forcing Rose to sit again in the same chair, I eyed her warningly as her foot began to tap with impatience.

Long minutes passed whilst Alberta wrestled with her decision, but it was easy to see the exact moment when she made it. Sighing heavily, Alberta straightened from the lean over her desk and folded her arms over here chest. "I'm going to talk to Guardian Chase…and Guardia Hathaway about this, since she's one of the few who has actually been on a rescue mission. I'll make my decision after that on whether or not to bring it up for debate at the meeting."

"And the council?"

"I'm not going to involve the council, Belikov. Even if they did agree to this madness, it would take too long to follow all the correct protocol, and if what you and Miss Hathaway are telling me is accurate, time is the one thing we don't have a lot of."

"We don't!"

"All right, Rose. Calm down. I agreed to look at this and I have, and, against my better judgement, I am going to look at all our options. Now why don't you go back to your dorm until the meeting? Guardian Belikov and I have some things to discuss."

Wanting to argue, I shook my head and held the door open for her, ushering her out before she could find a reason to stay. Maybe she couldn't hear the quiet menace in Alberta's voice, but I could. Turning back to it now, Alberta had perched herself on the edge of her table and glared as I braced myself for whatever I was about to face, but her glare melted away quickly, and was replaced with tired resignation.

"Do you actually believe any of this?"

"I didn't at first, but I do now."

"And given your personal involvement with Rose, can you honestly say that it's not influencing your decision right now?"

"No, I can't."

"But you still expect me to go along with lunacy?"

"I do, not just because I believe Rose, but because I know that you do to. You would never have agreed to look at the map if you didn't."

"You're very sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"No more than usual, Guardian Petrov."

Scrubbing her hands over her face at my mild reply, Alberta turned to roll up the map, stuck it under her arm and faced me again with a look on her face that made me feel a little wary. "Well let's hope that you're as confident about this when explaining it to Gregor and Janine, as you were with me. You're coming with."

Understanding perfectly now the reason behind my weariness, but knowing that I had neatly trapped myself, there was no point in arguing as we walked in silence to find them in the lounge. Pulling them quietly aside, Alberta explained what had happened and the information she had received with as little elaboration as possible.

As expected, neither Gregor nor Janine accepted what she said without asking a dozen questions between the two of them, and even when the answers made perfect sense, they still continued to argue against the insanity of the idea. They both demanded to know the source of the information, but Alberta kept her source confidential. All she would say was that the information was credible enough to at least put it to a vote.

It took some time to convince them, but Alberta could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. Slowly but surely, both Gregor and Janine agreed, though neither of them seemed very sure of what it was they were agreeing to. Gregor, in his usual pessimism, forecast disaster, whilst Janine seemed more interested in staring at me with a particular expression – one filled with suspicion.

Janine couldn't have known that it was Rose who had provided the information, but she knew that she had gone looking for me, and that I was now the one with Alberta. The timing of it was too perfect to be anything other than coincidental. Slipping out without notice whilst the three were strategizing, I had hoped to make a quiet escape, but Janine had other plans.

"Belikov!"

Caught in the hallway, it was mercifully empty when I turned to face Janine, though something told me that if it had been full, I still wouldn't have been spared her questions. "Yes, Guardian Hathaway?"

"Who is the source?" she asked without preamble.

" _Source_ , Guardian Hathaway?"

"Yes, Belikov... _source_." She offered succinctly, unimpressed by my false innocence. "As in, where this information came from. Alberta very deliberately skipped over that part, but as it's you with her rather than another guardian, I'm going to assume you are in on it, and lately, things that have to do with _you_ , always seems to have to do with _my_ _daughter_."

Scrambling inwardly whilst outwardly remaining composed, my reply was calm and non-defensive. "It's natural that we're together often, Guardian Hathaway. Rose is my student. We have a different relationship to any other that she has at the school."

" _How_ different?"

"In the sense that she trusts me to believe her when another guardian or teacher might not."

"So she _is_ involved."

"That's not what I said, Guardian Hathaway."

"You're also not denying it, Belikov. I want to know…" Interrupted by Gregor calling out to her as he left Alberta's office, Janine turned to him and nodded before swinging back to face me. Seeming to weigh up what I had said, her eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second before she walked towards Gregor.

Feeling a little like I had dodged a bullet as I quickly left housing and turned onto the path that would take me to the elementary campus, there was something about the look she gave me that said I wasn't completely off the hook yet.

As Rose's mother, Janine would be one of those who had a problem with our relationship...in fact; she would be the one who had the _biggest_ problem with her seventeen-year old daughter being in any kind of relationship other than platonic with her instructor. She was too smart and perceptive to think that it had started only after Rose had graduated, so when the time came for that conversation – a very uncomfortable one – I wouldn't try to hide that it had.

She was someone I respected greatly, so at the very least, I owed her that much.

Not looking forward to when that conversation came, I at least had the consolation of knowing that I had Rose, no matter how much trouble it would cause. People would think I was mad, they would say she wasn't worth jeopardising everything over, but I knew better.

She was worth risking _everything_.


	36. Chapter 36

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

 _Sniff, sniff, sniff_ …penultimate chapter.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Six ~

"Do _not_ interrupt them." I quietly cautioned the girl I was prepared to risk everything for. "I know how you feel. I know what you want to do. But ranting at them isn't going to help you get your way."

Standing to the side of the gym doors with Rose, we were deliberately out of the way of the guardians flocking in for the meeting that would decide the fate of the thirteen, but that didn't stop a few from raising their eyebrows as Rose took offence to my warning and hissed loudly.

"Ranting?!"

Chocking back a laugh at the disgruntled look on her face, my head lowered. "I see it. That fire's in you again – you want to tear somebody apart. It's what made you so deadly in the fight. But we're not fighting right now. The guardians have all the information. They'll make the right choice. You just have to be patient."

Throwing me a sour look, two things were clear about Rose: one, she wasn't prepared to even _try_ and act like she could be patient, and two, she didn't believe that the right choice would be made at this meeting – only the safe on. It was an opinion that I couldn't argue against, because I shared it. Alberta wouldn't sell this as a cut and dried rescue operation; she would be brutally honest about our chances of success, and would let the vote decide our next course of action.

For the most part, the guardians I had spoken to since leaving housing an hour before had all been more than willing to take part – they had seemed almost eager to exact revenge in the caves they had only now learnt about.

"Oh, great" Rose gripped sarcastically. "So I'm just meant to sit quietly whilst we wait for the guardians to volunteer...do _I_ get to vote? What about the other seniors here? Do they get a say? We were out there too, Dimitri! That should count for something."

Hearing in her voice the rebellious petulance that she was infamously known for, I slide a warning glance in her direction. She already knew that she and the seniors had only been invited as part of the plans going forward, and that neither she, nor them, would be involved in any rescue, but the frustration of time ticking by whilst doing nothing was wearing on her temper.

"Rose, you know that's not why you or the other seniors are here. We all know what you and the others did, and none of us could be prouder, but this is a different situation. It's more delicate and has to be done right – trust Alberta to handle this the right way. Remember that it's not just her life on the line if we have a majority vote...it's also her career, so calm down please."

Seeming to only now remember that Alberta was risking everything by going against the council, Rose quietened down, but like the look her mother had given me earlier, I sincerely doubted that this was the last I would hear of this.

Spying someone around my shoulder, her eyes widened for a moment before a calculating look replaced her irritation. Not trusting that look, I glanced over my shoulder and saw her mother walking towards us with Alberta. They were deep in a whispered discussion that seemed to occupy their attention and hadn't seen us yet. Looking sharply at Rose, she gave me an almost guilty look before taking a quick step away from me and in their direction.

Realising only when she was too far away to do something about it that she was going to talk to her mother about the senior's involvement, my teeth ground together and my fingers clenched with the urge to haul her back to me.

Swearing viciously beneath my breath for not reacting fast enough when I should have expected this from her, there was nothing I could do about it now. I might have felt that she deserved to be there, but that didn't mean that I actually wanted her there.

Nodding as some of the senior novices: Shane, Dean, Meredith, Ryan and the West twins, they greeted me at the door before going in to sit on the steadily filling bleachers. It was odd not seeing Eddie with them. Had the situation been different, he, along with Rose, would have the first to volunteer, but it wasn't, and now he was just one of those who we would vote to save.

"Belikov."

Turning towards Alberta's call, she gave me a look that said I had absolutely no control over my student – and she was right. Watching her with Janine now, Rose was animatedly gesturing to her mother, but Janine didn't seem any more sold on what she was saying than I had. Catching snatches of the conversation as it floated in on the breeze, Alberta and I listened _..."it's not going to be a 'we' thing. You aren't going...Why? Because our numbers were so badass the first time that no guardians died..."_

Watching as Janine recoiled from the reminder, Rose wasn't about to take the hint and stop there... _"You know I can help. You know what I did. I'm a week away from my birthday and only a few months away from graduation..._ " Straining to hear the rest, it was blown away by a gust of wind, but whatever it was; it seemed to send Janine off in a hurry.

"Dammit," I ground out, equal parts concerned and irritated that Rose had actually convinced her mother that having the senior novices in the caves was a good idea.

"Sometimes I forget about the tenacity of that girl." Alberta commented testily, echoing how I felt. Pausing almost deliberately for a moment, she added before walking into the gym. "You'd better hope that _you_ never do."

Only beginning to now fully understand the lengths that Rose would go to in order to rescue the others, to rescue Eddie, my underestimation of her was interrupted by the arrival of someone whose feelings for another I had also underestimated. Approaching slowly, Emil had obviously showered and changed his blood-soaked clothing, but he looked no better than when I had left him in the church.

There was a new grimness to him now, a determination that had been there before, and it seemed to be the only thing holding him together. Not seeming to notice or not caring at all that he was being watched almost warily by the others arriving for the meeting, my show of support as I walked up to him was as much for him as it was for the rest of them.

"Emil…I'm sorry."

Grimacing at my helpless apology, Emil shook his head. "Don't be, Dimitri. You weren't responsible for any of it." Sagging a little, he closed his eyes. Bracing him with an arm around his shoulder, Rose walked over with a frown. Shaking my head at the question I could see lurking in the rich depths of her eyes, she nodded once before disappearing into the gym.

"If we go, are you sure you're up to this?"

Seeming to gather himself at my quiet question, Emil nodded. "At the moment, Dimitri, this is the _only_ thing I'm sure about." Trying to grin with his usual cockiness, the effort failed badly, but it was the first sign of positive progress I had seen from him since Maia had been killed. Patting his shoulder in silent support, we joined the rest of the throng gathering in the gym and headed for the bleachers.

Finding Rose on a bottom row, Ryan was on her right, so I sat at her left. Throwing a warning glance towards her as Alberta called everyone to order, Rose rolled her eyes teasingly, but as Alberta began her briefing, all signs of playfulness disappeared and was replaced with the same impatient tension that had strung her nerves so tightly before.

She wasn't the only one who was strung tightly.

"All right. This is what we know so far." Outlining the general information about the caves and survivors within, Alberta very carefully worded her proposal for the rescue without ever actually naming the source of the information. She knew as well as Rose and I did that if too many questions were asked, the credibility of the information would be questioned even more than it already was.

Low murmurs rustled amongst the guardians as they discussed Alberta's proposal. Most didn't seem against it, but there was a lot of scepticism. Going over the internal structure and chambers of the cave, more than a few of the guardians left their seats to gather around Alberta as she explained in more detail, whilst others sat and clustered together on the bleachers to argue quietly amongst themselves.

Watching as Rose jogged her crossed legs up and down, Ryan was trying to catch her attention on the other side, but she was too wound up to notice him and so he gave up trying and turned to the West twins. About to place a hand on her thigh to calm her down, the doors of the gym swung open before I could move and Janine walked in.

Looking at her mother now instead of the others, the expression on her face was almost pleading, and one that Janine seemed to understand as she passed by her and nodded once before taking up a seat beside Gregor.

Watching as the tension of frustration within Rose was replaced with tension of another kind, I knew what that look meant: if the vote was passed, Janine would ask that the novices be allowed to go with. Resting forward with my elbows on my thighs, my hands rubbed slowly together as I tried to calm myself and reason around what it would mean if this actually happened.

Janine might petition for them, but there would be no possible way that they would be allowed into the caves; Alberta would never allow it. They would more than likely only be allowed to go with us to the entrance, but no further, and would act as secondary support for any Strigoi looking to escape and to aid with the safe return of whoever was still alive.

That was it, no more, so there was no reason at all for me to feel like this had been what Rhonda had warned me about, but as I looked to the girl on my right beneath the cover of my lashes, my mind whispered that ignoring her warning was a warning in itself.

Once the guardians asking questions were satisfied with the answers Alberta gave them, they returned to their seats before she addressed everyone. "The vote is simple. I will ask who amongst us is willing to be part of the rescue operation. If you are willing, please stand up and if the majority agree, we go. If you are not willing, please remain seated. This is not a secret ballot for obvious reasons, but for those of you who are not willing, please don't be concerned that you will somehow be ostracized."

Turning a hard eye on the seniors, Alberta's expression almost seemed to dare them to argue against what she was about to say. "To the senior novices that are here, your vote does not count, and is therefore not required, so please remain seated."

Grumbling beside me, it wasn't just Rose, who was irritated at their exclusion, but neither she, nor the others were prepared to test Alberta's patience right now, and so she began the vote without delay.

"Those of you in favour, please stand now."

Getting to my feet without hesitation, Emil stood at the same time, but we weren't the only ones who were willing to risk our lives. One by one, we were joined by Alan, Dustin, Stan, Celeste, Janine, Stephen, Gregor…not one of the guardians tied to St Vladimir's remained seated as they were joined by the guardians brought in as replacements.

Alberta – already standing – took a step forward to signify her vote, and couldn't seem to mask her surprise that so many had volunteered. Within a minute of asking the question, even the most reluctant of guardians had stood as the excitement began to build. Only the novices remained seated. Glancing down at Rose, our eyes met for a moment, in that brief moment of communication, we knew that we had just given those taken a lifeline they would never have hoped for.

"Well, then," Alberta concluded almost blankly. "That's settled. We'll plan the logistics and head out. We've still got about nine hours of daylight to go after them before they leave." About to turn away, Alberta was stopped by a sudden interruption.

"Wait."

All eyes turned to Janine as she stood, but her gaze was locked steadily on Alberta as she refused to flinch beneath the intense scrutiny and I braced myself for what was about to come. "I think there's one other thing we should consider," she suggest steadily, even whilst knowing that she was about to come under fire. "I think we should allow some of the senior novices to go."

Almost instantly bombarded by guardians raising their objections to the insanity of her idea, Rose's expression whilst watching her mother was fierce. Remaining calm, Janine explained her suggestion and argued against those who questioned her.

Catching Alberta's eye, she looked between mother and daughter and gave me a mildly sympathetic look that said it wasn't just _one_ Hathaway I would have to be wary of in the future. After a few minutes of debating, Janine seemed to calm everyone down by reassuring them that the novices would be there purely as backup, and not in the caves themselves.

Relieved that Janine had sense enough to know that what she was suggesting had limitations, the mumbled agreement that rumbled throughout the gym seemed to agree, though no one committed themselves to actually voicing it. Waiting until the guardians had settled down, it was only as she said her next words that we all realised she had lulled us into a false calm.

"I think we should bring some Moroi with us."

Shocked silence filled the still air of the gym for a long moment before it was blown apart by an explosive outburst of yelling complaints and questions of her sanity. Most were restrained enough as they protested Moroi involvement to stay seated, but others weren't. Jumping up from her seat, Celeste glared at Janine incredulously. "What? Are you insane?"

"No," Janine answered coolly, hiding her irritation well at being questioned. "We all know what Rose and Christian Ozera did. One of our biggest problems with Strigoi is getting past their strength and speed to go in for the kill. If we bring fire-using Moroi, we have a distraction that will give us an edge. We can cut them down."

Outraged far more at this idea than when she had suggested the novices; solely because it was clear that unlike with the novices, Janine Moroi would be _inside_ with us, the argument that sprang up was volatile and charged with heavy resentment. Taking far longer to calm everyone down, Janine's patient ability to rationalize what she said slowly swayed the less than willing guardians, but in the time it took, Rose became more and more restless.

"They're being idiots," she raged quietly, shifting restlessly again.

"No," I disagreed just as quietly, but there was no hiding the excitement building within it. "Watch. Change is happening before your eyes. People are going to remember this day as a turning point."

Rose and Christian's decision to work together against defeating the attacking Strigoi had started all of this, but that had only been a smaller stepping stone for a bigger change. A change that would affect our world in ways that none of us knew yet, but it was a change that once started, couldn't be stopped. It was almost ironic really that Victor Dashkov would never be able to see that what he had pushed so obsessively for was now about to happen.

"I've already spoken to a few of the fire-using Moroi, and they are more than willing to help us." Janine stressed when a few of the more stubborn guardians still continued to argue; cleverly reading and manipulating the emotional environment to get her point across. "They _want_ to do this."

More grumbling followed by the guardians determined to still argue, but at this point, Janine had won most of them over. Agreeing reluctantly, the vote to take fire-using Moroi with was unanimously passed and Alberta once again brought the room to order.

"So then it's decided. The fire-wielding Moroi who have volunteered and the senior's will join us on the rescue operation." Checking the time, Alberta walked over to Gregor and after a muted conversation, she sighed a little. "We're going to wait for the guardians coming in from Court before we go, so that gives us a little over four hours to prepare. We'll all meet here again an hour before we leave to discuss the logistics of who will be the primary rescue party, and who will act as the secondary."

Nodding, she dismissed the group, but was almost instantly bombarded by guardians who still weren't completely convinced this was the right course of action. Janine and Gregor joined her as yet again a heated debate broke out. It was only a testament to the respect shown towards both Alberta and Janine that none of them questioned what the council had to say about this.

"Four hours? FOUR HOURS?!" Rose all but yelled as we stood and began to move away from the milling mass. Thankfully there was so much noise in the gym that no one seemed to hear, but I still herded her towards the door before her outrage was heard.

"More guardians are coming," I reminded her gently, but she wasn't in the mood to listen.

"In four hours, the Strigoi could have decided to have a snack!"

"We need an overwhelming show of force. We need every edge we can get. Yes, the Strigoi could kill a couple more before we get there. I don't want that, believe me. But if we go in unprepared, we could lose more lives than that."

Fuming, Rose crossed her arms and glared towards the throng of guardians. It was written clearly over every tense line of her body that she wanted to go, and she wanted to go _now_ , but she also knew that I was right. We had to plan this carefully, or it really would turn into the suicide mission that most still thought it was.

Watching her become more tightly wound by the second, I suggested the only thing that would calm her down. "Come on. Let's take a walk."

Frowning, Rose looked away from the others. "Where?"

"It doesn't matter. We just need to get you calmed down, or you'll be in no shape to fight."

"Yeah," Rose challenged dangerously. "Are you afraid of my possibly insane dark side coming out?"

Hiding my smile, I bent slightly at the waist to close the distance between us. "No, I'm afraid of your normal Rose Hathaway side coming out, the one that isn't afraid to jump in without thinking when she believes something is right."

Arching a brow, Rose's expression was sardonic. "Is there a difference?"

"Yes. The second one scares me."

Tightening her lips, Rose looked like she wanted to retaliate for that comment, and for a moment, I actually thought she would, but she had more restraint, and asked instead whilst nodding towards the gathering guardians. "Won't they need you here?"

Glancing over, my head shook. "No. Most of what they're doing now is waiting for the others, and they have more than enough people right now to help plan the attack. Your mother's leading that."

"Okay," Rose nodded absently, watching her mother with something resembling reluctant pride. "Let's go."

Skirting the main campus and the constant reminders of what the Strigoi had cost us, we were largely silent as I deliberately pushed Rose further out to also avoid the infirmary. Lissa had decided that helping those seriously injured was more important than protecting her secret, and whilst it was admirable, I didn't want Rose anywhere near her when she was using Spirit.

We had no idea how it would affect her when being used for good, but I wasn't prepared to risk Rose to find out.

Passing through the patch of forest closest to where the newly repaired boundary fence lay, I knew that the wards had been restored, but none of us could figure out how they had been broken in the first place. Rose slowed down a little to look at the fence whilst frowning and shaking her head. Remembering suddenly what she had said in church about them possibly being weakened, I reached out to slow her down.

"You told me you had a theory about why the wards broke."

Frowning thoughtfully, Rose nodded. "Jesse's group was doing their initiation right here by the wards. You know how stakes can negate wards because the elements go against each other?" At my nod, Rose continued to explain. "I think it's the same thing. Their initiation rites used all the elements, and I think they negated the wards in the same way."

It made a certain amount of sense, but there was one glaringly obvious flaw. "Magic is used all the time on campus, though. In all elements. Why has this never happened before?"

"Because the magic isn't usually happening right on top of the wards. The wards are on the edges, so the two don't usually conflict. Also, I think it makes a difference in how the elements are being used. Magic is life, which is why it destroys Strigoi and why they can't cross it. The magic in stakes is used as a weapon. So was the magic in the torture session. When it's used in that sort of negative way, I think it cancels out good magic."

Smiling a little, I shook my head at the perfect logic of the perfectly illogical girl I loved as she single-handedly explained what none of us had been able to find the answer to. "Incredible. I never would have thought that was possible, but it makes sense. The principle really is the same as for the stakes. You've thought about this a lot."

Shrugging, Rose shivered in the icy breeze. "I don't know. It just sort of fell together in my head." Glaring at the fence again, her expression darkened and I knew she was thinking of the stupidity of the cult that had broken the wards. "Idiots," she muttered, shivering again.

Agreeing with her mutter, the chill of the air cutting through the thick jumper and jacket I wore was too cold to stay outside for much longer. "Let's go back inside." Looping around the boundary, and back towards the secondary campus, I should have taken us back the way we had come, but instead, the path I had set would take us past the cabin and the memories it held for both of us.

This probably wasn't the right time to do this…we had logistics to plan, we had to stay focused, but there was still so much between us that had been left unsaid, and I didn't want another day to pass without it being said.

"Rose, about what happened –"

"Arghhhhh! I knew it," Rose groaned unhappily, stopping abruptly and throwing her hands into the air. "I knew this was going to happen."

Confused by her outburst, I frowned when Rose glared at me, not expecting this. "That what was going to happen?"

" _This_ ," she stressed, waving towards the cabin she wouldn't actually look at. "The part where you give me the huge lecture about how what we did was wrong, and how we shouldn't have done it, and how it's never going to happen again." Looking slightly queasy by the words she had just said, Rose tried to calm herself, but her breathing was very erratic and her cheekbones flushed with colour.

Taking a step towards her, my head shook as my mind spun in shock. "Why would you think that?"

" _Because that's how you are_ ," Rose almost wailed, rattling off faster and faster as she became more agitated. "You always want to do the right thing. And when you do the wrong thing, you then have to fix it and do the right thing. And I know you're going to say that what we did shouldn't have happened, and that you wish –"

Surging forward, I cut off the hysteria of her words with the hard pressure of my mouth. Backing her into a fir tree, my arms curled around her back and head to protect her against the rough bark. Caging her against it, my hips thrust against her soft thighs as they instinctively parted and cradled me. Kissing her until I could feel the panicked energy leach from her body, Rose was limp in my arms; clinging to my mouth and moaning softly.

Gently sucking on her lower lip to end our kiss, my lips pressed gently over her nose, between her eyes and settled on her forehead whilst we both fought for breath. "I don't think what we did was wrong. I'm glad we did it. If we could go back in time, I'd do it again."

"Really?" Rose murmured, sounding so breathless that I smiled against her skin. "What made you change your mind?"

 _Almost losing you more times than I care to remember,_ my mind whispered. Pulling away slightly, I placed my fingers beneath her chin and tipped her face upwards. "Because you're hard to resist," I teased, enjoying myself more than I should have as I watched her try to focus her thoughts. "And…do you remember what Rhonda said?"

Startled out of her bemusement by that name, Rose frowned and tried to remember. "Something about how you're going to lose something…" Trailing off, she shook her head and shrugged.

Tucking hair behind her ear, my expression softened. "'You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can'"

Smiling joyfully for a second as she realised what that meant: that _she_ was what I valued the most, the joy didn't last for very long as it turned to horrified dismay. "Wait. You think I'm going to _die_? _That's_ why you slept with me?!"

"No, no, of course not," I rushed to reassure her before she could jump to any more conclusions. "I did what I did because…believe me, it wasn't because of that. Regardless of the specifics – or if it's even true – she was right about how easily things can change. We try to do what's right, or rather, what others say is right. But sometimes, when that goes against who we are…you have to choose."

Hugging her closer for a second, my chin rested on the top of her head. "Even before the Strigoi attack, as I watched all the problems you were struggling with, I realised how much you meant to me. It changed everything. I was worried about you – so, so worried. You have no idea. And it became useless to try to act like I could ever put any Moroi life above yours."

Feeling her stiffen slightly in my arms at my confession, I separated us slightly, wanting to see her face…her eyes as I told her the next part. "It's not going to happen, no matter how wrong others say it is. And so I decided that's something I have to deal with. Once I made the decision…there was nothing to hold us back."

"Well, hold me back." Grinning slightly, my fingers rubbed at the hair wrapped around a finger. "I'm speaking for myself. I don't mean to act like I know exactly why you did it."

Rubbing her palms up and down my chest, Rose looked at me with obvious exasperation. "I did it because I love you."

Capturing her hands, my lips pressed to each of her palms, laughing against them as I pulled her into my arms and away from the tree, walking slowly back to campus. "You can sum up in one sentence what it takes me a whole speech to get out."

"Because it's that simple," Rose stated, snuggling into my arms for a moment before I separated us gently, but kept a hold of her through the interlinking of our fingers. "I love you, and I don't want to keep pretending like I don't."

"I don't either. I don't want any more lies."

"Then what'll happen now? With us, I mean. Once all of this is done…with the Strigoi…"

"Well, as much as I hate to reinforce your fears, you were right about one thing. We can't be together again – for the rest of the school year, that is. We're going to have to keep our distance."

The words had to be said – it wasn't safe for anything else to be said, but they left a bad taste in my mouth, and were almost as hard to force out as they would be to enforce in the future. Glancing down at Rose, she looked no happier than I was, but she knew that we didn't have any choice in this. Not whilst she was still a student.

Squeezing my hand gently in understanding, Rose sighed quietly and rested her head against my arm as we walked. Almost reluctant to verbalise this next part, it was because I knew she wasn't going to be as understanding. "After you graduate and are out with Lissa…"

Pausing for a long moment, the hand grasping mine was no longer gentle as Rose realised what I had deliberately left unsaid. Clutching at it tightly now, she looked up with alarm. "You're going to ask to be reassigned, aren't you? You won't be her guardian."

"It's the only way we can be together."

"But we won't actually be together," Rose griped, tugging a little at my hand.

"Us staying with her gives us the same problem," I reminded her gently, squeezing back. "Me worrying more about you than her. She needs two guardians perfectly dedicated to _her_. If I can get assigned somewhere at Court, we'll be near each other all the time. And in a secure place like that, there's more flexibility with a guardian's schedule."

About to argue, Rose sighed noisily, but surprisingly kept quiet. It wasn't an ideal situation; we couldn't ever have one that was, but this was the best we _could_ have. It was the only way that we could still honour our duty to the Moroi without having to sacrifice everything for them. Resting against me again, Rose nodded before quietly complying.

"Well, we might actually see more of each other if we're guarding different people. We can get time off together. If we were both with Lissa, we'd be swapping shifts and always be apart."

Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, I sighed in relief against it. I hadn't realised until now how worried I had been about what Rose would think of me for asking to be reassigned. I had known she wouldn't be happy, but I hadn't expected such ready acceptance. She knew this was the only way, despite the problems it would cause, but I could live with that, as long as living with it meant never disappointing her.

Staying as close to each other as we could, for as long as we could, the sight of buildings in the distance was a reality check that neither of us wanted.

"You'll be eighteen soon, but even so…" Pulling Rose gently to a stop, my finger sunk into the thick, warm mass of her hair as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "When this comes out, a lot of people aren't going to be happy."

"Yeah, well, they can deal." Rose replied with her typical, flippant disdain for authority.

"I also have a feeling your mother's going to have a very ugly conversation with me." Actually ugly was probably too tame a word for what Janine Hathaway would say to me.

Rising to the tips of her toes, Rose kissed the point of my chin whilst grinning. "You're about to face down Strigoi, and my mother's the one you're scared of?"

Grinning in answer, my lips brushed over the tip of her nose. "She's a force to be reckoned with. Where do you think you got it from?"

Chuckling throatily, Rose nipped playfully at my bottom lip as my arm slid down her back and hooked tightly around her waist. "It's a wonder you bother with me then."

"You're worth it, believe me" I murmured huskily against her lips, slipping my tongue between them as they eagerly parted. Lifting her easily against my chest, Rose tunnelled her fingers into my loose hair, and sucked hungrily on my tongue. Crushing her tightly in my arms, our kiss caught fire and sizzled through my veins; burning away all the reasons that I shouldn't have her in my arms.

Groaning roughly minutes later, I lowered Rose slowly to the floor as we once again tried to control the rough rhythm of our breathing. Breathing deeply of the sweet, clean smell of her, my fingers traced over the delicate features of her face as she rubbed her cheek against the stubble of mine. Kissing her gently, lingeringly one last time, we separated and left the shadowed safety of the forest.

Walking out into the bright sunshine with her at my side, I knew that whatever lay ahead, we would always get through it…as long as we were together.


	37. Chapter 37

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of _The Vampire Academy_ and _Bloodlines_ Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

By the Baring of my Soul

~ Chapter Thirty-Seven ~

Blood-curdling screams ripped through the darkness.

Flattening my back along the cold walls of a secondary tunnel leading off the main chamber of the caves, the sounds of terror boomed through the stale, dank air. Muffled voices and bursts of static sounded through my earpiece as hoarse orders were frantically shouted and the battle to rescue the thirteen began.

Blinking rapidly against the cold sweat of adrenaline running over my forehead and temples, the sound of my heartbeat echoing in my ears was almost as loud as the screams, and in the impenetrable darkness, it felt almost disorientating. Impatiently wiping away the moisture and blinking again to refocus, the dense, black abyss was too dark for even my eyes to adjust to.

Catching a faint glimmer of light in the distance, it was too far away to see what it was, but the burning acridity of ash in the air meant it was more than likely a wood fire. I wanted to investigate…I wanted to help those I could hear screaming, I wanted to get them out to safety; I wanted to see for myself if Eddie was still alive, but I couldn't. I had my orders. Counting the seconds as they dragged, my position against the wall shifted as I tried to find a better position for the radio frequencies.

"… _Petrov! Petrov, can you hear me!...Dammit, these things…."_ More interference followed the frustration that was clear in Janine Hathaway's voice before the signal cut out completely. Static hissed noisily before there was a burst of high-frequency whine that had me yanking out the earpiece. Wincing slightly before rubbing at my inner ear and replacing the small, plastic insert, I sank to a crouch and tried again.

"… _Yes, yes, I can hear you…What?...No, no, no…I said no, Chase. We don't have the clearance room for that – there's been some sort of cave in from the other end. We're pushing on, get those you've found alive out, then find Belikov and his team. I made him wait in one of the outer tunnels for any escaping Strigoi, but now I can't contact him, and Hathaway and I had to split up…yes, I'm sure. Get Belikov to…"_

Losing the signal again, I couldn't be sure of what it was that Alberta wanted, but I knew that staying in the tunnel wasn't an option anymore. She had been very clear on what she wanted from us…what she _expected_ from us all, and what she would do to us if we didn't live up to her expectations before leaving the Academy, but right now, disobeying those orders seemed worth risking her wrath.

Running over the mapping of the tunnels in my head, I knew that we were roughly north-west of the main chamber, and that the tunnels would intersect just before it opened up. Pivoting quickly, I double backed on myself to where I had left the other members of my team.

An hour before leaving, Alberta had split us into groups and assigned us as attacking, recovery, or support. She, Stan and Janine would lead the attacking guardians into the main chamber of the cave with some of the Moroi teachers that had volunteered. Another team lead by Gregor, and accompanied by more Moroi, would follow directly after to check for survivors, whilst the next team in – mine – would split up, and spread out through the tunnels to stop any Strigoi from escaping, or backtracking and attacking.

So far we had found none, but if any got past us, the guardians stationed at every exit point would deal with them, but not alone. They had the novices with them. Ten in total had been included in the rescue, but it was only one of them that occupied my thoughts. Even here, in the bowls of a Strigoi nest, where death and terror lurked around every bend, of every tunnel, it was Rose's safety I was concerned with, rather than my own.

Leaving her at the entrance of the cave hadn't been easy, but watching her walk into the cave would have been harder, and as much as I still felt that she had more right than any to be in here, I couldn't say that I regretted that she wasn't. Rose of course felt differently about it, and during our walk here, I could feel her frustration as keenly as if it were my own.

The look she had given me before I had disappeared into the darkness hadn't just communicated her frustration, but also her fear. She was no happier watching me walk into the cave, then I would have been watching her.

"Belikov?"

Shielding my eyes against the sudden glare of a flashlight beam swung up into my face as I rounded a jagged bend in the tunnel, it was almost as quickly swung away and pointed up at the low ceiling. Casting a faint glow of white light that spread out over only a few feet, it was enough to illuminate the tense faces and battle-ready bodies of my teammates.

Smaller than the offensive groupings, my own consisted of only five, including myself. Alan Gregorovich, Mateo Ramirez, Brandan Wilcox; one of the replacement guardians sent in from Court and one other from Court…one who's dark green eyes were grimily serious for a change.

"These things are fucking useless, Dimitri. We can't hear shit." Yanking aggressively at the earpiece, it dangled over Konrad Medvedev's shoulder. "What's our next move?"

Arriving shortly before we had left the Academy, he, like the others that had been brought in, hadn't actually believed the stories of the devastation until they had seen it with their own eyes. Finding me as I had walked Rose back to housing, there had been nothing of the playful mockery I had seen at Court; all teasing had been overshadowed by grief and anger at our losses. Volunteering immediately to join the search party, his inclusion, as well as almost two dozen of the other replacements, had pushed our numbers up to nearly fifty.

We were practically an army – there was no other way to describe it, with numbers unheard of in a modern age, but that didn't guarantee that any of us would make it out the cave alive.

"We're pushing forward."

"I haven't heard anything about that, Belikov."

Tapping at his earpiece, the stubborn set of Ramirez's jaw was enough to tell me that he still wasn't happy with following my orders, but as I wasn't any happier having him with me, our dislike was mutual. Pinning him with a glare that even in the semi-dark couldn't have been mistaken, my voice was softly chilly.

"And you're not likely to hear anything either, Ramirez. There's too much interference in here for the signal to carry properly."

"Then how do you know that they want us to move?" Belligerently defiant, his black eyes shone with aggression and triggered my own. About to order him out, as none of us could afford a mutiny of any kind, there was suddenly something that I saw beneath his defiance that stopped me….a soul-crippling fear that he was struggling to hide from the others. Understanding it better than he probably thought I was capable of, it gentled the irritation and reminded me that I had to stay focused.

"Before the signal cut out, I heard that there had been some kind of cave-in. Alberta wants us to back her up whilst Gregor gets survivors out. That's all I heard, and obviously I can't know exactly what it is that Alberta wants, but I can read between the lines, Ramirez – we're going."

"They found survivors?

"By the sounds of it, yes."

Blowing out a deep breath, Alan shook his head in wonder or in disbelief, I couldn't know, and there wasn't time to question it now. Walking away from the others, he stood at my side and looked down the tunnel; squinting into the darkness before his shoulders squared. Clapping him on the shoulder, I looked back over my shoulder at Ramirez once more; expecting more arguments, but it seemed as though Alan's determined courage had sparked his own.

Motioning the others to follow in silence, we walked further into Hell.

Finding the source of light a few yards in, the fire was slowly guttering beside ribbons of shredded clothing, garbage and large stains of fluid and blood so foul-smelling it was difficult not to gag in the putrid air. Muttering in Russian behind me, Konrad swung the beam of his flashlight over the small alcove in the tunnel wall, but it was empty.

Following the curve of the tunnel, it narrowed so much that we had to squeeze through sideways, one person at a time. Opening up again into a larger chamber shrouded mostly in darkness, but faintly lit at the end by a fire, it wasn't the lack of light that made me pause in the narrow passageway, but the sounds I heard…the sounds of feeding.

Raising my stake in a silent signal, Kon tilted the beam of the flashlight above my head, and with a flick of his wrist, he swung the light from the left of the opening slowly across the right until it found what I had heard, and illuminated the horror of our discovery.

Three strigoi, too intent on their feeding to hear us, were crouched over a body; hungrily devouring the life of their victim with sickening sounds of slurping and suckling that echoed through the cave. Boiling with rage at the sight, Konrad tapped my left shoulder quickly to get me to move to the left. Stooping slightly to squeeze through the narrow aperture, he followed closely behind me and moved to right.

Stakes raised and ready as we silently stalked, Brandan flanked us whilst Alan and Mateo protected our backs. Fanning out, we approached cautiously and slowly, wanting to catch them by surprise at the last moment, but as we got to within striking distance, a small pebble skittered out from beneath a booted heel behind us and rolled across the cavern floor. The sound was almost lost by the noise of their feeding, but it was just enough for the Strigoi's superior hearing to pick it up.

Jerking up and around, the three growled and snarled from between dripping, blood-drenched lips that pulled back over gnashing teeth. Launching at us, Kon and I tackled ours to the ground before making short work of them, but the third – the largest and fastest of the trio – had managed to tackle Wilcox before he could stake it.

Hearing a warning called out by Ramirez, it wasn't soon enough. Lunging forward, the snarling creature bit into Brandan's throat and ripped out the Jugular and a large chunk of flesh. Drenched by the gush of spraying blood, it began feeding as Wilcox writhed on the ground and began drown in his own blood.

Rushing forward with Kon at my side to help him, it was Alan that got to him first and hauled the frenzied Strigoi away. Dropping to his knees beside him and putting heavy pressure on the gushing wound whilst Alan staked the Strigoi, Mateo tried to staunch the flow of blood, but the wound was too large, and a few moments later, Brandan's frightened struggle ended in gurgling death.

"Jesus." Mateo breathed, horrified at the sight of the blood on his hands and the sightlessness of Brandan's dead eyes. Getting to his feet quickly, he ran his hands over his jeans in jerky, agitated motions, trying to erase the feeling of death from them as he breathing became jerky and his panic became an attack. Reaching him, Alan roughly shook him to snap him from it, but he couldn't look away from Brandan's body.

Knowing there was nothing I could do for him, I grabbed Kon's flashlight and crossed to where the Strigoi's original victim lay. Crouching, I gently brushed aside the long, honey-blonde hair matted with blood and exhaled at the sight of yet another senseless loss.

"Who is it, Dimitri?"

"Molly Harper."

One of the Moroi taken, there was no need to check for a pulse; she had been dead for a few hours. Making room beside her as Alan carried over and gently placed Brandan's body besides her, I shrugged out of my jacket and covered them in a makeshift shroud as he said a quiet prayer. Listening to Kon trying to shake Mateo from his panic, a sudden burst of static from the otherwise dead earpiece caught at my attention.

"… _Belikov! Belikov, can you hear me…?...BELIKOV!"_

Hearing the frantic edge to Alberta's voice even though his earpiece was still dangling over his shoulder, Kon latched onto Mateo's jacket and pulled him after Alan and I as we slide through a small gap in the opposite wall and into another tunnel. Picking up the pace as the tunnel became wider and more light was visible, we passed the bodies of five Strigoi and another two guardians – both of them replacements brought in from Court, and both of them recognised by Konrad who swore savagely.

Jogging down a slight incline, I almost stumbled over a prone figure lying face down across the width of the tunnel. Not expecting to find anything more than another dead body, my fingers pressed against the fleshy junction of neck and shoulder, and surprisingly, found a pulse. Gently turning the body, the light over my shoulder lit up sandy-blonde hair and the strong, youthful features of someone I had never expected to find alive.

"Eddie!"

" _Castile_? Shit, the kid is still alive?" Sinking to his haunches beside me, Alan checked his neck and found multiple bite marks, but not enough to have killed him. As he probed, Eddie's eyes snapped open and he lashed out, punching Alan hard enough to knock him backwards. Clearly in shock, Eddie then turned on me before he realized who I was.

"Eddie! Eddie, calm down. You're safe. It's okay."

"Guard…Guardian Belikov?" He stuttered, shaking his head and groaning. Sitting him up, he was still too weak from blood loss to sit on his own. We needed to get him out. Glancing back over my shoulder at Ramirez, he was calmer, but the wild-eyed look about him unsettled me. If we came up against more Strigoi, I didn't know how he would react, and it could endanger not only him, but all of us.

Hauling Eddie carefully up off the floor, I shouldered his limp weight and passed him on to Mateo, who had no choice but to grab hold of him or he would fall.

"Get him out of here, Ramirez."

"No…no, I want to fight. Let me fight."

"Eddie," I said calmly, gently. "You're too weak; you know you are. I understand what you want to do, but right now, the most responsible thing is to get to safety. Rose is outside; she'll get you back to the Academy, all right? There will be other Strigoi to kill, I promise you. No one is going to think you're a coward for being smart."

Clearly not happy, both he and Ramirez wanted to argue – Ramirez seeming to know that I was talking about him, as well as Eddie, but one look at my face kept both of them quiet, and they left without another word.

Leading the others on through the tunnels, we followed the sounds of obvious fighting, and found what we were looking for. Trapped in the largest chamber of the system by a cave-in and backed into a corner, Alberta, Celeste, Stan, and Morgan Stapleton – a guardian who had been taken, but had obviously recovered enough to fight – were struggling against a large group of Strigoi.

Flares of bright light and intense heat – more than likely Moroi fire – coincided with more shrieking and flashed through the only tunnel not blocked by the cave-in. Joining the others, Alberta threw a harried look in my direction before she was attacked and thrown up against a cavern wall. Seeing only one other exit, a small hole in the cavern wall that was lit on occasion by flashes of fire, it couldn't be used by us, not when we were outnumbered.

Having to crawl out, it would create a dangerous situation that would leave us vulnerable to attack.

Hauling away the Strigoi pinning Alberta, I restrained him long enough for Alberta to stake him. Turning back to the others, Konrad staked another with an upper-cut thrust that it never saw coming. Remembering what an upper-cut punch from him to the jaw felt like, I wasn't surprised. Trying to manoeuvre the Strigoi away to gain distance, they wouldn't budge, and kept closing in until the seven of us were clustered together in a corner beneath a low ceiling.

As the eight crouched and prepared to spring, movement to the left of us caught my eye. Watching peripherally as Stephen barrelled into the chamber, I felt immediate relief that our odds had improved with the arrival of another guardian, but as he stood to the side to make way for the person behind him, my relief turned to horror as I saw Rose.

Numb with terror, I could barely remember how to breathe as I watched the pair kick into action when three of the Strigoi broke away and turned to attack.

Taking on two at once, Stephen tried to block the third from Rose, but he was driven back and away from her. Striking out blindly as a Strigoi closed in; my eyes were focused on Rose's attacker rather than my own. Taller than her by about a foot – almost as tall as I was – he was massively built, but not slow or lumbering. Sidestepping Rose's first lunge with the stake, he wasn't fast enough to evade her return swipe as it sliced across his waist.

Bellowing, he rushed her, but knocked his head against the low ceiling. Outraged, he swiped out, but she dodged, slashing as she evaded, repeatedly cutting into him, but in the position she was in, she couldn't clear a killing blow. Trying to outmanoeuvre him, Rose made to push him away, but he grabbed her and threw her against the rock face. Hair flying around her from the impact, she grunted, but lunged forward almost immediately.

Knowing that if the situation was different, I would have felt pride rather than fear, the Strigoi close enough to me tried another attack, but with a single impaling move, I dropped it to the floor. Stephen had already taken out one of his, and Alberta had killed the closest to her, but we were still effectively trapped.

Dropping to her knees as the Strigoi tried to close his arms around her; Rose jumped up as he tippled forward and shoved her stake through its heart. Dodging his falling body, she scooted out of the way and helped Stephen to eliminate his second. Moving together, they yanked at the back of the shirt of an older Strigoi.

Age of course meant nothing with Strigoi, and was a strength, rather than a weakness. Watching as the pair fought, and gained ground; they were repeatedly driven back as they counter-attacked, but it was only a matter of time, and eventually, he too fell.

Celeste, spurred by her frustration of being trapped in a tight corner, led the counter-attack as she killed another. Leaving only two, Alberta was able to squeeze past both of them and fell to her knees; sticking her head through the whole only big enough for one person to wriggle through at a time. Checking that it was clear, she pulled back and began yelling.

"Alto, Stapleton, Medvedev…get into that tunnel and make sure it's clear. Hendricks, get into that hole and protect our retreat."

Diving for it with a sort of sliding tackle, Stephen was through it in seconds as the others ran at a dead sprint. Desperately wanting him to take Rose with, I was whirled around and attacked by one of the two remaining Strigoi before I could shout it. Driven by rage, fear and hatred, my stake struck out and penetrated its heart on its second swing.

Hearing Stephen calling for Rose, she ducked and slide through the hole easily. Following immediately after, Celeste was joined by Alan and then followed by Morgan, until it was only Alberta and I left. Killing the remaining Strigoi quickly, she rested with her hands on her thighs briefly before taking the hand I offered and letting me pull her to the opening. Waiting for her to clear it, I was through a second later, though the fit was tight.

Finding our people, I also saw bodies littering the floor…all Strigoi. Yuri crouched over one; pulling his stake from its flesh. Crossing to him, Alberta rested her hand on his shoulder before trying to hear whatever information was coming through the earpiece.

"They're dead. It sounds like there are a few more blocking the retreat down here. Let's finish this before the sun goes down."

Calculating quickly after a glance at the luminous dials of my watch that we had roughly half-an hour or so of light left, and it would take twice as long just to get back to the Academy unless we did it at a run. That wouldn't be easy dragging the injured back, so Alberta was right – we had to finish this now.

Leading the way out, Alberta had Yuri and Alan close on her heels as the rest of us followed, but at the entrance to the tunnel, Rose paused and looked back at me as Stephen rushed past her. Nodding at the concern I could read in her eyes, I smiled briefly before nodding at her to go. Nodding back, she tried to return the smile, but every muscle in her body was too tense to respond.

Almost jogging out the main tunnel, our group came to an abrupt stop in the middle of a fire-fight. Eliza Carmack, a fire-using Moroi teacher that had gone in with Janine Hathaway's group, stood beside her, setting a Strigoi ablaze. Screaming in agony, Janine staked it before it could turn to run. Two more attacked immediately, but Alan and Yuri took them out before they could get very far.

Gasping for breath, Janine wiped at the damp hair falling over her forehead, but her eyes were on her daughter. Not seeming surprised to see her in the cave, though she had made it clear she didn't want her there, the relief at her safety was so thickly present in the air I could taste it. She loved her daughter more than she was willing to admit to even herself.

"That's it for this group, but I think there are more here than we thought. I think they left some behind when they went to attack the school. The rest of our people – that survived – have already made it out."

Nodding, Alberta added. "There are other branches in the cave. Strigoi could be hiding in there."

"They could be," Janine agreed. "Some know they're overwhelmed and are just going to wait us out and escape later. Others may come after us." Glancing around Janine's expression hardened.

"What do we do? Finish them off? Or retreat?"

"We retreat," Alberta replied to Stephen's question, making a snap decision that clearly didn't sit well with her, but it was the one she knew was the safest for those who had survived. "We got as many as we could, and the sun is dropping. We need to get back behind the wards." Turning quickly, she and Janine led our retreat.

Running beside Rose, I kept her as close as possible, past caring at this point if anyone became suspicious, only caring that I saw her safely out into the sun. "Did Eddie get out?" she asked, panting as our paced increased, spurred by the literal light we could almost see at the end of the tunnel. Glancing down, her body was tense, but her expression was hopeful.

"Yes. We had to practically force him out. He wanted to fight."

Chuckling weakly, she smiled up at me as Janine called out. "I remember this curve. It's not much father. We should see light soon." Picking up the pace, the palpable excitement continued to increase as we approached a T-junction, and I expected to see it reflected in her expression, but for a second, Rose's sure step seemed to falter, and the look she had worn before – the one I know knew meant Strigoi were near – contorted her sweating features.

Too late to stop our momentum, the seven Strigoi lying in wait knew that. Springing out from either side, they attacked, and scattered our group. Four attacked Alberta, Janine and Stephen, whilst the other three came at Yuri and Alan. Pushing Eliza towards Rose as she set fire to the Strigoi closest to her, I leapt into the skirmish. Reaching out to the Strigoi at Yuri's throat, I heard the unmistakable snap of a spinal column to my right, and watching in disbelief as Alan fell dead to the ground.

"Start retreating!" Alberta screamed, staking another as she cleared a path. Rose, seeing the opening, turned towards it, but didn't immediately leave. Whipping her head between her mother and I, she wanted to stay…she wanted to be at our sides, to fight and avenge, but she wouldn't disobey Alberta in this, not when she was all but shoving her out. Turning on her heel, her long, dark hair flew about her as she ran.

Continuing on, we grouped together and within minutes had killed off the last of the Strigoi. Reaching out to loop an arm around Eliza Carmack's arm, Janine ran with her to the right. Glancing once more at Alan's lifeless body, every part of me ached for him, but there was nothing more that could be done, and so I followed the others out.

Rounding a final bend, we saw the exit and those who waited for us just beyond it. "Hurry," Alberta shouted, seeing that the light of sunset was almost gone. At this rate, we would have no other choice but to run back to the safety of the wards, but I didn't think that anyone would argue against that. None of us wanted to be anywhere near these caves at nightfall.

Pushing hard for the entrance of the cave, I could see Rose just beyond it. She stood with Stan, Emil and Konrad; all of them anxiously waiting for us to complete the final steps that would signal our safety.

I knew it was stupid at this point to feel elation of any kind, but as we closed the distance, it was only Rose I could see and the happiness of that sight was indescribable. Every detail of her was in sharp focus…her tangled, sweaty hair, the steaks of dirt covering her face, the small cuts and scratching that didn't detract at all from the perfection of her beauty, the glowing hope in her eyes.

We had done it. Together, as I always knew we could. We had survived.

A terrified scream pierced the air and broke my fantasy a second before I saw Celeste tumble to the ground, a Strigoi on top of her with his teeth sunk deeply into the bone of her jaw and lower cheek. Tugging viciously as she fought at him, the snap of her jawbone was cut off as it bit at her lips and spilt her blood over the floor.

Another leapt out of the alcove they had used to hide in, reaching out for Eliza, but Janine was faster and pushed her out the opening and into the waiting arms of Stan as she was followed by Alberta and Stephen.

Deprived of its victim, it sunk to the floor besides Celeste's body to feed, and so didn't spare me a second thought as I ran towards them. Only feet away, Rose, Emil and Konrad held out their arms; yelling to me, willing me to move faster, but it wasn't enough…I wasn't fast enough to not be caught by surprised as I saw another, the last of the Strigoi, spring into the air to tackle me a moment later.

Landing hard on my back, we rolled until my head faced the cave entrance. Knocking the stake from my hand, I punched and fought my way through his strength and speed. Lips curling back over gleaming, bloody teeth, I fought as I had never fought before, desperate to live, desperate to begin the life that I had only just realised I could have…the life I wanted more than anything

Hearing the frantic screams and pleas from somewhere behind me, I struggled on even as I felt my strength begin to drain. Realising on some numb level that I had lost, that this was all inevitable, my nightmare became a reality as I felt teeth sinking deeply into my neck, and the euphoria of a Strigoi bite raced through my pounding veins.

Gasping for breath as the languor spread rapidly, my head tilted backwards to view the last of my world through eyes that seemed to slow everything down second by second, prolonging what little life I had left.

Janine was there, running almost in slow motion back towards me, but she stopped as horror dawned in her eyes, before looking at me once more with sorrow and regret, and turning to flee. I didn't blame her, there were too many of them now. I could feel them all around me now.

Blinking slowly, one Hathaway was replaced by another trying to reach me. Rose – frantic, crying, screaming – Rose, was almost at the cave's entrance, but she was stopped by Stan before she could run in. Clutching at her waist, he hauled her away, yelling something at her that I couldn't hear, whilst looking at me with a different kind of regret to Janine's.

His was regret for not being able to save my life, when I had saved his.

I could see them all now, standing in the open. Alberta, Gregor, Yuri, Stephen, Mateo still holding up Eddie, Emil, Konrad…they were all watching, shouting something I couldn't hear; their faces contorting in rage or grief, but they didn't hold my attention – only Rose did.

Janine was with her now, shaking her, screaming at her, but the agonized heartbreak on her face was still there. It didn't matter what any of them said to her, she knew what this meant. Shrieking at her mother to let her to…to let her get to me, Rose tried to pull away from her, but Janine wouldn't let her go – wouldn't watch her daughter kill herself for the man she had no idea she loved.

Slapping her hard, Rose jerked backwards and flinched, and for the first time, looked away from me. Sobbing uncontrollably, Janine continued to shout at her, pushing her further away, pointing to something in the distance, maybe it was the sun…the sun, I would never feel it again. I would never be able to simply sit in its heat and enjoy its uncomplicated joy.

Closing my eyes as my thoughts wondered, when I opened them again, they had gone. None of them remained, and I was alone as darkness closed in. I wasn't afraid of that, or sad that they had left me. I was happy that they would live. I was happy that Rose was gone, not only because I didn't want her to see this, but because it meant she would survive, and for one brief moment, I felt like gloating, because Rhonda had been wrong.

I hadn't lost what I valued the most; Rose would live, she would survive this. She would survive _me_ , because she was strong…so, so strong. She would live her life the way it was meant to be, by serving the Moroi, by protecting Lissa, and she would prove what I had always known…that she would one day be the best.

As my eyes closed one final time, my last conscious thought was that I could die happily knowing that. I could die knowing that it hadn't all been for nothing…

A/n: Geez, that was awful to write, and he's not even _my_ character.

Sorry, guys. I read the reviews about changing the ending, but I couldn't. I've stuck so faithfully to the original book events that it would be completely out of place if I did (not because it isn't something that I didn't want myself).

All of that being said and done, I hope you've enjoyed reading _BTBOMS_ as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your patience over the past two years (actually 25 months), and all your wonderful reviews. They really have made everything so worthwhile.

Up next will be a full-story continuation of _BTBOMS_ , called _A Conflict of the Soul_. Told again from DPOV (because I can't seem to even _try_ it from RPOV), it's about the progression of Rose and Dimitri's relationship as it should have gone after the battle, through the aftermath, trials, graduation etc., if the poor man hadn't been done in by _RM_. It's why I spent so much time setting up the events in _BTBOMS_ – so that I could have another story, with characters already established, and a plot line that didn't seem rushed or made up.

Oh, and I've tried my hand at writing about another couple, though not in this genre, but from the _DC Comics_ genre… _Nightwing and Starfire_. I've started out with a one-shot which I will post next weekend. Let me know what you think.

Once again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

Much love and appreciation, T.


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